Wicked Promises

by L A Cotton

  The vibration of my cell phone pulled me back to the present and I retrieved it from my sweats pocket. “Hey.”

  “You sound like shit, Holloway.”

  “Jenson, always a pleasure.”

  “Sasha said you got the green light to come back.”

  “Sasha has a big fucking mouth.”

  Jenson Falton, my running back and good friend from college, chuckled. “All the better to suck with, am I right?”

  “Did you need something?” I let out a heavy sigh, rubbing my temples.

  “Seriously, man, is everything okay? You sound... I don’t know, off.”

  “Just dealing with some shit.” Summer’s face flashed in my mind.

  “My bad, I know it’s been tough on you. Listen, I know your old man insisted you stay at home and heal, but a few of us wondered if you wanted to come hang out? The team misses you.”

  “Maybe, yeah. Let me talk to my mom and dad and see what they say.” I didn’t need their permission. I was a grown adult for fuck’s sake. But it made my life a hell of a lot easier if I kept the peace. Besides, I wanted to be around in case... who was I kidding? Summer didn’t need me. She never had. It was just a case of right time, right place.

  “Whatever you say, man. You’ll make it back this season, we need you.”

  And I needed the game.

  We hung up. What was I doing? I needed to get up and walk away. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I was right where I was supposed to be. Which was fucking stupid considering I didn’t believe in superstition or any of that bullshit. I believed in hard work, determination, and making your own destiny.

  Just then, something—or rather someone—caught my eye. Summer’s mom. She was pacing the hall right outside the open plan cafeteria, cell phone clutched tightly in her hand. It was all kinds of wrong, but I found myself straining to hear whatever it was she was saying.

  “Pregnant, Gentry... she was pregnant.” Tears leaked from her eyes as she wrapped her other arm around her waist and continued pacing. I could only catch the odd word. Argument... Space... Hurting.

  But it was enough to have me out of my chair and ducking into the hall and away from Mrs. Stone-Prince. Something had obviously happened, but all I could think was Summer was up there, in that tiny room, and she was alone.

  WHEN I REACHED THE nurse’s station on Summer’s floor, I hovered, suddenly realizing I had no fucking clue what I was doing.

  “Everything okay, dear?” It was the nurse from earlier, the one who had helped Summer get situated. Her kind eyes studied me, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Your friend could really use you right about now.”

  I raked a hand through my hair, releasing a shaky breath. Nurse Florence smiled again. “Look, it isn’t my place to say this, but I just hate the idea of that girl all alone in there.” Her eyes flicked to the door of Summer’s room.

  “Is she... is she okay?”

  “What do you think?” It came out more of a statement than question.

  “Can I...”

  “What are you still standing out here talking to me for?” A knowing smirk pulled at the corner of her mouth. “Go.”

  “Thank you.” I gave her an appreciative nod before going to Summer’s door and knocking gently. When there was no answer, I slipped inside, closing the door behind me. “Summer?”

  She was facing away from me, waves of blonde hair cascading down her back, standing out against the sterile white linen.

  “JB?” Her voice was so small it hit me right in the chest, but it was nothing compared to the hurt in her eyes as she glanced over her shoulder at me. “Y- you came back?”

  “Yeah.” I swallowed hard. “I saw your mom downstairs and might have overheard some things... I didn’t want you to be alone.”

  “Thank you.” Silent tears rolled down her face as she turned over.

  I moved to the chair beside the bed. “Want to talk about it?”

  Summer let out a weary sigh, her eyes dropping to the floor. “My mom is... she’s a fixer. And well, when she can’t fix something she struggles.”

  My spine stiffened. My old man and Mrs. Stone-Prince sounded like a match made in heaven. Although my dad’s version of fixing things usually involved writing a check.

  But like my shoulder wasn’t something you could just fix; I knew this wasn’t something anyone could fix for the devastated girl lying beside me. Not that the two were the same thing... shit, of course they weren’t. But the other stuff—people’s expectations and judgment and opinions—that I got.

