Wanna Bet?

by R. S Burnett

  Will say’s “Hi big fella” by the way, he’s been taking good care of me and I’m glad you had him in you’re life, even if it wasn’t for as long as it should have been. He keeps me in line though and I know that tonight no matter what sort of fool I make of myself in front of a hundred people he will be there for me. Everyone at the club expects it now though after last year. Well I have to go because Sophie can hear me crying and she’s going to check on me. So I’ll see you later and I’ll give you a hug.

  Miss you ever day but love you more every day.

  Your baby girl

  Brooke.

  xxxxx

  As if she can read what I was writing Sophie pushes my door open just as I’m putting my letter into an envelope and in my bag. I wipe away my tears and offer a weak smile. She tries to bring me into a hug but I step around her knowing that it will only make me breakdown and then I’d never be able to leave here.

  Calling out a goodbye over my shoulder I jog out of the house and hop into my car.

  I force a smile as I make my way through the club and the regulars greet me.

  Pushing through the crowd until I climb over the bar I silently beg myself to be able to hold it together long enough to get through the night. As soon as I spot Will heading towards me, I know that’s not going to happen. I turn my attention away from him and wave to Cam and Derek who are being served by Lucy.

  “Hey” he greets as he pulls me into a hug “How are you feeling?”

  “I’m getting there, I think. It’s been a long day” I admit squeezing him back.

  “I know darling, I miss him too, not as much as you, but I do miss him. He was a good man”

  “I know” I nod and sniff back the sob chocking me.

  “He’d be proud of you, you know that right” He says releasing me and I notice his eyes are filling up, he turns and walks away as I wipe my own tears away and turn to start serving drinks. I hold back a sigh as Tucker is the first person I need to serve.

  “You okay Brooke?” he asks watching the tears roll down my cheeks as I silently get him a bottle from the fridge. “Hey, what’s up? Don’t cry” he says softy as he wipes my cheeks with his thumb.

  “Don’t” is all I say, causing him to frown down at me “Please” I beg and turn to the next customer.

  I manage to get through serving as many people as I can to help clear the queue without completely breaking down, I only manage this by not looking at anyone I know. About half an hour later Will pulls me up onto the bar and passes me a mic.

  “Are you ready Brooke?” he asks silencing the club.

  “Let’s get it over with” I say defeated.

  “Hey now, we don’t rush this” he scolds me playfully, which gets a small smile from me. “As you all know it was Brooke’s birthday yesterday and she chose to celebrate it with all the people she loves, that is all of you guys” he tells the crowd and is rewarded by a loud cheer. “But now she asks you all to go easy on her tonight, she’s not real happy tonight guys because the one man Brooke loves and wanted to be here last night couldn’t make it so we need to do our best to try and cheer her up” he pulls me under his arm and kisses my forehead soothingly as another tear rolls down my cheek. Andrew joins us on the bar looking confused and worried as he stands next to me. The DJ puts on ‘Bed of roses’ so it’s its soft background music and before I can stop it from happening I’m transported back to the night before my life turned to hell.

  “Sing to me daddy” I giggle up at him as I snuggle down into my bed.

  “What do you want me to sing baby girl” he whispers softly kissing my head.

  “The one about the flowers” I beg making him chuckle.

  “The truth is baby your all that I need” I giggle as he starts the song not from the beginning but from my favorite part, it’s our tradition. “I wanna lay you down in a bed of roses…tonight I sleep on a bed of nails … I want to be just as close as the holy ghost is … and lay you down on bed of roses…

  “Well I’m so far away … That each step I take is on my way home”

  I can hear the cry the rip through me before it even leaves my lips. I watch as Sophie, Matt and Tucker all run towards me and Andrew grips me into a hug. “I need …” I gasp.

  “You need what honey?” he asks soothingly.

  “The… the … the song” I try again.

  “What about it?”

  “Turn it off” I beg as I try to control my sobs and stop the memories that come back to me as the chorus plays again. I hear Andrew say something to someone.

  “You turned eleven today baby. You know what that means don’t you”

  I nod up at him and put on a serious face “It means I’m a grown up now”

  I smile as his soft laughter washes over me.

  “It means you’re a big girl now” he says as he tickles me.

  “Wait you’re not going to leave me are you?”

  “No baby, I’ll never leave you silly. I love you”

  “I’m going to marry a man exactly like you when I’m proper grown up cause you’re the best daddy” I wrap my arms around his neck.

  “No, you’re the best sweetie and I’d kill anyone who ever tells you any different”

  “No one would dare when my dads so big and strong” I giggle when he lifts his arms flexes his muscles letting me plant a kiss on them. ”Your funny daddy”

  “I wish we could stay in this night forever baby” He says tucking me into bed properly.

  “Why?” I ask and feel my eyebrows pull in.

  “Because I never want you to grow up and move away from me. I want to keep you sweet and innocent like this forever” he says simply and kisses my nose one last time.

  “Nigh daddy, Love you always”

  “Sweet dreams baby. Love you forever” he says from the doorway and watches me as I feel my eyes grow heavy. That was the last time I ever saw him.

