by Charity B.
“Whatever you want, Little Miss. As long as I get a rematch in H.O.R.S.E.”
I grin. I know he let me win last time. “You’re on.”
He follows me through the kitchen and it’s sort of weird to not have Cara Jo here. She’s gone on vacation to Florida for the next couple weeks. I lead him out back to Alexander’s basketball court.
“Is Todd spending the night here tonight? We could have a slumber party.” I toss the ball ‘granny style’, as Timothy calls it, and it rolls around the rim before falling in. “Yes!”
He chuckles. “Lucky shot. And as much fun as that would be, I don’t know how Alex would feel about that.”
“Oh, he won’t care. Want me to ask him?”
He smiles at me. It’s a very nice smile. “Maybe. I’ll think about it.”
He shoots the ball making it bounce off the backboard and off the rim, missing the basket.
“Ha! Now you’re the Hor.”
“Tavin!” Why is he frowning? It was only a joke. “Why would you say that?”
“Because you missed and that gives you an R…which makes H-O-R.”
He doesn’t know about my past so I thought he would think it was funny. Narrowing his eyes, he changes the subject.
“What sounds good for lunch?”
The sun feels amazing on my face as I float around the pool eating my egg roll. I honestly keep waiting for this all to end. Nothing is this perfect. This isn’t how my life works.
You don’t deserve it.
Blind Mag swims by and I hand her a piece of the egg roll.
Timothy pushes down his sunglasses and squints at me. “You know Alex doesn’t like you feeding her people food.”
I shrug. Every once in a while, I think she deserves a treat.
“Hey, can I get one of those?”
My heart does little jumping jacks at the sound of his voice. “Toben!”
I cram the rest of the egg roll in my mouth and jump off the floaty. Swimming to the edge, I climb out of the pool, and give him a big hug.
“Don’t worry about it, I’ll dry,” he chuckles.
“Sorry. Do you want to swim? You can wear one of Lex’s suits.”
Tugging on his beanie, he shakes his head. “Uh, no, I’m cool.”
“No, you’re crazy. This is fun.” I jump back in the water to chase around Blind Mag as Toben sits on the lawn chair and eats an egg roll.
Timothy stands up and grabs his towel. “I think I’m gonna go shower while you two kids hang out. I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Okay.” I climb back out and dry my hands before picking up a fortune cookie and asking Toben, “Do you want to split the fortune?”
“Sure.”
I hold on to one end and he holds on to the other and we break it apart. We each hang on to the paper and eat our half of the cookie.
“You read it,” I tell him.
“It says, ‘There is adventure in your future’ and the lucky numbers are ‘8, 12, 64, 16, 50, 31’.”
“Ooh. What kind of adventure do you want to have?”
He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his works kit. “I can think of one in particular.”
I understand, I do. It still upsets me that he doesn’t support my choice to quit, for Alexander.
“I promised him, Toben. We can smoke some weed, that’s it.”
He huffs while he puts it back in his pocket and takes out his cigarettes. “Hardly an ‘adventure’, but okay.”
Removing a joint from the pack, he lights it. As he hands it to me, I inhale and softly moan in comfort as its scent wraps around me.
“We could go to the boardwalk.”
He shrugs. “Sure.” Suddenly, his eyes widen and he grins. I don’t think I like this look. “I think I have an idea for an adventure.” He takes the joint and leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees. “Logan let me drive his car once in a parking lot. It really isn’t that hard.”
“So?”
He takes a long drag. “I really like that Alfa Romeo your boyfriend drives.” Oh no. No, no, no. “He won’t be back until tomorrow right? Let’s take his ride to The Walk.”
I cross my arms as I lean back in the lawn chair. “Are you nuts? He loves that car. No way, Toben.”
“Come on, I’m twenty-three and I’ve never gotten to just drive somewhere. Especially not without Logan or in a car like that.” He holds the smoking joint out to me and his eyes go sad. “Please? When will I ever get another chance to do this?”
