Eye of the Beholder

by Ingrid Weaver

  Had Glenna thought he looked attractive in a tuxedo? He looked even more devastating with the tuxedo half-off. “I wanted to print out a report,” she explained.

  “I looked for you downstairs, but they said you’d left. The man I followed wasn’t Juarez.”

  “I know. Abernathy said the name of the man he’d been talking to was Tony Garrido. He’s a businessman from Nicaragua.”

  “Yeah, that’s what the desk clerk at the Marriott said after I followed him there.” Rafe passed his free hand through his hair and shook off the water that dripped from his fingersasn’t able to see Garrido’s face, but there wasn’t any point pursuing him further. I called the base from the Marriott lobby and, according to the latest intelligence reports, Juarez hasn’t left his compound for two days.”

  Glenna took a step forward. “You’re wet.”

  “It’s raining. Garrido found a cab, I didn’t.”

  “Oh, Rafe. I’m sorry. I should have realized I was mistaken but—”

  “No problem, I’ll dry.” He swung his jacket off his shoulder and regarded it ruefully. “I don’t think I’ll be getting my deposit back on this tux, though.”

  “I’ll have the hotel take care of it.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I got my money’s worth.” The single lamp that burned lit his features as softly as a flickering fire. “You look beautiful tonight, Glenna. That color becomes you.”

  She turned away. She had to. Otherwise, she was going to start remembering how he’d looked at her before. Or how she’d believed he’d looked. God, this was confusing. “I have a towel with my workout clothes,” she said, brushing past the potted palm to reach her filing cabinet. She pulled open the bottom drawer and took out her blue nylon athletic bag. Her fingers shook as she opened the zipper. “I use the hotel health club on my lunch hour sometimes. Here,” she said, holding out a white towel. “It’s clean.”

  “Wouldn’t matter if it wasn’t.” He hung his jacket from the back of her desk chair and walked toward her. “We’ve shared sweat before.”

  The memory hit her without warning. Sunlight filtering through palm leaves, Rafe’s body sliding over hers, his skin slick, his breath hot…

  Stick to business, she told herself. “I do apologize about sending you on that wild-goose chase,” she said. “At the time I was sure it was Juarez, but that was probably because he was on my mind since we’d just been talking about Rocama. The resemblance was just coincidence coupled with the power of suggestion.”

  He took the towel from her hand and wiped his face. He rubbed his hair, then looped the towel around the back of his neck and tightened his fists over each end. “I saw the resemblance too, Glenna. It wasn’t only you.”

  “Then we were both mistaken.”

  “Yeah. Sometimes we see what we want to see.”

  Like passion? Like love? She crossed her arms and eased a step backward.

  He tossed the towel aside and moved closer. “Did you still want me to talk to Abernathy for you?” he asked.

  The shoulders of his shirt were damp. The white fabric outlined muscles she had clung to and had kissed. She pressed her lips together briefly before she replied. “No, it’s okay. Oddly enough, he’d already heard about my plan for the tourist resort. I believe my assistant has been gossiping.”

  “Will he support you?”

  “He hasn’t decided yet. He wanted to see more deta” She gestured toward the printer. It spat out the final sheet of paper and beeped to signal the job was finished. “That’s why I was printing out the report.”

  “Is he expecting you to give it to him now?”

  “No, I thought I’d better wait until tomorrow.”

  His jaw tensed. “Was he drunk? Did he try anything?”

  She shook her head quickly. “No, of course not. I told you, we have a good working rela—”

  “Bull.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “I guarantee you, he hasn’t forgotten what you taste like, Glenna. No man could.”

  “Rafe—”

  “Maybe you should finish what you started.”

  “What?”

  There was a pause. “When I got here you were taking your hair down.” He caught the lock of hair she had loosened and rubbed it between his thumb and fingers. His nostrils flared. “You have incredibly soft hair, Glenna.”