  I focus my eyes on the club and everyone is watching me, the DJ has changed the background music to an eighties pop song I note gratefully. Matt, Tucker and Sophie are all watching me, stood on the bar now themselves. I pull away from Andrews hug and wipe away my tears again.

  “Happy Birthday baby girl” he kisses my cheek and folds something small into my hand.

  “What is it daddy?” I ask opening my eyes, we’re in the kitchen, everyone else is out the back at my birthday party.

  “It’s a special present just for you from me. You have to promise that you will look after it and never tell mummy about it OKAY” he’s looking into my eyes I’m not sure why so I just nod and run up to my bedroom. I open my hand and pick up the yellow necklace its a little heart.

  I lower myself to my knees on the bar and clutch at the chain that still hangs around my neck.

  I open the heart and read the message inside. “Never give up on what you love” I don’t really know what it means but I know I love my dad and I would never give up on him so I hide my special present inside a sock and hide it under my mattress. I will only take it out when I move away.

  I shake my head to get rid of the memories. Tucker’s crouched in front of me.

  “Are you OKAY Brooke?” he asks softly.

  Looking into his eyes I’m reminded that everyone who has claimed to love or care for me has left me no choice but to carry on my own no matter what they are leaving me with.

  “What have you done?” My step dad screams at me holding up a bloodied bed sheet.

  “I don’t know it happened last night” I cower away from him, I’m sure why I feel scared but my body is telling me to protect myself my step father has always creeped me out but never scared me before.

  “I knew it wouldn’t take much longer” he snarls at me, I curl myself into a ball on my bed not sure what’s going on with my body but he doesn’t like it.

  “It’s not my fault, I didn’t mean it to happen ... I’m sorry” I’m crying now.

  “It is your fault” his voice is soft now as he walks over to me. “Yo
u’re a whore” He lands a punch on me making me scream out. “Remember that” he says from my doorway then leave me to cry.

  I flinch and clutch my stomach involuntarily remembering the very first time he hit me.

  Tucker is still waiting for me to answer his question I realize. This is what my dad left me to live through. Did he not care? I nod up at Tucker and he pulls me up taking his place behind me.

  “Let’s do this” I croak into my mic at Will who nods at me and we all turn as Lucy hands us all a shot of my dads’ favorite drink. Jack Daniels.

  I don’t like it but it’s the only thing I will be drinking tonight and it will get me drunk enough to forget at least for a night.

  “Go ahead Brooke” Will encourages me gesturing to my mic. I turn to face the crowd and take a deep breath getting ready for the hardest part.

  “As you have all noticed I’m a bit of a mess tonight. I’m sorry for being depressing but like a trooper I’m going to bring you all down with me. If any of you have ever loved someone, you know how good that feels. That one person, who can make everything OKAY with just a smile, can make you laugh when you just want to cry. Makes you understand why you are alive when you just want to end it. That person who no matter what happens will always be there for you. The one who will do every thing he can to make sure you never get hurt… But then you wake up and that person isn’t there for you anymore. When they are no longer around to make you laugh or hold you when you cry. Not there to tell you everything will be okay when clearly it isn’t going to be. Not there to see you through the painful nights. I’ll tell you what happened. You got lied to. Plain and simply you got fooled. But do you know what? We don’t need anyone, no one is there for you forever, no matter how much they promise they will be” I look around and ignore the confused looks I am getting. “So I ask you to raise your glasses full of this disgusting drink and join me in a toast. To the lies that break your fucking heart” I shout as I throw my drink back and cringe as it burns my throat.

  “Jesus, bad break up?” Andrew asks me but looks at the crowd frowning as he catches the eye of every man I have ever spoken to.

  “Sorry Brooke but I’m going to argue, your toast.” Will says into his mic looking determined.

  “He never lied to you”

  “Yes he did” I reply stubbornly swirling around to face him, I can feel my hand holding the mic shaking. Sophie, Matt and Andrew all step aside so I can see Will clearly. “You don’t know that”

  “He loved you” he insists “Still does”

  “Who?” Andrew and Sophie ask at the same looking between me and Will.

  “If he loved me, he wouldn’t have left”

  “He had no choice” he says softly.

  “There’s always a choice” I snap back at him.

  “He was having an affair Brooke” he informs me.

  “What?” I screech making everyone wince and I take a step toward him. My dad was happy he loved me; he would never leave me for someone else. Even if he wasn’t happy with my mum.

  “He loved you, of course he did. But he was having an affair with someone else up here, She was pregnant” he says sadly. “He had to leave to raise the baby, he had no choice”

  I lift my leg to lunge at him for saying such a ridiculous lie about my dad. He told me he loved me! He wouldn’t leave me for someone else. I’m sure of it. I saw the look in his eyes when he looked at me. You can’t fake that kind of love. Before my foot reaches the ground I’m pulled back with my arms around my back. “Let me go Tucker” I growl up at him. He shakes his head at me keeping his eyes on Will.

  “Why are you telling me this?” I yell out at Will who made no attempt to step back from my attack.

  “Because, you think he didn’t love you. He did, he just had no choice but to leave. I’m sorry Brooke. It’s over”

  “Who is she?” I demand. “Do I know her?”