I can’t believe he’s pulling the guilt card. I know he’s been through so much, and lately it’s all been because of me. I shouldn’t let him do this, but I love him and I know that he should have had the chance to do this kind of stuff.
It is only to The Walk and I’ll even tell Alexander about it when he gets back.
I narrow my eyes at him. “One hour. Borrowing his car without asking is bad enough and now I’m going to have to ditch Timothy. I can’t be gone all day on top of it.”
He grins. “Deal. Now, let’s go get the keys before the Terminator comes back.”
I’m actually grateful for Cara Jo’s absence, as I take the keys from the bowl on our way to the garage.
We climb inside and he rubs his hands over the steering wheel and dashboard. What’s so great about cars that I’m apparently missing?
“You’re sure you know how to do this?”
Shoving the key into the ignition, he nods as the car roars to life. “Trust me. It’s a piece of cake.”
Other than backing out of the garage too fast, I’m impressed with how well he’s doing. By the time we get onto the freeway, I’m able to sit back and relax in my seat. Maybe this isn’t that big of a deal.
The blinker clicks as he gets off on the exit and I smile at him. “I gotta hand it to you Tobe, you’re doing great.”
“I told you. It’s really not—”
My shoulder slams against the door and my head hits something as the breath is torn from my lungs. Everything’s spinning and I can’t focus on anything to know what’s going on. As suddenly as it starts, it all abruptly stops, throwing my body in the opposite direction.
Owe…my head hurts. “Ughhh…”
“Are you okay?! Tavin?”
He’s yelling way too loud. “I’m fine, just be quiet.”
His hand wraps around mine and I can feel him shaking. “Fuck. I’m really sorry, Tav. That guy came out of nowhere.”
“What guy? What are you talking about? Why are you sorry?”
My head is ringing…what’s happening?
I lift my gaze and look through the splintered windshield to see smoke raising up from the left side of the car.
Oh. No. Oh, God, no. This can’t be happening.
I press my hand against the pain in my chest that my heart is causing. Lex is going to be so mad. So mad. Why did I agree to this?
“You said you knew how to drive!”
“It was an accident!” He looks out the window and unbuckles his seat belt. “What are we gonna do? The police are gonna come.”
I can hardly think through the vibrations in my brain. “I need to call Timothy.”
My hands are shaking as I take my cell out of my jeans. There’s a blue flashing light to let me know I have a text. I want to cry when I see it’s from Lex. He’s going to hate me.
Ignoring the message for the time being, I call Timothy.
“Tavin, I was just about to call you. Where the hell are you?”
There’s already anger in his tone and it’s about to get a lot worse. My throat strains as I speak. “We’re on the exit for The Walk.” The tears fall from my lashes onto my cheeks. “W—we crashed Lex’s car.”
Three seconds of silence tick by before he says, “Fuck.”
I can’t stop looking at what I did to his Alfa. He has always really liked it. He’s tried so hard to be understanding of me and my past, but this is different. This has nothing to do with what Logan did to me. The Alfa wasn’t mine to loa
n.
What if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore because I did this?
“I should have never let you drive it.”
Toben frowns as he holds my hand and squeezes it tight. “You’ve said that three times already. Are you okay?”
I shake my head because I’m definitely not okay.
Timothy’s black SUV pulls up as we are waiting on the shoulder and he slams the car door before marching over to us.
“What were you two thinking?!” He lifts my chin to inspect my face and his voice softens. “Your head is cut, are you alright?” I nod and he grumbles to himself as he pulls out his phone. “Alex is going to kill me. He’s obsessed with this car.” After he calls Todd to come pick us up, he crosses his arms and glares at us. “What the hell happened?”
My head feels stuffy and heavy.
I’m not really sure, so I’m glad that Toben answers. “I was getting off on the exit and just as I crossed the intersection, things suddenly went out of control. Whoever hit us, didn’t stick around.”