  Her nails scored her palms as she struggled to keep from leaning into his touch. For a large man, he’d always been surprisingly gentle. He searched out the rest of her hairpins with his fingertips. One by one, he eased them free and dropped them on the floor. They made no noise as they hit the carpet. She wouldn’t have heard them anyway over the rush of her heartbeat.

  He worked his fingers into her hair, his eyes half-closing in pleasure. “Does that feel better?” he murmured.

  It was heaven. But it was wrong. “Rafe, we shouldn’t do this.”

  “Why not?”

  “What do you mean, ‘why not?’ How many times do we have to go over it? You explained it all to me in humiliating detail.”

  “That’s because I didn’t want you to have regrets, Glenna. I knew you wouldn’t see things the same once you got home. But now we are home.”

  She couldn’t help it. She tilted her head to get more of his touch. “What difference does that make? What we shared wasn’t real.”

  He stroked her hair from her forehead, running the pads of his thumbs along her temples. “The sex was always real, Glenna.”

  “But—”

  “The sex was real,” he repeated. “Only your reasons for it weren’t.”

  Her reasons. He meant stress, gratitude and desperation masquerading as love. She’d believed she was in love. “I…wasn’t in my right mind. The doctor explained that.”

  “But now you are.”

  Was she? Then why was she standing here letting him touch her? Why was she leaning closer and slipping her hands around his waist? His pant legs were damp from the rain. She could feel the moisture soak into her skirt. It was unexpectedly intimat

  He ran his knuckles along her cheek. “I did what the shrinks wanted. I stayed away from you for almost a month, but I haven’t been able to get you out of my head.”

  Tears pricked behind her eyes. Damn him. She’d thought she had this all under control. She’d believed she’d put everything back in the bottle. But he was coaxing it out again as easily as he’d freed her hair. “Why are you doing this now, Rafe? We had agreed we’d keep this strictly business.”

  “That was a mistake. I should have realized it sooner.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Yes, it is. This afternoon, you asked me a question. I’d like to answer it now.”

  “What question?”

  “You asked me why I kissed you. Remember?”

  “You told me it was to say hello.”

  “It was more than that.” He leaned down and nuzzled his nose into her hair. “I’ve always tried to be honest with you, Glenna. You know that, don’t you?”

  She nodded. It was true. She’d trusted him from the start, even when he’d said things she hadn’t wanted to hear.

  “It doesn’t seem to matter where we are or how you’re dressed.” He pressed his lips to the hollow beneath her ear. His breath whispered over her skin. “I still want you.”

  His shirt bunched in her fingers. His words sent a shudder through her thighs. Reality was shifting. Everything was turning upside down. He’d always done his best to resist her advances, or to make excuses. This time he was the one trying to seduce her instead of the other way around.

  It was intoxicating. It was… “Crazy,” she murmured. “This is crazy.”

  He traced his tongue along the side of her neck and kissed her shoulder. “I won’t tell the shrinks if you don’t.”

  She felt the light brush of his lips. Seconds later, the strap of her dress was sliding down her arm. He followed it, pressing his mouth to the upper curve of her breast.

  She caught h
is face in her hands. She couldn’t pretend it was to push him away. She held him where he was and arched her back, reveling in the sensations. She could feel his power in the taut quivering of his body next to hers. She knew the strength he was capable of, yet this tenderness was more potent than force. Beneath her palms she felt his cheeks shift into another smile.

  There was nothing else she could do. She angled his face toward hers and kissed him.

  It kept getting better. She didn’t know why. She’d been sure her wishful thinking and her imagination had distorted the kisses they’d shared in Rocama, yet this kiss was even sweeter. The new tastes brought depth to the old. She stepped closer, her discarded hairpins clicking under the soles of her shoes. Parting her lips, she lost herself in the pleasure he gave.

  His chest rumbled with a sound too primal for words. He kissed her until they were both straining for breath, then clamped one arm behind herst and lifted her from her feet. Somehow, they ended up at her desk. He pushed aside the lamp and the fern and sat her down on the edge, then braced his hands on either side of her, bent down and caught the neckline of her dress in his teeth.

