According to a Source

by Abby Stern

  “Enjoy yourselves. Will you ladies please excuse me?”

  “Nice to meet you,” I call out as he mingles and greets his other guests.

  Aha! My first sighting of the night. Former Supermodel Turned Actress Turned Jersey Chaser is here. A jersey chaser is a woman that exclusively dates professional athletes. Without needing to say anything we turn in the direction of the bar and make that our destination. After we grab our champagne we plant ourselves right next to Former Supermodel Turned Actress Turned Jersey Chaser. We pretend to have our own conversation, which I must say we’ve gotten very good at, while I’m surreptitiously listening to her. She’s complaining to Triple Threat Pop Music Diva about her new boyfriend’s teammates branding her as a curse.

  “I know they’re trying to convince him to break up with me,” she whines. “They think this losing streak is all my fault but maybe if they concentrated more on practice and less on me they would actually win a game and realize I’m not the problem!” Triple Threat Pop Music Diva nods her head and takes a large gulp of her drink. “I mean I can’t be bad luck. I’ve always been the best at everything I’ve ever tried.”

  Holiday and I look at each other and roll our eyes. We continue our faux conversation and I pull out my phone while Holiday purposely rambles on so we can continue to listen inconspicuously. I take note of what Former Supermodel Turned Actress Turned Jersey Chaser and Triple Threat Pop Music Diva are drinking and what kind of moods they are in—narcissistic and disinterested. Triple Threat Pop Music Diva is scanning the crowd, trying to find an exit strategy, and looks like she’d rather stab herself in the ears than talk to a woman whom most men in America fantasize about daily. Not cover story–worthy but it might earn me a few points. If this is how the night is starting off I’m sure it will get better as it gets later. I do like it when I spot at least one celebrity at the beginning of the night. If I don’t have any notes on celebrities and the night is beginning to come to a close I get anxious that I might have missed someone.

  As I’m transcribing the details I’ve just seen I try to elbow Holiday, but I seem to miss and catch air instead. I return to eye level and notice that she’s found Tristan and has begun flirting. With “the thing that we are never going to discuss and in her mind never happened” I witnessed the other day, I hope she knows what she’s doing. Her pilot shoot could get messy if Tristan and Seth find out about each other, and for all of their sakes I hope they don’t.

  I return to my iPhone and as I tilt my head down I notice a dark shadow standing over me. Fuck! Have I been busted by security? I’ve barely been here for twenty minutes. I pray that I’m not about to be removed from the premises in an embarrassing scene, and then the figure towering over me speaks.

  “Do you ever put that thing down?”

  Oh. My. God. Nick Williams! I fumble my phone and nearly drop it. Nick catches it and hands the phone to me.

  “I was wondering when I was going to run into you again,” he says.

  “Oh? Really?” I try to seem coquettish like Holiday instructed, but I’m pretty sure almost dropping my phone ruined any sex appeal I may have had.

  “It seemed like only a matter of time before you showed up somewhere with Holiday. I’m glad it’s tonight.” Nick’s making eye contact with me, a good sign according to Holiday, and the sexual tension between us is palpable. I know that Ethan just broke up with me like a minute ago and technically I’m on the rebound, but between that and the news about my mom I’ve received an unwanted reminder that things can change in a moment and I need to live my life instead of wallowing in some sort of glamorous despair. Besides, Nick is smart and easy to talk to and I was more than attracted to him when I wasn’t single so I might as well go for it now that I am. As I’m imagining what his stubble would feel like when his face is pressed against mine during a passionate kiss I realize it’s been seconds since I’ve said anything.

  I take a sip of my drink for courage. “What are you doing here?” Not a home run but not bad for my first at bat in a few years.

  “I represent Foreign Born Supernatural Superstar.” Duh. “How’ve you been?” he asks as he kisses me on the cheek. His stubble feels exactly like I’d just imagined it, rough with a hint of tenderness. When his lips connect with my face I feel the physical manifestation of our chemistry as a tingle inside of my cheek.

