Sweetened Suffering (Sweet Treats Book 2)

by Charity B.

  I grin at her excitement. How can I say no to that? Hopefully I still remember how. It’s been at least fifteen years since I’ve worn skates.

  “Roller skating it is.”

  Her ass looks too perfect for words, in the shorts she has on. She’s curling her hair and her reflection shows her eyebrows scrunched in concentration.

  “What are you thinking so hard about?”

  Her head jerks and I worry she’ll burn herself. “Oh, nothing. It’s just curling my hair always reminds me of one time when I got the wrong address for a Client and missed my playdate. Logan came over as I was doing my hair, He was so mad that he threatened to fuck me with the hot iron.” The nausea rolls in my stomach as she releases the strand. “I actually wanted him to. I thought it might melt me closed or burn away the skin so I wouldn’t be able to feel what they did to me.”

  “Oh, Tav…”

  Taking the curling iron out of her hand, I place it on the vanity to safely wrap my arms around her. I wish I could drink up every ounce of her suffering. I bet even that would be sweet.

  My skin jumps as my cell phone rings in my pocket. I take it out and Sasha’s face fills up the screen.

  “Hey, Sash.”

  “What are you doing right now?” She’s talking in an excited rush and I can almost hear her jumping up and down. “Tell me you’re at home.”

  I’m not even going to try to guess what’s going on. She rarely gets like this, so whatever it is, at least it’s good.

  “Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?”

  “Just don’t go anywhere. I’ll be right over.”

  She hangs up before I can say bye. Tavin looks at me in question and I shake my head. “Who knows.”

  Sasha had to have already been halfway to my house because she gets here in record time. She’s carrying a small cardboard box and is all grins as she shoves it against my chest. “Open it.”

  I chuckle at the girl who has possessed my sister. “Would you like to come in first?”

  She pushes past me and sits next to Tavin who is asking, “What’s in the box?”

  I bite back the urge to quote Se7en.

  “If he would open it, you would know,” Sasha urges.

  “Alright, Jesus.”

  I stick my thumb in the gap to open the lid. As soon as I see the pink heart gemstone, I choke on hidden tears. I can’t believe it. I can barely form my lips around words.

  “Aslaug’s tiara…” I swallow, making my voice flow easier. “How did you find this?”

  She’s smiling so big her eyes are sparkling like the diamonds on the crown. “I’ve been looking for years. It was passed around quite a few times, and I met some lovely, shady people in the process, but today I had a meeting with a potential, and as soon as I saw it, I knew it was it. And it’s still in perfect condition.”

  I haven’t seen it in three years and I never entertained the idea of doing so again. It brings back so many emotions of sorrow, yet I’m overwhelmed with the relief of having it back.

  “Sasha…thank you for this.”

  She waves me off as if it isn’t a big deal, when we both know it is.

  “Yeah, well, I stole it to begin with…” I place the tiny tiara on the island and pull her tight against me. She knows what this means to me. She laughs and squeezes me back. “You’re welcome, Alex.”

  I look at Tavin’s expression of misunderstanding and I know I should tell her about Aslaug. She’s had so much bad stuff in her past, I think it’s time I share part of mine with her.

  Sasha pulls back from me and I can tell this helps absolve some of the guilt she’s been carrying around. Letting out a shaky breath, she combs back her hair. “So, what are you guys up to today?”

  “We’re going roller skating,” Tavin pipes up.

  “Is this because of Maxwell Leonard’s line?” Sasha laughs and Tavin smiles in admittance. “That kind of sounds fun. I haven’t been to a skating rink in ages. Mind if me and Silas tag along?”

  Picturing Silas in a pair of roller skates is nothing short of comical. “Of course not.”

  Sasha leaves to go pick up Silas and says they will meet us later at the roller rink. I walk her to the front door and when I get back into the kitchen, Tavin is staring at the tiara.

  “It’s so pretty. It’s like a crown that a princess would wear. It’s just so tiny.”

