by Pamela Ann
Sixty seconds was all it took me to look him in the eye again, pleading for him to listen. “You need to leave.”
“Why won’t you answer me? If it’s a yes, then it’s a yes! Just own up to it already!” His anger radiated in waves, ticking me off that he wasn’t ready to let it go.
“Why are you being so twisted about it? It’s only a shirt! A SHIRT—are you fucking high? What the hell is wrong with you? You bash me whenever you can. You push me off then reel me back in. I tell you I love you for the first time and you never say anything. You acted as if it was nothing when it meant every goddamned thing to me! Each time you touch me, you regret doing it.” I shot my words into his face.
Exhausted. Beaten emotionally and mentally. There was nothing left of me to keep going. I had accepted it, so there was no point in torturing each other this way. “I get it, Grey. I truly do. But please, you need to stay away.” I couldn’t look at him, but my tone was enough for him to understand how truly gutted I was inside. “Please… give me time to get over you.”
“I hate you more than I ever hated my mother. But the thought of you wanting to get over me… fucks me up, Olivia. I don’t want to want you—”
“Then don’t!” I insisted, hurting deeply after he exposed how seated and rooted his hate was for me.
There was nothing he loathed more than his own mother. And for him to openly admit that I had unseated that absolutely horrendous woman from her throne made me question what kind of a person I was. Was I that selfish or was it only with Greyson? Did everyone think about me that way? Did my mother ever consider that I was? Did Liam?
“Maybe… maybe moving here was a big mistake.” My past actions were causing my life havoc, and I couldn’t focus on anything that was important. I had to do something or I would never recover from it. “Maybe I’ll move back to Sydney after Mom’s okay… Liam—” Could help me with the school stuff, I meant to add, but Grey quickly interrupted me.
“What? You’re going to hop back in his bed?” he sounded accusing, as if I was cheating on him. Why should it matter to him when he hated me to this magnitude? It baffled me a great deal. Besides, I needed to push him out of my life because he sure didn’t seem like he was in a hurry to leave anytime soon.
If Liam was the ammunition that triggered his rage, then I would add more to set him on fire. “He was the only guy that could make me forget about you—” For a short while, I wanted to add, but Greyson beat the words from my thoughts.
“Do you know how it’s been for me since I saw you getting eaten out by him in your bathroom that night on Christmas Eve? Do you?” He was incensed, shocking me with his revelation as he continued, “And now you tell me that his dick makes you forget about me? Well guess what? I won’t let that happen!”
WHAT? I stared at him in horror.
“You don’t have the right to forget about me. It’s your punishment for walking away from someone who was in love with you since third grade,” he said succinctly. “You’ll marry someone and wish it was me. You’ll have kids with him and wish they were half made of me. You’ll live to grow old, gray and wrinkly, regretting never choosing me.”
He hated me and there was nothing I could do about. Even if I paid him with my body or with my soul, there was no way of compensating for that.
“You don’t mean that… people break-up all the time.” I tried to sound reasonable, however he wasn’t having it.
“You can never break-up with someone you’re destined to be with,” he declared boldly. “Why the fuck do you think I’m here? My mind is disgusted, but my body craves… Every day has been a fight and I’m exhausted,” he finished with a tone that made me look at him differently. Softly.
“What does that mean?”
His handsome face contorted as if he was in pain. “I don’t want to fight it anymore.”
“What if I want to keep fighting?” Where was this conversation heading? We were bouncing off each other, hating and loathing, and then surrendering and confessing … But, if there was so much hostility and resentment in him, I didn’t see what he was trying to get at.
He shook his head, persistent. “Then I’ll try harder to convince you. You and me—we have to be connected somehow or I won’t leave you alone, Olivia.” Those golden eyes were back, reaching deep within my soul. “I need it. You need it.”
He needed to fuck me while I needed him in order to survive. His concept made sense—if it was what I only wanted from him. “So it boils down to sex.”