Cars are zooming by and I can feel the drivers looking at us and the crashed Alfa. I wish there was a way to fix it. I don’t want to lie to Alexander and make it worse. He’s begged me not to lie, I just don’t want him to tell me to go away. I try to force back more tears and answer Timothy’s question the best I can.
“I don’t know. One minute, we were driving normal and then the next, we were crashed.” Both Timothy and Toben look at each other before turning back to me. “Why are you looking at me like that? You asked what happened.”
Toben stands in front of me to look in my eyes. “That was a few questions ago, Tav.”
Timothy rubs his forehead and takes a breath so big I think his chest gets bigger. “You two are going to leave with Todd when he gets here. I’ll tell the police I was driving alone and then we’ll figure out what to do about her obvious concussion.”
Even though I know he said other things, the only thing I care about is he’s going to lie so I don’t have to. “You’re going to tell Lex you crashed it?”
“Oh no, little Missy. I’ll cover for you with the cops, not Alex. He’d fire me for sure and I’m not too confident he still won’t.”
My heart falls all over again. I didn’t think about him losing his job because of me. It was really selfish of me not to consider him in all this and he’s been so nice.
“I’m so sorry, Timothy.”
Sighing, his shoulders relax. “I know, Tavin.” He points behind me. Go to that gas station and wait for Todd. I need to call the police.”
I nod as Toben takes my hand to lead us across the street.
“I’m sorry you got hurt. Are you feeling okay?”
Everything is blurry through my tears. “What if he gets so mad he doesn’t want to stay with me?”
His face goes hard before he pulls me against his chest. “If he’s going to let you go over a car, then you don’t want him anyway.”
Tuesday, June 30th
I’m so excited to give her this dragon. I wonder if she even remembers I promised her another one. I carry it under my arm, along with the bone I got for Blind Mag, at the airport gift shop.
The kitchen is empty with Cara Jo gone, and as I walk closer to the stairs, Blind Mag’s collar jingles two seconds before she bounces around the corner. My smile has become automatic with this fur ball. Leaning down to pet her, I place the bone on the floor. With her tail wagging, she snatches it and carries it up the steps behind me.
I walk into Tavin’s room, and I must commend myself for my incredible anger management skills. She and Toben are cuddling on her bed as they pass a joint back and forth.
She lifts her head, and while she smiles, her face doesn’t light up like usual. “Lex! You’re back.”
Toben sits up and swings his legs off the bed. “I’m gonna head out. Call me later.” He kisses her cheek and doesn’t even look at me before he leaves the room.
Considering I’ve been gone, I’m a little hurt she doesn’t jump up to greet me. In fact, she’s barely looking at me at all.
“I got you something.”
I walk over to the bed to hand her the dragon, and instead of the smile I was hoping for, she looks like she’s about to cry. “You got me the dragon… I can’t believe you remembered. Thank you, Alexander.”
I sit on the bed. “What’s wrong?” I tuck her hair behind her ear and my eyes widen at the sight of a red cut with butterfly bandages across it. “Oh my God. What happened? Are you okay?”
She nods even though her eyes overflow with tears as she sobs, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t think anything would happen to it. He’s just never got to do the things normal boys get to and—”
She’s spilling out her words in a shaky voice. I hold her face in my hands to keep her head from jerking. “Calm down. What are you talking about? Tell me what happened to your head.”
She swallows and bounces her knee. She hasn’t been this antsy in a long time. “I got a concussion.”
My body temperature rises immediately at the thought of her being in danger, especially while I’m away. I look closer at her cut. “How the hell did that happen? Should I call Marie?”
She looks at me like she’s begging me for something as she shakes her head. “I’m fine… I just…I let Toben drive your car and—”
“Whoa, what?!” I jump off the bed with my pulse pounding like a bass. “What happened to my car, Tavin?”
She chokes on her words and I know what they will be before she gets them out. “We crashed it.”
