“Different kids, huh?”
“In some ways, completely. In others, I would think they were clones not twins.”
“I can’t imagine twins,” Rachel said with an exasperated breath. “Every time I deliver multiples, I thank God I only got one. And, I pray it is one at a time,” she admitted.
Tess watched her son maneuvering closer to her daughter. Dani was standing near the edge of the pool, still mostly dry. Tess had a feeling that was going to change soon. She smiled at Rachel. “At first, I was scared shitless,” Tess admitted. “God, I was barely ready for one at twenty-one, much less two,” she said. Rachel nodded. “But, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I suppose it’s like anything else.”
“What do you mean?” Rachel asked.
“Well, I mean that some things you just don’t get a choice in. You don’t choose to be born. You don’t get to choose when to die or who lives and dies. You don’t even get to choose who you fall in love with,” Tess said softly. “Same with kids. You can choose to have them, but you don’t get to choose who they are. In my case, I didn’t choose twins. That’s just what I was given. You take the ups with the downs and the good with the bad. I guess that’s how I see it. I was terrified when they were born, but mostly of losing them or hurting them. They’re the best thing that ever happened to me, and as much as they drive me insane at times, they would be as lost without each other as I would be without them,” Tess explained.
Smart lady. Wow, Brooke, I hope you realize how lucky you are. Rachel caught a glimpse of Sheila talking to Brooke. Sheila was an anesthesiologist who had been eyeing Brooke for a few years. In fact, there were quite a few women hoping to catch Brooke’s eye. Rachel adored Sheila. She had thought that Sheila had given up that ghost. She also would have thought that the beautiful blonde would have surmised that Brooke was taken. Which you are, Brooke. Whether you want to admit it or not, you are very, very taken. Rachel had no intention of taking any chances.
“Let’s go see what our favorite doctor is doing,” Rachel suggested. “I don’t trust her not to eat all that guacamole you brought by herself. She’s been grazing all day,” Rachel whispered to Tess. Tess laughed. She had a terrific time chatting with Rachel, but she was ready to get back to Brooke.
“She has a problem with green things,” Tess said. Rachel looked at Tess curiously. “I’ll explain later,” Tess promised.
***
“What are you talking about?” Brooke asked Sheila.
“I just assumed you two were together,” Sheila said.
“Me and Tess?”
“Uh, yeah.”
“Why does everyone think that?” Brooke asked pointedly. Maybe because you can’t keep your eyes off of her, Brooke. Stupid. She doesn’t see you that way. You need to get over this. She is the best friend you have now, maybe ever. “We’re friends, that’s all.”
Sheila considered the statement for a moment. “So? Is she straight?”
Brooke sprayed some of the beer she was sipping out. Are you interested in Tess, Sheila? What the hell kind of question is that?
“Guess that answers that question.”
“Sheila, it’s not my place…”
“You said she is great. Look, Brooke, I don’t want to step on any toes here,” Shelia said.
Rachel and Tess were strolling over to Brooke’s location when Tess suddenly stopped.
“Sheila, if you are interested in Tess…”
“I don’t want to…”
“Tess deserves someone nice,” Brooke said. Yeah, Brooke, that’s right, she does. Be a big girl and do the right thing here. “She’s not my girlfriend. You should talk to her. She’s...”
“Great, I know,” Sheila said. “Thanks.”
Tess’s stomach lurched so violently that thought she was about to be sick. “Tess,” Rachel took hold of Tess’s arm. “Hey…”
“I need to use the bathroom,” Tess said. “Sorry. Excuse me.”
Sheila smiled at Rachel and walked back toward the pool as Tess headed into the house. Brooke saw Tess opening the sliding glass doors. Her hand had moved to her eyes. “Rach? Is Tess okay?” Brooke asked in concern.
Rachel glared at her best friend. You may well be the most stupid person I know! Rachel shrugged.
“Rach? What’s going on?”
“You know what, Brooke?” Rachel answered with her own question. Brooke was taken off guard. “That is an excellent question. Maybe you should figure that out,” Rachel shook her head in disgust and walked away.
