Star Wars - The Clone Wars - Secret Missions #2 - Curse of the Black Hole Pirates

by Ryder Windham

  Clicking his heels together, the man smiled at Gunn, gave a slight bow, and said, “I am Hethra Mcgrrrr, captain of the Random Mallet, and leader of the Black Hole Pirates.”

  “Lalo Gunn,” Gunn said with a polite nod. “Captain of the Hasty Harpy, and I'd like it to stay that way.”

  “But of course you would!” Mcgrrrr replied brightly. Without offering any hint at his intentions, he looked around the cabin and said, “I haven’t seen a Corellian YT-I760 transport in a long, long time.” His piercing gaze fell upon Nuru and Veeren. “Crew or passengers?"

  “Definitely not crew,” Gunn said. “Just a couple of rich kids I was taking back to their family. I'm also transporting four Republic clone troopers to a reconditioning center.”

  Mcgrrrr raised one eyebrow. “Clone troopers?” Turning his gaze to Mokshok, he said, “That new fellow - the Trandoshan - was telling the truth? The Republic is at war?”

  “See for yourself, Cap'n,” Mokshok said, gesturing to the open hold.

  Mcgrrrr stepped over to the hold and peered into it. Looking at the troopers who remained motionless behind the force field, he said, “They’re alive?”

  “Yes,” Gunn said.

  “What do they look like under those helmets?”

  “Like very tough men. The problem with these tough guys is they're defective, which was why I was bringing them to a reconditioning center.”

  “What's wrong with them?”

  “From what I was told, ‘wrong’ is a matter of opinion. I’d be happy to tell you about them, but my first concern is the safety of my passengers.”

  Mcgrrrr grinned. “You're proposing some kind of bargain?”

  “I would be, if I were in any position to bargain.”

  This answer seemed to please Mcgrrrr. He clapped Mokshok on the arm and said, “As my first mate as my witness, I declare that no member of the Black Hole Pirates shall bring harm to your young charges.”

  “That's only slightly reassuring,” Gunn said, “given that a rather large Trandoshan was threatening me with a blaster rifle just a moment ago.”

  Mcgrrrr sighed. “Ah, that Bossk. I suppose it’s my fault for even allowing him the choice of joining our ranks after he and Robonino arrived in a brokendown spaceship a few days ago. But let's not dwell on the past. We're all friends now, right?”

  “Maybe," Gunn said. “Friends help each other, and I could use some help. I didn't expect to exit hyperspace here, and could use some coordinates to help me return to Republic space.”

  Mcgrrrr grinned again, then said, “We can talk about how we might help each other after you tell me about these clones.”

  “All right,” Gunn said. “You see, clone troopers are engineered to obey their commanding officers and Jedi generals, but they—”

  “Jedi commanders?!” Mcgrrrr raised both eyebrows. “The Trandoshan didn’t mention that! Do the clones have powers like the Jedi?”

  Gunn was surprised by the question, as was Nuru, who thought Mcgrrrr sounded genuinely eager to know whether the troopers were Force-sensitive. Gunn shook her head, then replied, “They're strong and resilient, perfect soldiers. But no, they don‘t have special powers.”

  Mcgrrrr looked at Mokshok, and Gunn saw that they were sharing some silent communication, the kind exchanged by people who have worked together for many years. Mcgrrrr frowned, then said, “Sorry, Captain Gunn, I interrupted you. I believe you were about to tell me how these perfect soldiers aren’t quite perfect.”

  Gunn said, “Yes, well, the clones are engineered to be obedient to their commanders. The problem with these clones is that they'll obey anyone.”

  “Anyone?”

  Gunn nodded.

  “Without hesitation?”

  “They aren't the thoughtful types,” Gunn said. “You give them a command, they'll do it. They're unarmed, totally harmless ... well, unless they’re told to do something that might bring harm.”

  Mcgrrrr looked again at Mokshok and said, “I don't know about you, Mokshok, but I’d like to see a demonstration.”

  “Really?” Gunn said, as if it had never occurred to her that the pirates would be interested in the troopers. “I could deactivate the force field, and-”

  Mcgrrrr and Mokshok pulled their blasters out and casually aimed them at the open hatch. Gunn was surprised by the sudden appearance of the weapons.

  Gunn said, “I thought we were friends.”

  “We are,” Mcgrrrr said. “But I'm reserving judgment on the armored boys. Switch off the force field, but do it carefully.”

