Die, Brony, Die

by Paul Neuhaus

  These deep thoughts were banished by a sudden high-pitched scream from the direction of the paddock. I turned my head toward where Pegasus and the others were, but my sight was immediately obscured by an advancing white cloud. No mere puff of dust was this. It was like being near the bottom of a mushroom cloud when it detonates. I had to roll my body away from the corral to shield myself from the force and from the flying particles that buffeted me. After the sound of rushing wind dissipated, I opened my eyes. Roughly fifteen feet from me diagonally was Hermes only now he was no longer standing, he was, like me, in a bunch on the ground. I raised my chin and looked down the length of my own form. Roughly thirty feet from me was Adrestia and she too was recovering from the strange blast. I came to a standing position and looked toward the paddock. There was no more paddock. The fencing had all been blown down. The epicenter of the blast had been the middle of the space. The men—Elijah, Chad, Petey and Tiresias—had all been shot in different directions. All of them were battered but alive. The only creature still standing was Pegasus and he was extremely anxious. He was standing on his rear hooves and kicking at the air with his front feet. His neighing made him sound like a panicked girl.

  Above the horse, floating about ten feet off the ground was Keri.

  She was barely recognizable. Her clothes were in tatters, her hair was windblown (despite there being no wind), and her eyes were glowing white.

  No one moved despite there being many grudges in play. All of us waited to see what the girl would do next. What she did was descend. She descended, dropped her hands to her sides and walked toward Adrestia. I could see the men stirring behind her, wondering what the hell had happened. Keri spoke. “I can see you now,” she said to Adrestia. “I can see you now that I have the right kind of eyes.”

  Hermes’ daughter stood up and backed away from the teenager, angling herself toward her dad.

  “Why don’t you show us your other face?” Keri said with a menacing smile. “Show us.”

  Adrestia shook her head, frightened of whatever it was Keri had become.

  “No?” Keri said, her smile still in place. “Here: let me help you...” She flung up her right hand and from it moved a wave of visible force. When it hit, Adrestia vibrated in place and changed. It was like a mask had been knocked off of her to reveal another face beneath. That face belonged to the woman I’d seen in the entryway of Keri’s house.

  It belonged to Addie.

  Keri’s mother.

  Elijah’s wife.

  Adrestia.

  Addie.

  Of course.

  My eyes flicked over to Elijah, on the ground several yards away. His jaw hung open. I looked back toward Keri and Addie. “I can... explain,” Addie said.

  “Be quiet,” Keri said with a soft volume that belied the menace underneath.

  “Keri, I’m still your mother.”

  Without warning, Keri screamed at Addie, and it wasn’t just a sound but another wave of force. A wave of force that knocked the demigoddess off her feet again. “Be quiet!”

  I watched Addie as she stood and scrambled like a frightened child toward Hermes. By then Hermes was standing and he was looking goggle-eyed at the scene in front of him. He was Adrestia’s father. He was apparently connected in some way to her plans. He must’ve known that Addie had stolen Elijah from me and that Keri was his granddaughter. He’d known, but he hadn’t seen Keri’s new manifestation coming.

  Keri stood her ground, amused as Addie pulled Hermes toward the pickup truck. Hermes resisted her but went along. As she walked, she took on her old form, that of Adrestia.

  I was distracted by a sudden scream from the corral. It was Tiresias, crying out in pain as the Kraken left his body. The monster was distracted enough by recent events that he forgot to kill the ancient seer. He flew past me and entered the pickup as Hermes shut the door. Once the truck had turned around and gone back out the way it came, the burning light left Keri’s eyes and the wind from nowhere ceased.

  5

  Acadine

  I tried to take stock of our situation. One thing I didn’t like was we were all out in the open and Pegasus wasn’t even corralled anymore. On the upside, the horse had calmed down and showed no interest in running away (I’d’ve said “flying”, but he still had one bum wing). There were so many things in need of discussion. Addie’s apparent fifteen-year subterfuge against Elijah, Keri and myself. What we were gonna do next vis a vis the vengeful demigoddess and her Evil with a taste for horseflesh. Then, of course, there was the matter of me desperately needing a breather. Again, I didn’t get it. As Elijah and the others walked toward us, I turned toward Keri and opened my mouth to speak. She interrupted. “Who’s that guy?” she said.

