For the Game

by Amber Garza

  “Anyway, can you please explain to me what this says so I can get out of your hair?” Her index finger tapped the page.

  As I read the sentence to her, I hoped she would finish quickly. It had already been a long night, and I wanted nothing more than a little time to myself.

  CHAPTER 15

  London

  After yanking my English book out of my locker, I received a text from Cooper. Relief swept over me when I read it. Not that I would readily admit it, but I’d been a little worried about our relationship since he went back to college after break. He’d been so busy lately, he’d hardly had time for me. I tried to be understanding about it since I knew things were tough for him right now, but hearing that girl’s voice in the background during our phone call last night sort of threw me.

  Cooper: I miss u.

  I dropped my book into my backpack and then shot a text back.

  Me: I miss u 2.

  Once I’d slammed the locker shut, I leaned my back against it.

  Cooper: My tests are done, and tonight I don’t have much homework. Wanna skype? I need to see your face.

  I smiled, my hands shaking as I responded.

  Me: I’d love to.

  Cooper: Can’t wait. Luv u.

  Me: Luv u 2.

  Sighing, I dropped my phone into my pocket.

  “I’ve gotta say. I seriously misjudged you.” Madison stood in front of me, studying my face. She hadn’t said one word to me in the last three weeks since we’d returned from Christmas break. I kind of thought maybe she’d leave me alone indefinitely after the way Cooper treated her in the tree lot. At the memory a smile played on my lips. “I always pegged you as an uptight goodie two-shoes.”

  I narrowed my eyes, trying to figure out where she was going with this.

  “But clearly you’re a lot kinkier than you want people to believe.” She wore a sly grin.

  I shifted on my heels, squirming under her intense gaze. “What the hell are you talking about?” A sense of déjà vu hit me, and I wondered if I had a post-it note with the word SLUT written on my back again. Reaching behind me, I ran my fingertips over my back but didn’t find anything.

  “Well, it’s clear that you’re doing something to keep Cooper interested.” She leaned forward. “I had no idea you had it in you.”

  I slithered away from her. “I have no idea what you’re getting at.” Turning my head, I attempted to step around her. But she stood directly in front of me, making it impossible to pass. My pulse quickened.

  “Oh, come on.” There was a bright gleam in her eyes. “I know Cooper.”

  “Actually, according to him, you really don’t,” I pointed out.

  She faltered momentarily, and I couldn’t help but feel a little satisfied. However, she quickly regained composure. “Well, I know guys like him, and I know what it takes to keep them satisfied.”

  My insides coiled. “Last I heard you didn’t have a boyfriend, Madison, so maybe you don’t know what it takes to keep a guy satisfied.”

  “Perhaps you’re right. Maybe you could enlighten me sometime. I’d love to know the kinky stuff you’re doing to keep Cooper interested. I mean, you must be doing some dirty ass shit if he’s staying with you even when he’s around all those wild college girls.”

  Anger surged, and I shoved Madison away from me. “How dare you.”

  “What? I thought we were having harmless girl talk.” She scrambled to keep up with me.

  “Save your breath. I know what you’re up to.”

  “Okay, I guess I deserve that since we’ve never really been friends.”

  I snorted. “You could say that again.”

  “But you don’t have to be so mean. I was just curious about how you’re able to hold on to Cooper even though he’s gone away to college. I mean, can you imagine how many girls are throwing themselves at him?” She nudged me. “It’s a good thing you’re keeping him satisfied during his visits or else there’s no way he’d be able to keep it in his pants while he’s gone. As it is, I’m sure it’s difficult.”

  My breath caught in my throat. The bell rang out. “I have to go.” Swallowing hard, I spun around.

  “Okay. That’s fine. We’ll talk later,” she called after me as I tore down the hallway, my heart racing.

