by Charity B.
I rub my hands across her cheeks. “Hey, what’s wrong?”
“I didn’t think you would ever talk to me again.” She laughs through her tears as she shakes her head. “I never wanted you to know about Logan, and now you do, and you’re still treating me the same as you did before…I didn’t think that would happen, either.” More tears fall onto my hands. “This is a lot of emotions, is all.”
Taking her hand, I silently guide her upstairs and her gaze lingers on her bedroom door. I know she’s curious about her things. None of that tonight though. Tonight is about us—nothing and no one else.
I lead her into my room, releasing her hand to close my bedroom door to keep Mag out. I turn around to face her and she’s looking at me in a way I’ve never really seen from her before. I would almost say predatory. She grabs my shirt and yanks it off with an aggression that makes it difficult not to laugh.
The violet of her eyes shines so bright beneath her lashes as she looks up to me and falls to her knees. I don’t dare break eye contact while she undoes my button and unzips my fly. She frees me and tender lips continue to harden my dick with every kiss up my shaft.
I can’t believe I almost lost her.
Watching this is just as enjoyable as feeling it. While my hands push her head down, her eyes refuse to break contact. Slowly I glide in and out of her mouth, seeing every inch as it enters those pretty lips.
I love her blow jobs. I always have. Right now though, I need my body to be inside hers. My finger runs along her jaw and she gradually releases me. As soon as I slide out of her mouth, I’m kissing it. I cup her nape and use it to lift her to standing. Our tongues touch while my fingers trace her lotus, until finally, I break our kiss and unhook her bra.
Her little breaths are on my neck as my thumb rubs over a perfect pink bud. I lean down to flick it with my tongue and bring it between my lips. She arches into me, making it easier to slide my hand down the front of her jeans. Smiling around her nipple, I slip a finger in.
“Always so wet.” She’s so cute with her pink cheeks and embarrassed smile. I remove my hand, and grip her waistband to pull her against me for a kiss. “Face the bed and place your hands on the edge.”
As she does what I tell her, my arousal is suddenly traded for the realization that I don’t have any idea how far I can go.
My heartbeat pounds against my eardrums and doubles in speed as I walk to stand behind her. I haven’t even considered this aspect of our relationship. Knowing what I know now makes me question if she really likes it or if she’s somehow warped into thinking she does. Then there’s the fact that I enjoy hurting her and I don’t know if that makes me like him, somehow.
Taking a deep breath, I focus on the sight in front of me. Her ass is adorable in those jeans so I spank it before I reach around the front to undo the button. My lips leave a trail of soft kisses across her shoulder and once I reach the crook of her neck, I bite down causing her pelvis to rock forward. She softly moans as I kiss down her back. This is probably the clearest I’ve ever seen it. It gives me a spark of hope because even though I’ve tried to not think about it, I still wonder if she’s been with anyone besides ‘Alia’ since we split.
I crouch to slowly pull her jeans down her body, getting harder with every inch of milky skin that appears. She steps out of the leg holes and is wearing the same pink ruffled panties she was dancing in. I bite my way up her thigh, touching between her legs, over the drenched fabric. She pushes her body down on my fingers as I slip them beneath the material.
“Turn around,” I tell her.
We’re kissing again so fast, it isn’t clear who kisses who first. I press my hand against her lower back, lying her on the bed and spreading her legs around me. My erection presses against the fabric of her lingerie, so I pull the panties to the side and nudge her clit. Lowering my jeans, I look up at her, and she’s biting her lip while she watches my cock push into her entrance. I lift her chin to pull her eyes back up to mine, and as soon as I lock into violet, I shove myself completely into her body.
Her gasp becomes a moan as I increase my pace, moving her further up the bed with every aggressive thrust. My fingers intertwine with hers while I push as deep as I can physically go.
“The belt,” she breathes. “Hit me with the belt.”
Fuck.
