Reluctant Guardian

by Elisha Bugg

  She grabbed a hold of the dressing gown that was piled by her bed, covering her short nightdress, and made her way into the hall, beginning her search for Thane.

  She didn't know where he would be. Whether he'd be awake, or sleeping, but she followed her instincts knowing deep down that she would find him.

  Strolling down the corridors, she swayed on her feet, her vision blurring in and out of focus, yet she wouldn't give in.

  She propped herself against the wall, using it to aid her travel until she reached a door she was sure Thane was behind.

  Reaching her hand out, she hesitated.

  What if he was busy, or he didn't want to see her? There must be a reason he was keeping his distance. Would he shout and tell her to leave?

  “You can come in, Anya,” his voice called through the door, making her shiver and her stomach flutter.

  “How did you know I was here?” she asked entering the room and closing the door behind her so she could lean against it, not wanting Thane to know she was still wobbly on her feet.

  “I can smell you, remember.?”

  ‘Of course he could,’ Anya sighed to herself, rubbing her hands up and down her arms. How foolish of her to think it was anything more than his heightened senses.

  “What’s up?” Thane asked, looking her from head to toe, warming her chilled skin with his hungry eyes.

  “Shouldn’t you be resting?”

  “I’ve had enough rest to last me a lifetime,” she snapped, suddenly feeling very guilty, until Thane laughed, easing her worry.

  “I guess you have. So why did you come here?” he continued, leaning back in his chair, his muscles stretching deliciously tight as he placed his hands behind his head.

  She longed to go to him. To stroke her hands over his body as she had done before, but she couldn’t, not yet. She couldn’t let him see how weak she still was. He would demand for her to return to her room, and she wasn't ready. She needed her answers, but more importantly, she needed to be near him.

  “I wanted to thank you properly for helping free Lucas,” she finally replied, realising she’d been silent for too long.

  “There’s no need to thank me. I did what anyone would have done. Besides, he had a right to see you when you were so ill.”

  All of those she cared about had believed she might die. When she’d passed out in the woods, she thought she might too, but here she was.

  It shocked her how much effort everyone had put in to save her when she wasn’t a member of the Guard. She owed Heleana for all of her hard work and tireless effort. She also owed her an apology for becoming jealous when she saw her nuzzling with Thane.

  At first Anya had thought she was flirting with him, but later she’d realised her mistake. It was something that shifters did for comfort, allowing skin contact with those they trusted and cared for. Being one of the few healers among the Guardian's, Heleana was trusted by all. Still, Anya couldn't help but feel a little jealous as she remembered that look of comfort and happiness on Thane's face as he held onto her. She longed for him to hold her close, a spark of happiness lighting up his beautiful eyes.

  “Lucas mentioned someone else helped you?" Anya commented, hoping to distract herself from her thoughts before she gave herself away. She also wanted to know who this person was that apparently helped them.

  Thane sighed, rubbing a hand down his face. She knew that nobody was telling her for a reason, knew that it had to be someone other than Erebus, otherwise Tynan would have said something already, but she hoped Thane would be the one person who would tell her. He always told her the truth, even if it wasn't what she wanted to hear.

  “Sit down before you fall down, Anya.”

  “I’m fine. I shouldn’t stay long. Someone might notice me missing.”

  “So you are supposed to be in bed still?” he teased, causing her to blush and fidget with the hem of her dressing gown.

  “Come on, Anya. I can see you’re swaying on your feet. I know you’re supposed to be in bed still. Please sit down.”

  The way his voice broke as he pleaded made her heart skip a beat, knowing he really had worried about her, and still was, even if he had been avoiding her.

  “Where?”

  “Sit on the bed. At least then, if anyone asks, you’re still resting in bed,” he joked, a hint of mischief in that smile of his. Anya couldn’t help but smile with him, happy to see this more playful side to him.

  She'd come here in hopes of answers to the questions everybody else seemed to be avoiding, as well as needing to be near him, but all she wanted now was to wrap herself in his arms and just rest by his side. Her answers, the hunters, and all the bad things could wait.

  “I want you to answer me honestly, Anya. Then I’ll be honest with you,” Thane begun, turning his chair toward her on the bed. “Did Hugh hurt you when he took you?”

  “No, not intentionally.”

  “Good,” Thane nodded, leaning forward on his elbows as he inhaled deeply.

  “He’s the one who helped me free your dad when I couldn’t pass through the door. He took the spell and key down to him,” he paused, allowing the information to sink in before continuing, “He also helped us against the hunters when they attacked. Killing three of them, and warning me when I became sloppy and missed an attack. It was lucky he was there.”

  Anya didn’t understand. How could Hugh, the same guy who had taken her against her will, be the person who had stood alongside them and fought against his own people? Nothing seemed to be making sense.

  “I don’t get it,” she said with a frown. “Why would he take me, then help later?”

  “You’ll have to talk to him tomorrow and ask him yourself, but he claims he was trying to save you. Not hurt or kill you, when he took you.”

