Wanna Bet?

by R. S Burnett

  “What happened after she said all that to you?” Sophie asks warily.

  “I very nearly punched her, not sure why, I probably should have punched him but Todd pulled me away from them both. Tucker tried to stop me leaving with him but I don’t want to talk to him ever again”

  “Why would he try and stop you leaving with Todd?” Sophie asks confused.

  “I kissed him” I say quietly hoping they won’t make a big deal out of it.

  “What?” okay so obviously she is going to make a big deal out of it.

  “We kissed, he pulled me away from them when I was about to hit her and started dancing with me to distract me and then everyone was staring and we were talking about how by tomorrow it would be going around that we had sex, so we decided to have a little fun with it and give them something to talk about, it’s no big deal we are just friends anyway, not long after the kiss Tucker was storming over to us but he must of guessed from the look I sent him because not to come any closer because he just stood there watching me, Todd picked up on it and we shared a taxi home” I shrug and grab my phone that is vibrating again, I look at the screen to see a bundle of missed calls and texts. All the missed calls are from Tucker and a few of the texts too.

  Tucker: Please pick up your phone

  Tucker: Just hear me out

  Todd: If you need to talk, I’m here

  Tucker: I’m sorry x

  “He text you?” Sophie guesses but it comes out like a question,

  “Yeah, he says he’s sorry and wants to talk to me”

  “Are you going to talk to him?” Matt asks the only reply he gets is a raised eyebrow from me and an ‘are you stupid’ look from Sophie. My phone beeps again.

  Beth: Step daddy doesn’t love you either.

  I surprise myself with the noise that tears through my mouth it’s a cross between a growl and a scream. Without thinking about it throw my phone at the wall. Sophie and Matt stare at me open mouthed.

  “Him?” Sophie asks quietly

  “Beth” I grit out getting up and grabbing my jacket a force of determination taking over me.

  “What are you doing?” she asks looking nervously from me to Matt.

  “Something I should have done a hell of a long time ago”

  “Brooke, no stay here”

  “No”

  “Let me come with you” she pleads.

  “No, you can’t fix me Sophie so stop fucking trying” I snap as I run out of the dorm towards my car. I know I probably shouldn’t be driving right now after the few drinks I had earlier but I’m pretty sure all the drama and betrayal has sobered me up completely. Gritting my teeth and not even bothering to look back I head out to the one place I swore I would never visit alone again.

  I don’t even bother to turn the engine off as I jump out of the car and head up to the door banging my fist on it so hard I tear the skin on my knuckles.

  “Open up, I’m here” I shout at the door as I continue constantly banging it with my fists. I’m just about to add a kick when it flies open and reveals my mom stood in her dressing gown looking not happy at all, well that’s good because I’m quite pissed off myself I think as I barge past her into the house and stop just before the stairs, my step dad is running down them dragging a top over his head I start clapping my hands loudly.

  “Well if it isn’t the man of the hour, look I’ve got a split lip and it’s not even from you!” I point to the cut on my lip in-between claps.

  “What the hell is going on Brooke?” Phin asks from the top of the stairs.

  “Go back to bed” Sam says tightly to him not taking his eyes from me.

  From the corner of my eye I can see my mom making her way towards me, I turn my head just as she makes a grab for my ponytail, without thinking about it and way past caring I lift my arm and elbow her in the face making her stumble back.

  “You bitch” she screeches.

  I watch dazed as Sam makes his way towards me with a slight smile tugging at his lips. “Oh this is going to be interesting” he says softly with a humourless laugh.

  I don’t really know what happens next and I can’t explain it, it’s as if a force has taken over me, he lunges towards me but I move out of the way making him bump into my mom, they stumble and land on the floor. I laugh and grabbing the first thing that is within reach and heavy looking I swing it and make contact with his side making him grunt. I can feel the tears running down my face as I keep swinging the floor lamp, I’m vaguely aware of the bulb smashing and the lampshade crushing I’m aware of the fact that my mom is no longer on the floor next to him but cowering by the sofa.