  By the time I reached my English class I felt dangerously close to puking. Visions of Cooper’s last morning here flashed through my mind. The way he touched me and kissed me; the look on his face when I encouraged him to go further. The disappointed flicker in his eyes when his grandparents came home, forcing us to stop. I knew Cooper had needs. As sweet and patient as he had been about waiting, I knew he’d been with girls before me. And I was sure Madison was right. Girls probably did throw themselves at him all the time. In fact, Charlotte was probably one of them. I had no idea what Justin looked like, but I was guessing he wasn’t as hot as Cooper.

  It’s not that I didn’t trust Cooper. I did. Seriously. With all my heart. But I wasn’t stupid. I knew what guys thought about ninety percent of the time. Even Cooper. If all the sexual jokes and innuendo were indicators, then Cooper had his mind on sex a lot. And I was sure there were plenty of girls who would give it to him at a moment’s notice. As much as Cooper loved me, did he really have that much self-control? Should I even expect him to?

  “Everyone get out your copy of Great Expectations by Charles Dickens,” Mrs. Lavering called out, holding up her tattered paperback. Her overly permed hair was pulled back in a banana clip as if she thought it was still 1980, and she wore a grey pantsuit. I always felt like I had stepped back in time when I entered this classroom.

  Reaching my hand into my backpack, my fingers brushed over binders and papers until at last they found my copy of Great Expectations. I folded my hand around it and yanked it out. Shuffling and talking ensued around me as the other students took this opportunity to get in last-minute conversations. I dropped the book on my desk and grabbed out a pen and notebook.

  “The novel is called Great Expectations. Do you think the novel portrays great expectations in a favorable or non-favorable way?” Mrs. Lavering asked.

  That was an easy answer, and my gaze swept the classroom waiting for someone to raise their hand. I knew if they didn’t Mrs. Lavering would call on me. I blew out a breath when a girl in the second row lifted her arm. I couldn’t remember her name. She was new this year, and I’d never spoken to her. She played basketball, so she’d immediately found a group to plug into. I’d always envied people like that. People who had a gift that helped them to find acceptance. It’s like they had built in friends. My mind flitted to Cooper and how baseball had helped him fit in. Then again, I imagine he’d never have trouble fitting in. Not with his magnetic and outgoing personality.

  “I think in a lot of ways it portrays it in a non-favorable way. Like how Pip wants to be with Estella the entire book, and she keeps turning him down.”

  “But Pip loved her. Do you really think he should have given up on that?” Mrs. Lavering challenged her.

  “I don’t know.” New girl bit her lip. “It’s just that it almost seems like Pip isn’t good enough for Estella or something. And I wonder if he’d lowered his expectations, found a girl more like him, maybe he would’ve found happiness.”

  “Interesting.” Mrs. Lavering said. “What do the rest of you think? Do you agree that a person should lower their expectations as a way of finding happiness?”

  “Of course not,” the words tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop them. And they surprised the hell out of me. Not just because I’d spoken them aloud, but because I’d said them at all. Before Mrs. Lavering asked the question I was in agreement with the new girl. I felt like the story was a cautionary tale. I felt bad for Pip and his unfortunate life. But now that Mrs. Lavering worded it that way, I wasn’t so sure.

  “Why not, London?” Mrs. Lavering asked.

  “I would argue that by lowering your expectations you may never truly be happy. I mean, if Pip had settl
ed for someone he didn’t love as much as Estella, would that other woman ever bring him happiness?” My mind wandered to Cooper. Often I felt like I didn’t belong with him. Like he was too good for me. Yet, there was no one else who made me as happy. There was no one else who made my heart beat fast or my hands clam up. There was no one else who made me feel so alive, so loved. To others it may have seemed like my expectations had been set too high when I fell for him, but I would argue that my expectations were right where they were supposed to be.

  They were in the perfect spot.

  I couldn’t concentrate.

  I’d reapplied my lip gloss for the millionth time and then checked my phone to make sure it was on. It was. Sighing, I glanced out the window. The sky was darkening, stars beginning to emerge among the black canvas. Why hadn’t he called yet?