  “Sure,” Gunn said. Keeping her eyes on the two pirates, she backed into the hold and palmed a switch on the wall. The force field vanished with a static buzz. Breaker, Knuckles, Sharp, and Chatterbox did not budge from their stance. She tapped Breaker on the shoulder and said, “Trooper One! Sit down.”

  Breaker dropped to the deck and crouched against the bulkhead.

  Gunn rapped a finger against Knuckles's helmet and said, “Trooper Two! Stand on your head.”

  Knuckles bent at the waist, placed his gloved hands and helmeted head against the deck, and then kicked his legs up so that the bottoms of his boots were aimed at the ceiling.

  Moving past the inverted Knuckles, Gunn tapped Sharp’s shoulder and said, “Trooper Three! Jog in place.”

  Sharp began jogging in place. Gunn turned to face the pirates who remained outside the hatch and said, “He won’t stop until someone tells him to or his legs fall off, whichever comes first.”

  While Sharp continued jogging, Gunn tapped Chatterbox's chest plate and said, “Trooper Four! Remove your helmet and hold it by your side!”

  Chatterbox took off his helmet, revealing his swarthy features to the pirates. Gunn smiled at him and said, “Trooper Four! Say, ‘Captain Gunn is the love of my life.'”

  “Captain Gunn,” Chatterbox said in a gravely tone, “is the love of your life.”

  Hearing this, Mcgrrrr and Mokshok responded with loud laughter.

  Gunn threw a playful jab at Chatterbox's side and said, “You messed up, Trooper Four!”

  “I think he was close enough,” Mcgrrrr said. Without warning, he said, “Troopers One and Two! On your feet!”

  Breaker sprang up from the deck at the same time that Knuckles lowered his legs to right himself, so the two troopers were now standing side by side.

  “Trooper Three!” Mcgrrrr said. “Stop jogging!”

  Sharp came to a sudden halt.

  “Troopers One, Two, and Three! Remove your helmets!”

  Breaker, Knuckles, and Sharp obediently took off their helmets, revealing that they were identical to the already unmasked Chatterbox. All four troopers wore blank expressions as they gazed at the two pirates.

  “Impressive workmanship,” Mcgrrrr said. “Were they engineered and replicated from scratch, or did the cloners use a template?”

  “Template,” Gunn replied as she moved away from Chatterbox, stepping through the open hatch to stand beside Mcgrrrr and Mokshok in the main cabin. “A bounty hunter. Jango Fett. Ever heard of him?”

  “No,” Mcgrrrr said.

  Mokshok said, “They don't look so tough.”

  Gunn said, “You should have seen them when I picked them up at the military depot. They had more room to move around. They can do lots of tricks.”

  Mokshok glanced at Mcgrrrr and said, “The crew could use some entertainment, Cap'n.”

  Mcgrrrr nodded, then looked at Gunn. “Captain Gunn, like to hear more about the war in Republic space. I invite you and your passengers to be honored guests on the Random Mallet.”

  “That's very hospitable of you, Captain Mcgrrrr,” Gunn said warily. Gesturing to Nuru and Veeren, she added, “But these kids do need to get home sooner than later.”

  Mcgrrrr chuckled. “Oh, I think you should definitely plan on later.”

  “May I ask why?”

  “Because I don‘t expect any of you will ever leave this sector.”

  Hearing this, Veeren gas
ped. She stood up fast, leaving Nuru on the acceleration couch, and said, “I am Aristocra of the Second Ruling Family of the Chiss Ascendancy, and you will return me to Chiss space immediately.” Her words tumbled out rapidly, as if their sudden release would somehow protect her that much faster. Nuru did not need any Force powers to know that Veeren was very, very scared.

  Nuru glanced at Gunn, and saw her brow furrow. Gunn had been very clear when she’d instructed Veeren to avoid conversation with the pirates. Gunn stifled her anger, but stared hard at the Chiss girl as she said, “Hush, Veeren, and let the grown-ups talk.”

  Mcgrrrr smiled gently at Veeren and said, “It's kind of you to share that information, my dear girl. But even if I understood your prattle about a ruling family, or if you happened to be carrying an enormous sum of credits, I’m afraid it wouldn't help you now.”

  Mokshok looked at the two Chiss and said, “It’s not our fault. No one can leave this sector, including us.” Turning to Gunn, he added, “That's why I'll never see Makem Te again.”