  Thane moved toward her, crouching down on his haunches and taking her hands in his, holding them close to his chest. She wasn’t sure whether he realised what he was doing as he rested them against the drumming of his heart.

  “Have they told you everything that happened?" he asked, stroking his thumbs over the backs of her hands.

  “No. I’ve heard little bits and pieces from different people. Nobody seems to want to tell me anything.”

  “So you came to me?” he asked, dropping her hands and standing above her.

  Anya nodded, feeling bad admitting she’d come here for answers that nobody else would give her.

  She wanted to tell him she was also here because she couldn’t stop thinking about him. That she had sensed him nearby the whole time she was unconscious. Wanted him to know that she loved him, knowing he may never return her affections.

  “I’m happy to tell you what happened, but I think they’re only holding things back to protect and stop you from worrying.”

  “I know, but I have a right to know the truth.”

  “Yes, but not right now. You need rest before you faint. Your colour has changed since you’ve been in here.”

  “I don’t want to go back to that room. I’m fed up of being in there,” she grumbled, turning her face away from him so he wouldn't see her eyes filling with unshed tears. She wanted to remain by his side, surrounded by his comforting scent.

  “Then stay here.”

  Anya turned back, gaping up at him like a fool.

  That was the last thing she'd expected him to say. Usually he pushed her away for reasons she didn’t fully understand, but something was different about him now. He seemed broken and raw, his emotions out of control. Was this why he'd stayed away?

  “You don’t have to,” he spoke into the silence that fell between them.

  “No, no, I want to. I just… wasn’t expecting that."

  Thane sighed and sat beside her on the bed. She turned to face him, tucking her healed leg beneath the other.

  “I know I’ve not been that kind to you, Anya, but like everyone else, I was trying to protect you.”

  Anya thought of all her meetings with him in her head, from the first time she s
aw him at the masquerade ball, until now.

  He may have been rude to start with, brushing her off, and being arrogant, but ever since that first night, he’d helped when most people would’ve left her.

  How could she possibly think he was a bad guy?

  He’d caught her when she fainted, on more than one occasion. Staying with her when she was afraid. Always telling her the truth, and holding her when she needed comforting. He desired her as much as she did him, she could see it even now, but for the first time, he wasn't pushing her away and saying no.

  “Why?"

  “My past haunts me, Anya. I thought it would be best if I pushed you away, but I realised how stupid I was when I saw you lying so still in the woods,” he paused, looking away from her as his voice cracked.

  “I thought you were dead.”

  Anya took his face between her hands and forced him to look at her. His eyes shined azure as a small animalistic whimper escaped his throat. She stroked his cheek and cocked her head to the side as a tear rolled down his cheek.

  Thane pushed her hands aside and pulled her toward him, wrapping his huge arms around her, and holding her tight.

  “You’re mine, Anya," he whispered in her ear, "my mate."

  Anya didn’t know how to respond, his words ringing around inside her head.

  Was it true?

  For a while now, it was all she had hoped for. To be his.

  She knew he cared for her, why else would he have done the things he had, but to be his mate? It was a dream come true.

  “H-how long have you known?” she asked, tears filling her eyes.

  “Since the moment I met you,” he sighed, “I just refused to believe it until recently. Pushing you away because it was easier than admitting I was wrong. But when I found you in the woods, I knew I couldn’t deny it any longer. I couldn't face losing you.”

  “Was the thought of me being your mate really so bad?”

  “No, don’t say that,” Thane pleaded, crushing her against his chest, “I was just angry with fate for giving me someone I thought I couldn’t protect.”

  “I don’t understand. You didn’t know anything about me when we met. Why would you think I needed protection?”

  Thane sighed, letting her go to rub a hand across his stubbly jaw.

  “I think it's time you knew the truth. Why I’m feared by the rest, and why I don’t let anybody close.”

  Chapter Thirty Seven

  “My mum was the healer of my pack, my dad the alpha,” Thane begun, watching her as he spoke to gauge her reaction to his story.

  “When I was only six, nothing more than a pup really, humans moved near our territory.”

  At first, they’d thought nothing of it, after all, the humans had as much right to be there as they did.

  “As more people moved in, our pack grew, just as the human town did. Everything was going well and everyone was happy.”

  He could remember every face from his pack. Every family, but those that stood at the forefront of his memories were his parents, and his sister, Neela. She was his twin, and his best friend. Their eyes were the same shade of blue, her pelt the mirror of his own. Just picturing her beautiful face made him want to weep.

  Anya moved closer until her legs brushed against his, offering him her comfort. He knew she was meant to be a healer, he’d known from the moment she’d treated Tynan. The way her hands moved, the way her energy made every hair on his body stand on end when she focused her ability. Even now he could feel a gentle caress against his skin even though her hands remained on her lap, unaware what she was capable of.

  “M-my sister,” he struggled, battling to keep control of his emotions, as he tried to speak her name aloud.

  Without hesitation, Anya took hold of his hand, bringing it onto her lap, rubbing her thumb absently over the back of his skin, giving him the strength to carry on.