  “Brooke?” Phin’s worried voice breaks me out of my spell and I drop the lamp, looking down at Sam who is led on the floor in the foetal position covered in glass and speckles of blood on his t-shirt from where I smashed the glass into his side I shudder as a wave of sickness comes over me and run back out to my car.

  Not realising where I’m headed just trying to concentrate on the road through my tears I pull up at the graveyard gate. I crawl out of the car and stumble over to my dad’s grave. As soon as I’m front of it I collapse and years of abuse, neglect and bullying overtake me, memories flash through my mind in a sort of twisted slide show, every slap, every kick, every punch and every smile Sam ever sent my way, it switches to Sophie and Matt, but I’m not in this one, I watch amazed as all their moments of affection flash before my eyes, every hug, touch and kiss, I curl over and watch as it switches again to me and Tucker, all the laughs, all the smiles, every joke,, the nights on the sofa, the classes with the notes we send back and forth, the weekend away, him holding my hand in the car, him throwing me on his shoulders at the concert then finally him and Beth together, him whispering all my secrets in her ear and her slapping me at the bar and whispering my own secret nightmare back to me. I cry out a strangled scream and let the tears, pain and heartache overtake me.

  I’m woken by droplets hitting my face,

  I slowly pull my eyes open and the sun is coming up, I’ve slept in a graveyard all night. I feel completely empty and drained both physically and emotionally.

  Warily, not sure I have the strength I struggle to my legs, actually surprised that they work; apart from being a little stiff I seem to be fine.

  Numbly I drive back to the university and head to my room, ignoring the blatant stares I’m getting from the early risers around the car park and inside the building, as I walk past a window I catch sight of my reflection and feel nothing, my hair has grass in it, I’m soaked through, my eyes are red and puffy from all the crying, my lip is swollen and there is dried blood around it from where the cut must have started bleeding again at some point in the night, I have dirt streaked across my face.

  My eyes look as empty as I feel, I lean towards the window to get a closer look they no longer hold the shadows of my past, there isn’t an ounce of fear in them, no happiness and no determination or strength. If anything the only thing they hold is defeat.

  Looking down I notice my hands are covered in scrapes and cuts, there’s dried blood on them as well.

  As I make my way to my room a few people greet me, a few others ask a question or two and the one’s who are bold enough make a comment about how I must be just getting back from being with Todd. I ignore them all and as soon as I’m in my empty room I give up and crawl into bed.

  The nightmares don’t stop; I no longer fear them though, even in my sleep I seem to just go through them showing no emotion. They still have the power to wake me though. Looking around the room I notice it’s only a half hour until lunch. Standing up and stretching I make the decision to finish the rest of my classes for the day. Once I’m showered and dressed I head out of the room and make a mental note to buy a new phone later.

  Chapter Eight

  As I walk into the café, already decided that I’m not going to sit and eat in, a silence falls over the whole room I look up and around to see almost everyone staring at me, Sophie turns and as soo
n as she catches my eye she starts to stand up, I shake my head at her and make my way to the food line. I hear my name being whispered a few times but ignore it. I look over the food and pick out a sandwich, when I go to walk forward everyone in the queue has stopped and is looking at me as if they are waiting for something. I feel someone poke me in the side and turn to see Beth smiling at me.

  “Well?” she demands at me. I don’t reply just take the time to study her silently, she has dark eyes, I can see the anger building up in them, she’s a little pale as if she hasn’t eaten enough, she’s taller than me by about four inches, her hair is pulled back into a tight bun and she’s wearing a pink summer dress. Vaguely I realised I’ve gone back to wearing baggy clothes, as if unconsciously I have just decided to give up on everything. “Don’t ignore me” she snaps at me bringing me out of my fog. I try to turn around back to the line but she grabs my arm, I slowly turn around and fully face her but not taking my eyes off the hand she has on my arm, I make no move to get out of her grip. I feel her lean in as she digs her nails into my arm. “What’s the matter? It finally dawned on you how unwanted you are?” she whispers in my ear smugly.

