Ache

by S. M. Soto

  “I don’t get any type of way when people don’t agree with my ideas,” Myrah shoots back, aiming a glare at the side of Melody’s head. I chuckle under my breath, deciding to shut them both down before this conversation turns into an argument.

  “How about this, I’ll think about it. Good enough for you?” I ask Myrah, raising a brow.

  “I guess,” she mumbles.

  “Now that I have you guys here alone, I did want to talk to you about something personal…” I trail off, feeling my skin heat at the topic I’m about to touch on.

  Myrah and Melody share a look and scoot forward in their seats with impatient faces, waiting to hear more.

  “Spill,” Melody demands.

  Blowing out a deep breath, I close my eyes and go for it. “I want to try to have sex with Liam.”

  I sit with my eyes closed waiting for them to gasp or say something, but there’s nothing but silence. When I peel my eyes open, I find Myrah smiling like the Cheshire cat and Melody wears a worried expression.

  “And you’re positive you’re ready, Bea?” Melody asks warily.

  Bowing out a sigh, I clasp my hands together and lean forward. “I really think I am, Mel. Everything has always been different with Liam, even when he first came back, and we started getting close. I know sex is different than heavy petting or kissing, but I do want to try. I want to feel that connection with Liam. I’ve wanted it since I was sixteen years old.”

  “As long as you’re ready, that’s good enough for me. I just want you to remember to focus on Liam, and don’t ever forget that Connor can’t hurt you anymore. You have to distance your mind from the past. But I think you can do it. You guys deserve it.”

  “That’s it, I’m buying you lingerie for tonight. Birthday sex!” Myrah says excitedly, slapping her hand down on the table. Our glasses and silverware rattle, prompting everyone in the restaurant to stare at our table. I duck my head in embarrassment and shoot Myrah a glare.

  “I hate you.”

  “Sorry,” she whispers with a grimace.

  “That’s not the only problem…Liam, well, every time I’ve tried to initiate anything sexual, he shuts it down. I know it’s because he’s afraid to hurt me, I just don’t know how to make him understand that I’m ready.”

  “Just force him understand, sweetie,” Myrah says, gripping my hand in hers over the table. “He just wants to make sure this is truly what you want.”

  I chew on my bottom lip nervously as I try to think of how to make Liam understand.

  Later that night, after a quiet candle lit dinner in town with Liam, we head back to my house. I asked my mother prior to dinner to stay at Myrah’s house for the night. I don’t think I’ve ever seen my mother turn a more vibrant shade of pink.

  I wanted tonight to be perfect, and I didn’t want Liam to have any reason not to go through with this. I may not physically be a virgin, but emotionally, I was one. I didn’t have the experience of a special first time, or a second, or third. I had nothing to go on. I hated letting my mind drift there, but I was also worried Liam didn’t find me attractive in the sexual sense anymore. I knew he loved me, and he constantly told me how beautiful I was, but that didn’t necessarily mean he wanted to be with me. It didn’t mean he wanted to have sex with someone as broken and messed up as I was. I just hoped that tonight, he would prove me wrong.

  After lunch with the girls, we went to Victoria’s Secret at Myrah’s demand and looked for something sexy I could wear tonight. I didn’t want to go overboard. I just wanted something simple, yet sexy. I wanted something that was simply…me.

  It took a while, but after searching through most of the store, I finally found something I fell in love with. It was an all white lace lingerie set. The thong was tasteful and the demi bra was sure to accentuate my breasts.

  As I stare at myself in the bathroom mirror, I can’t help but run my hands over my body and the lacy material nervously. I stare at the silk pajamas on the counter and blow out a sigh, deciding to slip them over the sexy lingerie. As much as I’d like to waltz out of the bathroom in nothing but lingerie, I don’t have the confidence for that. Wearing it under my pajamas will just have to do. With one last deep breath I do another once over in the mirror before heading back to my room.