  Opening up our text thread I read through the messages, double checking that he had wanted to skype tonight. Yep. That’s what he’d said. So then why hadn’t he called? It was getting late. Biting my lip, I wrote out a text and then deleted it. God, I was acting like we’d just started dating. Why was I being so nervous? This was Cooper, for god sakes.

  Shaking my head, I shot off a text. Then I sat back, resting my head on my bedframe. The phone was silent in my hand for several minutes. I stared at it as if I was waiting for it to sprout wings or something. As the moments ticked past with no response, uneasiness settled in my stomach, taking up residence. I thought about my conversation with Madison today, and my chest tightened. Twice when I’d called he’d been with that other girl. Was he with her tonight? Is that why he wasn’t answering?

  Baby, you’re the only girl I want. The only girl I’ll ever want.

  Shaking away the paranoia, I felt silly. He loved me. He wanted to be with me. Why did I keep questioning that? Standing up, I abandoned the phone on the bed and stood in front of the mirror above my dresser. Reaching out, I picked up the brush that sat on top. When I was a little girl I used to watch my mom sit in front of this same mirror and brush her hair. She had long, flowing hair, and I loved the way the light hit it when she dragged the combs through each strand. My hair was now a little past my ears, and it was starting to thicken. As I brushed through it, I took in my reflection, noting with satisfaction that I was starting to look like me again. My face had gained color and filled out a little, my hair framing it in loose curls.

  Behind me a sound caught my attention. Spinning around, I ran to my phone and snatched it up.

  Cooper: Sorry. I got busy.

  I paused. He hadn’t said what he was busy doing. Perching on the side of my bed, a sick feeling filled my stomach, but I pushed it down. I was sure he was just busy with school work or baseball. He’d given me no reason not to trust him.

  Me: That’s ok.

  Cooper: Justin’s home. Talk on the phone instead?

  Disappointment filled me, but I shook it off. We’d only skyped once since he’d been back, and I was dying to see his face. But I supposed hearing his voice was the next best thing.

  Me: OK.

  My phone rang in response.

  “Hey,” I answered, scooting onto my bed and tucking my legs up to my chest.

  “Hey, baby. I’m so sorry about earlier. The day just got away from me.”

  He sounded so tired that my heart went out to him. “You sound exhausted.”

  “I am. You have no idea.”

  “You all right?” All my earlier misgivings faded away, worry for Cooper’s well-being taking over.

  “I’ll survive.” The defeatist tone was a new one, and so unlike Cooper.

  “Is there anything I can do to help?”

  “You’re doing it. Just hearing your voice helps me, baby.”

  I wanted to ask him what was going on. I wanted to press him about baseball and school, and I was desperate to know about the girl he seemed to always be with when I called. But all the questions died on my lips. Cooper needed me to just be here for him. He didn’t need to be interrogated by me. I sighed. “I love you, Coop.”

  “I love you too, baby.”

  I waited, but it never came.

  He never said the word “always.”

  CHAPTER 16

  Cooper

  I hurried across campus, my tennis shoes clomping on the ground, my backpack thumping against my spine. Even though it was evening, it was warm out. Heat circled me as I walked, the scent of damp grass wafting under my nose. A group of students sat on the grass chatting and laughing. Their voices carried on the warm breeze when I passed them. A couple strolled beside me, hand in hand. It made me long for London. I prayed she’d get accepted here. Just that thought made my heart soar. I imagined us traipsing around campus, hands linked. To my right, a couple made out near a tree, and as I stared at them they morphed into London and I. My lips buzzed, the memory of her mouth on mine lingering.

  It was proving to be more difficult to balance our relationship than I thought it would be. The first semester it seemed that I had a handle on things. But that may have been because baseball wasn’t in full swing. Now it was more of a challenge. I couldn’t help but think that if she were here it would be easier. I couldn’t even bring myself to think about what would happen if she didn’t get into Fallbrook. As much as we loved each other, could our relationship really withstand four more years apart? I was already feeling the distance between us like a tangible thing. Like with each passing day the chasm was growing, and I worried that one day we’d be too far to find our way back to each other.