  I heard who she was referring to before I saw him. “You need to get Pegasus to the safest place you can.” It was Sebastian Squire, Elijah’s New World Order venture capitalist.

  “Squire,” my ex- said. “What’re you doing here?”

  “I thought I just told you. I’m offering my services. I wanna board your horse. Keep him safe.”

  The elder Wiener cocked his head. “But I thought you were with The Consortium and you were on some kind of take-over-the-world kick...”

  Squire smiled. “That’s one of my cover stories. I’m actually a Neo-Olympian, and I want to bring Greek mythology—which it turns out isn’t mythology—back into the mainstream.”

  Elijah looked confused. “But the Consortium story was underneath the Neo-Olympian story.”

  The V.C. shrugged. “What can I say? You dug too far. For the time being, what my people and I are doing is underground. We don’t wanna make it easy for certain interested and highly-unpleasant parties to sniff us out.”

  I’d been looking back and forth between the new arrival and El. “Christ,” I could use a belt.”

  Sebastian smiled kindly. “I know the feeling. That’s why there’s a fully-stocked bar in the limo.” He cocked a thumb over his shoulder and we all saw a long, black limo with a horse trailer attached.

  “How’d you pull up here without us hearing you?” I asked.

  “It’s a hybrid,” Squire replied.

  “You have a stretch limo that’s a hybrid?”

  He nodded.

  “Okay, points for that. What makes you think you can waltz right up and say, ‘Hey I wanna help you guys with your Pegasus’, and we’ll all say, ‘Super! Thanks, mega-rich dude!’ Why should we trust you?”

  Sebastian smiled again. “You’ve got me there. Look, I can show you why you should trust me, but it’s gonna involve a short ride. Here’s why I think it’ll be okay: There’s six of you and only two of us—me and my driver. Also, just so you know, I am not a Bond villain, so my limo doesn’t have ejector seats or clever jets of knockout gas.”

  I nodded, trying to get all of that together in my head. “Alright,” I said. “Give us a minute.” I turned to the others and said, “Huddle-up.” We gathered into a cluster and moved as one body several feet away from Squire. I looked at Elijah. “What do you think? You’re the only one who knows anything at all about this dude.”

  Elijah Wiener winced. “Yeah, but as we discovered, I’ve been married to a woman for fifteen years who not only wasn’t who she claimed to be, she was the Greek goddess of shoulder chips. Maybe I should sit this one out.”

  “No, you’re not getting off the hook that easy. You’re gonna table the Addie thing for right now and give me an honest answer. Gut choice.”

  El shrugged but said, “Let’s trust him” with reasonable confidence.

  I looked to the others. “Trust him,” Ty said (which carried a lot of weight with me). “Trust him,” Petey said. “Trust him... I think,” Chad said. Finally, I turned to Keri with her tattered clothing and windblown hair. “You’re asking me?” she said. “I don’t have a horse in this fight.”

  “Then it’s settled,” I replied. “We trust him. Head over. I’ve been neglecting a friend.” They went on ahead and I doubled back
to pick up Hope from where I’d dropped her. “Are you more or less up to speed?” I said to her.

  “Yeah,” she replied. “I’ve been listening. Seems like that all could’ve gone better than it did.”

  “Amen. Hey, I’ve got a question for you: How come you of all people didn’t realize Keri had divine blood?”

  “All I can say is a) I’m more or less wired to find Evils so non-Evils generally don’t fire my alarm, and b) It was buried deep. We’re talking super-latent tendencies. I doubt Keri had any idea at all she was different. Something about the situation sparked her.”

  As we walked to join the others, I said, “Do me a favor: Keep an eye on her.”

  “You think she could turn to the Dark Side?”

  “No. Not exactly. I just feel like we should keep our antennas up.”

  “Don’t worry. I’m in full N.P. mode.”

  “N.P. mode?”

  “Nicky Parsons. Pay attention.”