  I find Liam sprawled out on my bed, with his arms propped up behind his head as he watches the movie we turned on earlier. It was my ploy to get him into bed with me—phase one of many. He looks incredibly handsome with his chest on full display, his muscles and abs gleaming with the light from the television. The thick, corded muscles of his arms are flexed beautifully in his position that I have to wipe off the drool that’s dribbling over my lip. My eyes linger on the scars along his right bicep from the night Connor broke in. The injury was the reason the coaches gave him extra time off before his training for the new season starts. He was also fined a hefty fee that he refuses to discuss with me.

  Slipping in beside him, I nestle against his warmth and throw one of my legs over his body. Liam doesn’t seem to mind since he pulls me in closer, tracing lazy circles over my bare knee. I swallow the thick ball of nerves in my throat and bite the bullet. Averting my eyes from the TV, I dip my head down and press my lips against his chest.

  Liam inhales sharply, his hand that’s drawing lazy circles freezes. I continue my path of kisses on his chest, trailing them all the way up his throat to his lips. When our lips meet, a growl reverberates low in his throat and the muscles in my legs tighten with anticipation. Having had enough of the soft and slow kisses, Liam deepens the kiss, completely taking my breath away. My belly flips down low with an ache when his tongue meets mine. They clash and war as they tease and caress each other.

  Feeling bold, I grip onto his shoulders and pull his large body over mine, trying to focus on him and the way he makes me feel, not the past. Liam kisses me deeply, trailing his lips from my mouth to my neck. The moment I arch my hips, rubbing my body against his hard length, he jolts back, away from me. His body uncovers mine within seconds as he rests on his knees, his chest heaving for breaths.

  “Why did you stop?” I pant, staring up at him. So many emotions cross Liam’s face as he runs a frustrated hand through his hair.

  “Bea…I…I don’t want to hurt you. I can’t hurt you,” he says in a tortured voice.

  I sit upright, reaching out to him. “You won’t hurt me, Liam. I’m ready. I’ve been ready,” I implore.

  “God…I-I just…fuck, sweet B, I can’t do it.”

  His words make my heart drop. Tears spring to my eyes and I war with the emotions waging through my body.

  “Is it because you don’t think I’m sexy anymore?” I ask, my voice thick with tears. “It’s because of him, isn’t it?” I whisper knowingly. Liam jolts back at my words, like I’ve struck him. His face crumples into a painful grimace.

  “Goddammit, Bea. Is that what you really think?” he asks as he scoots closer to me, resting on his heels. “The problem isn’t that I don’t think you’re sexy Bea. I think you are the sexiest woman on this fucking planet, and you don’t even know it. The problem is: I don’t know how to keep my hands off you. I want you so badly, angel, it’s all I can think about. It makes me so fucking angry because I should be helping you heal, not thinking about taking you every five seconds. I don’t want to hurt you. You’ve been doing so well lately. The nightmares have finally stopped, I just…I don’t want to mess up your progress just because you think you need to sleep with me.”

  I let out a frustrated growl and climb to my knees, matching his position. “This isn’t about that, Liam. I’m not trying to sleep with you because I think it will make you stay, I’m trying to sleep with you because I want to. I love you. I want to share every experience with you, especially this one. I know things have been good lately, better than good, but I know myself too, and when I say I’m ready. I know I am.”

  “I’m going to hell. You realize that, right?”

  I laugh at him and the smirk pullin
g at the corner of his lips. “No, you’re not,” I whisper, pulling his body flush against mine. My hands travel across his firm pecs and down to his washboard abs.

  “You’re sure?” he whispers, dipping his head toward me, and hovering his lips right over mine.

  “Yes,” I breathe, closing the distance and fusing our lips together.

  Liam’s arms wrap around me, holding me firmly against him as he devours my mouth like a man starved.

  “You’re going to have to lead me, Bea. Tell me what’s okay. I need you to show me, so I don’t hurt you.”

  In answer to his words, I grip his hand in mine and place it on my breast. Liam lets out grunt of approval as he massages my breast through my shirt. I lift the edges of the silk top and pull, baring my upper half to him. He sucks in a sharp breath when he gets a good look at my breasts in the white, lace bra. In one smooth motion, he dips his head down and his mouth covers my nipple through the lace. I gasp in surprise, and my hands clench onto the muscles of his shoulders in delight. Wetness pools between my thighs as Liam’s hot mouth toys with my breast through the lace.