I keep my pace as I trace a finger over her lips. “I’m sorry, Tav, I…I don’t think I can do the belt anymore.”
Her eyes flash before she completely stops moving and looks away from me. “Get out,” she whispers.
“What?”
Her head snaps back as she glares at me. “Get out of me.”
My stomach drops as I do what she says.
“Lille, come on—”
“I should have known.” She flies off the bed and picks her jeans up off the floor. “I completely bought that ‘strength of your spirit’ crap. You pity me. I’m already sad and broken, right, Alexander? You wouldn’t want to be responsible for any more damage.” Snatching her bra off the rug, she storms toward the door.
For the love of Christ.
One of my strides is three of hers, so I’m in front of her in two paces. “Damn it, stop. You know I’ll always chase your ass, but right now I’m emotionally strung out, so please don’t make me. I don’t pity you, Tav. I am angry for you. It’s not that I’m scared to hurt you, exactly, I just…I can’t get your fucking screams out of my head.”
She narrows her eyes and her head tics. “What are you talking about?”
It’s so hypocritical to lie to her after I have told her endless times not to. I want our relationship to be honest and free of deceit, but she cannot find out about those tapes.
My personal shit with this needs to stay exactly that. Personal. I need to suck up whatever reservations I have if I want this to work.
With a scoff, she tries to push past me when I grab her neck and slam her against the wall.
“You want me to hit you?” I crash my mouth against hers, not caring that our teeth clash, as I slide my hand to the back of her neck and push her toward the bed. Shoving her face into the duvet, I rip my belt through the loops. “I’ll whip the shit out of you.”
She lifts her hips, silently pleading for me to pull her panties over and push myself back inside. The belt is folded in half when I lift it over my head and bring it down across her body. With her arching back and the hot, red line blossoming across her skin, I’m pretty sure I just pre-came.
This is what we were before all this. All she wants is for me to see her the same. I have to separate what he did to her from what she needs from me.
My chest hovers over her back as I lean forward and kiss down her spine. “Is this what you want, Lille?”
Her fingers clutch at the comforter as she turns her head to the side and gasps, “Yes.”
Sunday, June 21st
“WHAT THE HELL, ALEXANDER?”
Who the fuck is yelling? Jesus, what time is it?
I’m still half sleeping when I groan, “What?”
“We’re supposed to be meeting my parents for brunch in an hour, and you’re still in bed with last night’s bar trash? We really need to discuss boundaries.”
Wait what? I yawn as I force my eyes open and lift my head.
Oh no.
Shit! Shit! Shit! I completely forgot about Emily. I look over at Tavin and I can practically hear her heart crack. “Are you guys…together?”
Emily responds faster than I can open my mouth. “Yes, so if you would kindly get dressed and make your way home, we have places to be.”
Situations such as this are one of the many reasons I don’t cheat. How exactly do I explain this and not sound like an asshole?
The uncomfortable energy of the situation forces out an awkward laugh as I try to cover my ass. “No—now see, I…” Maybe Sasha’s right. I am an idiot. I can’t even string together a damn sentence.
Tavin’s teary eyes are glittering in the sunlight as she looks at me with d
isbelief and jumps off the bed. Grabbing her clothes on her way out, she stops in front of Emily and says, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know,” before slipping past her and disappearing into the hallway.
“Tavin, hold on!”
Oh, look at that, now I can talk.
I rip the duvet off my bed and wrap it around myself as I hear the bathroom door close. Bending down to grab my jeans off the floor, I stomp over to Emily.
“You think it’s acceptable to walk into my house?”
She puts her hands on her hips and looks at me as if I’m being ridiculous. “I called and you didn’t answer,” her borderline insanity has me flustered because I’m not quite sure how to respond. Not that she cares, she’s still talking, “and I didn’t want you to miss our brunch. It’s not true what they say, Alex. Second impressions are as equally important as the first.”
