It's OK, I'm Wearing Really Big Knickers!
Page 14
4:10 p.m.
Robbie the Sex God (MY NEW BOYFRIEND!!! Yesss and three times yesss!!!!!) will be going home from college now. Walking along in a Sex Goddy sort of way. A walking snogging machine.
4:30 p.m.
Mutti came in.
“Right, you can start making your startling recovery now, Georgia.”
Oh cheers. Thanks a lot. Goodnight.
Just because Elvis Attwood, school caretaker from Planet of the Loons, tripped over his own wheelbarrow (when I told him Jas was on fire) I am banned from school.
Mutti rambled on, although she makes very little sense since Vati got home.
“It’s your own fault, you antagonise him and now you are paying the price.”
Yeah yeah, rave on.
4:45 p.m.
Phoned Jas.
“Jas.”
“Oh, hi Gee.”
“Why didn’t you phone me?”
“You’re phoning me. I would have got the engaged tone.”
“Jas, please don’t annoy me, I’ve only been speaking to you for two seconds.”
“I’m not annoying you.”
“Wrong.”
“Well, I’ve only said about two words to you.”
“That’s enough.”
Silence.
“Jas?”
Silence.
“Jas…what are you doing?”
“I’m not annoying you.”
She drives me to the brink of madnosity. Still, I really needed to speak to her, so I went on. “It’s really crap at home. I almost wish I hadn’t been banned from school. How was Stalag 14? Any goss?”
“No, just the usual. Nauseating P. Green smashed a chair to smithereens and back.”
“Really?! Was she fighting with it?”
“No, she was sitting on it having her lunch. It was the jumbo-sized Mars bar that did it. The Bummer Twins started singing “Who ate all the pies?” to her but Slim, our beloved headmistress, heard them and gave us a lecture about mocking the unfortunate.”
“Were her chins going all jelloid?”
“Yeah. In fact it was Chin City.”
“Fantastic. Are you all missing me? Did anyone talk about me or anything?”
“No, not really.”
Charming. Jas has a lot of good qualities though, qualities you need in a bestest pal. Qualities like, for instance, going out with the brother of a Sex God. I said, “Has Hunky– I mean, Tom– mentioned anything that Robbie has said about me?”
“Erm…let me think.”
Then there was this slurp slurp noise.
She was making slurping noises.
“Jas, what are you eating?”
“I’m sucking my pen top so I can think better.”
Bloody sacre bleu, I have got le idiot for a pal. Forty-nine centuries of pen-sucking later she said, “No, he hasn’t said anything.”
7:00 p.m.
Why hasn’t Robbie mentioned me? Hasn’t he got snogging withdrawal?
8:00 p.m.
I can hear Vati singing “If I Ruled the World”. Good Lord. I have only just recovered from a very bad bout of pretend lurgy. He has no consideration for others.
8:05 p.m.
The worsterosity of it is that the Loonleader (my vati) has returned from Kiwi-a-gogo land and I thought he would be there for ages. But sadly life was against me and he has returned. Not content with that he has insisted we all go to Och-aye land to “bond” on a family holiday.
But…na-na-na-na-na and who-gives-two-short-flying-pigs’-botties? because I live in Love Heaven.
Lalalalalalala.
I am the girlfriend of a Sex God!!!
Yesss!!! Result!!!!
Further Confessions of Georgia Nicolson:
Angus, thongs and full-frontal snogging
‘It’s OK, I’m wearing really big knickers!’
‘Knocked out by my nunga-nungas.’.
‘Dancing in my nuddy-pants!’
‘…and that’s when it fell off in my hand.’
‘…then he ate my boy entrancers.’
Also available on tape and CD:
‘…and that’s when it fee off in my hand.’
‘…then he ate my boy entrancers.’
Copyright
Find out more about Georgia at
www.georgianicolson.com
First published in Great Britain by Piccadilly Press Ltd, 2000
Published by Scholastic Ltd, 2001
This edition published by HarperCollins Children’s Books, 2005
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THIRD EDITION
Copyright © Louise Rennison 2000
The author asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
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