Spinning on my heel, I storm down the hall and barrel down the stairs. I hear her behind me, but my only thought right now is seeing how minor or major these damages are.
I rip open the door to the garage and I suddenly want to cry.
My baby. My poor baby.
The windshield is completely cracked and as I walk around to the driver’s side, the entire front end is bent and smashed. The front door doesn’t even close right.
My fingers caress the dents as if I can smooth them out, when I hear Tavin walk into the garage. My Alfa…
“Why in the ever-loving fuck would you let him drive my car?!” It’s completely totaled. There’s no repairing this. I storm up to her as she shakes her head.
“I knew it was wrong and I knew you would probably be upset, but I never thought this would happen. He said he knew how.” Her words are distorted by her tears and while I hate seeing her cry, right now I’m too furious to be swayed by them. “I’m so sorry.”
“One day, Tavin. I left you alone for one Goddamn day,” I bark at her before going back inside.
Timothy is standing in the kitchen with his hands in his pockets.
“Alex, I don’t have an excuse. I shouldn’t have left them alone.”
I know this wasn’t Tavin’s idea and I also know how sneaky she can be when she’s all on her own, so adding Toben is apparently the best way to be blindsided like this.
“I don’t hold you responsible, Timothy. I’m just glad you got her back here, safely.”
His relief is apparent as his body relaxes. “Of course.”
“I’m sure you’re ready to get back home to Todd. We’ll see you in the morning.”
“Thank you, Alex.”
He pats Tavin on the back on his way out, while I pour a drink. You can’t imagine how much I need one.
“Lex—”
“I need some time alone right now.”
She intakes a quick breath and her head tics. “Do you still love me?”
I toss back my drink. There is a part of me that wants to comfort her, while the larger part is way too enraged to be capable of that right now.
“I will always love you, Tavin.” I grab the bottle and my glass to head upstairs. “Tonight though, I don’t want to be around you.”
Wednesday, July 1st
I don’t speak to Tavin before I leave. She stays in her room and honestly, it’s a bit of a relief. I woke up this morning and the first
thing I thought of was that I couldn’t drive the Alfa. I’m still so pissed off that she did this and I don’t know if anything I say to her right now would be beneficial.
It’s such bullshit that I have to drive my Mercedes to work. I’m fully aware of how privileged that sounds and I don’t give a shit. I only bought it for when I need to fit more than one person. It sucks all the fun out of the drive which puts me in a bad mood for the rest of the day.
“What the hell crawled up your ass? How did things go in Tacoma?” Silas helps himself to my bourbon before getting comfortable on my couch.
“Tacoma was fine, it was when I got back that things went south.”
He rolls his eyes as he takes a drink. “Does this have to do with Tavin?” He scoffs, “What am I saying? Of course it does.”
“She and her friend took out the Alfa and totaled it.”
His eyes go wide. “Oh shit.” He shakes his head. “Damn. Are you okay? There’s gay and straight, then there’s whatever the hell you were for that car.”
I flare my nostrils as I take a drink. “I need to replace it tonight. Do you want to come?”
“Shit yeah! Why don’t we grab the girls and get dinner together first? We’ll make a night of it.”
The idea cheers me up a bit. I know I have to forgive her eventually, and though most people hate the process of car shopping, I sure as hell don’t. What’s not to like? Spending an evening driving sweet-ass cars, and at the end of it getting to take one home? It’s really more of a tradition with us now. Silas was with me when I bought the Alfa and I was with him when he bought his Porsche Cayman. It’s just bitter sweet this time because I don’t have a damn choice in the matter.
After work, he follows me to my house and we pull up right as the tow truck is loading it up.
“Fuuuuck! Whew! He did do a number on it, didn’t he? I can’t believe nobody was seriously hurt.” Silas walks around the car as he inspects the damage. “It sucks, the last time it was ever driven wasn’t even by you.”