  Suddenly Glenna felt as if time were collapsing. They were back in the clearing near the pool. He was lowering his head to her breast. She was swaying into him, desperate for the passion that would take her away from the nightmare.

  I love you, Rafe.

  But he hadn’t spoken of love. He’d spoken of sex, of wanting. That’s all.

  But she loved him.

  No, she couldn’t love him. It was infatuation, physical attraction, her own messed-up emotions.

  But she was home. She was better. Why were the words still trembling on her lips?

  She pushed at his shoulders. He was as immovable as a rock wall. She flattened her palms on the desktop and shoved, crumpling papers as she slid backward a few inches.

  He lifted his head. His gaze burned into hers. “Glenna?”

  “Rafe, I…this is too fast.”

  He smiled. “I thought you liked it fast, but we’ve got all night. We’ll do it however you want.” He moved his hands to her thighs and eased them apart, then stepped between her knees. The smooth, damp fabric of his pant legs rubbed over her skin. A moment later, she felt the warmth of his palm slip under her skirt.

  She trembled, her breath hitching. “Rafe, wait. Stop.”

  His smile faded. His fingers dug into her bare thigh.

  She caught his arms. “Please. It really is too fast. I have to think.”

  He leaned over her, his arms cording into ridges of muscle under the sleeves of his dress shirt. His chest pressed into her breasts, sending flickers of sharp pleasure to her hardened nipples. “Don’t,” he said.

  “Don’t think?”

  “Don’t pull back into that other woman. The one who hides her glorious hair in a bun and who writes phone numbers in that leather address book and then never calls.”

  “But that’s who I am, Rafe.”

  “No, that’s only a part of you. I’ve seen what’s underneath, Glenna. I’ve tasted your passion. That’s why I haven’t been able to forget you.”

  His words were as seductive as his touch, as the awesome strength in his body.

  He was right. The sex had been real. It would be so easy to use it as an escape again. All she had to do was spread her legs a little wider, lean back and let it happen.

  “Don’t you want me, Glenna?”

  It was the most seductive thing of all. Not what he said, but the look in his eyes when he said it. For a heartbeat she saw the tormented soul who had wept for the brother he’d been unable to save. She saw the loneliness and the longing she’d glimpsed by the light of their final fire. She saw the waror who used his scars and his devotion to his duty to push everyone away from his heart.

  She laid her hand against the lines on his cheek. “Yes, I want you, Rafe. As you said, the sex was real.”

  He turned his head to close his lips over her thumb.

  “But I need more than that.”

  He licked her nail and sucked gently.

  “I need my reasons for it to be real.”

  Something flared in his eyes. He nudged her hand over and placed a kiss in the center of her palm. “Come back to my room with me, Glenna. I’ll make it real for the rest of the night.” With the tip of his tongue he traced a line to the inside of her wrist.

  “You don’t understand, Rafe.”

  He straightened up and pulled her from the desk to her feet. He thrust both hands into her hair, lifting her onto her toes. “I understand perfectly. I want you. You want me. Why make it more complicated?”

  “It isn’t complicated at all, Rafe. I had sex with you because I believed I was in love with you.”

  “What happened before doesn’t matter. We’re home now. The situation—”

  “But it does matter.” She closed her eyes and took a steadying breath. When had she started shouting? She blinked and focused on his face. “It does matter,” she repeated, striving to control the shaking in her voice. “It matters to me. When passion is confused with love, people get hurt. That’s why I’ve always tried to be careful. I’ve seen the damage people do.”

  His grip on her head loosened. “Glenna, you shouldn’t be afraid of who you are. You’re not like your father.”

  “I can’t be sure of that.”

  “No one’s going to get hurt if the two of us give each other pleasure in private.” He kissed the tip of her nose. “We’re both adults. We’re both unattached.” He placed a lingering kiss on the corner of her mouth. “I’m sorry for the pain you went through when you were growing up, but that was years ago. I thought you wanted to let go of your past.”