  “Is she coming back?” I hadn’t considered she was, but now I was sitting here, it occurred to me I might only be making things worse if Mrs. Stone-Prince found me in here again after I was supposed to be leaving.

  “I told her I needed some space.”

  My chest tightened. “Do you want me to leave?”

  “No,” she rushed out. “I didn’t mean... you can stay, if you’d like?” I nodded, barely able to get out words over the giant lump in my throat. “I just... she thought I should call Nick.”

  “She did?” My chest tightened.

  “Yeah. She said she knew I was hurting, but that he had a right to know what was happening. We got into a fight and I yelled and told her to leave.” Guilt flashed in her eyes and I hated it. Hated that her mom had made her feel in the wrong somehow.

  Jesus, this girl had me tied up in so many knots.

  “Do you think I should call him?”

  No. The word rattled around my head, but instead, I forced out, “I think that’s a decision only you can make. But I think you have to think about why you’re not telling him. If it’s because you need time and space to come to terms with what’s happened and because you’re still hurting over what he did, then fine. But if you’re not telling him to get back at him somehow—”

  She gasped a little. “I would never—”

  “I know,” I said feeling like a giant douche. “I don’t know why I said that.”

  I didn’t want her to call him. For him to come here and be the one comforting her when he had no fucking right.

  “JB?”

  “Yeah?” I choked out.

  “I’m glad you’re here.” She settled back, staring up at the ceiling.

  Me too, the words danced on the tip of my tongue.

  “I just need some space. Nick and I are done. Seeing him, it would only make everything worse.”

  “So take some time. There’s no rule book for this kind of thing. But you know you’ll have to tell him eventually, right?” Because while I wanted to introduce him to my fist for ever hurting her in the first place, the loss of the baby was his too, and he deserved to know.

  She glanced over at me, giving me a smile so warm and blinding, I felt my stomach knot. “You’re good at this, you know?”

  “Me and my sister might not always see eye to eye but she’s still my sister and over the years all I’ve tried to do is to be there for her. To protect her.” Even when it meant protecting her from herself.

  “I’m scared, JB.” The words came out of left field, knocking me on my ass, and I sank back into the plastic chair. “They said they might need to do a D and C to stop the bleeding and to make sure it’s all... gone.” Her voice cracked, the pain seeping out, filling the air.

  “Ssh,” I said, turning to her, taking her hand in mine. “It’s going to be okay, Summer, I promise.”

  “I know it’s a lot to ask, but will you...”

  “I’m not going anywhere.” Mom and Dad would tear me a new one when I finally got home, whenever that was. But some things were more important. And this, being here with Summer, had taken precedent over everything else.

  Even if I didn’t know what the fuck I was doing.

  “JB?” THE VOICE I’D come to recognize as Nurse Florence startled me and my eyes flew open.

  “Sorry, I didn’t mean to disturb you. I just wanted to let you know Summer is all done and she’s asking for you.”

  Shit. Why d
id those words affect me so damn much?

  “Is she—”

  “She’s okay. I can take you to her, if you’d like?”

  “Hmm, yeah, okay.” I glanced at my wristwatch, noting it had been almost two hours since they’d come to collect Summer for her procedure. They’d asked me to wait in the waiting room and I’d agreed. Because I couldn’t leave her. I’d promised I wouldn’t.

  “Summer got quite upset,” Nurse Florence said quietly. “So the doctors decided it was best to put her under. She might seem a little groggy, but that’s just the anesthetic wearing off.”

  “Will she need to stay overnight?”

  “The doctor will decide that when he does his rounds later.”

  “Okay, here we are. Summer is in the end bay.” I peeked into the room. Four beds filled the room, two lining one wall, two on the other. Hospital-issue paper curtains separated each bay. “Visiting is for family only, so if anyone asks, you’re the boyfriend.”

  “Why are you doing this?”

  “Because she needs someone, honey,” the nurse smiled. “And it would seem that, right now, that someone is you.”