  I sit down next to her and gently rub my fingers over the gemstones. I’m in awe that it’s really here. Taking a deep breath, I tell her what I’ve barely spoken of in years.

  “Carrie and I started dating my junior year in high school. We took each other’s virginity and to be completely honest, I thought I was going to marry her.” Her eyebrows draw together and she chews on the inside of her cheek. While I don’t want to upset her, I want her to let me in, so I need to do the same. “Toward the beginning of our senior year, she got pregnant. I loved her and wanted to be there for her, so I told her I would back whatever decision she made. When we chose to keep the baby, we told our families and friends, and began to do what needed to be done to prepare for a child. Naturally, I was terrified at first, yet after time, the only thing I became was excited. The day we found out we were having a girl was the day it really sank in for me. I remember watching her little arms move on the sonogram, like she was waving at us. That same day, I went out and bought everything for her to have the best nursery any baby could dream of. That’s when I found this tiara. She was going to be my princess and I wanted her to have everything a little girl could desire.” Her eyes look forlorn and it’s only going to get worse because this story doesn’t have a happy ending. “We decided to name her Aslaug after my Mormor. I remember wondering what kind of person she would be. I fantasized all sorts of things about our life as a family.” I take her hands to remind her that this is my past and she’s still my present and future. “A couple months before she was due, Carrie called me in tears. She said there were complications with the pregnancy and she had lost Aslaug. Even though she hadn’t been born, I loved her deeply. I heard her heartbeat. She was alive to me. I cried harder than I ever had, that day. Even though I tried to be there for Carrie, I struggled because I was so heartbroken, and she wouldn’t open up to me. Over the next few weeks, I began to heal, however, Carrie and I were growing apart. A couple months after we lost her, we went to a party.”

  Eleven years ago…

  “Hey, Carrie, you doing more shots, bitch?”

  Why does she feel the need to yell? We’re all standing right here. “Hey, Sash, maybe tone it down a bit?”

  “Hey, Alex, maybe kiss my ass a bit?”

  Silas laughs and I flip him off with the hand that isn’t holding Carrie’s.

  She can barely walk the three steps it takes to get to Sasha. “Yeah, give me some Jack.”

  “Come on babe, you’re wasted already and it’s getting late. Your dad will kick my ass if you’re out past curfew.”

  She waves me off. “My dad hasn’t cared what I do since you knocked me up. He’ll deal.”

  I hate how she talks about the pregnancy, as if it’s nothing more than last week’s drama. Marie holds up her shot in a toast, as Carrie and Sasha do the same.

  “Whooh! We made it! I can’t believe we’re about to graduate! Here’s to big dreams and bigger paychecks!”

  Their glasses clink together before they all throw back the shots, and Silas shakes a bag of weed in my face.

  “My mom will kill me if she finds this, and I can’t smoke it all by myself so…who’s in?”

  The girls holler in agreement and we all head back into the hallway of whoever’s house this is, to find a bedroom. I shut the door and Silas takes a little metal pipe out of his pocket, before cramming a bud inside. He hands it to Sasha first and as she lights it, her face is illuminated by the lighter in this dark room. She coughs and hands it to me. I light the bowl and feel the soft burn drift down my throat, as I pass it to Carrie.

  We go around the circle. Marie has a coughing
fit while trying to ask Carrie, “So is it true? Did you really get accepted to Stanford?”

  She reveals a big smile and so do I, because I’m proud of her. She got the acceptance letter while she was still pregnant with Aslaug, so she was terribly depressed because there was no way she would be able to go. She didn’t want to tell anyone. Now all that’s changed.

  “It is. Can you believe it? Fucking Stanford!”

  Everyone has been tiptoeing around the subject, though our current lubrication makes their filters a lot less potent.

  “Have you thought about what you are going to do now, Alex? Are you still taking next year off?”

  I take the pipe from Sasha. “I suppose I’m back to the original plan.”

  Silas holds up his beer. “Berkeley!”

