A Buried Body and Barkery Bites

by Aleksa Baxter

"You've done a pretty good job of avoiding him the last couple weeks," Jamie commented when I was done. "Maybe he decided this was the only way to nail you down long enough to say hi."

  I took a sip of my Coke. "There is no reason we need to be saying hi to one another. I am a law-abiding citizen who has no need to interact with a police officer ever again, thank you very much."

  "But if you don't say hi to one another you can't fall in love, get married, and have babies."

  I almost spit out my Coke. I already knew Jamie's theory that Matt and I were destined to be together, but that was taking it a little bit too far. "You've been watching Love, Actually again, haven't you? Stop it. And remember that that particular character ended up desperately alone and not with the hot man."

  "I agree with Jamie," Greta said. "You two should get married. Sparks in conversation equal sparks in the bedroom."

  Jamie started laughing uncontrollably as I blushed scarlet.

  I shook my head and glared at both of them. "No. No, no, no. I have…"

  "Better things to do with your life than meet some guy and marry him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We know." Jamie rolled her eyes at me.

  "Well, it's true." I stood up before Greta could start offering me a man from her long list of geriatric billionaires—what she considered suitable first husband material—or Jamie could start talking about how I'd been in love with Matt since we were in diapers. "What do you say we close up for a bit and let the dogs have a good run out back? Greta? You think Hans would be up for it?"

  "Yes. This would be nice. Lucas has not yet finished the fence at our house. Poor Hans would like a run."

  "Good. Come on."

  I locked up the front while Jamie and Greta led the dogs out back.

  Chapter Four

  Fancy and Lulu immediately started chasing each other around and rolling in the grass, but Hans stayed at Greta's side until she uttered some command in German. As soon as she did that though, he was all in on playtime. He tore after Fancy and Lulu, turning their little dog pile into a milling mass of legs and tails and yipping barks.

  They played like that for about five minutes, but then Fancy was done. She was panting and drooling and covered with slobber from the other two. I expected her to just collapse in place and go to sleep, but I'd forgotten about the stream.

  As I mentioned earlier, the yard is bordered on the far edge by a stream. Fancy loves that stream. I mean, loves it. It is her happy place.

  Of course, I have literally seen Fancy happily burrow her face into a two-inch deep puddle before, so it doesn't take much. She loves all forms of water wherever they may be. (Except the bath tub, of course.) Her love of water, and that stream in particular, is why I'd been taking her out back the last week or so on leash. Otherwise I knew she'd be in that water in a heartbeat, and a hundred and forty pounds of wet Newfoundland is no joke. Especially when she decides to shake it off on anyone nearby.

  And don't even get me started on the muddy paws. I love her, but those paws can hold a lot a lot of mud.

  Which meant that that day was the first time she'd been out back without being on a leash in at least a week. Maybe two. And after the initial excitement of getting to play with Lulu and Hans wore off she made a mad dash for that stream.

  I shouted at her, but shouting does not work on Fancy, especially when she has her eyes on something she wants. She plunged into the stream, waded to the middle, and laid herself down, happy as a clam while I shouted at her to come back.

  I even waved treats her way, but she didn't care. I'd been depriving her for too long and she was going to enjoy every moment of her wallow.

  The whole mess attracted Hans and Lulu, too. Luckily, Lulu is still scared of water so she stood on the bank and cried and barked and yipped and threw a general fuss trying to get Fancy to come back.

  Hans waded into the stream but then kept going right across and into the trees on the other side. I glanced at Greta to see if she was going to call him back, but she just shrugged a shoulder.

  "He is fine. He will be back." She took another sip of her beer and turned away from the whole mess, talking quietly with Jamie about something I couldn't hear.

  I glared at Fancy who was staring back at me calmly from the center of the stream. "You're hopeless, you know that?"

  She just watched me with those amber eyes of hers, the picture of serenity.

