Sweetened Suffering (Sweet Treats Book 2)

by Charity B.

  “Oh, damn it, man! Watch where you’re going!”

  I know my eyebrows fly up. He clearly has no clue who I am.

  “I’ll be sure to remember that,” I look at his name tag, “Tom.” Holding out my hand, I smile at him. “Alexander Sørensen.”

  I internally smirk when I get the desired reaction of a colorless face. I pat his back so he doesn’t pass out before bending down to help pick up the candy. The blue boxes of gummy bears are everywhere, and as I reach for one flipped on its back, my eyes instantly snap to the logo. The room blurs around me and I can’t pull my eyes away.

  A lotus flower. The exact, same lotus flower burned into Tavin’s chest and tattooed onto Logan’s arm. Beneath it, the red Rissa ribbon logo stretches across the bottom.

  This is a product of Lotus Candy Co.

  Distributed by Rissa Corp.

  What. The. Fuck.

  I pick up Emily at her parents’ house. Yeah, that’s right, her parents’ house. As if this date isn’t going to be awkward enough, I have to stand here with her father as I wait for her to be ready. I thought I was done with this horrible part of dating when I graduated high school.

  I never thought I would be so happy to see her when she finally comes down the stairs. At least her father spares me the gun jokes.

  Once we’re out in the car, I ask her, “So, did you have anywhere in mind?”

  “How about we grab some drinks?”

  For the first time, I give her an honest smile. She read my mind.

  “There’s a club that opened up a few months ago, I’ve heard some decent things about. Do you want to check it out?”

  She buckles her seat belt and folds her hands in her lap. “You’re driving.”

  We’re able to get in and find a table, even with the place packed. I impress myself with my ability to carry on a conversation without the ulterior motive of getting her in bed. I have a feeling that would involve a key to a chastity belt, anyway.

  She loosens up a little after a couple glasses of lubricant, and even though the conversation is substandard, it isn’t completely boring. I remind myself that I’m doing this to make my mother happy and if I wasn’t here, sitting across from Emily, then I would probably be drinking at home. Alone.

  As I wait at the bar for our next round, I glance at the dance floor and my attention is caught by a girl dancing, who reminds me of Tavin. Even though my mind’s probably playing tricks again, her little, bitty body moves exactly like Tavin’s. Her long hair is a pastel purple instead of brown, and Tavin would never wear that outfit she has on. A black skull is on the front of a ripped-up, silver tank top tucked into a tiny, black, high-waisted skirt. Her clunky bracelets are going halfway up her arms and fall when she lifts her hands. She spins around the guy she’s dancing with and he’s… Toben?! Her fingers comb her hair back to pull it away from her face and even though her makeup is dark and heavy, it’s definitely her.

  My feet weigh a million pounds, my skin is damp with sweat, and the room is spinning. Toben’s fingers dig into her hips and his lips brush against her ear as his hand flattens across her stomach to press her closer. I can’t make myself do anything other than watch as he puts something next to her face. She pushes a finger against her nose to inhale the drugs before throwing her head back and returning to dancing.

  I forget the drinks and go back to Emily to take her hand. “Let’s dance.”

  “Oh…okay, sure,” she says as I pull her from the seat.

  Dragging Emily behind me, I watch them and the way they are together. I’ve been an idiot to actually believe he hasn’t been giving it to her on a regular basis. He pulls that terrible colored hair over her shoulder before pressing his lips to her temple, as her half smile makes its appearance. Toben lifts a vial from around his neck, unscrews the lid and brings it to his nose. His head makes a slight jolt before he hands it to that Christopher kid from their house. Watching her shove that shit up her nose makes my blood run hot in my veins.

  I maneuver us closer until I’m facing Tavin and standing behind Emily. All she has to do is look up and she will see me. Tavin’s hand slides into Toben’s hair, her fingers clutching at the strands, and I remember how much I loved it when she did that to me.

  “Ow!” Emily yelps from my nails digging into her waist.

  “Shit, sorry.”