  With deft fingers, Liam unhooks my bra. Slowly, he guides the straps down my shoulders, letting the cups fall off me. My nipples harden into peaks when the cool air hits them. That sweet, delicious ache brews in my core.

  “Fuck,” he breathes. “You’re gorgeous.” Dipping his head down, he sucks a nipple into his mouth and I buck in his arms at the sensation. His tongue flicks my nipple, and swirls around the hardened peak playfully. My hands find purchase in his hair and I grip onto his thick strands, yanking tightly. Mewls of pleasure fall from my lips throatily.

  “What, angel?” he whispers. “What do you want?” he asks as he tilts my head to the side and exposes my neck to his ministrations. He kisses me along the curve of my neck, swirling his tongue against my skin so skillfully, I couldn’t hold back the moan that escaped my throat, even if I tried.

  The combination of his lips, those iridescent blue eyes staring down at me and his facial hair scraping against my skin is electrifying. The pleasure in my body grows to new heights. All I can focus on is the need. I am totally lost to it.

  “I want you, Liam. I’ve wanted you for seven long years, please don’t make me wait anymore,” I plead in a soft whisper. Gripping his hand, I bring it down to the apex between my thighs and apply just the right amount of pressure with his palm against my nub.

  A long beat goes by and I’m sure this is the moment Liam is going to turn me down, but much to my surprise, he doesn’t. He stares down at me with so much intensity in his eyes, I have to force myself not to dart my gaze elsewhere. Suddenly, he pushes his palm up, applying more pressure, and moves. My eyes flutter closed on a pleasured sigh as he grinds his palm against my clit. My breathing turns erratic and my hips follow his hand, chasing after the heat brewing in my core.

  “Oh god,” I breathe as his hand speeds up and my core starts to clench.

  “Does that feel good, baby?” he whispers seductively in my ear and I lose it. My hips buck as an orgasm tears through my body, obliterating my nervous system.

  Slowly and enticingly, Liam peels off my remaining clothes and allows me to do the same to him. We explore each other’s naked bodies, getting reacquainted after years apart.

  When Liam lays me back on the bed, his head dips between my legs and he licks my folds with a mouth so skillful, I can’t even be angry with him. His tongue dips inside my soaking channel and flutters over the sensitive bundle of nerves. I shamelessly grind my hips over his face, unable to help myself. When he takes my clit into his mouth and sucks, I shoot off like a rocket. Another orgasm ripples through my body in waves, and I ride each one, moaning out his name.

  Resting his body over mine completely, I wrap my hands around his neck and pull him closer, seeking his mouth. His lips glide over mine and my clit throbs when I get a taste of myself on his tongue. When his hips align with mine, I tense and Liam freezes.

  “Talk to me, sweet girl,” he coaxes, pressing his lips against mine gently.

  I dig my fingers into his skin, trying not to let what happened in the past ruin this moment for me. Liam pulls back, brushing stray hairs off my face and caresses my cheek.

  “I love you, Bea. I’m not him. We don’t have to do this at all.”

  As I stare up into the intensity of his blue eyes, I have to fight back my own tears. How can someone be so perfect? So gentle? So understanding?

  I slide my hand from around his neck and cup his cheek. I raise my head off the pillow and press my lips against his in the softest kiss. Without words I tell him how much I love him. How much I appreciate him. How much I want this.

  “I’m okay,” I whisper over his lips. “I promise. Please keep going.”

  Liam settles between my legs and I breathe out a sigh of relief instead of trying to get away. Not once does my mind drift to the past. Instead, my mind stays immersed in the present, completely caught up in the man I’m choosing to give my body to.

  The moment Liam slides inside me for the very first time? It’s absolute bliss. Like two pieces of a puzzle finally coming together, we hold on to each other, afraid to ever let go. With each thrust inside me, I lose myself in him a little more. With our eyes locked on each other’s I beg Liam not to stop and ride wave after wave of ecstasy with the man that has captured my entire heart and soul.