  “Actually I was thinking about all the tetanus jabs I’m going to have to get now that you, the walking STD has put her hands on” I whisper back in her ear.

  This time I’m expecting her slap. I knew it was going to happen, I did nothing to stop it or block it however, I accepted it.

  I think I was hoping that she could make me feel pain or some sort of emotion. She goes to slap me again or maybe punch me now she knows a slap won’t get a reaction but her hand is pulled behind her, we both look back at the same time to see a guy older than us hold her back, I frown at him and he watches me in confusion.

  “Want me to get her out of here?” he asks me.

  I shake my head at him still frowning, not sure why anyone would do that and stand up for me. He does anyway and ignoring the silence and stares again I move forward and pay for my food.

  A few people call out to me as I walk across the room to the table Sophie is sitting at with Matt, Tucker and Luke, I continue to ignore them all and stop next to Sophie’s chair.

  “Are you staying?” she asks pulling out a chair for me. I shake my head at her.

  “I just wanted to say sorry for snapping at you like that last night, I shouldn’t have taken it out on you” I say softly to her, my voice sounds strange even to my own ears, I guess through all the crying last night I finally lost my voice a bit.

  “It’s OK, I was worried about you” she admits.

  I reach up to rub my forehead and stop when I hear a collective gasp, she stands up and takes my hands in her own examining them.

  “What happened to your hands?” she asks softy searching my eyes for some sort of explanation.

  “They fell into the door to my past” I whisper staring at the cuts on my knuckles.

  “Brooke, where did you stay last night?” Matt asks softly tucking a stray bit of hair behind my ears. From the gesture I’m transported back to my early years, remembering how my dad used to tuck my hair behind my ears after he dried it when I got out of the bath. I feel the tear running down my cheek as he lifts his hand to do it to the other side and close my eyes, when I open them Sophie is watching me, waiting for an answer.

  “With the only person who has ever really loved me” I reply sadly.

  Sophie pulls me into a hug and brushes the tears from my cheeks.

  “You didn’t go to see Tucker or Beth last night did you?” she whispers in my ear loud enough for only me to hear. I shake my head at her.

  She lets me go and takes her seat at the table again. “You didn’t do anything stupid did you?” She asks me while glaring at Tucker.

  “Probably” I nod my head at her “Too late to change that now though” I admit with a small smile “It was worth it though” I wink at her for making me smile again even if she has no idea why I’m smiling.

  “I’ve just heard the worst rumour yet, that you did the walk of shame this morning, soaking wet, covered in grass and dirt and bleeding” Katie says happily rolling her eyes as she joins the table oblivious to the silence that she walked in on.

  “That one’s true” I admit, although it wasn’t quite a walk of shame.

  “Must have been one hell of a night” she sighs at me, making me smirk.

  “You could say that” agreeing more with the hell than she could ever understand.

  A voice behind me catches my attention and turn to watch as Beth is telling a table of people about me and Todd kissing at the bar and then leaving together and me not returning home till this morning, I turn back to see Tucker watching me, his eyes full of remorse.

  “Seeing as though we had an eventful night last night, I’m guessing I should walk you to class” Todd whispers in my ear, seemingly appearing out of thin air, making me smile.

  “I guess you should” I agree and tearing my eyes away from Tuckers turn to leave.

  “Oh I don’t have a phone anymore as I guess you know, so I’ll be getting a new one as soon as my classes have finished for the day, leave your number on the notice board in our room and I’ll send you my new one” I tell Sophie as I walk away from all the stares and whispers.

  Todd accompanied me to the rest of my classes and acted as a human wall between me and Tucker, as he walked me back to my dorm after shopping for a new phone I finally gave in to all the gossip.