  Shoving down the emotion clawing up my throat, I entered the room and made my way to Summer’s bay. Her eyes were closed, the gentle rise and fall of her chest beneath the ugly fucking hospital gown, hypnotic. She looked like an angel. A sad broken angel that I wanted nothing more than to make smile again.

  What the hell are you doing, Holloway?

  “I know you’re there,” she said, a small smile tugging at her lips despite her eyes still being closed.

  “I’d ask how you feel, but...”

  “Yeah.” She swallowed, her eyelids finally fluttering open.

  “Can I get you anything?” I asked with no fucking clue what I was supposed to do or say. Earlier it had seemed like the right thing to be here when she got out of surgery, but now I wasn’t so sure. Because every second I stuck around, pulled deeper into her melancholy, her pain, the more I wanted to take it all away.

  “No,” her voice was weary, the lingering effects of the anesthetic telling. Her eyes dropped to the chair beside the bed and I sat down.

  “I wish things were different.” Summer gave a little sigh. “I wish this was real.”

  “Real?” I asked unsure what she was talking about.

  “Me... You.” Her eyes fluttered and I realized she was barely lucid. “You’re a good person, JB. You wouldn’t hurt me... you wouldn’t...” She drifted into a peaceful sleep and I exhaled a sigh of relief. Summer didn’t know what she was saying, it was the drugs in her blood. We barely knew one another. She was just hurting, and I was there, offering her a shoulder to cry on.

  That’s all this was. All it could ever be.

  She wasn’t mine.

  So why, as I stared at her sleeping form, unable to tear my eyes away from her, did I wish she was?

  Chapter 9

  Summer

  JB: How are you feeling?

  My eyes scanned the message again, unable to fight the smile tipping the corner of my mouth. Quickly followed by a flash of guilt. I wasn’t supposed to feel happy. Not after everything. But I couldn’t deny that JB’s unexpected message was a small flicker of light in what otherwise seemed like never-ending darkness.

  He’d surprised me when he’d offered to give me his number last night before he left. But not as surprising as the ‘yes’ that had tumbled from my lips before I could think about what it meant.

  Me: Sore but okay. The doctor said I can go home today.

  JB: That’s great.

  Except it wasn’t. Going home meant dealing with Mom and Dad. The questions and opinions and no doubt, eventually, my brothers and sister. So while I really was desperate to get out of this hospital bed, going home was the last place on Earth I wanted to be.

  Another text came through.

  JB: Isn’t it?

  Me: I guess. I’m just not ready for all the questions. All the pity stares and disappointment.

  JB: I get that. More than you know.

  “Summer, sweetheart, it’s me.” Mom’s head slipped around the paper curtain and I rushed to text JB back, letting him know I’d text him later. “Oh, sweetheart.” Unshed tears glossed her eyes, which I noted were void of their usual makeup. “I’m so sorry.”

  Seeing the tears break from their dam, broke something in me too and I sobbed uncontrollably, the pain in my chest, my heart, almost unbearable.

  “Ssh, I’m here, I’m right here.” She pulled me into her arms, hugging me so tight I thought I might pass out. But I knew this was her rectifying things between us, showing me that she loved me no matter what.

  “I shouldn’t have said those things yesterday. Of course, you need time, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”

  “It’s okay, Mom,” I pulled back to look at her. She was all Maverick and Macey, dark eyes and dark hair to match. I was more my father and Kyle.

  “Dad, is he—”

  “Parking the car and then he’ll be here. He wanted to come last night, but I told him you wanted space.” Guilt flashed in her eyes and coiled around my heart. I’d sent her away. Me.

  “Don’t do that,” she said, seeing right through me. “You’ll always be my child, Summer, but you’re an adult. You’re entitled to make your own choices and I should have listened. I should have...” her voice trailed off as she sniffled again. “I’ll never forgive myself for not being here when you needed time.”

  “It was better this way, Mom,” I said. “I wasn’t in a very good place when I came around from the... procedure.” The word almost choked me. “I needed to be alone.”