“Don’t be absurd!” he lashed out, advancing towards me while I retreated before I felt the bed frame on the backs of my legs. “You know well that fucking each other doesn’t feel like sex. If I wanted ass, I have plenty to tap that from.”
Goodness, he needs to back off a bit, I thought as I watched his chest closing in on me. “I’m on the worst receiving end because of my feelings for you. You’re married—” My words were cut off the moment his hard chest crushed against my breasts.
“If it’s that important to you, then I won’t hold you back from dating others. Enjoy their company, go make out and fall in love if you have to, but your body… it’s only mine. No one gets to fuck your cunt but me.” I was breathing raggedly due to his close proximity and the delicious feeling of his body against mine. However, my heart was also being crushed a hundredfold.
Making out with other men, dating them and falling in love with them… he was willing to go with that? He was fine if I fell for someone else? He wasn’t joking when he said he wanted my body; I was certain it was the only thing he wanted from me. It hurt, but I tried to brave it out, needing to hear the rest of his crazy, concocted plan between us.
“What about you and Edith?”
“This stays strictly between us. Like you, I won’t fuck anyone else except you, but the rest can be shared.”
The rest could be shared… Meaning he could fall in love with whomever. But that won’t be necessary since he was in love already… with his wife.
“Don’t you have a physical relationship with her?” The question didn’t come out the right way. I wanted to ask if he was in love with her, yet my heart couldn’t handle hearing the truth. I’d rather not hear it even if it was true. I’d prefer to stay in the dark and lick my wounds without having him see me hurt and crying in vain.
Something flashed in his eyes, as if I had invaded something I shouldn’t speak about. “I don’t talk about my wife to anyone—that’s a subject I won’t compromise on.”
He was protective of her, great. So how did I deal with my jealousy if I said yes to this madness? Dating other men wouldn’t solve it. Yet, he had a point about the more we fought it, the harder it was to overcome. Maybe if I started hating him the way he felt about me, then we’d be on common ground. That shouldn’t be a hardship, should it?
“Let me think about it.” I finally made a decision that maybe a few days worth of thinking would be better instead of making any hasty choices.
“What’s there to think about, Liv? You know this is the only way we could live our lives without obsessing about it.”
His proposal was for us to have the best of both worlds. How was that even possible, let alone plausible?
“I could live my life in whatever way I want it as long as my sex life is yours?”
“Yeah… until we’re sick of each other.”
Chapter 23
Grey
“Yeah… until we’re sick of each other,” I heard myself say without believing I would ever get sick and tired of her body.
There was nothing sexier in my eyes than her wearing my shirt to bed while naked underneath it. When I came in her bedroom, the shirt had ridden up all the way to her stomach, giving me a good view of her bare and smooth pussy. I was tempted to touch it, open it up and see if she tasted just as good as I remembered, but she started to shift and made this weird sound of a woman losing her breath, or having a hard time getting some air in her lungs. My hard cock was immediately forgotten as I te
nded to her, but that raging want that only her sweet, tight pussy could soothe and medicate was back in full force.
“Grey—stop—I can’t think!”
She felt it. She always did. Damn her for always ignoring it. “My hands aren’t touching you. I’m not doing anything to distract you, Olivia.”
“You’re eyes—stop it!” she ground out, sounding frustrated.
Raising my brow at her, I tried to hide my smile. “I’m looking at you. There’s no harm in that.” She was still adorable, one of the things that had made me fall hard for her back in the day. Though I still found it cute, I knew this type of cuteness wouldn’t cut it for me. My heart was closed. Out of order where she was concerned.
“You’re looking like you’re going to devour me, Grey. I need to weigh it out…”
She was right; I was going to devour her until my cock couldn’t hold off anymore. At the same time, I wanted to hear her beg for me. I wanted to hear it in her voice; that distinct sound of desperation, that sharp gasp of need that would get my cock so hard veins would start popping out of it.
“Do you want me to go?” I wasn’t going anywhere, not until I had my fill of her… in and out of her. I wanted to see if she was going to accept me. All the signs were there, evident in her body and eyes. I had been her first lover, and I knew it too well. The idea of her fucking Liam while she was wearing my shirt… She was going to get punished for that. My cock would thoroughly love lashing into her, too.