  Before Carrie got pregnant, Silas and I were going to share a dorm together after we found out we were both accepted to Berkeley. Although I’m excited, the loss will never be worth it. Nobody understands, and the moping around got tiresome for people, so I’ve learned to put on my ‘happy’ face.

  After my hit, I give Marie the pipe, as she says, “I can’t believe we aren’t going to see each other every day. None of us are even going to be living in Shadoebox.” She turns to Sash. “When do you start at the Academy of Arts?”

  “September third!” She squeals.

  The bowl is cashed, and even though Carrie doesn’t care, I would like to keep her dad from hating me anymore than he already does. I press my lips to her head to softly kiss her before I murmur, “I really think we should go. Give me your keys.”

  She rolls her eyes as she pulls the keys from her purse. “Whatever.”

  Stumbling out to her car, she proves she’s way past trashed. She trips and falls right before she gets to the car door. “Ow! Shit!”

  “God, Carrie, are you alright?”

  I lean down to help her and she pushes me off. “I’m fine.”

  Sighing, I pull her up anyway. “Come on.”

  “Alex! I’m not fucking pregnant anymore so you can knock it off with the doting.”

  “How can you talk about it so casually? You’ll speak of it in passing conversation, but you refuse to really talk to me about it! I love you, Carr. I want to support you.”

  She shakes her head. “Let’s just go.”

  We drive the couple blocks in silence. If her arms weren’t crossed I would hold her hand. I pull into her driveway and the porch light is on, though luckily, all the house lights are off.

  “Do you need help getting inside?”

  She opens her door and snaps, “No.”

  As soon as she says it, her knee bangs against the glove compartment, knocking it open and she falls from the car.

  “Shit, Carr.”

  I jump out to help her and lean in to shut the glove box. There are papers sticking out so I pick them up and straighten them. Glancing down, I read the words at the top of the page. Suddenly, my knees feel as if they might give out.

  Dilation and Evacuation Abortion Take Home Instructions.

  The only part of my body I can move is my eyes as I keep reading. Even my lungs have stopped working.

  Dilation and Evacuation (D&E) is a medical procedure consisting of opening the cervix and removing the contents of the uterus.

  The ‘contents’? Are you fucking kidding me? Did she…—no, that doesn’t make sense, she was excited, too. This can’t be right.

  My tears are lining my eyes and I fail at keeping them from my voice. “You had an abortion?”

  Her face falls as she begins to cry. “What were we going to do, Alex? I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to give up on everything I had busted my ass for. My dreams. I couldn’t let it all go.”

  “Then you should have made that fucking choice at the beginning when we discussed it! She wasn’t a dress you could return! She was mine too!”

  “Alex, I know you think you loved her, but you only loved the idea of her. We would have grown to resent each other if I would have gone through with it. She was still just a fetus.”

  “She had a Goddamn name! She was going to be here in a few weeks when you did this shit.”

  I throw the papers at her and she tries to touch me so I slap her hand away.

  “Please don’t hate me, Alex.”

  “I more than fucking hate you. I hope you burn in hell, bitch.”

  I toss her keys on the car seat and turn to walk back to the party. Tonight is apparently just getting started.

  “Alex, please!”

  She’s nothing to me now. Her words, her thoughts, it’s all irrelevant. I arrive back at the party and I realize I don’t want to talk to anyone. I want to be alone and God knows there’s more than enough alcohol at my house.

  I’m impressed with myself that I’m able to back my car out of this fucked up parking system, and as I do, I blare the radio to attempt drowning out my thoughts.

  As soon as I walk in my house, I grab a bottle of my dad’s scotch, climb the stairs to my room, and pull the box from the closet to open it. I sit on my bed and take out the teeny-tiny tiara.

  It’s never going to happen. I’ll never get to hold her, kiss her, or watch her grow up.

  The tears are finally stronger than I am.

  “I found out she never had a miscarriage at all and I’ve never been able to forgive her for it.”

  She shifts as if she’s uncomfortable, and there’s clearly something going on in that head of hers.