“What?” Brooke called after her. Why is she pissed? What the hell? First Sheila. Now Rachel. Something is up with Tess. What did I do to deserve this?
***
Brooke waited a while to see if Tess would emerge. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed, but it was enough that she was beginning to get nervous. She was just about to ask Rachel to keep an eye on the kids when Tess began to approach. Brooke started to move, but she felt as if everything were in slow motion. Something is wrong. I can feel it.
Tess had spent the better part of a half-hour in the bathroom. For a few minutes, she truly thought she was going to be physically ill. Reality had hit her hard and unexpectedly. The fact that she had fallen in love with Brooke was bad enough to finally accept. Tess had sworn off relationships. That is what made it so strange that Brooke’s words to Sheila felt like such a knife in the heart. She doesn’t love you that way, Tess. Accept it. Move on. Brooke is your friend. You have no right to be angry or even hurt. You’re friends. She can’t help what she doesn’t feel. What did you expect? A successful, beautiful woman to take on a working class, single mom, and her two kids? Grow up, Tess. Be an adult and let it go or you’ll lose her friendship.
“Tess?” Brooke finally reached her friend. Oh no, she was crying. “Hey, what’s going on?”
Tess smiled weakly. Her tears were surfacing again and the last thing she wanted was for Brooke to know the reason why. “Just not feeling too well,” Tess said.
Bullshit, Tess. What is going on? Did someone say something to you? I’ll kill them. “Tess?”
“Really,” Tess promised. “I’m just feeling a little funny.”
“Do you want to leave?” Brooke asked. “I’ll take you home right now. We can just watch a movie. We don’t have to stay…”
Tess grasped Brooke’s hand. She does love you, Tess, just not the way you love her. Take it for what it is. She’s the best thing you have going besides those kids. This time Tess smiled more genuinely. “No. I’ll be okay. I just need to sit for a bit, I think.”
Brooke nodded. She sensed there was something Tess was not telling her. Something told her not to push. “Okay. You want me to get you something?” Brooke asked.
Tess shook her head. The only thing I want right now, I can’t have. “No. I’m okay. I promise. Go visit with your friends. I’m going to go watch the kids for a bit.”
Brooke helplessly watched Tess walk away. What aren’t you telling me?
***
Brooke knocked on Tess’s front door and waited. They had spoken every day as they always did, but Brooke sensed distance between them. She was hoping that was either in her sometimes overactive imagination, or the result of fatigue from being on call. One thing, Brooke did know, she did not want to go on wondering. Brooke was due to head down to Connecticut to spend the weekend with her mother. She’d been considering postponing the trip all week. It was only three days. Right now, for some reason beyond her rational explanation, Brooke had a nagging feeling three days was too long.
Tess took a deep breath and opened the door. She was determined that things would resume as they had always been. That was proving more difficult than Tess could have imagined. She had tried over the past days to place when she had fallen for her friend. Attraction had always been present, but love? That was Tess’s problem currently. She couldn’t place it. To Tess, it felt almost as if she had always loved Brooke. She’d tossed and turned each night, replaying the last month of h
er life. More than a few times, Tess had heard it said that people fall in love in an instant. That had never been the way for Tess. She had liked Jackie. She had liked Daniel. She felt attraction, even passion. Perhaps she had grown to love them, it certainly had not happened in an instant.
Her worst moment had come on Monday night. She opened the freezer to take something out for dinner the next day and came face to face with a half-gallon of mint chocolate chip ice cream. She laughed through the sobs that racked her body over the absurdity of the situation. She was crying over ice cream. Not just ice cream, Brooke’s ice cream. When had she started adding Brooke’s favorite things to her grocery list? Tess couldn’t remember. When had she not kept mint chocolate chip ice cream? When had she not stocked the refrigerator with disgusting green Gatorade? She laughed and sobbed, and repeated the cycle for what seemed like hours. Logically. Tess knew that these were new evolutions in her life. Emotionally, it felt as if Brooke had always been here, even when she wasn’t.
