A Shifter's Christmas Box Set
Page 31
She turned her attention toward the neighborhood around her. Her mind wandered away from Adam, leading her toward Casper and Nolan. What were the two of them up to?
***
The snow packed beneath their feet and the stars twinkled overhead, sharper than ever as the temperatures plummeted. Their breath misted in the air, much to Casper’s entertainment. The child was still a wonder to Nolan. How had he, a sour hearted beast, sired such a wondrous and happy child?
He guessed it had a lot to do with Ellie and her rearing. Nolan paused as Casper ran ahead through the snow. Would he taint the boy? Would his touch, his influence, warp Casper into a reflection of himself? The very thought twisted Nolan’s heart, sending a physical pain through his chest.
He’d brought the boy outside to show him what they were. Nolan wanted to reveal the snow leopard inside of him the same way he had to Ellie, a way to help Casper understand what was going to happen to him soon. But, Nolan found himself stuck, fear rooting him to the spot. Revealing what they were was the first step, but Nolan didn’t know where to go from there.
Nolan knew very well the way his own parents had raised him wouldn’t work in this situation. His heart welled with love when he looked at the smiling child darting around the small yard. He didn’t want to hurt Casper the way his parents had hurt him. It was clear that Casper could grow up in a happy home as long as he had Ellie in his life. That kind of happiness would mold Casper into a different kind of man and Nolan was happy with that.
But, what could Nolan contribute? He didn’t know how else to teach Casper how to be a cat other than the way he’d been taught and that was the very last thing Nolan wanted. He refused to subject Casper to that kind of life.
“What are you doing?” Casper asked, staring up at Nolan with curiosity.
Nolan swallowed past the lump in his throat. He understood Ellie’s boundaries, why she refused to let him tell Casper the truth. Nolan wanted nothing more than to protect this small creature from the horrors and trials of the world. He wished he could sweep him into his arms and never let him go, the instinct coming from nowhere. At least, nowhere Nolan recognized.
Casper reached out and poked Nolan in the leg, as if it were a button that would propel Nolan into action. A choked laugh escaped Nolan while tears burned his eyes and threatened to fall in the chilly December air.
“Sorry, kiddo. I was stuck thinking.”
“Then don’t think,” Casper said, serious. “Let’s play. If we play, you won’t think.”
Casper darted toward the snow and ice covered jungle gym and launched himself onto it. Nolan’s breath caught in his throat, but the small boy caught the rung and lifted himself off the ground with ease. There was no questioning this was his son.
“Let’s play my favorite game. I’m a big cat.” Casper let out a mock roar, yelling into the yard.
Nolan paused, his heart thumping. “What game?”
“You heard me. I’m a big cat. Big cats roar like this,” and he roared again.
How did Casper know? Had he already experienced his first change? Nolan could only stare at his son, waiting for the first signs of the change to ripple over the boy. But, nothing happened. Instead, Casper dropped to all fours and began running around the yard like a wild man.
Nolan’s heart settled. Casper hadn’t changed yet. He still had time. But, there was a part of Casper who, deep down, knew what he was. His favorite game of imagination was only a reflection of the rising beast inside him. That meant, any day now Casper would experience his first change. Nolan had to make sure he hid the boy from his grandparents when that happened. He couldn’t imagine the two, straight-laced humans walking in on a leopard cub in Casper’s bedroom.
Little by little, Nolan understood Ellie’s boundaries and demands. Everything she did was for the sake of the child running around the yard.
“Hey, kiddo,” Nolan called out to the running child. When Casper slid across the snow to a stop near Nolan and looked up at him, he continued. “Does your mom take care of herself?”
Casper’s head cocked to the side. Of course, a four year old would have no concept of self-care. Nolan had to look for another way of describing it, mulling over his words.
“Does your mom ever spend time without you? Does she try to take baths or drink out of a big glass bottle?” Nolan nearly laughed at his own description of a wine bottle. He had no other way of explaining it to the little wild man before him. Nolan wondered if Ellie ever tried to take care of herself, or if she threw all herself and more into taking care of Casper.