  Except, I hadn’t been alone. JB had sat with me until the nurse finally insisted he leave. And even then, I’d seen the reluctance in his eyes. He’d wanted to stay.

  And God if that didn’t mean everything to me. Even when I knew it shouldn’t.

  “Summer, oh thank God.” My dad rounded the paper curtain, his lips set in a thin line, his eyes speaking a thousand words I doubted I’d ever hear.

  “Hi, Dad.”

  Mom stepped away, letting him come to me. “I’ve been so worried, sweetheart, but your mom said—”

  “It’s okay, Dad. I’m okay.” If hanging on by a thread meant okay, then I was it.

  “When your mom called. Jesus, sweetheart, I’ve never felt so—”

  “Gentry, let’s not crowd her.”

  “Right, of course.” Dad pressed a lingering kiss on my head and then stepped back giving me some space. “Any news on when we can get you out of here?”

  “The doctor—”

  “Is right here. Hello, I’m Doctor Nafaris, And I’ve been overseeing Summer’s care.”

  “Thank you, Doctor, truly.” My dad swallowed thickly, his eyes skirting to me and then back again.

  “Your parents are all caught up?” I knew what he was asking me, and I nodded.

  “Good. I’m happy for Summer to be discharged, but she’ll need plenty of rest over the next twenty-four to forty-eight hours. Some bleeding is normal.” He addressed me, but I didn’t miss the way my dad flinched. “But if it becomes heavy or you have any concerns, you know where we are.”

  “Thank you.”

  “I’ll get a script written for some pain meds and we advise no sexual intercourse for at least two weeks.”

  My cheeks flamed with embarrassment, unable to meet my parents’ heavy stares. “I don’t think that’ll be a problem,” I murmured under my breath.

  “I also have a leaflet for you with some support numbers on, should that be something you want.”

  I muttered another thanks, breathing a sigh of relief when Doctor Nafaris left.

  “Well, that was—”

  “Gentry!” Mom scolded, but this time I did manage a smile.

  “It’s okay, Mom. It’s awkward for everyone.”

  “Sweetheart, it’s not...” She hesitated. “It’s just we...”

  “I know, Mom, I know.” Sometimes a situation d
idn’t call for words and this was definitely one of them.

  Nothing anyone could say could fix this. Not Mom or Dad. Not the doctor or some counsellor who wanted to talk through my feelings. I had to find a way to reconcile the last few days. Me and me alone. I’d barely had time to accept I was pregnant before I’d lost the baby.

  A fresh wave of pain skittered through me.

  “Summer, sweetheart?”

  “It hurts, Mom. It hurts so damn much.”

  I’d heard people say you didn’t know what you lost until it was gone. But now I understood. Now I got it.

  I hadn’t wanted to get pregnant at eighteen. It wasn’t even on my radar. For those few precious days though, I’d let myself imagine the future. Pictured myself cradling a tiny baby in my arms. But as quickly as those ideas formed, they were stolen from me. A wisp of a dream never to become reality.

  And the hole it left felt irreparable.

  WE’D ONLY BEEN HOME ten minutes when I heard the front door slam. The noise reverberated through me, the sound ingrained from my childhood when I’d sit at the top of the stairs and listen to Maverick storm through the house and start another argument or punch another wall.

  “Summer?” My brother yelled.

  “You told him?” I snapped at Mom who was busy at the coffee maker.

  “We had to tell him something, sweetheart,” she said. “He sensed something was wrong, so we told him you fainted again.” Guilt flashed in her eyes but there was no time to argue as Maverick rushed over to me, pulling me into his arms. “Thank fuck.”

  “Language,” Mom scolded him.

  “Sorry, I just... shit, Summer, I was worried. We all were.”

  “I’m fine.” I eased back, pressing my lips together, and he frowned.

  “But you fainted again?”

  Nodding, I dropped my eyes.

  “Hey.” His fingers slid under my jaw, forcing me to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing.” The lie tasted bitter on my tongue.

  He glanced between Mom and me, his eyes clouded with confusion and suspicion. “What aren’t you telling me?”