  “So what did I miss, what did we get up to last night?” I ask reluctantly.

  “Well some say we were all over each other at the bar and couldn’t wait till we got to a bed so just had the taxi stop at the park on the way home and fell asleep in the grass” he smirks “And the rest think that we made it back to mine but then you had some sort of breakdown and got drunk in the park” he smiles sympathetically at that one.

  “Great” I sigh defeated.

  “And now everyone’s talking about how you and Beth are fighting over Tucker”

  “You’re not serious?” I ask a little too loudly causing a few heads to turn. “Out of all the rumours that ones definitely the most far fetched” he raises an eyebrow at me and I guess my reaction probably falls under the does protest too much category, but no one else knows what he told her apart from Sophie and Matt. “Trust me, I could happily never talk to him ever again and be happy” I stress.

  * * *

  The next five days go by in a blur, I’m physically here but not mentally. I get through my days going to from class to class, nodding in the right places and taking down the notes, today is the first day I have sat down with the group and had lunch normally I just walk around campus in a daze, Beth has stayed away from me, in fact everyone has stayed away from me, just letting me get on with it. Every now and again I catch Sophie watching me looking worried and Tucker watching me as if he’s struggling with something.

  Every night I wait for Sophie to fall asleep and then sneak out of the room, go to my dad’s grave and cry myself to sleep there. I haven’t heard from anyone back home but then I don’t expect to, I know when he wants to see me he will. To be honest I am really worried about what he will do to me when he eventually comes to see me, I know it is going to be a lot worse than anything he has ever done before. I’m going to have to be strong to pull through because I know he might just try to kill me. I can’t. No I won’t let him. I have to be strong enough to fight through it.

  “Damn it Brooke” I focus my eyes and frown at Matt who is shouting at me. Everyone is watching me and Matt leans over and takes the fork out of my hand, I look down and see blood trickling onto wrist, I had be digging the fork into my palm. I didn’t feel a thing.

  “Umm .. sorry” I mutter more to myself than anyone else.

  “What were you thinking about to get you so angry?” Sophie asks me throwing a pointed look at Tucker who pales slightly. I’m too focused on the fact that I just cut myself with a fork and didn’t feel a thing, how can I hurt so badly and not feel it? I
need to be able to feel it to know when can’t take no more, otherwise what use will it be.

  “I hurt him” I say to no one.

  “You hurt who honey?” Sophie says softly.

  “I hit him … and I couldn’t stop”

  “Who?” Sophie asks sounding a little worried

  I turn to look at her “I made him bleed” I whisper horrified.

  “You went back there?” the look she sends me tells me she thinks I’m beyond stupid.

  “He was bleeding and I couldn’t stop, I was so mad”

  “It’s okay, try not to think about it” she assures me wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders.

  * * *

  As I pull on my jacket and pick up

  my keys, a feeling of dread comes over me, it’s not bad enough to stop me going though and I always get a feeling like this when I sneak out at night but tonight it seems to be a bit stronger.

  “Brooke?” Sophie’s quiet voice calls out to me.

  “I’m just going for a walk Soph, I won’t be long, go back to sleep” I say softly to her

  “I know you go out every night, can’t you just tell me where you go so I know you’re safe?” she asks, breaking my heart a little. I shake my head and walk out the door. I don’t want anyone to know where I spend my nights; they won’t understand and try to stop me doing it.

  My thoughts briefly drift to Sophie and what a good friend she has been to me since we first met as I make my way through the graveyard until I’m stopped dead on my feet by a figure bent over my dad’s grave. I frown and squint my eyes trying to see who it is, It’s a man, he’s tall and he hasn’t heard me coming or if he has he is just ignoring me. Something in his had catches the light and I feel the blood drain from my face as I watch him swing the hammer in his hand above his head then bring it down quickly, hitting the grave. Instinct takes over and I’m running.