Casper’s eyes rose toward the stars as he thought, lips twisting to the side rather dramatically, before he shook his head. “The only time mom leaves is with cakes.”
That answered everything for Nolan, but it didn’t tell him what he could do about it. He chewed the inside of his cheek as he watched the boy race around the yard, roaring once more. What could Nolan possibly do to help Ellie? He’d been trying to handle Casper’s wild energy for her, doing his best to find ways to run the boy until he passed out at bedtime. But, that didn’t feel like enough. If she wasn’t with Casper, she was working in the kitchen.
Nolan groaned and slapped his hand to his forehead. Why did he suddenly care? She clearly wanted nothing to do with him, enticing woman or not. They were not partners or even mates. Nolan didn’t have to do anything for her.
But, he wanted to.
He wanted to thank her for raising this wonderful boy before him. He wanted to thank her for making Casper into a child that was nothing like his father.
***
Ellie leaned back against the patio railing. The night air was still nipping at her skin and she’d wrapped her arms over her breasts to keep her nipples from aching in the cold. It only drew Adam’s attention lower. She had to admit, she liked the way his eyes roved over her. It was refreshing. It made her smile.
Adam stepped closer, a smile spreading across his own face. His arms wrapped around her and the cold night air slipped away, his warmth enveloping her. He smelled nothing like Nolan’s wild and foresty scent. Adam was wearing some sort of spicy cologne and she breathed it in, trying to push Nolan’s scent from her mind.
She shouldn’t have been thinking of the shape-shifter in that moment. Not when Adam’s body was pressed up against hers. Not when his mouth hovered so close.
“What drew you to me?” Ellie asked, her breath misting in the air, while her eyes lingered on his mouth. If he would kiss her again, she might forget about the man baby-sitting her son.
“Hmm,” Adam hummed as he thought, the vibration sinking through her chest. It didn’t do the things Nolan’s voice had done when he’d kissed her in the foyer. “I liked the color of your eyes, the sound of your voice. I liked that you were good in the kitchen.”
Ellie fought the urge to snort in his face. Good in the kitchen?
She pulled herself away from his embrace and turned back toward the sliding glass door. Adam’s hand darted out and grasped her arm, causing her to fall short. She glanced over her shoulder and he offered a sheepish smile.
“I complimented you and you want to leave?”
“It’s cold out,” she replied. Honestly, she’d wanted to hear something else. Ellie didn’t know what she’d wanted, but what Adam said wasn’t right. Maybe she was too caught up in her own thoughts tonight, worrying about leaving Nolan alone with Casper. She figured she should sample some of the buffet, thank Reggie, and crawl home.
But, Adam didn’t let go of her arm. She tugged, trying to let him know she was done, but he held on. There was a pleading look on his face as he pulled her back into his arms. She wanted to fight against him, but she did as he wanted.
“I’ll keep you warm.”
No, that wasn’t what she wanted. Ellie wanted to go home and find her thickest pair of flannel pajama pants and put in a kid’s movie while she snuggled next to Casper, leeching off her son’s unusual warmth.
&
nbsp; “How about we go on another date?” Ellie offered. “I’ve been on my feet all day and I’m practically falling asleep now. I’m not good for anything right now.”
It was partially the truth, but Ellie only said it to wriggle her way out of Adam’s embrace. He wasn’t a bad man; he just wanted more than she wanted to give in that moment. Adam was ready for a commitment while Ellie had to get her head on straight.
“New Year’s Eve?” she asked.
“No sooner? How about a Christmas Eve dinner?”
She shook her head. “I have a family, remember? Christmas Eve is important when you have kids.”
Adam pouted, but quickly chased it with a sly smile. He accepted New Year’s Eve and promised he would pick her up. The date was to be a surprise, he said. Ellie’s stomach responded with a curious flip, one that could have been excitement or could have been fear. She wasn’t sure.
