“I’m not doing that to Tess. She’s had enough things she had to give up already. I can be there as her friend. I won’t disappoint her that way. She already had to give up her aspirations, just like you did.”
Rebecca looked at her daughter in astonishment. “Like I did? Brooke, what on earth are you talking about?”
“I watched you. You left because dad was never there. I always understood that. You gave up everything. Gave up your career, came here…for me. And why? Because it was medicine or me. You always said that I am like him. I am. Right? Like Dad?”
Rebecca folded her hands in front of her face and tried to steady her emotions. In a heartbeat, Brooke had transformed into a wounded child. Where did you get these ideas, Bee? She took a deep breath and moved to kneel before her daughter. It’s time we had a talk, Bee.
Tears of frustration had begun to stream down Brooke’s cheeks. Rebecca took her daughter’s hands and spoke softly. “I’m so sorry, Bee. You are very much like your father,” she said gently. Brooke looked up at her mother, sadness painting her eyes. Rebecca wiped her daughter’s tears away. “That’s not a bad thing, Bee. Your father is not just an excellent surgeon. He is a good man.”
“That doesn’t change…”
“No, it doesn’t. The challenge for him was everything. He loves you as much as I love you. He just shows it differently.”
“He didn’t love you enough,” Brooke said quietly.
Rebecca smiled. “No, Bee…You are wrong. He still loves me. I still love him.” Brooke looked at her mother doubtfully. “Why does that surprise you?”
“That’s even worse,” Brooke mumbled.
“No. We parted friends. We changed. That’s all. It happens, Bee. Life doesn’t give you guarantees. Some things you just can’t control and you just can’t change. You do the best you can with the hand you are dealt. You make the choices you need to so you can be happy. That’s all anyone can do, just they best they can.”
“You gave everything up,” Brooke said. “Tess already did that once.”
“I gave nothing up,” Rebecca said assuredly. “I had you. That was everything. For me, it still is.”
“Mom, you could have been…”
“I have been exactly what I wanted to be, Bee. I love what I do. I love teaching. I don’t love it more than I love you. I don’t love anything more than that. You have some idea that I quit the operating room because of you. That’s not true,” she said. Brooke looked back at her mother hopefully. “I did love that part of my life. But, Bee, I have told you before, it took a toll on me. Sometimes, I made a real difference. Sometimes….it was just too much. Pieces. I got tired of seeing people in pieces, Bee. One day, about a year before your father and I split up, they brought a young boy into the emergency room. Pieces. There were so many pieces, one of the residents called him Humpty Dumpty. He woke up for a few minutes and I looked into his eyes. Maybe, maybe I could put his leg back together. Maybe his knee. I could never put the pieces of his soul that were shattered. Both his parents were gone. Head on collision. He was ten. I couldn’t do that anymore. I could teach people how. That’s the best I could do. What if that had been you, Bee? That’s all I could see for weeks? What if it had been your father and me? Life is unpredictable. All that really matters are the people you love.”
“Mom…”
“You have always understood that, Bee. That’s why you made the choice to do what you do. What did you tell me? You wanted to revere life more than you wanted to repair it. There is no greater part of life than love, sweetheart. Not one. If you want to revere life, you have to love. That means you have to risk.”
Brooke shook her head. “I don’t know how.”
“Yes, you do. You are already doing it.”
Brooke looked up fearfully. “What if I hurt her?”
Rebecca kissed her daughter’s cheek. “You will,” she said. Brooke swallowed hard. “And, at some point she will hurt you. If you are lucky, and you really love each other, you will get through those moments.”
“You didn’t.”
“No. But, I am not Tess and you are not your father. Don’t make us your barometer, Bee. But, if it helps, neither of us have any regrets, not about each other and not about you. Your father would tell you the same thing. I guarantee it.”
“I don’t even know what…”
“Call Tess, Bee. Just call her.”
***
“I’m glad you had some time,” Sheila said.