  “I don’t get it,” Gunn said. “Your ships have hyperdrives, right?”

  “Of Course,” Mcgrrrr replied.

  “So what’s stopping you from leaving?”

  “See there?" Mcgrrrr said, pointing to the cabin’s viewscreen, which still displayed the Harpy's scopeview of the black hole. “The fact of the matter is ... we're cursed.”

  “Mcgrrrr and Mokshok are taking the passengers to the Random Mallet,” said the Arcona to the stiltwalking Pacithhip. The Arcona had just entered the Hasty Harpy's engine room, where the Pacithhip was inspecting the mechanical and technological systems. Peering past the Pacithhip’s shoulder, the Arcona said, “Ever seen a hyperdrive like that?”

  The Pacithhip shook his head slightly, careful not to let his tusks strike any nearby machinery. “This is a custom job,” he replied. “Some parts I don‘t recognize because they’re new, less than ten years old. But that's an lsu-Sim motivator hooked up to what looks like a hybrid Avatar-10 and MT-5 drive, maybe a prototype. And see those regulators and power converters? They're hand-tooled. They’d have to be, or else none of these incompatible bits would work right. This transport isn’t just a hot rod. It’s what the mechanics at Fondor used to call a Hutt’s Folly.”

  “Meaning what?”

  “Meaning that whoever paid for all this may have had more money than sense.”

  “Maybe these components weren't paid for,” the Arcona said. “Maybe they were stolen.”

  “Either way, doesn't really matter,” the Pacithhip replied. “This could be one of the most powerful hyperdrives in the galaxy, but it wouldn’t do us any good.” The Pacirhhip sighed. “Mcgrrrr might want to have a look at this unit before we start tearing it up for recycling. Come on, let’s go.”

  The Pacithhip led the Arcona out of the engine room. Neither noticed the gray-metal droid who had neatly folded his body between the hyperdrive motivator and power converters.

  Cleaver unfolded and rose to his feet. He carried a pilfered E-5 blaster rifle across his back and a shockstick at his side. Edging around the reinforced engine mount, he reached behind a heat shield to recover the cargo sack that he had placed there earlier. The sack held four blaster rifles, four pistols, assorted grenades, and a single lightsaber. He picked up the sack, then stepped toward the engine room’s hatch and listened carefully.

  His auditory sensors detected at least three pirates still on the Harpy. One pirate was just outside the engine room, making tapping noises at an engineering console. While the pirate tapped away, Cleaver considered his next move.

  Lalo Gunn had been certain that the Harpy’s passengers would be transferred to one of the pirate ships, and she had been correct. But before the pirates had boarded the Harpy, she had only had time to tell Cleaver to hide with the weapons in the engine room, then do everything he could to follow Nuru and the troopers and deliver the weapons to them within thirty minutes. Her final command — “And don’t get caught!” — had hardly been necessary.

  Cleaver waited inside the engine room's hatch, listening to the pirates while he contemplated his mission. Inside the cold confines of his refurbished droid brain, his cogitative processors generated a possible concern. None of the members of the Breakout Squad had mentioned whether he should avoid killing any pirates.

  Taking the sack filled with weapons with him, Cleaver stepped out of the engine room and saw the pirate who stood before the engineering console. The pirate was the short Patrolian, Robonino. Seeing the droid out of the corner of his bulbous right eye, Robonino's facial fins flared out as he moved fast for his blaster.

  Cleaver moved faster.

  ““We arrived in this sector the same way you did,” Hethra Mcgrrrr said to his guests as he settled down into his seat. “We were on our way elsewhere — in our case, to the Delphon system — when our frigate fell out of hyperspace early and without warning. That was just over ten years ago. Back then, we were known as the Mcgrrrr Gang, which I still think has a certain ring to it.

  “We immediately discovered that our hyperdrives no longer worked. At first, we thought we had technical problems. But eventually, we came to understand that it was the black hole that caused our plight. The hole not only wrenched us from hyperspace, but radiates gravitational waves that affect the curvature of spacetime itself, playing havoc on our navi-computers. Even worse, it emits a possibly unique radiation that effectively nullifies hyperdrive technology. Though we can travel at sublight speeds, it would take several lifetimes to escape the forces that bind us here.