“Sounds like a date,” Adam said, pulling her close to steal a kiss.
Her head spun, but Ellie couldn’t tell if that was from the kiss or the sudden movement. Either way, she staggered back inside. At the buffet table, she scanned the offerings, but found that she didn’t want any. Her stomach rebelled at the thought of sugar, which was unlike her. All she wanted was to go home.
Quickly scanning the room, she found her parents talking to Reggie. She groaned. Knowing her mother, the night was not going in Ellie’s favor. Steeling herself, she prepared to approach the chatty group. Her father held a wine glass, its contents nearly gone because he wasn’t contributing much to the conversation. It was her mother, hands wildly animated while she spoke, that commanded the conversation.
“There she is!” Reggie said as he threw his hands in the air to greet her. He pulled her into a loose hug and laid a small peck on her cheek.
Ellie pulled back, nervously waiting for her mother to reveal what they’d been talking about, but Reggie went on and did it for her.
“Your mother was just telling me you were looking for a job outside the house.”
Ellie cut a glare at her mother. The woman was inserting her will into Ellie’s life left and right and it was starting to get infuriating. Ellie specifically told the woman she didn’t want to work for Reggie. Not only would she have to find a reliable sitter, but also she would take a pay cut, as Reggie would get a share of the proceeds from the sales she made on cakes.
“I always have space open for you, especially now that you have a live-in sitter. It sounds like the man of your dreams, right?”
“Say what?” Ellie’s heart stuttered.
“Your mother was just telling me how you found someone to stay at home with Casper full time. I can’t say I know anything about male nannies, but I do know it sounds like a dream come true. Especially if he becomes… something more.” Reggie winked. It was such a quick motion, Ellie thought she imagined it.
Her jaw clenched. She was thankful she wasn’t holding a wine glass or it would have shattered in her hand. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Ellie looked for a way to get out of the hole her mother had dug for her. But, her mouth only flapped, unable to find words.
Reggie reached out and clapped a big hand on her shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. I understand. You have to test the guy first, make sure he’s worth your time before you commit.”
Ellie wanted to shove his hidden message down his throat. Reggie knew who Nolan was. She’d figured out after Nolan brought her truffles from Reggie’s shop. How could she tell these people that she wasn’t starting a family with Nolan? He was a man, a man who happened to father a child. That was it. She allowed him to stay because he had the right, but she didn’t love him.
And, all Ellie wanted was love and support. Her throat was starting to tighten, and her eyes burned. She wanted to go home, but she was caught in the moment. Surprisingly enough, she wanted to go home and talk to Nolan. He seemed to be the only person who understood there was a line between them, one that wouldn’t be crossed. Sure, they’d screwed up once, but it was only the memory of what they’d been to one another.
It wasn’t the truth of the situation.
It wasn’t what everyone thought it was.
Chapter Eight
Ellie woke in the middle of the night, her heart racing. While she struggled to tame her shallow breathing, her eyes scanned the room. The darkness revealed nothing. Beside the bed, a clock flashed with an impossibly early morning hour. She wasn’t supposed to wake for another three hours, yet her body had jerked awake with such alarm that her heart threatened to escape from her chest altogether.
Arms trembling, she tossed back the covers and threw her feet to the floor. Why was she so scared? The house was quiet, the only sound she could hear being her father’s snoring in the room upstairs.
No, wait. Ellie heard something else.
It was faint, the sound of stone on glass. Her head shot up and she felt adrenaline shoot through her heart. A pair of eyes peered at her through the glass. She scrambled away from the window, fumbling for the lamp on her nightstand. When the light illuminated the room, the eyes disappeared. After a long moment, heart thumping wildly, Ellie slid off her bed and took a tentative step toward the window.
She flung it open.
No one stood on the other side of the glass.
Her heart gave one, heavy thump.
The door behind her swung open and she squealed.