  I sighed. “After all this over, we’re gonna get you the help you so desperately need. Maybe the ghost of Freud still haunts Vienna.”

  I kind of lost track of where we were. Once you get into the non-urban areas of Los Angeles County, my knowledge stops. I was never much for the great outdoors, although I can enjoy nice mountains and forests in limited doses. The world I grew up in was very different than the world of today. It had a magical ambiance that I don’t see anywhere I go (outside of Pan’s magic pinecone). If I can’t get the lands of my youth, I’d just as soon stay where there’s a TV and a refrigerator. I’ve gotta hand it to Sebastian Squire, though. There was no way he could resurrect that magical ambiance I mentioned (the people of today don’t even know it existed), but Acadine was still pretty damn nice.

  With a few other investors, the venture capitalist had built an authentic ancient Greek village in the cradling foothills of a mountain. And, when I say “authentic”, I don’t mean Disneyland Authentic, I mean authentic-authentic. At least by outward appearances, the place was constructed of vintage building materials and the level of technology was consistent with the time of my birth. Of course, the outward appearance was a dodge since the inhabitants wore modern dress and, inside the buildings, there were computers and other modern conveniences. They weren’t savages, after all. As we got out of the limo, I complimented him on his choice of names. “You’re aware of what it refers to?” he said with a twinkle in his eye.

  “Acadine was a magic fountain—mythical even in the time of myth—where writings could be dipped. The writings floated if they were genuine (which is to say philosophically true). If they were false, they sank to the bottom where, supposedly, they were found and eaten by Hades.”

  “That’s exactly right,” he said approvingly. “Someone knows their Greek lore.”

  I smiled at him. He had no idea who I was. When I thought about who else had come along with me, I had to laugh. Keri was the granddaughter of Hermes. Squire had bagged a Pegasus and was clueless about the other treasures he had right under his nose. I decided to leave him out of the loop, at least for the time being. “What’re your intentions regarding our horse?” I said.

  Sebastian shivered. “I wish you wouldn’t put it like that. I can say without hesitation that I don’t want to know Pegasus in the Biblical sense.”

  Petey rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s a load off our minds.”

  Squire turned to the rapper. “You’re the one that tracked Pegasus down. Got him treatment. Arranged for passage to the States. That was some fine work. I’m impressed.”

  Petey nodded. “I know how to find the right people who can find the right people.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short,” Squire replied. “I’m not sure I could replicate what you did, and they tell me I have nearly unlimited resources. What you did wasn’t just about money. It was about craft. Finesse.”

  M.C. Pliny the Elder grinned and said something that surprised me. He wasn’t taking the other man’s compliments at face value. “Easy there, fella. If you wanna fuck me, it’s gonna take more than a little sweet talk.”

  Sebastian stopped short then decided the right thing to do was laugh. With everyone looking at him (including his own driver), he couldn’t do much more than shrug it off. “Come on,” he said. “Let’s get some food. I’ll have my people move Pegasus out of the trailer and into some better accommodations.” As if on cue, three guys and a girl—all in Western attire—got to work on our magic horse. I watched them for a moment or two. As I did, I noticed we had a mountain behind us and a cliff in front of us. The cliff was a near vertical drop-off into the ocean four or five stories below. A more majestic location could not have been had.

  We got the dinner we were promised, an outstanding plate of chicken kabobs, hummus, and Greek salad with pita on the side. A restauranteur’s idea of Mediterranean, but delicious nonetheless. Throughout the meal, I was phasing in and out. Sleep was overtaking me. Sebastian Squire was regaling us with tales of adventure and even some of his philosophy vis a vis the Neo-Olympian movement, but I barely heard a word. The only thing that stuck with me was the fact that he’d changed his name from Sebastian Squingey to Sebastian Squire—for obvious reasons. Deep into the barrage of talk, Petey bumped me with his elbow and said, “You okay, girl?”

  I looked at him and smiled. “I’m okay. Just very, very tired.”

  The hip hop entrepreneur banged his ouzo glass on the table and drew everyone’s attention. “I got a lady over here about to go lights-out,” he said. “You got a place where she can crash?” The so-called gangster rapper was by far the biggest gentleman of the group.