  “That’s a loaded question.” I’m trying not to mumble and I’m really trying to pretend like I’m a normal person. He’s gorgeous and I’m losing my nerve. I remember Nick being hot, but was he this hot when I first met him? I’m around handsome celebrities almost every day but none of them make me jittery.

  “Yeah?” I’ve piqued his curiosity. Holiday didn’t remind me in her tutorial, but I happen to remember that mystery and intrigue are key components in attraction.

  “Yeah.” I let his interest linger. “Anyway, how are you?”

  I’m trying to focus on his response but my brain is running in circles trying to figure out how to let him know that I’m single now. If I come right out and say it I’ll look like I’m desperate, or it might come across like I only want to sleep with him. While both may be true, I don’t want him to think either of those things. If I don’t say anything, he’ll think I’m still with Ethan. Maybe he’ll ask? Come on, Ella, why the hell would he ask? Or maybe I can go back to sixth grade and have Holiday casually slip it into the conversation when she talks to him? Oh my God, this is ridiculous. I try to center myself so I can go with the flow of conversation and stop trying to manipulate it. No wonder Holiday insisted her lecture was mandatory.

  “… By the way, you look fantastic tonight.” That I heard! “I see your glass is empty. Should we go to the bar and get you another drink?”

  I nod my head. He takes the lead and guides me through the party, which I notice has doubled in size while I was entranced with Nick.

  “Another champagne?” he asks.

  “Yes, please.”

  Holiday sashays up to us with Tristan by her side. “Hi, Nick! Any feedback from the movie audition I put on tape?”

  “They said that you have a great look but you need to work on your pacing.”

  “Oh well, fuck them. What do they know?” Holiday says with a wink and her charismatic smile.

  “Well, they are Warner Bros., so a lot.” Holiday disregards his comment. “I’m sure the Benedict Canyon pilot will be picked up so don’t worry about it. Once it premieres the offers will be pouring in. You ready to shoot?”

  “Beyond ready. I can’t wait to get out of LA for a little.” She gives another wink, this time to Tristan, and both Nick and I notice as he hands me my drink.

  “Some of us are going to miss you,” I tell her.

  “Darling, it’s only two weeks. Nick, will you keep Ella company for me while I’m gone so she doesn’t get too lonely?” He turns to me.

  “I’d be happy to but I’m not sure how her boyfriend would feel about that.”

  “Something tells me he wouldn’t be bothered,” Holiday says. “Besides we’d have to find him first.”

  I bite my lower lip.

  “Oh, I see. So no boyfriend anymore?”

  I shake my head.

  “Well, then I would be happy to help keep Ella occupied.” I nervously laugh. Nick places his hand on the small of my back like they are magnets drawn to each other. “Would you excuse me for a moment? Non–Drug Addict Former Child Star Turned Entrepreneur is here and I’ve been trying to sign her for weeks. I’ll be right back.” In full-on agent mode he makes his way through the crowd.

  “Holiday! What was that? That was so embarrassing. You really are acting like my pimp.”

  “I know you, Ella. I could see the look in your eyes. You want him but you weren’t going to make a move. I was just helping you along.”

  “Was it bad?” I ask Tristan.

  “Nah. He’s totally into you too,” he says.

  “Really?”

  “For sure,” he affirms. At a party like
this where all there are is options, no guy is going to spend that much time talking to one girl unless he’s into her.

  “Sorry, Hol. I’m just stressed out. You were right. This sexual-politics stuff is hard.”

  “That’s why I helped.” She winks. “I know you didn’t ask for my opinion but I think he’d be perfect for you. He’s really ambitious and successful and takes no prisoners in business, but he’s also just a good guy. He’s real. Nick doesn’t do bullshit. Definitely not the kind of guy that refuses to commit because he’s waiting to see if someone better comes along. He’s the perfect nice guy with asshole potential.”