“What’s wrong?” Nolan asked, breathless. He darted toward the open window.
“Where the hell did you come from?” Ellie snapped, hand over her heart as she let her shaking knees drop her onto the bed.
Nolan barely spared a glance in her direction. He lifted the window screen and stuck his head into the cold air, breathing deep.
“Don’t make me ask again,” Ellie growled.
He seemed to get what he needed, pulling back into the house with a scowl on his face as he lowered the screen. Turning toward her, Ellie saw the rage on his face. It wasn’t directed at her. His nose scrunched up and his lips curled back, his eyes darting toward the window over and over.
“I heard your heart rate pick up,” Nolan confessed.
“From where?”
He looked at her. “The couch. Remember?”
Ellie groaned. After a moment she remembered letting Nolan stay for the night since it had grown late after he worked to calm down Casper for bed. Still, her attention was pulled back to the window once more. Nolan could have been the set of eyes she saw outside the window. The idea made her swallow hard and lean away from the man.
“That man, what was his name? Adam. He was standing outside your window.”
Ellie was slapped across the face with sudden anger. “I get it. You don’t like the guy, but you can’t go around accusing him of being a stalker! It isn’t going to make me like you any better.”
Nolan snarled.
Ellie fell back. A lump stuck in her throat. The anger on his face wasn’t directed at her. She could tell. How, she didn’t know. It might have been the way he paced the floor like a man who needed to act, it might have been the way he looked at the window like it was his enemy.
Nolan was pissed that anyone had threatened her, even in such a small way. It warmed her heart.
The scare had been more than she needed for one night and she found the prospect of falling asleep again frightening. She didn’t want to be helpless like that again. Nolan was moving toward the door when she called out for him to wait. He paused, hand on the door knob with his back still facing her.
“Could you….” Ellie hesitated. Was she really asking this of him? “Do you think you could stay here for a few hours more?”
“I-I, uh, wasn’t going to go anywhere.”
Her throat grew tighter still. He didn’t understand what she meant and she didn’t know how to ask him past the lump in her throat. “No, I mean… Could you stay in this room with me?”
Nolan’s hand fell away from the door. When he t
urned to face her, his eyes were wide with concern. She could tell he still wanted to leave. Was it so bad to be in her presence? The idea made her stomach tight, but she ignored it. All she wanted was to feel safe enough to sleep for a few hours more. Having a shifter who could hear her heart beat from the other end of the house might help her.
“I can do that,” he said, finally. He searched the room, eyes lighting on every surface but not finding whatever it was he wanted.
“What are you looking for?”
“A chair or something to sleep in. I take it that’s what you would want.”
She guessed it really did kill him to stay in her presence. He must have only rushed in because her heart rate had woken him and he wanted it to stop. Ellie drew her arms around her middle and looked away.
“You’re welcome to sleep on the bed,” she whispered.
“Is that what you want?” Nolan asked cautiously. He glanced from Ellie’s gaze to the bed beneath her, something moving behind his dark eyes.
“I mean, it’s the only place to comfortably sleep in here. If you can’t tell, I didn’t invest in a lot of furniture. It’s only something else for Casper to climb.”
Nolan laughed, a hearty sound that stirred things inside Ellie that she quickly shut down. This wasn’t like that, she told her body. There would be no repeat of the night four years ago. It was well and truly over. Yet, her body didn’t think so as Nolan moved to the empty side of the bed. Not that there really was an empty side.
Ellie tended to sleep in the very center, having never shared a bed with anyone larger than a four year old. But, the events of the past few moments had her sitting on the side furthest from the offending window. Nolan laid himself on top of the blankets while Ellie pulled them back over her form.
He was a stiff board beside her, clearly uncomfortable. Ellie guessed she had been a bit of a stick in the mud lately. She’d set a lot of rules and boundaries, more often than not, mad at Nolan about something. Usually, it came from a fire still burning from the first time he left. Ellie had to admit she was still afraid he would leave.