Now, she had to face the friend she had unwittingly fallen deeply in love with. Maybe love was just not meant for me. The thought had passed through Tess’s mind numerous times since Saturday night. The worst part of all of it was that Tess seemed sure she would never love anyone the way she loved Brooke Campbell. She never had before. In some ways, it reminded her of losing her brother. He had been her best friend. David was a part of her in a way that she could never hope to explain. She told him her secrets. He made her laugh. He drove her crazy. She had loved him beyond measure. She would miss him for the rest of her life. Brooke was still here. Still, Tess understood that she would miss Brooke too on some level. It brought an odd emptiness to her soul. At the same time, Tess had never felt her heart so full. It was confusing. She needed to let go and accept Brooke’s friendship as it had always been. She was determined to do just that.
Tess opened the door slowly. “Hi.”
Brooke smiled. “Hey.”
“You ready for some cooking and some scream queens?” Tess asked with a smile. God, I missed you, Brooke. This is so hard. I wish you knew how hard this is.
“Make me your victim,” Brooke joked. Tess, please tell me what is bothering you.
Preparing dinner seemed to chip through the wall that had somehow been erected between them. Brooke’s struggles to follow directions sometimes drove Tess to distraction. It was also incredibly amusing. Tess loved to watch Brooke chopping vegetables and measuring spices. She understood perfectly that Brooke was capable of becoming a master chef if she had the inclination. She suspected that much of Brooke’s helplessness in the kitchen was playfully deliberate. The other part was some crazy mental block that Brooke had built in her mind that she had no domestic abilities whatsoever. Moving about the kitchen with the twins making their presence known threw the pair into a familiar pace and routine. Little by little, Tess forgot to think. Brooke was with her. They were in sync. For the time, that was all that seemed to matter.
Brooke felt a sense of relief when she and Tess finally sat down to watch a movie. She watched as Tess began to nod off. You haven’t been sleeping. Me neither. Tess’s eyes finally fell shut and her head began to drop. Brooke put her arm around Tess and let Tess’s head fall on her shoulder. She closed her eyes, the noises from the television fading like lights in the distance. The woman now in her arms calmed her. Brooke kissed Tess’s head gently. I should stay home. I promised Mom. Why do I feel like I need to stay home? Brooke felt Tess move closer to her. “It’s okay. Sleep,” Brooke whispered.
“Miss you,” Tess mumbled.
Brooke was puzzled. Who do you miss? Tess, what is going on in your head? Why won’t you tell me? You tell me everything. Brooke sighed and held Tess a bit tighter. What am I doing?
***
Tess woke up and decided to stay exactly where she was a while longer. It was selfish, but being in Brooke’s arms felt safe. She wasn’t sure she would ever experience that again, and if that was selfish, she didn’t care. She fought to contain the tears that began to fill her eyes. Shit. Don’t, Tess. Get up. Just get up. You can’t do this. It’s not fair to either of you. Tess forced herself out from under Brooke’s grasp. Brooke groaned and Tess couldn’t help but giggle at the perturbed expression on Brooke’s sleeping face. Adorable. Tess gingerly guided Brooke back onto the couch and covered her with a blanket. She watched Brooke sleep for a few minutes, memorizing her features. Slowly she bent over and placed a kiss on Brooke’s forehead. “I love you, Brooke,” she admitted before making her way from the room.
Chapter Eight
“Brooke?” Rebecca Sinclair called to her daughter. Brooke looked up. Rebecca sighed and then smiled. “All right, let’s have it.”
“Huh?”
“You’ve been brooding all day long.”
“I am not brooding,” Brooke chuckled. “I just have a lot on my mind.”
“Work?” Rebecca asked.
“No,” Brooke admitted. “I’m thinking of buying a house,” she said. Brooke’s mother’s eyes expressed her surprise. “Why does everyone I tell look at me like I’ve lost my mind.”
“It’s just not something that you have ever talked about before,” her mother pointed out.
“Things change.”
Rebecca smiled. “Yes, they do. So, what has changed?” Brooke shifted nervously in her chair. “Brooke?”
“I just think it’s time. Murphy needs space. You’ve seen him! Plus, what if I wanted to have guests or something like that? My condo is too small. There’s no place for kids to run or people to sleep.”