  Tavin takes another hit from the vial and wipes her nose as her eyes shift up to mine. It’s as if the second that never ends is on a continuous loop until finally, she breaks contact and her gaze flutters to Emily. Backing up, she bumps into Toben before turning to run. He starts to follow her, so I step ahead of him and point a finger at his face.

  “You stay here.” Turning back to Emily, I tell her, “Give me a minute. I’ll be right back.”

  She nods in confusion as I follow after Tavin, through the exit that leads to the alley behind the bar. I push open the door and seeing her again makes my skin feel hot and clammy regardless of the cool night air. Her back is to me, her hands are clawing at her hair and her shoulders are heaving with panicked breathing.

  “No. No. Shit. Shit!”

  Her incredible voice is threatening tears. My pulse is thrumming so hard I think I can see my skin move. I fight every cell in my body to not reach out and touch her. I don’t know what I’m going to do when she turns around.

  Then she does. I’m so close to her, she almost bumps into me. Being here with her again brings up every emotion I’ve ever felt for her. It’s too overwhelming, so I pick what I have the best handle on.

  “Are you still actually expecting me to believe you haven’t been opening your legs for him this entire time?” I gesture toward the club when I notice the cocaine residue on her nose. I reach up and wipe it off. “And I see cleaning up your vomit was completely pointless.” She doesn’t respond and she won’t look at me. Does she just not care at all? I’ve been a pathetic pile of depression and feeling sorry for myself over a girl who clearly doesn’t give a shit. God, I’m a complete idiot. “You seriously have nothing to say?” I might as well not be speaking at all because she won’t answer. “I always thought there was something special about you.” I scoff at her and shake my head. “But you’re just a fucked-up mess in a pretty package.”

  Her gaze is on the ground and her head tics as she barely whispers, “I told you, you didn’t want this.”

  She’ll never throw that in my face again. I grab her chin, yanking her head up so she has to look at me.

  “You better believe I’ll heed that fucking warning next time. Fuck up someone else’s life and stay out of mine.” I release her face and turn around. “I want you out of my sister’s apartment.”

  I’m glad I saw her. I’m done caring. Done drowning myself in memories that are nothing more than lies. I rip open the door and the music from inside blares in my ears as I pass Toben on the way to Emily.

  “She’s all yours.”

  He gives me a questioning glare before waving at Christopher to follow him and turning for the exit. Emily scrunches her eyebrows in question.

  My mom was right. I need to move on from Tavin. Why shouldn’t I try to do it with Emily? I place my hand on her cheek as I lean down to kiss her.

  “Would you like to come back to my place?”

  WHY DIDN’T I LISTEN TO them? They all said it was a bad idea. I just wanted to try to have some fun. I’m so sick of only seeing Sasha’s apartment and Marvel. I knew it was a risk because of Logan, I just didn’t think anything like this would happen.

  I slowly breathe through my nose so I don’t vomit. He’s never looked at me this way before, not even the last time I saw him. He’s seeing what I really am, and his words confirm it. I expected this, but I can still feel my heart cracking beneath my ribcage.

  Every word I utter burns as it scratches its way out.

  “I told you, you didn’t want this.”

  His eyes take on a darker green as his hand flies out to squeeze my face. “You better believe I’ll heed
that fucking warning next time.” His jaw twitches as he tosses my chin. “Fuck up someone else’s life and stay out of mine. I want you out of my sister’s apartment.”

  He hates me and I can see all the pain I’ve caused him, before he rips open the club door and disappears through it.

  Once he’s gone, my body heaves with bottled up tears. I can’t stop them. I know I’m being a baby. I knew all of this would have repercussions and the worst of them have yet to happen.

  I feel two sets of arms hugging me from the front and the back.

  “Are you okay, Love?”

  I sniff and nod as Toben presses his head against mine. Christopher’s chest is against my back as he rests his chin on my shoulder.

  “Well, you know my opinion on the uptight douche.”

  “Christopher, he isn’t a—”

  “He has you out here crying in an alleyway. He’s a fucking douche.”

  Toben nods in agreement and kisses my head. Christopher’s arm wraps around me so he’s holding the vial below my nose.