  Squire nodded and said, “Yes, of course. How silly of me. I’ve set aside one of the buildings for your group. There’s more than enough room for everyone. Anyone who’s not quite done with the revelry, wait here. Anyone who’s ready for bed, come with me.” Absolutely everyone stood up, and Sebastian laughed. “Shame on you! Letting me prattle on like that! Let’s get you all some rest. No wake-up call.”

  As we moved through the facility, we entered a hallway lined with the same sort of glass cases you’d see in a museum. My eyes homed in on a particular artifact and I went to it as if it called me. “Is this what I think it is?” I said.

  Squire came over and he was all smiles. “If you think it’s Clytemnestra’s dagger, then it’s what you think it is. In any case, you’ve got an excellent eye.”

  I looked at the gorgeous knife behind the glass. The point had a slight upward curve and the handle was gold and jewel-encrusted. It was one of the most beautiful objects I’d ever seen.

  “Who’s Clytemnestra?” Keri asked.

  Squire started to speak, but I cut him off. "Clytemnestra was the wife of Agamemnon. Agamemnon was one of the heroes of the Trojan War. Unfortunately, before he set out for Troy from Greece, he sacrificed his own daughter to the gods, so he and his armies would have good fortune. That didn’t sit well with Clytemnestra for obvious reasons. When Agamemnon came back from the war, his wife—along with her new lover—used this very dagger to slit Agamemnon’s throat.”

  Chad whistled. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you Greeks are sometimes... extreme in your behavior.”

  I smiled at him. “We were Shakespearean before Shakespearean was a thing.”

  Squire resumed his walk out to the grounds and we followed him. We saw that Pegasus, busted wing and all, was settled into his new corral. He was eating and didn’t bother to look up (even though Keri waved her arms and yelled, “Yo, Pegasus!”). At the corral, Squire hung a left and took us into a building that looked like a farmhouse on the outside but had all the modern conveniences on the inside. The bathrooms even had heated tiles, so your tootsies wouldn’t get cold when you showered or shit. I guess Sebastian was only willing to take the roughing it bit so far. I got dropped at my room first and I said, “Much obliged, Squingey.” I may’ve forgotten to mention it, but Sebastian was tall, broad-shouldered and handsome. On his other side, I saw Elijah looking at both of
us with what might’ve been jealousy. I didn’t have the energy to either stoke that jealousy or slough it off. With everything that’d happened, whether El should be back in my life or not was far down my priority ladder.

  After I’d been shown where all the amenities were, I was damn grateful to have the door shut and be alone for the first time in forever. I didn’t even bother to pee. I took off Hope, put her on the dresser, turned out the lights and—as was my pre-sleep custom—got into the nude. The bed felt so good. The thread count on the sheets must’ve been like a million, and the covers felt great in the super-cooled space. The conditions were optimal, and mama was ready to take a deep dive into slumberland.

  A knock came at the door.

  “Fuck,” I said to myself. Then, much louder, I said, “Go away!”

  Elijah’s voice came through the door. “Come on,” he said. “No more than five minutes, I swear.”

  I really didn’t want to let him in. I was cranky, and I didn’t wanna do or say anything I might regret. “What do you want?”

  “Just to talk. Scout’s honor.”

  I got up with the blankets wrapped around me, opened the door and jumped right back into bed. “El, I don’t wanna be rude to you, but you have no idea how tired I am. I feel like I’ve been up for a week—and not a nothing-week, but a thrill-a-minute week. You can talk, but you gotta talk fast. And don’t expect me to say anything particularly useful. In fact, I’m surprised I was able to string this many words together without throwing up.”

  My ex- stood in the doorway for a moment, processing everything I said. “Okay,” he replied. “I think I got all that.” Then he scanned the room, squinty-eyed, until he saw a chair in the near-dark. He closed the door into the hallway, grabbed the chair and put it next to the bed. He sat down, sighed and said, “Can you explain to me what’s going on?”

  I threw my head back and made an exasperated sound. “That’s not a fast talk. That’s a very long talk, spanning fifteen years and involving numerous supernatural entities.”