  "Come on, Lulu. Heel." I waved a treat under Lulu's nose and led her away to practice her obedience training. (I'd been secretly trying to teach her at least a few basic commands since Jamie was far too nice to do it well. Don't get me wrong, Jamie is one of the most competent people I know. But when it comes to Lulu she's all "oh, it's okay…" no matter what Lulu does.)

  Eventually, Fancy made her way out of the stream and shook herself off all over me before collapsing in a spot of shade for a little snooze.

  Hans reappeared on the other side of the stream about five minutes later, his paws covered in deep black mud up to the elbows and something dangling from his mouth. Fancy scrambled to her feet and ran across the stream trying to get whatever it was, but he easily avoided her.

  As they chased happily back and forth and Lulu barked her displeasure at not being able to join in, I stared in horror. Because that thing that was dangling from Hans' mouth look suspiciously like a forearm with the hand still attached.

  "Jamie. Greta. Do you guys see this?" I asked. "Is that…?"

  Jamie came to join me. "Um…What is that?"

  "Let us see." Greta put two fingers into her mouth and whistled. It was an ear-piercing sound, but it worked. Hans immediately ran right through the stream and sat down directly in front of her, the thing still hanging from his mouth as he awaited his next command. I managed to block Fancy with my body before she could lunge at it, but it was not easy.

  The smell up close was atrocious, although sadly a smell that I was familiar with thanks to Fancy and her love of all things dead and decaying. I buried my face in my elbow to hide the smell, but I couldn't bring myself to look away as Greta used another German word and Hans dropped the thing on the ground at her feet.

  I was still staring at it in morbid fascination when Fancy snuck past me and—you guessed it—peed on the damned thing.

  (Pardon the language, but seriously. How many dead bodies can one dog pee on? At least two as it turns out.)

  I grabbed Fancy's collar and dragged her away just in time for Lulu to run up and roll on it. At which point Jamie took control.

  I think I've mentioned before that there's nothing that rattles Jamie. She could be in a burning building, flames crawling the walls around her, and she wouldn't bat an eye. She'd just get down to the business of saving herself. So within a minute she had the arm covered by a packing crate, Lulu hooked up to her leash and tied to the bench by the back door, Fancy hooked up to her leash and tied up right next to her, and the police dispatcher on the line.

  I'm sure the dispatcher was just as disbelieving of this call as she'd been of mine when I found Jack Dunner's body, but Jamie handled it with aplomb.

  Hans, of course, didn't need to be tied up. With that one command he was fully back into guard dog mode, sitting calmly at Greta's side, not even glancing at the dead thing on the ground.

  I stared at the trees, wondering if there was a whole body over there and hoping we could keep any mention of the barkery out of it. (I know. I should have been thinking about the poor dead man that someone had buried in a shallow grave, but all I could think was "please don't let it ruin my business." What can I say? When you don't know the person…)

  "I wonder who it is," I said as Jamie ended her call with the cops and came to join us.

  Greta answered, "This I know. It is my ex-husband."

  I stared at her. She seemed awfully calm for a woman who'd just seen the severed hand of her ex-husband dropped on the ground at her feet. "Your ex-husband? Which one? And how do you know? Did you…?" I couldn't quite bring myself to ask if she'd killed and buried him,
but it did seem to be the most likely explanation.

  She pointed her toe at the hand. "The ring. It is custom-made. And the scar on the hand. I gave this to him as well."

  Jamie glanced towards the barkery. I knew she probably needed to go wait for the cops, but this was too interesting to miss. "Greta, forgive me for saying this, but you don't seem very upset."

  I nodded my agreement.

  Greta shrugged one shoulder. "It has been many years. Kristof was my first husband."

  "But still…He's dead. And it's…his arm."

  "It was bound to happen. Kristof, he makes many enemies."

  I shook my head. "But what is he doing here? I thought you married your first husband in Germany?"

  She turned to face me. "Are you investigating this murder, Maggie?"