  Thank God for cocaine.

  Christopher drops us off at Sasha’s apartment, and the girl he met at the club waves to us.

  “It was nice to meet you.”

  I don’t know if she’s talking to me or Toben, but he doesn’t answer her so I say, “You, too.”

  Christopher drives away as Toben reaches into his pocket, pulling out a works kit. “Logan thinks I’m at a playdate with Mr. Stride, so I can stay with you tonight.”

  “Whoa, what?”

  I grab his arm and he smirks at me. “Mr. Stride likes to watch. I don’t tell Logan when he brings friends along to play, and in return, he occasionally schedules fake playdates so I can get an extra night off.”

  Dang, that’s a good idea. I wish I would’ve thought of something like that. He opens the kit and as soon as I see the spoon, my heart pitter-patters.

  “Toben, I told you, you can’t bring that into her apartment.”

  “Then let’s go find somewhere to do it.”

  He’s been giving me a hard time about the heroin. He misses being high together and I do too. It just feels like doing it again will make everything with Lex all final. It’s already final though, and tonight made that clear. My reason for not using is gone and I’ve done everything else anyway. I’m tired. I don’t want to feel anymore and I need to get his face out of my brain. Cocaine can’t do that.

  Toben grins because he already knows I’m about to give in. I try to frown at him, but his smiles have always been contagious. Looping my arm through his, I lead him down the street.

  “Come on, there’s a place back here.”

  We walk down the block a little ways to cut to the back of the apartments. There’s an old couch by the dumpster, and I don’t even think it’s been rained on yet.

  “Gross.” He wipes at it like it will make a difference. I sit next to him and watch as he gets everything ready. “Logan would kick our asses for shooting up back here.” He chuckles, “Look at us, junkies getting high in an actual alleyway. That’s even worse than our parents.” I have to admit, watching him prepare the fix makes me nearly salivate for it.

  His smile slips away when he looks at me. “Have you thought anymore about what you’re gonna do?”

  I lean back against the couch and blow my bangs out of my eyes. “The more time that goes by, the more I know that leaving is my only option. I would rather die than go back to Logan and the Clients. I mean that with all my heart.”

  Sighing, he holds his lighter beneath the spoon. “Okay, so we pick a place…say, I don’t know…Denver, Colorado. Say we get there and Logan doesn’t find us. What will we do for money?”

  “Maybe we could find someone who will let us work under the table, like at Marvel?”

  “Okay, maybe.” He takes off his belt and hands it to me. “And how long do you think that will take? Remember, we’re in a town we don’t know and need to stay low, so we don’t alert anyone Logan might have looking for us.”

  Why is he trying to bring me down about this? Did he not hear me? I would rather die than go back.

  “I don’t know.”

  He sticks the needle in the mixture, careful not to touch the spoon. “What if it takes a week? A month? Two months?” He wraps his belt around my arm and pulls it way tighter than necessary. “Do you remember what it felt like to be hungry, Tavin? Dirty?” He taps my arm and slides in the needle to pull back the blood, as he stares into me with midnight eyes. “How long will it take before you finally let someone fuck you on a couch just like this one, so you can have a shower or a Goddamn burger?” I hate when he’s angry at me. Before I can speak, he presses down the plunger. I look up at the sky, wishing I could see the stars as he snaps, “At least with the Clients we have the contract, and Logan to protect us. Think about what you’re choosing.”

  …I choose to dance with the stars…

  WHOOSH…

  SWOOSH…I smell his laughter.

  BANG…And death is love…

  Saturday, June 20th

  “Shit! What time is it?!”

  Toben flies around the room throwing on his jeans as he shoves his wallet and phone into his pockets. I turn to look at the alarm clock.

  “Um… six-twenty.”

  “Fuck! I have a playdate across town in ten minutes.” He leans down and softly presses his lips against mine. “Please consider what we talked about.” His eyebrows shoot up as he reaches in his back pocket and holds up a little baggie. “I almost forgot, I brought you something.”

  Oh, yes! I grin and jump up to give him a big hug. “Thank you.” This will definitely help me get through the day.