Her lip quivered as I saw hesitation in her eyes. When she opened her mouth, for some reason I knew what she was going to say next, and I didn’t want to hear any of it, so I dove in and kissed her. When I did, things became blurry. Her hands were everywhere on me while mine squeezed and cupped whatever they could get a hold of.
I was consumed by this insatiable feeling of hunger, of this constant fire that kept burning bigger and brighter whenever she was around. Hearing her moan my name made me feel like the old Greyson again. Not the married man or the angry monster within me. I was simply a guy, captivated by this beauty that I’d been willing to move Heaven and Earth for just to have her underneath me, looking undeniably perfect as she writhed her hips to meet my cock, knowing that such perfection could only exist in this moment, flawlessly captured by our souls interlacing as one.
This was why I couldn’t stay away. Olivia made sex into something more than just two bodies uniting for a great orgasm. It was somewhat similar to what a high of using cocaine could give me, only it was ten times better.
She was about to take her shirt off when I stopped her after I took mine off. “Leave it,” I said as I got up and slowly unbuckled my pants, pushing them down to my knees as I gripped the base of my cock, groaning at the relief I felt. “Come here, kneel before me and worship my cock.”
Olivia didn’t hesitate and did as she was told, pleasing me to no end as she knelt before me with her mouth open, sticking her tongue out before I shoved the tip of my dick into it. A satisfying grumble came out of my chest as I watched her. Inch by inch she slowly worked on it, sucking me deeper, moaning as she did so, causing amazing vibrations that made my cock release some juices. Her reward for an excellent job well done.
I was tempted to grip her head and thrust my hips towards her mouth, but I didn’t want to scare her. However, when I opened my eyes and found her other hand was right in between her legs, pleasing herself, something in me broke. An image of her doing this exact same thing to Liam while he taught her how to do it right—because I was sure as fuck that it hadn’t been me who had showed her this kind of raunchiness.
“You like sucking cocks, don’t you, Olivia?” I wanted to level my voice, yet my anger was completely obvious. She paused before I pulled her off my dick, abruptly shifting her onto her stomach and giving her tight ass a hard smack that made my hand tingle. She yelped at the brash impact. Her pussy was exposed to me at this angle, glistening with slick wetness, ready to be fucked and unloaded into.
“You’re a good whore.” I hissed as I got between her legs, my left hand spreading her ass cheek as the other pulled on her hair. Licking her ear, I heaved heavily as I tried to vanquish the images of her sucking Liam off. “How often did you let him fuck you, my once sweet, little virgin?”
“No. I’m not going to fall in this trap,” she groaned back, pushing back onto my cock, but I shifted to the side so it wouldn’t enter her hot hole.
My cock was about to explode, so was my temper. I wasn’t sure which one was going to erupt first. Needing a reminder of why I wanted her to begin with, I slipped my cock in between her legs, caressing it slowly against her clit just enough to wet my length before I grabbed the base of my cock and slapped it on her other hole.
Rubbing my shaft on it, I pulled her hair harder as her body curved backward, giving me more access to her neck, to her lips, to her face. “I can keep up this sweet torture some more… or I can pleasure you. JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION! It’s. That. Simple.”
She cursed before responding to me. “As often as he wanted—every day. It depends.”
Every day. Good… keep my hate flowing, my mind insisted, fueling more of my rage. “Did he make you come?”
“Yes…”
I grimaced, feeling like she had punched me in the gut, but I was on a roll, my curiosity had gotten the best of me. “Every single time?”
She took a second to respond, saying, “Yes.”
It was a man thing. Call in insecurity, ego or what of it, but sex was something we prided ourselves on. And if Olivia enjoyed sex that much with Liam, it made me wonder how she thought about things with me since she had another guy to compare it to. I was all for women who were open about their sexuality. Heck, I’d encouraged it to everyone I had dated, even Edith. However, there was just something about Olivia fucking another man that didn’t sit well with me. The only thing I could pin it down to was the fact that she had been a virgin before and I had worshipped her even more after knowing that. Maybe that’s what it was—my opinion was already formed and making a new one was difficult to get around to. Because, at this moment, even though my cock was hurting like a mother fucker, I couldn’t seem to stick it in her pussy.