  “Then why haven’t you?”

  “What do you mean? What past?”

  “You’re afraid of getting close to anyone.”

  He smoothed his hands down her shoulders and flicked the drooping straps of her dress. “Let me take off the rest of your clothes and I’ll show you how close we can get.”

  “I’m not talking about sex, Rafe. I’m talking about love. You don’t want to love anyone, and it’s because of what happened to John.”

  “Who?”

  “Johnny. Your brother.”

  He went completely still. The warmth slowly drained from his eyes. “Who told you about John?”

  “You did

  “No.”

  “The day before your fever broke you were delirious. You told me about the bus accident and how you pulled all those boys from the river.”

  He moved his head from side to side in denial, his gaze riveted on her face. He let go of her and held up his palms as he retreated. “No.”

  She pushed her straps back on her shoulders and followed him. Once again, she laid her hand on his cheek. “You got these wounds when you went through the windshield. You could have bled to death or drowned but you wouldn’t give up. You kept saving one boy after another. You’ve always been a hero.”

  He jerked his head away from her touch. “Stop it, Glenna. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Yes, I do. You tried to save John, but you couldn’t. You’ve been trying to make up for it ever since. That’s why you were so determined to save me.”

  “Saving you was my job. I’m a soldier. That’s how I earn my living.”

  “And it’s the excuse you use to keep people at a distance.” She took his hand, twining her fingers with his to keep him from pulling away. “It wasn’t just our situation that made me think there was a bond between us. Not everything was due to stress. When I learned about that accident—”

  “Don’t pity me.”

  “It wasn’t pity I felt. I was certain it was love. That’s why I made love to you that afternoon when you woke up. And that night, that’s why I said the three words to you that I had never said to anyone in my life.”

  “Glenna—”

  “I know you loved your brother, Rafe. Losing him that way was tragic. I can’t begin
to imagine the agony you must have gone through.”

  “He died. I didn’t. I have nothing to complain about.”

  “But you’re letting the pain you suffered keep you from risking your heart.”

  “You figure you’ve talked to a shrink and read a few psychology books and now you can psychoanalyze me?”

  “Rafe, no. It’s not like that.”

  “Damn right, it isn’t. Because you’re dead wrong, Glenna.” He leaned into her, his expression stark. His gaze had cooled to ice. “You think you know what happened, but you don’t.”

  “Then tell me.”

  “I let John die.”

  “You were exhausted. You were badly injured yourself. You couldn’t have saved everyone.”

  Rafe brought his face so close to hers she could feel his breath on her chin. “I had a hold of his hand but I let go.”

  “You couldn’t help it.”

  “I let him die,” he repeated. “Because I wanted him dead.he heard his conviction in the tremor of his voice. He was convinced he was speaking the truth. But she didn’t believe him. “No. It’s not true. You loved him.”

  “Everyone loved John. Our parents, our neighbors, every girl in school. He was perfect. He was handsome. He was bigger and stronger and smarter than me. From the day I took my first steps, I walked in his shadow.”

  “Rafe…”

  “I envied him. At times I hated him. I used to wish I’d been him. But love? No. I’m not capable of that. If you want love, then you’ve got the wrong man.”

  She fought back a rush of tears. She didn’t want to hear any more. Reality was shifting yet again, and she was afraid of where it would stop. “No, Rafe. You’re a good man. You’re—”

  “I know what I am. I’ve known it since I left my brother and half of my face at the bottom of that river sixteen years ago.” He took her hand and dragged her fingers over his scars. “Take a good look at these, Glenna. For once, take a really good look. Do you see how deep and ugly they are? Do you feel the lumps and the pits where my flesh was ripped away?”

  His grip verged on painful. She knew he wasn’t aware of it, just as he wasn’t aware of the tears that trailed down her cheeks. “Rafe—”

  “It’s twisted. It’s repugnant.” He slapped her hand against his chest. “But those scars aren’t half as ugly as what’s in here.”