  “Do you…do you still want kids?” She whispers.

  “Yeah, someday I’d like to be a father.” Her head jerks and she looks away from me so I softly touch her chin to turn her back to me. “What is it?”

  “I can’t give you that, Lex. I can’t have babies.”

  “That doesn’t matter to me. Really, it doesn’t. Aslaug was already created, she was almost here, that’s why it hurt so much. With or without children, Tav, I just want you.” I smile as I tuck her hair behind her ear. “Now you have roller skating to get ready for.”

  Her sweet little grin comes out from hiding and her face brightens again. She hops down from the seat and I grab her hand to bring her against me. “You’re everything I need, Tavin.”

  “Have you ever done this before?”

  She shakes her head as she laces up her skates. “Nope.”

  I laugh. This will be amusing.

  “God, how embarrassing, we’re the oldest ones here.” Silas looks around as if we would see anyone we know.

  “Oh, come on, it’ll be fun.” Sasha grins at him as she pulls him behind her.

  Tavin scoots her way across the carpet, and as soon as her skates hit the rink, she falls on her ass. She’s cracking up, laughing as I help her up.

  “Hold my hand until you get used to it.”

  She’s possibly the worst skater in the history of all roller skating. She has to hang on to my arm for dear life so she doesn’t fall every five seconds, but she’s having a blast. Sasha and Silas skate around the rink twice before we even make it once.

  “Okay, I think I can do it on my own now.” She lets go of my arm and wobbles back and forth as she catches her balance. “I’m doing it!”

  She’s not really, she’s basically standing stationary, moving forward a half an inch at a time.

  “Are you hungry? Do you want to get some nachos or something?” She nods in approval and I point to the snack bar as we get passed by Silas and Sasha. “We’re going to get some food.”

  “I could definitely go for a pretzel,” Silas says, as he takes Sasha’s hand. It’s oddly not as weird to see them together as I originally thought. It almost seems natural.

  We all go to the concession stand and I tell her to order whatever she wants, which consists of a cherry slushy, two bags of candy, and a hot dog.

  We pick the cleanest booth we can find and pile in. Tavin immediately starts slurping on her slushy as she rips open her bag of candy and throws the sour chews in her mouth.

  “Hey, I’ve had these be
fore! I guess I didn’t recognize them.”

  She rolls the bag over and instantly drops it on the table as if it burned her. Her face has lost all color and she sways as if she might pass out.

  “Hey, are you okay?” Sasha asks.

  Her chest is rising and falling so hard, so I hold her hand. “Tavin, what’s wrong?”

  She looks at me with wide eyes as she slides the bag of candy across the table. When my gaze follows her hand, I see she’s pointing to the Lotus Candy Company symbol.

  “It’s my logo…and it says ‘Lotus’. That’s what Logan calls me.”

  I had assumed she knew what the correlation between her brand and the company was. The fact that she doesn’t is just weird.

  “You don’t know? This is one of Logan’s companies.”

  She shakes her head. “I don’t understand.”

  “You really can’t think of anything that would connect you to this?”

  She’s silent for a moment, her head jerking all the while. “He always gave us candy,” she whispers.

  “What?”

  She looks up at me. “Every week, after he would play with me and Toben, if we were good, he would give us candy. It’s how we knew we pleased him. When we started playing with the Clients, they did the same thing. If we did a good job, they gave us candy.”

  There’s something so twisted about this detail. I really don’t know exactly what makes it so demented, besides the lack of originality in a pedophile giving his victims candy. She takes my hand and squeezes it. “That’s one of the things that meant so much to me when we met. You gave me candy before we had sex. Just because you liked being with me.”

  The cotton candy. Oh my God. Please tell me that’s not why she slept with me…because she felt like she was supposed to.

  “Tavin, I bought you the cotton candy because we were at a carnival and that’s the kind of food you eat at those things. It was never meant as some type of reward. You’d never had it before and you wanted some. That’s not why you came home with me is it?”