Staring down at it, I could see her tight hole contract, waiting for me to slide it home into her moist channel, however I didn’t have the energy to even do just that. Slowly letting go of her, I pulled away, situating myself on the edge of the bed, staring at the carpet, wondering where the fuck my head was at.
“Grey?” she questioned, sounding confused.
Good, that makes two of us, I thought twistedly as I reached into my pocket to get a pack of cigarettes I had for emergencies—this was one of those.
Zipping my pants up, I decided not to speak as I strolled towards her balcony and sat on one of the chairs, staring into the sky as I lit up my cig. I took a long draw, throwing my head back as I released the smoke, closing my eyes while I tried to calm down.
How the fuck was this going to work if I couldn’t fuck her without thinking about her ex fucking her after me? How the hell did I talk about her dating men as she fucked me secretly when all I could really think about was chopping all their dicks off if they dared touch her? Yeah, I was in a whole load of fucked up shit.
“Grey?” I heard her behind me, but I didn’t look back.
I wasn’t sure why. I just knew I couldn’t at the time. I hated her so much I felt like I could explode with it. My emotions were confusing me. One moment, I wanted her to hurt as I punished her until she cried, and then there was that part of me that couldn’t seem to help but kiss her until I was out of breath. Kissing her was too much. Maybe if I stopped it I would become less attached to her being with other guys. Nothing could reverse it. It happened. So best I fucking come to terms with it.
“Did I do something wrong?” She surprised me by circling her arms around my neck before lifting my chin. She came down to kiss my lips. “I need to feel you inside me, Grey…” she whispered as her hands travelled further
into my pants, sliding inside them before reaching out to give my cock a hard squeeze. “Can I taste you? I want to know how you taste on my tongue.”
Fuck. She was saying the right things and I wanted it, too. The more she talked dirty, the harder I became—and the jealousy was becoming harder to tamper down.
I had few addictions in life; Cocaine, Sex and Olivia Taylor. Not exactly in that order, but I’d trade the first two just to permanently have the latter. She was my ultimate drug. There was no other way of describing it. Maybe it was the potent combination of lust and finding her so fucking irresistible. I didn’t fucking know. I did know that I wasn’t going to get caught up in that web of deceit and have my heart fall for her again. It wasn’t happening.
“The sun’s almost up. I promised to grab breakfast for Edith. Can we do a rain check?”
She stilled, releasing me. “Oh, okay.” She paused as I stood up and dabbed the cigarette on the cement before taking the butt with me into the kitchen and throwing it in the garbage as she quietly followed behind. “Are you coming back here after she has her breakfast?”
I wasn’t actually planning on getting Edith breakfast, but I supposed I should now since I had used it as an excuse to leave. “Maybe not. I’ll text you sometime this week if you want to hook-up.”
She was biting her bottom lip in that fucking sexy way she usually did when she didn’t know what to do, and it used to get me every time. Well, not this time.
“Did I do something wrong?” she rushed out breathlessly as she blocked my way out of the kitchen. “You asked while I was bent over with my legs open, and I answered every question you asked because you wouldn’t relent, but you were there and then you weren’t. I don’t understand. Don’t fuck with my mind like this. If this is your way of trying to punish me because I left you and immediately went to Liam’s bed, or maybe it’s your way to get a kick out of seeing me suffer… I don’t know for sure…” Her eyes looked like sparkling crystals when unshed tears formed in them. “Is it because I love you? It is, isn’t it? It’s turning you off. Or am I not attractive enough?” She sniffed, tugging at my insides. “If it’s my love for you that’s bothering you too much, I promise I won’t say anything about. Give me time to meet someone. I’m sure in a month I won’t feel this way.”