Tess smiled at the other woman. She had found Sheila’s company pleasant. It had been a welcome distraction. Tess was still reeling. That was made worse by the fact that she missed Brooke. Brooke had sent her a message when she arrived at her mother’s home. They hadn’t spoken since. Tess had hesitated briefly to accept Sheila’s invitation to get their kids together. Davey and Dani had been talking about Sheila’s son Jack all week long. In the end, Tess rationalized that this was a necessary evolution. The kids were running through Tess’s backyard chasing Murphy. Brooke. Brooke was always present even when she was far away.
“They certainly have a lot of energy,” Sheila laughed.
“That they do,” Tess agreed just as her phone rang. “Sorry,” she said to Sheila. “Hey.”
“Hi,” Brooke said.
“Everything okay?” Tess asked.
“Jack! Don’t push the dog!” Sheila yelled across the yard.
“Bad time?” Brooke asked.
“No. Sheila just brought Jack over to play with the kids,” Tess said. Silence lingered. “Brooke?”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t know you had plans.”
Tess detected something strange in Brooke’s voice. “It’s okay. Are you okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, of course. Listen, I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“You didn’t.”
“I should let you go. Tell the kids I said hello,” Brooke choked back her tears.
“I will. Brooke? Are you sure everything is okay there?” Tess asked.
Brooke took a deep breath and remained determined not to let Tess hear her sadness. “Absolutely. I’ll see you Monday when I pick up Murph.”
Tess frowned. “Okay. Have fun with your mom.”
“Yeah. Say hi to Sheila.”
“Sure. See you Monday,” Tess said. She was fairly certain Brooke had hung up before she had a chance to finish the thought.
“Everything okay?” Sheila asked.
Tess looked at her phone. “I don’t know.”
***
Rebecca waited nearly an hour before searching out Brooke. She wanted to give her time to talk to Tess, but the eerie quiet from Brooke’s room was beginning to unnerve her. She did not expect to find Brooke on her bed crying. “Bee?”
“It’s my fault.”
“What happened? Did you and Tess have a fight or something?”
“No,” Brooke chuckled through her tears. “She has company.”
“What kind of company?”
“Sheila kind of company,” Brooke groaned. “And Jack.”
“Jack?”
“Sheila’s son.”
Rebecca pursed her lips. “I see. And, that is a bad thing?”
“Not for Sheila,” Brooke said sarcastically.
“What about for Tess?” Rebecca asked.
“What do you mean?” Brooke sighed dramatically. “I told her that if she was interested she should try to get to know her. Well, guess she listened.”
“Tess?”
“No! Sheila!”
“So, Sheila is interested in Tess. Is that what you think?” Rebecca tried to regain her footing.
“Of course, she is! Tess is beautiful. Plus she’s funny as hell and is a great mom. She’s great! Just like I told Sheila,” Brooke said. “Fuck me.”
Rebecca forced herself not to laugh. “So? Why are you here?”
“What?”
“Well, if Sheila wants Tess and you want Tess, and Sheila is there….Why are you here?”
“M
om!”
“Brooke!”
“I don’t even know how she feels.”
“Well, there is only one way to find that out, and it certainly is not here.”
“Mom, I can’t just drive to Tess’s, knock on the door and say, ‘Hi. Sorry to drop in but I thought you should know that I am in love with you.’” Rebecca smiled broadly. “What?” Brooke asked.
“Is that the first time you said it out loud?” Rebecca asked. Brooke grinned in spite of herself. “Feels good to admit it, doesn’t it?” Rebecca asked knowingly. “I’m not suggesting that you drive home and ask her to move into this house you want to buy and marry you. I do think what you just said is perfect.”
“Just knock on the door and tell her I love her?” Brooke asked in disbelief.
“Pretty much, yes.”
“I’m calling Dad.”
“Why?”
“You need a trauma surgeon. You must have fallen and hit your head,” Brooke said.
“Very funny, Bee. Say whatever you want. Just tell her.”
“What if she laughs at me?” Brooke asked.
“The woman who has managed to get you to attempt cooking, who babysits your dog for days at a time? The same woman whose children you have been taking to rehearsals and practices? That woman? Somehow, Brooke, I think it might be you who needs the trauma surgeon. You are clearly missing something here.”