  He nods his head at me. “You’ve met her and her son”

  I scan quickly through the people I have met that have a twelve year old son. Will’s wife and son drift to the front of my mind and feel the blood drain from my head as I remember looking at his son, there was something familiar about him when I met him but I ignored it. It’s been under my nose this whole time. He looks exactly like my dad just with his mothers eyes.

  “You bastard” I whisper but I know he has heard me because he winces.

  “I’m so sorry Brooke” he says and then jumps from the bar. I watch as he leaves the club. I try to run after him but Tuckers hold on me is too tight. I struggle against him but he doesn’t let go instead he lowers us both off the bar and walks me into the office. I hear the music go up around the club again. He doesn’t let me go until Matt comes into the office and stands in front of the door. As soon as he lets me go I make a run for the door but Matt stops me. Frustrated I walk over to Wills desk and pick up the frame that holds a photo of his family. Looking at it closely now I can’t see how I ever missed the resemblance. Crying, I throw the frame at the wall and as it smashes I hit the ground putting my head in my knees and cry like I haven’t since the day he died. The boys let me cry it out and no one says anything until there’s a knock at the door, Matt lets Sophie in and she hands me a glass of water and a shot of something I’m not sure what it is but I don’t care anymore.

  “Well I think you need to find a new job” Sophie says nudging my shoulder with her own.

  “Why?” I sniff “Has everyone left?”

  “Ummm no but you just tried to attack your boss” she explains.

  “Will isn’t my boss, I’m his. I’m the owner. He’s the manager” I shrug when they all stare at me open mouthed. “I saved a lot by being the quiet girl in uni and I had an inheritance that I invested. It did well”

  “Oh” Is all she says.

  “Want to tell me what that was all about?” she asks nervously.

  “Not really no”

  “Well whoever it was I’m sure he was an asshole” Matt put in.

  “No, it’s my own fault I’m not enough, never enough” I sigh getting up.

  “When I asked you last night if you’ve … you know … since …” she trails off.

  “It’s not like that” I shake my head at her knowing where her thoughts have taken her.

  “Are you going to be okay?” Tucker asks watching me closely.

  “Everything I’ve ever known is a lie. Who knows maybe everyone is right and I really am just a whore, I should remember that” I shrug and walk out of the office leaving them speechless knowing that all three of them have called me a whore at some point.

  I take another shot of Jack Daniels just to prove a point, what that point is I don’t know but I know I want to prove it, I jump up on the bar and grab the mic the music stops and I don’t turn around when I hear the office door open and then close a few seconds later.

  “Okay everyone, enough of the depressing” they cheer making me smile “Half of my life has been a lie, the other half I have spent being the little good girl you all know so well, I say lets get rid of the bullshit, it’s time to be a bit naughty, what do you think?” I shout and laugh when they all cheer and clap. “Who’s going to get naughty with me?” I ask and wince slightly as about seventy “me” screams go up around the club loudly.

  “How naughty are we talking?” Andrew asks on the bar with me once again.

  “How naughty can you handle?” I ask smirking at him.

  “I can handle you honey” he grins back at me.

  “Wanna bet?” I ask making him and everyone around us laugh.

  “OKAY, OKAY, I like where this is going, let’s turn this into a challenge. Lucy help us out here please” he pulls her up before he has a chance to refuse and passes her a mic. “You set the challenges and overall looser has to do a forfeit and remember the naughtier the better” he winks at me.

  “OKAY guys, first one to get back on the bar without an item of clothing, you can’t remove it yourself though” Lucy commands. “Go
!” the crowd erupts and Andrew smirks at me as he makes his way towards a group of women, I turn around and eye Lucy, Matt and Tucker then jump down in front of them.

  “You owe me” I say to Tucker laughing at his expression.

  “What did I do?” he smiles at me probably thankful that my dark mood has now been forgotten.

  “You held me back from hitting Will. Now come on get on with it!” I instruct still laughing.

  “What do you want me to do?” he asks nervously.

  I unbutton my shirt and tie it then pull my shorts down a touch so the top of my thong is showing “Rip it off” I instruct straight faced “I know you can do it” grinning he does it and hands me my underwear. I jump back on the bar laughing at a topless Andrew trying to get back to the bar but being pulled back by women.

  “We have a winner!” Lucy yells and everyone cheers at me.

  “No we don’t she hasn’t taken anything off!” Andrew complains when he’s back on the bar. I pass him my underwear and laugh as he looks impressed.

  “It’s one – nil to Brooke” she announces

  “Uhh did you hear that? That sounds good!” I tease

  “OKAY so you each get one song to impress a member of the opposite sex” She challenges.

  “Are we allowed to have sex?” Andrew asks making everyone laugh.

  “No” Lucy laughs. “Now go” she says as the DJ starts playing “Dirrty” I jump down off the bar and head towards the stage on my way I grab Derek’s hand and pull him up off his chair when he’s standing I grab his chair as well and pull him onto the stage. He’s laughing when I sit him down but as soon as I start giving him a lap dance his laughter fades. I dance around him and on him for the whole song then stand when it finishes. I look around but can’t spot Andrew.