  “Unable to reach lightspeed, we've been mired in this nameless sector for more than a decade now, reduced to preying upon whatever odd vessel tumbles into our midst. For example, the heap that delivered Bossk and Robonino a few days back has already been scavenged to repair other ships. And though our fleet has grown and we‘ve gained a new name, we will forever remain trapped here, where money has no value. And that,” he said with finality, “is the curse of the Black Hole Pirates.”

  “Did you just say something?” Lalo Gunn shouted over the surrounding noise as she turned to face Mcgrrrr, “Were you talking to me?”

  Mcgrrrr chuckled in response. “No, Captain Gunn. I was just yacking my head off.”

  Gunn, Mcgrrrr, Nuru, and Veeren were seated at the captain’s table in the banquet hall on the Random Mallet, the pirates' hammer-shaped frigate. The captain's table was near an enormous, circular window that offered a sweeping view of the black hole. Neighboring tables had been pushed aside to make room for the four Republic troopers, who were obeying every command from the dozens of boisterous pirates who encircled them.

  The noise level made it almost impossible for anyone to carry on a conversation.

  “Trooper Two! Jump up and down!”

  “Look at him go! Hey, Trooper One! Walk on your hands!”

  “That’s nothing! Watch this! Trooper Three! Lift that crate!”

  “Trooper Four! Stop jumping!”

  “No, you fool! It's Trooper Two that’s jumping! Four's the one climbing the wall.”

  “Trooper Four! Do a backflip off the wall and land on table!”

  “Haw! He did it! Trooper Four, now do-”

  “Shut yer yap! It’s my turn to boss one around!”

  “Trooper One! Over here!”

  Nuru had been able to hear Mcgrrrr‘s tale, and had listened attentively. Nuru noticed Mcgrrrr was grinning, and had the distinct impression that the pirate’s leader enjoyed watching his crew having fun. Then Nuru glanced at Veeren, who sat to his left, staring sullenly at the food that had been placed in front of her.

  Nuru returned his attention to Mcgrrrr, who gave him a conspiratorial wink. Mcgrrrr leaned closer to him and said, “You and your sister ever think about becoming pirates, lad? Because if you have, today's your lucky day.”

  Nuru grinned sheepishly, as if the possibility intrigued him. “I can’t say I've ever considered it, sir,” he replied. “I ... That is ...” He gestured
to Veeren, then continued, “Our parents expect us to become diplomats.”

  “Diplomats?” Mcgrrrr slapped the table. “What an amazing coincidence! My first mate, Mokshok, used to be a diplomat. He was an ambassador of Makem Te. From what I've heard, he was a good one, too, not that he enjoyed it very much. Endless conferences and private meetings. Too many customs to remember. Always having to dress properly. But look at him now!”

  Nuru followed Mcgrrrr’s gaze to see Mokshok howling with laughter among the other pirates who had gathered at the center of the banquet room. The pirates were singing and clapping their hands while the troopers performed the latest request, a highkicking dance.

  “Even with a black hole as a captor,” Mcgrrrr said, “a pirate’s life is a merry one. A life to be envied. What do you say, lad?”

  “They all certainly appear to be happy and healthy,” Nuru replied. “But when you mentioned that you prey on 'odd vessels' that fall out of hyperspace, I couldn’t help wondering ... Does everyone that you capture agree to join your gang?”

  “I'm proud to say only two arrivals refused to enlist. A pair of Sullustans with strong feelings against pirates.”

  Nuru felt a sense of dread as he asked, “What happened to them?”

  “We took them all to a small world not far from here. Helped them set up their own little camp, we did. Despite their aversions to piracy, they still manage to serve us in their own way. Raising crops, preparing provisions, helping with ship maintenance and whatnot. After all, they need something to keep them occupied.”

  “And what do they get in return?”

  Mcgrrrr took a sip from a large goblet, then replied, “For one thing, they get to live, lad. They also get to do research on an ancient—”

  “Who hit me?!” bellowed a voice so loud that the singing pirates ended their song and turned to see the speaker. It was Bossk.

  The Trandoshan stood in the room’s main hatch. He had one hand pressed against the side of his head and his other hand gripped his blaster rifle. Bossk glowered at the pirates, but then noticed the four armored Republic troopers who had their arms linked around one another’s shoulders and were kicking their legs up in what seemed to be some kind of dance. Temporarily forgetting his aching head. Bossk growled, “What in blazes is going on?”