  “Neela, was my twin, but we were best friends too. We used to travel up to the human town together and play with the other children our age.”

  “What was she like?”

  “She was incredible. Not a single dominant or cruel bone in her body. A maternal female like our mother, through and through. She often followed her around, watching how to care for the others, learning what it meant to be a healer, and when she wasn’t following mother around, she was glued to my side.”

  Though he struggled to say her name after bottling it up for so long, he felt at ease talking about what an amazing person she’d been. Remembering all the wonderful things she’d done in such a short life. If only he'd been strong enough to protect her.

  “You all got along with the humans?”

  “Yes, in the beginning.”

  Thane could feel himself becoming numb, the wolf fighting for control over his mind. It didn't want him to feel pain and suffering, just wanted to take over and consume his thoughts with blood and revenge, eradicating all traces of emotion.

  He shoved the wolf aside, needing to continue, to explain to her why he was this way, and why he kept her at a distance for so long.

  “One day, Neela and Lizzy, a human girl from the town, were fooling around in the woods between our homes, when suddenly I heard a scream.”

  He'd known it was Neela straight away, feeling her fear and anxiety as though it were his own, but he couldn't understand why. Not at first.

  “Lizzy began to scream too, the sounds of their cries fading as they moved further away. Another friend of ours, Philip, came running into our pack shouting about a madman carrying a rifle.”

  “A hunter?” Anya gasped, squeezing his hand tight as she awaited his answer.

  “No, just a human,” he sighed, feeling guilty for ever having judged her the same as the rest of them. Even before he'd learnt what she was, he knew he wanted her, knew she was always meant to be his, but his hatred and prejudice against humans blinded him. What a fool he'd been.

  It no longer mattered to him who, or what she was. She was his, and he was never letting her go.

  “I don't understand.”

  “The man was high on some restricted drugs, his mind lost.”

  “That's no excuse.”

  “No, but I only found out afterwards, learning he'd already killed several others in another town a few miles away.”

  “He killed them?” she whispered, her eyes already filling with unshed tears. If only it had been that simple. Things might have ended differently.

  “No,” Thane sighed, running his hand through his hair, “I chased after the sounds, Philip struggling to keep up behind me. I could still hear their screams, but they were growing faint as they moved further and further away, so I shifted. Something I was told never to do in front of a human, but I knew none of them were close enough to see, so I did it anyway.”

  Thane remembered the way his fur bristled underneath his skin before erupting and covering him from head to toe. The way his claws tingled and scraped at his fingertips, itching to spring free and cause some damage. The deafening growl that burst from his newly formed jaws.

  Even now he could feel his fur prickling beneath his skin. A powerful reminder of just how close he was to letting go.

  “In my wolf form, I could run quicker, catch the smallest scent on the breeze and hear and see much further than when I was still human. It didn’t take me long to find them. Lizzy was bruised and bloody, crying by the trees, holding herself close as the madman pinned my sister to the ground, his rifle digging into her throat.”

  He could hear the frantic beating of her heart and the blood rushing through the man's body as he looked down at Neela. She wouldn't cry, determined not to let him see she was afraid.

  “He nudged at her skirt with his foot, lifting it high as he pushed harder with his rifle, marking her neck. I saw red and jumped out of my hiding spot. Nobody was allowed to hurt my sister.”

  Anya gasped, knowing what he'd done. What a fool he was. Maybe if he'd shifted first they would've reacted differently, but then he’d never
have beaten the man.

  “I circled around him as he spun and saw me, now pointing his rifle in my direction. His hands were visibly shaking, his eyes fully dilated. It was no surprise really. He wouldn't have been expecting to come face to face with a wolf.”

  Thane turned away from Anya, looking off into the distance before he continued. He didn’t want to see the disgust and fear in her eyes as she looked at him

  “I killed him. I lunged at him and wrapped my jaws around his throat, starving him of air as he thrashed and kicked beneath me.”

  He didn't feel any guilt for killing the man who'd hurt his friend and was intent on doing the same to his sister. If he hadn't found them when he had, it could have ended a different story. The man was already a murderer, what was to stop him acting again?

  Thane just wished there was something he could’ve done to change the outcome.

  “Lizzy began screaming again, but no longer because of the madman. She was looking at me. When the man took his last breath, I stepped toward her, blood dripping from my muzzle. Neela ran to her, trying to calm and reassure her, but all I could see was fear and loathing in her eyes as she looked at me.”

  He never would have hurt her. She was one of his closest friends, but she had no idea what he was.

  Slowly she'd began to calm, looking into his eyes and seeing the resemblance of the boy in them. She'd turned to his sister then, asking her if she was the same.

  “Philip finally caught up to us, waving a large branch through the air, trying to scare me away.”

  “People are fools and only see what they want to see,” Anya commented, scowling and clenching her fists.

  She was right. Philip saw the dead madman and assumed Thane was going to kill them next. He was wrong. All he'd wanted to do was protect the people he cared for.

  “I understand she’d be scared after seeing you kill a man, but she should know you would never hurt her once she realised who you were.”