  Sasha is in the kitchen blowing into her blue mug as I lead him to the front door. Neither one of them acknowledges the other besides flipping each other off at the exact same time. I refuse to believe they hate one another as much as they act like, but they are both really good at acting.

  He laces our fingers as we press our arms together. “I love you, Tav. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He cups my face and softly kisses me for a moment before he opens the door to leave. I close it behind him and when I turn back around, I jump at Sasha standing right in front of me dipping her tea bag in and out of her mug. I don’t like how she has her eyebrow arched.

  I cross my arms. “What?”

  “For two people who aren’t fucking, you guys sure are touchy-feely.”

  I roll my eyes. I need some coffee. “I explained that to you.”

  “Yeah, I guess.” She pulls out a chair and sits in it, cross-legged. “You’re looking kind of rough this morning. Are you okay?”

  I blow out my breath as I pull the pink mermaid mug from the cabinet. “I saw Alexander last night.”

  She nearly chokes on her tea before she gapes at me. “No shit? What happened?”

  My eyes burn, so I try really hard to keep the sadness away from my voice. “He told me to go fuck up someone else’s life.”

  She wipes her hand over her face. “Oh, Jesus.”

  “He knows I’m staying here.”

  “Shit.”

  “He doesn’t want me to though. He told me to leave.”

  She scoffs. “He told you what to do in my house? He can kiss my ass.”

  I force a smile, more confused than ever. I don’t know what to do. The things Toben said last night were true. What if my choices get us into an even worse situation? My eyes hurt, my head hurts, and my chest hurts. I’m confused, sad, and scared. I don’t want to be here right now.

  I think it’s time I go on a little trip.

  Emily is safe and predictable. No scars, no prostitution, no drugs, no fetishes. Just good ol’, plain Emily. She doesn’t have secrets; in fact, she’s an open book. She’s the complete opposite of Tavin and exactly what I need.

  We eat breakfast in silence while Cara Jo scowls at me and cleans. She’ll learn to deal eventually.

  Feeling
nothing for Emily will protect me. I need to move on and she’s who I’m going to do that with. I may not ever really be happy and I’m prepared for that. It sure beats going through what went down with Tavin again.

  Oddly, Mag didn’t come around at all last night and is finally making an appearance this morning.

  Emily removes the napkin from her lap and places it on her plate before standing. “Well, I need to get going. Tennis lessons at two.”

  I stand to follow her to the entryway as her heels click on the tile. Mag trots out in front of her as we walk to the door, making Emily cover her nose and gasp, “Ugh, what’s wrong with its face?”

  I don’t know what shocks me more. The fact that she said it or that it pisses me off she said it.

  “Nothing’s wrong with her, she just lost her eye.”

  Grimacing at Mag before kissing me, she asks, “Are we still on for brunch with my parents, tomorrow?”

  I nod and let her out. Mag whines at me as I pass by her water bowl, to go back into the kitchen. “What? You don’t like her?”

  “I know I don’t.”

  “Don’t hold back, Cara Jo.”

  She maintains her glare as she cuts up the onions. “You can’t imagine how much I’m holding back.”

  I need to get Tavin’s things out of here, so I grab the box from the closet and carry it down to the garage to take out to the trash in the morning.

  It’s a nice day, so I throw on my swim trunks and take Mag out to lie by the pool. Sometime after she falls asleep on my legs, my cell rings and I lift my sunglasses to see it’s William. I haven’t decided what I’m going to tell him yet, all I know is, after last night, his services are no longer required. It doesn’t matter anymore. I don’t know why I ever thought it did.

  “Hi, William, I’m glad you called.”

  “Hello, Mr. Sørensen. I got your message about the Lotus Candy Company, I’m just not sure what you’re expecting me to find. It’s a division of Rissa Corp. and was founded in May of ‘91. I could give you a bunch of facts, though it’s all public knowledge. What I think you really want to know is, I found what you were looking for. Right where you said they would be. There are actually two of them, both unmarked. I can bring them to you if you can get a VCR.”