“Kids to run?” Rebecca questioned. “Worried about Eli when he gets older?” Brooke shrugged. “Brooke, is this about Tess?”
Brooke shifted again. She had told her mother a great deal about Tess and the twins. Most of her free time was spent with the threesome. She’d answered the phone one Thursday night from Davey’s baseball practice. That led to questions. That led Brooke to the story of how she and Tess ended up friends because of a mishap with pizza and then Davey’s midnight appearance in the emergency room. She had not shared her feelings with anyone, and certainly not her mother. If she didn’t intend to tell Tess how she felt, she was not going to tell anyone else either. Romantic relationships were a bad idea. She had convinced herself of that a long time ago. So, why was she suddenly determined to buy a house? Brooke sighed outwardly. It was about Tess and she knew it. She wanted a place that Tess and the kids could enjoy. Brooke was always at Tess’s house. No matter how much she tried to give, it seemed to Brooke as if Tess was always taking care of her too. She cooked for Brooke. She kept the things Brooke liked to eat in the house. She’d even done Brooke’s laundry a few times. She had taken over babysitting Murphy when Brooke was on call. Tess took care of everything. She deserved an escape too. Brooke wanted to be able to have Tess over and take care of Tess. Maybe she could get a place with a pool. The kids would love that.
“Brooke?”
“Mom, Tess is…” Rebecca grinned knowingly. “She’s my best friend. Not like Rachel, it’s different,” Brooke tried to explain. Rebecca nodded. “It’s just…it’s different. I can’t explain it.”
“Different in a way that makes you feel compelled to buy a house,” Rebecca pointed out casually.
“We are always at her place. Murphy practically lives there with my schedule,” Brooke said. Rebecca snickered. “What?”
“You’re in love.”
“What?”
“Well? Aren’t you?” Rebecca started to laugh harder at her daughter’s wide-eyed expression. “Good Lord, Bee. You look like a deer caught in the headlights. It happens.”
“Not to me,” Brooke mumbled.
“And why would that be?” Rebecca asked. Brooke grew pensive. “Bee?”
“You haven’t called me Bee in a long time.”
“You didn’t answer me. What makes you think that love can’t happen for you?”
“Mom, my life is not made for relationships,” Brooke said flatly.
<
br /> “Seems to me that you are already in a relationship, Bee.”
“A friendship. Not the same.”
“Oh? Why is that? Because you are not sleeping with her?” Rebecca asked.
“Exactly.”
“I hate to burst your bubble, Bee. I have known plenty of married couples who didn’t sleep together.”
“Unhappily married, I am sure,” Brooke quipped.
“Are you unhappy?”
“I’m not married,” Brooke reminded her mother.
“But, you are in love. So, what? You aren’t attracted to Tess?” Rebecca asked.
“Mom!”
“Well?” Rebecca pushed. Brooke groaned. “That’s what I thought. Now, what is this all about?”
“What do you mean?”
“What are you talking about that your life is not made for a relationship?”
Rebecca wanted to hear Brooke’s answer. She waited patiently. Brooke was agitated. She had struck a nerve. Sometimes dealing with Brooke reminded Rebecca a great deal of performing surgery. There were pieces, fragments of Brooke that could become scattered. It took time to discern them and then move them back into place. Rebecca had chalked up Brooke’s lack of long-term relationships for many years to the fact that Brooke was trying to establish her career. That time had passed. There was not one question in her mind that Brooke was in love. Every time Brooke called in the last month, the main topic had been Tess, D. and Dani. Rebecca felt as if she already knew them. Brooke’s voice had a noticeable lilt. Rebecca didn’t need to meet Tess to understand the impact she had made on Brooke’s life and her heart. Rebecca could not understand why Brooke seemed determined to resist her own happiness.
“Brooke!” Rebecca demanded an answer.
“It’s a bad idea. If anyone should know that, it should be you,” Brooke said a bit angrily.
“Me? What are you talking about?”
“Being a doctor. Too much division. I made my choice when I chose medicine. I debated that in college. What did I want? A family or medicine? I made my choice.”
“Oh, Brooke,” Rebecca closed her eyes. She felt as if the world had crashed down on her.
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