  Holiday and I always joke that is the quality we want most in our ideal mate. You don’t want to actually date an asshole but you don’t want to be with someone who is so nice he lets you get away with whatever you want.

  As we chat I scan the crowd again. I see someone that I know I’ve seen before but I can’t place her. Blond, preppy, nose seems like it has surgically been turned up.

  “Hol, do you know who that girl is?” I ask, nodding to the corner.

  “Which girl?” she wonders.

  “The one in the Lilly Pulitzer dress.”

  “Never seen her before in my life,” she says.

  “Are you sure? She looks so familiar to me.” I continue studying her. My gut is very rarely wrong, but I don’t think she’s a celebrity.

  “I’m positive. I’d remember her face and snotty attitude. She needs to have about five cocktails and loosen up.” Holiday is right. That sourpuss is pretty unforgettable. “You must’ve seen her around town.”

  “Yeah, that must be it.”

  “Don’t worry, darling. I won’t let you miss anyone,” she says with a wink. Tristan doesn’t seem to think our conversation is anything out of the realm of ordinary Hollywood party gossip.

  Holiday raises her glass.

  “To glamour and love,” she says. We clink glasses and Tristan laughs, amused at our ritual. I see Sexy Indie Film Actor in the crowd. I need to stop paying so much attention to Nick and focus on my job but Nick returns moments later and my attention returns to him.

  “You want to go sit down?” he asks.

  “Sure.” I follow him. It’s one of those walks that you know is going to change your life even if you aren’t quite sure how yet. We sit and stare at each other. “So…”

  “So…” He brushes a rogue piece of hair out of my face. “I’m glad I get to see you again.”

  “Me, too.” I can feel my cheeks heating up and turning bright red. I’m never this bashful with celebrities but he makes me nervous.

  “I was hoping we’d get to know each other better.” He takes a sip of his scotch and stares at me again.

  “Were you?” I flirt.

  “I was. Ask me anything.” He gestures with his hands that nothing is off-limits.

  “Okay.” I tap my finger to my chin. “Why did you want to become an agent?”

  “Well, I was born and raised in LA. I’ve been in the business since I was a kid. I was a child actor—”

  I can’t stop myself from interrupting. “Wait, a child actor! Excuse me. Anything I may have seen you in?”

  “My television work wasn’t exactly stellar, but I did some commercials you may have seen. I was in these commercials for this soup company when I was about nine.”

  My eyes widen. “Which ones?” I’m hanging on his every word and analyzing his features, trying to determine if he could be any of the child actors I remember from my childhood.

  “Sawyer’s Soup.” It is him.

  “Oh. My. God. You were the Sawyer’s Soup kid! ‘It warms the tummy and the heart,’” I mimic.

  “Yes. That was me,” he confesses, slightly embarrassed, finishing his beverage.

  “You were so adorable!”

  “I don’t think I turned out that bad.” He smiles to show off.

  “You know what I mean. Kid adorable. Wow, I didn’t know that you were a bona fide celebrity,” I gush, brushing my arm against his.

  “In this crowd you’re calling me the celebrity?”

  “Oh, yeah. You have the nostalgia factor going for you. I mean, who doesn’t remember those commercials? You have to do it for me.” I can tell he doesn’t want to. “Please? Please, say it? Are you going to make me beg?”

  He hangs his head for a moment to “prepare” and when he lifts it back up he has transformed right back into the Sawyer’s Soup spokeskid. He raises his voice. “It warms the tummy and the heart.”

  It’s exactly the same as when he was a child. I cheer and clap and can tell he’s enjoying the attention much more than he is pretending to let on.

  “That was amazing. I cannot believe you are the Sawyer’s Soup kid. Shouldn’t there be a special about you on VH1 or a Where Are They Now? photo on TMZ? Is it weird that I’m kind of turned on?”

  “Definitely weird. But I like weird.”

  I playfully roll my eyes. “There’s a lot of money in commercials, you clearly did well for yourself as an actor, so why the switch to the business side of the entertainment industry?”