  "No."

  "Then why these questions?"

  "I don't know. I was just curious. I mean, your dog just dropped your ex-husband's hand at your feet. I wanted to understand how that could happen."

  Greta turned to Jamie. "I would like a coffee. Is this possible?"

  Jamie rushed to join Greta as she walked towards the back door. "Yes. Of course. Here, let me get that door for you." She threw a quick glance and shrug at me before following Greta inside.

  I would've probably followed after them and tried another angle to get my answers—because I'm nothing if not relentlessly and annoyingly curious—but then I heard the police sirens. Fancy and Lulu started howling away in accompaniment as I ran through the store, ready to yell at whoever it was. Honestly, couldn't they be quiet about it? The man was clearly dead, did they really need to announce to the world that there was yet another police matter at the barkery?

  I stopped dead in the doorway as I saw who had pulled up out front. Of course it would be Officer Handsome Distraction. Seriously, I was snake bit when it came to that man.

  Chapter Five

  I forced myself to calmly walk towards Matt's patrol car, a smile plastered on my face. When he rolled the window down I said, "Could you please kill the siren and lights? The man in question is very much dead already."

  (I know. You're not supposed to order cops around and, as one bratty little intern once informed me, "You get more flies with honey than vinegar." To which I had an appropriately violent thought I could not express since his father was a VP of something or other and I didn't want to get fired. But really. The dead man did not need sirens and lights and neither did we.)

  Matt waited long enough to let me know he'd considered ignoring me before he turned them both off. "Dispatch said you guys found a dead body."

  "Well, to be accurate, Greta's dog Hans found a dead body. And it's not really here. It's across the stream. So you know, you could go park your car over there."

  I glanced past him and cussed. "Never mind. Too late."

  Pulling into the parking lot was the only local reporter we have, Peter Nielsen. He works for the Baker Valley Gazette. I recognized him instantly because not only had he insulted me when I asked him to cover our grand opening, he'd then tried to ruin my business with a series of articles insinuating awful things about the barkery and me personally.

  Suffice it to say, I was not a big fan.

  He jumped out of his slick SUV and immediately started snapping photos like he'd found the story of the century. Someone should inform him that one dead body was not going to win him a Pulitzer.

  "Come on," I said. "Let's get inside before that loser reaches us."

  I led Matt inside and then slammed the door shut, making all the bells at the top jangle loudly. I flipped the sign to Closed and threw a nasty look at Nielsen while I flipped the lock into place and pulled the blinds down.

  "Can I reach the body from here?" Matt asked.

  "That depends on whether you want to go wading across a stream or not. But you can at least see the part of the body Hans found."

  "The part of the body?"

  "Mmhm." I opened the door to the back and let him walk through. He paused long enough to say hi to Lulu and Fancy who were not enjoying being tied up out back. But what with the mud and dead body smell there really wasn't another choice. Both pups were going to need to be hosed down before they went anywhere.

  (That was going to be fun. Not.)

  I stepped up to the crate and gave Matt a small half-bow like some fancy maître d before lifting the crate. "May I present to you hand of a dead man."

  Matt took two steps forward and crouched down, studying it. "What is it with you and finding dead bodies?"

  "Don't look at me. It was Hans that found this one, not Fancy. Although Fancy did pee on it."

  "Again?"

  I shrugged my shoulders. "What can I say? She likes to pee on dead things. It's part of the cycle of life, you know."

  "You could hold her back."

  "Well I'll try to remember that for the next time we find a body, okay?"

  As he continued to study the hand, his arm held across his nose to hide the smell, I stepped away. I didn't need to be all up close and personal with that thing for a moment longer than necessary. Or with Officer Barnes for that matter.

  Like I said. Dead bodies and cute cops. About the same in my book.

  Matt came over to join me after another minute or so. "Where did he find this?"

  "Somewhere over there." I waved towards the trees.