  Desperation clawed at me, and I picked up the pace. I planned to skype with London the minute I got back to my dorm room. My homework load was heavier than I thought it would be tonight, but I’d stay up late if I had to. There was no way I could blow her off again. I needed to see her face and hear her voice. I needed to know that we were okay. Maybe if I knew that I would feel like everything was all right in my world again.

  When I reached my dorm, I felt my chest expanding. With every step I felt calmer, knowing I was closer to London. It was the same way I’d felt on the plane as we got closer to Sacramento. London’s presence calmed me in a way nothing else ever had. The familiar scent of the dorms smacked me in the face when I entered -- old carpet and BO. When I rounded the corner and started walking down the hall leading to my dorm, I halted in my tracks. Charlotte teetered in my direction, tears streaking her face. Her lips trembled, her body swayed. I couldn’t tell if she was upset or drunk. When I got closer, it was clear that she was both.

  “Charlotte?” I asked tentatively, glancing around. Where the hell was Justin? It seemed he should be the one dealing with this.

  “Cooper.” She fell forward, her arms landing on my shoulders. The smell of beer radiated from her mouth, turning my stomach. Her nose dripped, her eyes filled with moisture.

  “Are you all right?” I helped to steady her while attempting to pry her fingers from mine.

  “What do you think?” She slurred.

  “Here.” I moved away from her. “Let me grab Justin.” My laptop practically called my name from inside. I needed to unload Charlotte on Justin so I could chat with my girl.

  “No.” She flung her arm out, circling her hand around my wrist. “I’m not talking to that asshole ever again.”

  Oh, great.

  “Besides, he doesn’t want me anymore. He made that clear.” She hugged herself, a fresh wave of tears pouring down her face.

  A group of guys came down the hallway looking over at us curiously. Shit. I needed to get this train wreck out of here. Blowing out a breath, I flashed them an apologetic look.

  “C’mon, Charlotte.” I tugged on her arm. “Let’s get you outta here.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do.” She ripped her arm away from me.

  Damn it, this was going to be harder than I thought.

  “Charlotte,” I spoke in my most charming voice. “I just want to help you, okay?”

  She sighed, her eyes meeting mine. My gaze flickered over to the door t
o my room. Thanks a lot, Justin. I could be Skyping London, but instead I’m cleaning up your goddamn mess. Shaking my head, I turned my attention back to Charlotte. I’d have to deal with Justin later.

  “Oh, god. I think I’m gonna be sick.” Charlotte bent over, coughing into her hand.

  Double shit. That’s all I needed was for this chick to puke all over my dorm room door. Grabbing her by the shoulders, I steered her down the hallway. Hurriedly I opened the door at the end of the hall and shoved Charlotte through it. Once we were outside, she leaned over a bush and hurled. The bitter scent of alcohol filled my senses.

  “Better?” I asked, placing my hand on her back.

  “A little,” she mumbled, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

  I grimaced. So gross.

  A sob tore from the back of Charlotte’s throat. “Oh, god, I made a total fool of myself.”

  “It’s gonna be all right.” I wanted to tell her that she didn’t make a fool of herself, but judging by the amount of people out here I’d say she was right on target.

  “I just thought he really liked me, you know?” Her bottom lip quivered. “I haven’t made very many friends since I’ve been here, and he seemed so nice.”

  I nodded, anger with Justin resurfacing. As badly as I wanted to rush upstairs to get ahold of London, there was no way I could leave Charlotte like this. The gentleman in me couldn’t allow that to happen. It’s not the way I was raised. I could almost hear Grandma’s voice in my head. I’d often teased her that she was my conscience.

  “Let me walk you back to your dorm, okay?”

  Embarrassment flickering in her eyes, she nodded. At least she’d calmed down. She started walking, and I fell in step beside her.

  “Thanks for being so cool about this,” she said after a few minutes of silence. “I’m sure you have better things to do than take care of a crazy drunk girl.”

  I shrugged. “Can’t say this was what I planned to do tonight.”