  I blow out a nervous breath, clasping onto Myrah’s hand for dear life as we follow Emery through the stadium that feels almost larger than life. Since Liam has been away on games with his team, we haven’t had much time to see each other. We’ve mainly been relying on text messages and Facetime in the mornings before he heads out on the field. I’m trying not to let the distance get to me, but it’s a lot harder than I originally thought. One hundred and sixty-two games seem almost impossible to get through, yet Liam makes it all seem so simple. I don’t know how he does it.

  I’ve been feeling pretty depressed without him around to cheer me up so Myrah suggested I go visit Liam at one of his home games. I was skeptical at first. The last time I watched a full baseball game was when Liam played in high school. I’d sit with Myrah on the bleachers and watch him pitch like he was born to do it. But that was all before he left. Before Connor. Not to mention I’ve never been around that many people before. So, as you can imagine, I wasn’t sure what to expect, but after sleeping on it, I decided to go for it. I can already picture the look of surprise on Liam’s face when he realizes I’ll be there with him, in the flesh.

  Being able to watch Liam in live action is something the TV just can’t capture. I want to see up close how good he is and why he loves the sport so much. And, not to mention I want to see his face once he realizes we’ve managed to keep this little secret from him.

  I let Myrah do my makeup and hair for today. I opted for casual in a pair of distressed cut off jeans, some white slip on vans and a Giants button up baseball jersey with Liam’s name and jersey number on the back, courtesy of Emery and Myrah.

  The city is beautiful. I can definitely see why Liam loves it here so much. It was my first time ever crossing a bridge that large over such a big body of water. You can even check Myrah’s wrist and see how frightened I was. I swear I think I left imprints on her poor arms what with how tightly I was squeezing. I half expected the bridge to collapse beneath us and we’d all free-fall into the body of water. It was freaking frightening, to say the least.

  The Oracle Park is huge, and gorgeous. With bright neon lights and lush green grass, it feels surreal being surrounded by so many people. The view of the water behind the electronic screen and scoreboard is breathtaking. I don’t know how these men can focus on playing a game with a view like that. Chances are, if I was out there on the field, I’d end up star gazing and take a ball to the side of the head.

  Instead of Emery and Myrah leading me to a family box like I originally thought, we file down the steps of the stadium until we’re nearing the front row, directly behind the
dugout. I blanch when I realize there’s no net to protect us from a stray ball flying toward us. I’m not really a ‘brave the elements’ type of girl, so as we descend toward our seats my heart lurches.

  “How likely is it I’ll get hit with a foul ball and die?” I ask, darting my gaze around the stadium that’s already filling with people. We’re still almost two hours ahead of game time.

  “Your chances of being hit and killed are about fifty, fifty,” Myrah says, and I can’t tell if she’s joking or being serious. We settle into our seats and I use this time to look around. This. This is what it’s like. This is what Liam loves so much. The atmosphere. The excitement hovering in the cool air. All of it makes a huge grin split across my face.

  We watch the game and I try to follow long as best as I can, asking Emery and Myrah questions every few seconds. I know the basics, pretty much what I can remember from watching him play during high school, but I don’t know nearly as much as I should, which will definitely need to be rectified soon. When I see Liam step onto the pitcher’s mound and move his arms and body as he prepares to throw, an overwhelming sense of pride roars through my body. Seeing him here, in the flesh…it makes it all so real. He did it. He made it. He’s actually here.

  He moves his arm this way and that as he waits for the batter from the Colorado Rockies to step up to the plate.

  I wish I could call out to him and let him know that I’m here watching, but I doubt he’d hear me over the roaring noise in the stands. But almost like he can sense I’m here or read my mind, Liam picks his head up and darts it around. He stops on our location and butterflies roar to life in my stomach. I can’t see his expression from down here, but I swear, it looks like he’s smiling. And all I manage to do is wave and smile back like the lovesick fool I am.

  I can definitely see why people pay so much for seats like these. The atmosphere and the view of the field is amazing from our position. I see why Myrah and Emery didn’t go for the suites. What’s the point of coming to a game like this and watching it inside on a screen? Or through a window from above? There is none. This view can’t be beat. It also helps that Liam’s backside in his uniform pants looks incredible.