  "Hopefully the face is in better condition than the hand or else we're going to have a hard time identifying this one."

  "Oh, actually, Greta already did."

  "What do you mean?"

  "Greta said she recognized the ring and the scar on the hand. Said it was her first husband and that she'd given both the ring and the scar to him."

  "Really? What was he doing here? Isn't she from Germany?"

  I nodded. "You're going to have to figure that one out on your own, I'm afraid. I tried asking questions and she informed me it wasn't really my place to do so."

  He glanced towards the café. "Wasn't that her inside having a coffee with Jamie?"

  I nodded.

  "She seemed very calm for someone who just discovered the severed arm of her ex-husband."

  "Well, she has had a number of husbands. That could be part of it."

  "How many?"

  I shrugged. "I'm not sure she even knowns. Nine or ten."

  "Nine or ten! Who marries that many times?"

  I shook my head.

  "Give me a minute." Matt stepped away and radioed in that the report of a dead body was accurate and to send Sue out with waders because the body wasn't going to be easy to access.

  "What now?" I asked.

  "Now I guess I talk to Greta about how her dog found the body and what else she can tell me about our victim. But actually, you think I could get something to eat first? I skipped right past lunch today."

  I glanced in the direction of the severed arm. He'd just seen that and he wanted to eat lunch? Okay…

  Chapter Six

  As Matt dug into his food, I pursed my lips together and studied him. "So tell me, Officer Barnes, I thought you were on speed trap duty today. Why'd you show up for this little murder mystery?"

  He glanced at me, his blue eyes dancing with amusement, but didn't answer until he'd finished his bite of sandwich. "Simple enough explanation. I asked to be called whenever there was an incident involving you, your grandfather, or the café."

  "And someone agreed to that?"

  "I told them you were very litigious. And prone to getting yourself into trouble."

  I gasped. "Excuse me? I am neither one of those things."

  He wisely chose to take another bite instead of answer.

  "I am not prone to getting myself into trouble."

  "No? How many cops do you think would've let you get away with asking for a definition of speeding right after they'd just decided to let you go on a ticket for twenty over?"

  "I wouldn't have asked any other cops that question. I only asked because it was you."

  He
raised an eyebrow.

  "So I'm stuck with you am I?"

  He nodded "Yep. As long as you're causing more trouble than ten other people combined."

  I shook my head. "It's not my fault people keep dying. I'm not killing them."

  "Good to know."

  "As for that ticket thing. I'll have you know that no other cop would've told me not to speed ever again. They would've said something like 'keep it down' and left it at that knowing that any rational driver is going to speed just a little here or there. You've gotta lighten up a bit."

  He shook his head. "You are something else, you know that?"

  "Am not." I crossed my arms both resenting and resembling his comment at the same time.

  "By the way, are you going to the Mason Foundation event?"

  I pressed my lips together at the thought of having to wear heels and a dress and glared in Jamie's direction. "Yes. I couldn't get out of it. One of the drawbacks of having your best friend date the kind of man who throws charity events. Are you going to be there?"

  He nodded. "I'm kind of looking forward to it."

  "Why?"

  "To see you in a dress and having to be polite to a bunch of strangers you'd rather not speak to."

  "I'm bound to say something offensive to someone. I always do." I shuddered at the memory of the last charity event I'd attended when I was still in DC. One little comment and I'd gone from making a new friend for life to making an enemy. And all because I'd said the wrong name after drinking a tad bit too much champagne.

  Really, I should not be allowed out in public with strangers. At least Mason, Jamie, and Matt were going to be there. I could cling to them and hide away from everyone else.

  A car pulled up outside and Matt pushed away from the table. "Probably Sue. Better show her what we have. Thanks for lunch."

  "You're welcome."

  I frowned as he walked outside. So I was stuck with him anytime anything bad happened, was I? Could be worse, I guess. They could've assigned me Officer Clark. But still. I did not relish the idea of Matt showing up every time I had to call the cops.