  Nick sighs. “Acting is so fickle and I wasn’t a huge fan of the spotlight. I wasn’t even planning on staying in the industry at all but I’m good at it and it’s great money.”

  “Yeah, it’s hard to turn down good money,” I say under my breath. Another thing we relate on.

  “My dad split around the time I did those commercials. I think my mom got me into them to make me feel special after he left. It’s a good thing I did and we had that extra money.” He pauses. “A few years later my mom was diagnosed with ALS and couldn’t work as much so we used my commercial money to live on and put me through school and take care of her.” I feel tears welling up and I do everything I can not to cry. I want to say something but I don’t know what. Why did he have to bring up his mom? And his sick mom at that. I want to escape the reality of mine for a night and now she’s all I can think about. “I wanted to do something that I thought would make her proud so I decided to go to law school and become a health-care advocate.” I realize my hand is covering my mouth and I quickly remove it. “While I was in law school my old agent offered me an internship in the mail room at Epic Agency. One thing led to another and after I passed the bar the agency offered me a job.”

  “Wow.” I’m thoroughly impressed but Nick is modest.

  “My connections from my acting days helped me build a great client roster and I was good at it and I liked it and my mom encouraged me to follow my newfound passion. In terms of being an agent, I guess it chose me.” He stares at his empty glass. “I try and justify the career transition by doing pro bono legal work for the Los Angeles chapters of ALS organizations to honor my mom. It makes me feel less like another Hollywood sellout.”

  Maybe this is the alcohol settling in, but it feels like his warmth is surrounding me. Nick is a good guy, I realize, and not in that colloquial kind of way. He is a really good guy. Those other “good guys” feel like they exist only in the movies and not in real life, especially in Hollywood.

  “I bet she’s incredibly proud of you,” I assure him.

  “She passed away while I was in college.”

  That’s it, there’s no holding back anymore. “God, Nick, I’m so sorry,” I manage to get out.

  “It’s okay. I’m okay. It was a long time ago.”

  My lips quiver and I am on the verge of an unexpected outpouring of emotion. “Are you okay?”

  “I just found out that my mom has leukemia.” He grabs me without another word and kisses the top of my head. I know that I barely even know him but for some reason he’s comforting. He caresses my cheek. “I haven’t even told Holiday yet,” I confess. “I didn’t want it to be real and if I told someone outside of my family it would be.” He won’t let go of me and I don’t want him to.

  “If you need anything, to talk or to get your mind off it, I’m here,” he tells me, massaging the back of my head.

  I look up at
him with gratitude. “Who are you?” He pauses, confused, and I have to admit the truth. “I had this preconceived notion that you were this completely other guy.”

  “You thought I was just another asshole agent,” he says with a nod of the head.

  “No, I … well, maybe a little. You’re just so handsome and charming and persuasive I figured you had to be—but I was still totally attracted to you.”

  He laughs. “Well as long as you were still attracted to me.” We both let out a small laugh and he stares at me like he wants me but in a sweet way, like he wants to hold my hand and be there for me and give me an orgasm at the same time. “Would you still think I was a nice guy if I ask you if you want to get out of here? Maybe go somewhere a little quieter for another drink?” There’s nothing I want more than to be whisked away with Nick but there’s no way I’m going to let the opportunity to rack up points for Victoria pass me by. I need to stay here. Quick, Ella. Think of something.

  “I’d love to but I feel bad since Holiday is leaving for Canada and I’m supposed to spend time with her.” He looks over at Holiday, who’s making out with Tristan in the middle of the room as if they were alone and in an R-rated movie. Not my most thoroughly researched excuse.

  “I think she’s okay.” He smirks.

  “Even so, hos before bros.” I pound my chest like a frat bro and he laughs and is still as amused by me as he was the night we met. “I’d love a rain check sometime, though.” He leans in and kisses me. His kiss is like a defibrillator and after the past few days I feel like I’ve been shocked back to life after only going through the motions.