I gave her every impression that we were a couple. Considering that, she’s handling this pretty well. I feel like a complete prick. There’s no way to avoid hurting her feelings.
As I run my fingers through my hair, I do my best to soften the blow. “Emily…I can’t begin to explain myself. I swear I didn’t plan this, and I know how this looks, but I never should have taken you to bed the other night… A relationship between us can’t happen.”
Her eyes go cold as she straightens her back and clasps both hands over her purse. “I see.”
“I am sorry. She’s my ex and—”
“There’s nothing more to say, Alex, so don’t make a fool of yourself.” She shakes her head as she spins on her heel and lets herself down the stairs.
As bad as I truly do feel about that, I’m just grateful she’s gone.
Walking down the hall to the bathroom, I rest my head against the wood of the door. “There’s nowhere to go Tav, so open the door and talk to me.”
The last word barely leaves my mouth when she swings it open and snaps, “Did you love her?”
I roll my eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, of course not. I met her two days ago. I may have led her on more than I should have, but I was angry and at the time, I thought I needed to move on.” Her face softens a fraction and I capitalize on it. “Come on, I haven’t even had coffee yet. Can we please have breakfast before we start on all this?”
She nods and laces her fingers in mine as I take her hand to lead her downstairs. The sun shines in the kitchen through the two large, front windows as I start the coffee and throw a couple bagels in the toaster.
“Do you want some strawberry milk?”
She gives me that half smile that she does when she isn’t sure what she is supposed to be feeling. “Yes.”
I hate that I’ve been with another woman since her. It was only two weeks and for once I’m ashamed I didn’t keep it in my pants.
I go to the fridge for the milk and strawberry syrup. “It happened the other night…after I saw you at the bar.” The spoon clinks against the glass as I stir. “I’m really sorry, Tav.”
She doesn’t look at me as she takes her drink from my hand. It’s clear her feelings are hurt, no matter how hard she’s trying to act as if they’re not.
As much as I don’t want her to have fucked anyone else, at the same time I wonder if it would alleviate some of my guilt.
“You were with Alia, right? Were you with anyone else?”
Her head snaps up to me and she furrows her brows. “No. And I didn’t fuck Alia. We kissed and I touched her; she never touched me.” She shakes her head and sets down her milk. “You’re the only one, Alexander. Ever.”
That makes zero sense. “I’m the only one what?”
“The only one I ever chose. I’ve never willingly let anyone inside me other than you.”
Her words obliterate mine. I don’t know what to say to that. Every time she’s been touched it was forced upon her. I don’t understand what makes me different. We didn’t even know each other that first time. She starts toward the table when I grasp her wrist.
“Why me?”
She softly smiles as she leans against the counter. “When you asked me out, I never intended to have sex with you, I just wanted to go out with you so bad. I could tell you weren’t like the Clients. You’re just so warm. It’s like the sun shines through your skin when you smile.” She wraps her arms around my waist and rests her head against my chest. “Whenever I’m with someone, it feels like there are greasy hands all over me, suffocating me…it’s like my skin is choking. Slimy fear crawls into my pores and it takes everything in me not to scream.” I rub her back and I feel her head moving against me. “It’s never been like that with you. You make it go away. You more than make it go away, you make it feel good.” She looks up at me. “You make it feel good without the dirtiness.”
A wrecking ball hits my chest every time she says stuff like this. I love that I can be that for her. In fact, it makes me feel incredible. However, why she needs me to be that for her at all weighs heavy on my soul.
I wrap my arms around her tight as Mag’s telltale jingling comes down the stairs. “Mag has missed you too, ya know.”
“It’s BLIND Mag.”
I laugh as she bends down to pick her up.
“Come on, you have to admit that’s a bit of a mouthful.”
She looks Mag right in the eye. “What do you think?”
Mag barks in response, and Tavin grins at me in victory while I glare at the dog. “Traitor.”
With our coffee and bagels, we go back upstairs, her eyes staying on the guest room door as we pass.