“What is that supposed to mean?” Brooke asked.
“Bee, you are going to have to make a choice. What do you want?”
Brooke whispered her answer. “I want Tess.”
Rebecca grabbed the duffel bag Brooke had brought and tossed it at her. “Call me tomorrow.”
“What?” Brooke said.
“I am still the parent, and I am kicking you out. At least for this weekend.” Brooke was stunned. “Well?” Rebecca asked. “It’s just about five. Leave now, and you will be there by the time she is putting those kids to bed. And, I will bet your nemesis will be gone by then.”
“You don’t know that,” Brooke said.
“No, but I will bet you a weekend at the Vineyard that I am right. In fact, I will bet you a weekend at the Vineyard with Tess, and I will even babysit.”
Brooke laughed. Her mother could always cajole her out of an emotional funk. “You don’t even know what she’ll say.”
“Didn’t bet on that,” Rebecca pointed out. “I just bet that her friend would be gone when you got there. Either way, if I’m right, you win and get a trip to the Vineyard. So?”
Brooke seldom backed down from a challenge and her mother was issuing her one right now. “Fine. You are on.”
“Good. Call me tomorrow and let me know when I should book you a room.”
“I’ll do that, oh confident one,” Brooke said. She grabbed her duffel bag and marched out of the room.
Rebecca flopped onto Brooke’s bed. Works like a charm every time.
***
It had been a full day of activity. Tess was ready for some quiet time. Sheila had helped a sleepy Jack into her car and was now standing on Tess’s front step. “Thanks for today,” Sheila said.
Tess smiled at her. Tess had to admit that it was refreshing in its own way to know that someone was attracted to her. It was even a bit tempting. Sheila was funny. She was charming and intelligent. And, she was definitely not hard to look at. Slightly taller than Tess, Sheila had bluish-green eyes and blonde hair that was the color of champagne. Tess thought that Sheila looked a great deal more like a doctor that you would see on a television medical drama than one that you expected to actually knock you out. In other words, Sheila was a knock out. Ironic.
“Thanks for coming over. The kids had a great time,” Tess said. “So did I,” she added. That was the truth. Tess appreciated the company. It had taken her focus off of her aching heart for a few hours. She had laughed more than she had expected to. Sheila had some hysterical stories and a knack for telling them.
A smiling Tess was caught by surprise when the woman in front of her leaned closer. “I’m glad,” Sheila said softly. Before Tess could complete a thought, Sheila’s lips were on hers.
Tess closed her eyes instinctively. It had been longer than she cared to admit since she had felt the softness of another person’s lips on her own. Her heart fluttered slightly at the contact, and then swiftly plummeted. Tess gently pushed Sheila back. “I can’t,” she whispered regretfully. I wish I could. I can’t.
Sheila looked at Tess and smiled sadly. “Tess,” Tess opened her eyes and smiled, but her eyes were glistening with tears. “Why not?” Sheila asked softly.
“I’m in love with someone else,” Tess replied honestly.
“Brooke,” Sheila hung her head and barely whispered. She looked back at Tess. “Tess, Brooke has never been…”
“I know,” Tess said. “It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t change anything.” No, it really doesn’t. Face it, you don’t want anyone else.
Sheila nodded. “I hope we can still be friends,” she said.
Tess heard hopefulness and sadness mingling in Sheila’s voice. “I’d like that.”
“I’m sorry,” Sheila said. “For what it’s worth, I think she is crazy.” Tess let out the hint of a chuckle at the sentiment. “I’ll see you.”
“I hope so,” Tess said honestly. She waited until Sheila climbed into her car to close the front door. Unexpectedly, a wave of emotion sent Tess sliding down her door until she hit the floor. She covered her face with her hands and let the heartbreak consume her. Love is not supposed to hurt so much. Why does it always have to hurt so much? Murphy sheepishly approached her and began licking the hands covering her face. Tess laughed as she cried. “What am I going to do, Murph?”