“Do you want to go in?”
She nods, so I open the door and Blind Mag follows her inside. “Did you throw away the painting?” She asks.
“No,” I shake my head at her, grateful I hadn’t gotten to it yet and push open the closet door, “I did find your little masterpiece though.”
She scrunches her nose and gives me a guilty smile. “Sorry. It’s kind of a thing I do…” Sighing, she pets the dog. “I can’t imagine how mad Drew is going to be when they move the bed in my room at Sasha’s.”
A deep laugh climbs up my throat as I back out of the room. “I’ll be right back.”
After running to the garage to get the box, I return to find her playing with Blind Mag on the floor. I place the box on the bed and she jumps up to dig through it, immediately removing the painting. She traces her fingers across it before she lies it on the bed and takes out the remaining contents. Once the box is empty, she looks inside with a disappointed stare.
“Are you looking for the necklace?”
“Did you do something to it?”
“I still have it. Would you like it back?”
“Yes.”
I kiss her temple. “Eat your bagel.”
I trot down the hall to my office and walk to the back of the room. As I lift my print of Salvador Dali’s The Elephants off the wall, my safe comes into view. Pressing the keypad, I enter the date Vulture was established.
Beep 8
Beep, beep 16
Beep 7
The thud of the safe unlocking sounds and I swing open the door. Pushing over the cassette tapes of Tavin, I reach in the back for the necklace. I rarely keep anything of real financial value in here. Everything inside is only worth the emotional attachment I have to it. Believe it or not, I can be quite sentimental. Wrapping my hand around the little carousel, I shut the safe.
She’s sitting inside the closet when I return, so I hear her before I see her. “You covered it up.”
I sit on the floor and lean against the wall as I hold up the necklace, letting the carousel spin. “I was pretty angry when I found it and I wanted it out of sight. I’m hoping we can get the wallpaper off and salvage it, because it was really incredible.”
She crawls out of the closet with Blind Mag behind her, and sits in between my legs, pressing her back against my chest. I move her hair over her shoulder, hooking the necklace around her neck.
The dog crawls in her lap as her fingers fondle the charm and she eats he
r bagel. After a moment of silence, she whispers, “What are we gonna do, Lex?”
The truth is, I haven’t the slightest clue. I don’t have all the information yet, and the time I’ve had to think has been scarce. I don’t have any idea how this is going to play out and I just want one more day with her before everything spins out of control.
“I was thinking swimming? It’s a perfect day for swimming.”
Panic is apparent in her large eyes as she turns to look up at me. “What do you mean? I’m talking about Logan! I need to talk to Toben about all this, and we have to be careful. Logan—”
I reach out and touch her arm to get her to chill for a second. “Toben already knows I know.”
“What?” She flips onto her knees and poor Blind Mag is startled off her lap.
“I stopped by your place before I went to Sasha’s yesterday.”
Her eyes are wide with surprise and her voice has dropped to barely above a whisper. “What did he say?”
“Nothing immensely helpful.” Sitting back on her feet, she suddenly slips into her own world. “Tavin.” She looks back up to me and I want nothing more than to erase every bit of doubt from those eyes and to give her an honest sense of security. “I will figure this out. I promise. I want one day with you that’s free of all this.” I wrap my hand around hers and pull her up so we’re at eye level. “Do you trust me? I mean honestly, one hundred percent, do you trust me to take care of you and keep you safe? If you don’t, that’s alright; however, if you do…I need you to, okay?”
I don’t think I am going to get a response when she looks me in the eye and nods. “Okay.”
“Good. Now put on that sexy as sin swimsuit and get your ass in the pool.”
She grins and jumps up to dig through the box, with Blind Mag on her heels.
Blind Mag somehow loves to swim, yet every time I try to give her a bath she acts like I’m beating her. She paddles her little legs around the water with her tongue hanging out, while Tavin is personalizing her jumps off the diving board.