***
Brooke turned onto Tess’s street and fought an onslaught of severe nausea. “No turning back, Brooke,” she ordered herself. She pulled in front of the small house and turned off the car. The living room light was on. Sheila’s car was nowhere. “Guess, I will be going to the Vineyard,” she said. The question is, will I be alone? Are you sure about this, Brooke? What are you going to say when she laughs at you? What if she doesn’t? Everything will change. You ready for that, doc? Brooke took a deep breath and closed her eyes tightly. “I don’t know,” she confessed. Yes, you do. Brooke opened her eyes, stepped out of the car and looked at the house a few yards away. She stood there for a few minutes, thoughts swirling. Brooke suddenly heard her mother’s voice echoing in her brain. All that really matters are the people you love. With a shake of her head and another deep breath, Brooke headed for Tess’s front door.
***
Tess thought she head a car. She had cried for what seemed like hours. She wasn’t sure how long it had been. Davey had walked in and she was forced to compose herself. As soon as the twins were in bed, she found herself on the couch sobbing into Murphy’s back. The big lab brought her a small measure of comfort. His love was unconditional. At that moment, his sloppy affection was welcome. Not what she wanted, but a comfort that she needed. She sat up curiously when a knock fell on the front door. “What the hell?” she muttered. Tess headed for the door and peeked out the window. “Brooke?”
***
Brooke was positive that she was going to faint. She could feel the blood swishing through her veins. Her heart was racing so swiftly that she could hear it in her ears. The door opened. There she was—Tess. They stared at each other for a moment. Brooke immediately took note of the puffiness in Tess’s eyes. Tess’s tears began to fall swiftly against her will. Brooke reached out and took Tess’s face in her hands. She seemed to lose all hope of rational thought in one instant. Tess did not need to answer any questions. She didn’t need to say a word. The truth was written in her eyes. Brooke pulled her close and held her while she cried.
Tess fell into Brooke. The strength and tenderness she found in Brooke’s embrace availed itself in more tears. Brooke closed her eyes and held the woman she loved. Say it, you idiot. “I love you, Tes
s,” she whispered as tears began to fill her eyes.
Tess’s heart skipped several beats. She pulled back slightly and looked at Brooke. Brooke’s lopsided grin revealed her insecurity. Tess stroked Brooke’s cheek. She found herself speechless. Did you just say that you love me? “Did you just tell me that you love me?” she asked.
“Yes, I did,” Brooke said nervously. They were words she had never spoken. She had never wanted to and she had never expected to. Tess was lost in an endless search of Brooke’s eyes. “Tess?”
Tess was awestruck. She reached up and held Brooke’s face in her hands. She was helpless to speak. Brooke needed an answer. Tess pulled Brooke’s head down gently and brought their lips together. Brooke met her so gently that Tess sighed. She sensed a brewing passion lying in wait beneath the surface. In this moment, what passed between them was a long awaited confession.
“I love you too,” Tess said as she released Brooke slowly from their kiss.
Brooke smiled and tucked Tess’s hair behind her ears. “Can I come in now?” she asked.
Tess chuckled. She took Brooke’s hand and led her through the door. Now, what?
***
Tess was lying with her head in Brooke’s lap. Murphy had collapsed at Brooke’s feet. “I’m sorry,” Brooke said.
“No. It doesn’t matter,” Tess said.
Tess had just finished explaining to Brooke that she had overheard Brooke and Sheila talking. Rachel’s recent standoffish attitude, and the distance that Brooke sensed between her and Tess suddenly made sense. You really can be a jerk. “Yes, it does matter,” Brooke said. Tess sighed. “Tess, you are the last person I ever want to hurt.”
Tess smiled. “She kissed me,” she said.
Brooke felt ill. “Sheila?” she asked. Tess lifted her eyebrow with a guilty grin. “I, I…what…” Brooke stammered.
“I told her I was in love with someone else,” Tess said. She watched as Brooke’s insecurity shifted into recognition.
“Was she mad?” Brooke wondered.
“No. Disappointed, I think,” Tess said. “What made you come home?”
“Mom,” Brooke answered. “She sort of set me straight.” Tess’s eyes sparkled with curiosity. Brooke sighed. “Tess, I won’t lie to you. This scares the shit out of me.”
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