by Tracy Sharp
“You did what you could to keep him with you. It’s what we do when we love something or someone so much we can’t let go.”
“I miss him so much.” I felt more tears spill from my eyes, unable to stop them.
He took me in his arms and held me, patting my back. “He’s still with you, Leah. The ones who really love us, the ones we love so fiercely, they stay with us. He’s still here, watching over you.”
I moved away from him, wiping my eyes and feeling like a child. What the hell was wrong with me? Yes, I did miss Buddy, but blubbering like an idiot to the leader of a cult wasn’t my style.
Or maybe it was.
Maybe he’d buy my being sucked in to his bullshit more easily if I seemed weak. The trouble was, I was feeling weak. But Noel was counting on me, and so was Jack, Declan and Callahan, and so were all those smiling pregnant women at the table that morning, although they didn’t know it yet.
“I have something for you,” Gabriel said, taking me by the hand and leading me to the fence. “Pango!” he called. “Pango, come here girl!”
I saw a large tan and black shape come trotting toward us and my breath caught in my throat. My heart ached when I looked at her. She was a spectacular Rottweiler, she was a big girl, with a large, blocky head and a wide smile on her face.
“Oh, my God. She is so gorgeous!” I watched her come up to the fence, tail wagging.
“She is. She’s very regal, isn’t she?” He opened the door and Pango came walking out, muscles rippling under her shiny black fur.
I knelt down and let her sniff my hands. “Oh, you are so pretty. Do you know what a pretty girl you are?”
Her smile seemed to grow wider and her dark eyes shone. She was easily gorgeous enough to be a show dog. “What happened with her? I can’t believe that nobody would take her.”
“Well, I confess, I snapped Pango up the first day I saw her picture on one of the sites. Her family dropped her off at the shelter because they were moving. The parents were divorcing and had sold their house. Neither of them could have her in their newer homes, for whatever reason. Most landlords won’t take pets, especially not a Rottweiler.
“That is so sad,” I said, running my hands over her fur. It was love at first sight, and she was coming home with me no matter what, even if I had to hold every cult member at gunpoint.
“It’s a common story, sadly,” Gabriel said. “It’s the reason many of the animals we have are here. We have cats inside the animal structure, and various other critters.”
I looked up at him. “This is a wonderful thing you’re doing here, Gabriel. It really is.”
He looked at me, his eyes serious. “What you do comes back to you, Leah. What you give comes back, too. It’s karma. I’ve seen it over and over again.”
“I’d like to think that’s true.” I moved my hands over Pango’s huge head, my heart filling and feeling lighter.
“Oh, it is.” Gabriel squatted down beside me, stroking Pango’s thick coat. “If you stay with us, she’s yours, Leah.”
He made it sound as if I had a choice.
I glanced up at him. “I guess I can’t take her home with me when I have no home to go back to.”
He reached out and cupped my cheek in his palm. “This is your home now, little one. You’ll never have to want for another thing ever again. I will take care of you. You have a family here with us. We look out for each other.”
“What’s the catch?” I said, cringing inside. It was a bold question to ask a cult leader.
He lifted his hands a little. “I want only your loyalty and respect. That’s it.”
“Sounds like a good deal.” I stood slowly, my knees feeling weak. I wondered if I were coming down with something. I felt run down and exhausted.
“Absolutely the best deal you’ll ever find. Trust me.”
Trust me. Famous last words.
I was carrying one of the bugs Declan had given me attached to the inside of my bra.
Now it’s for real, guys, I thought. Are you getting this?
Christ, I hoped they were.
* * *
I asked Gabriel if I could help with the animals. He said he saw no problem with that, then winked at me, adding, “as long as you follow our ideology for a better life.”
And just what in hell was that, I wondered. I was about to find out.
He took me to the structure the other members had gone into. Inside, I was subjected to three hours of intense lecturing on the evils of modern society. He was charismatic; hypnotizing to watch, using large, flowing hand and arm gestures. His voice was confident, booming, not a shade of doubt to be heard. My senses of sight and sound were completely engaged, and I could see how easily it was to get completely caught up in what he was saying. What mattered most was his confidence, his righteous conviction. The family was the only safe place. The only place we’d ever find true love. The outside world couldn’t be trusted. Look at the state the country was in. None of the mess we were in as a country, as a people, would’ve happened if everyone was true at heart. Everyone was out for themselves. Greed was destroying us.
And here it was. The real sales pitch.
We needed to be enlightened to enlighten others. We had to be true at heart, loyal and faithful to him, in order to be saved. We had to be completely open to him. Otherwise we’d go down with the outsiders.
It was simple enough, easy for many people to swallow. It was true. Our country was in a mess. People are greedy. He took the truth and he used it to his own advantage. He twisted it to serve himself. To create fear, so that his followers would never, ever want to stray. It was dangerous out there, and if they didn’t follow him, they’d be out on their own.
It would be terrifying for a group of people who had found such love, security, friendship and safety. In the outside world, they’d be fish among sharks with blood in the water all around them.
Just like I was, right then.
I was treading water.
Chapter Six
The headache pounding behind my eyes and the grogginess dragging me down made me certain that Gabriel had drugged me. I knew what it felt like. I’d tried sleeping pills for a very short while right after the death of Caroline. The girl I’d been guarding when her throat was slit. The sedatives always left me with a splitting headache and grogginess the following day.
The really frightening question was what had taken place after I’d passed out? Something had to have, why else would he have drugged me? Unless it was just another method of keeping my mind foggy and therefore more suggestible.
I hoped like hell that was the reason. Because if I found out that I’d been used in any sexual way while I was in a drug induced stupor, there would be blood. No doubt about it. And I didn’t care about the consequences.
I stopped eating or drinking anything anyone gave me. I was famished, but I wouldn’t eat. I took water only from the tap, so at least I wouldn’t become dehydrated. I’d have to try and get food in the middle of the night somehow. If I could find nuts of any kind, they would hold me over for a while.
“You have to eat, Leah. You’ll get sick.” Gabriel’s disapproving face made me want to spit at him. I knew why he wanted me to eat, and it wasn’t concern over my physical well-being.
“I’m not feeling well.” I moved a hand over my face and forehead. “I feel really queasy. Might be something that didn’t agree with me,” Like the drugs you gave me, you sick ticket.
“You should lie down for a while,” he said. “Meredith, go with her.”
“No, I can make it there myself,” I said, standing up slowly.
“No, you don’t look very strong. Meredith will go with you. She’ll make sure you get up there okay. Stay with you in case you need anything.”
Yeah, whatever you do, don’t let me have a moment alone to think. I said nothing for fear that I’d tell him what I really thought.
Meredith took my arm and led me up the stairs. I was happy to lie down, but the rows of b
eds disturbed me. Nobody here was an individual, and things were definitely arranged to reinforce that idea. The rows of beds, side by side by side, screamed it.
For me, this was a cruel and unusual kind of torture. I need my time alone or I start to go wiggy. I’ve actually come down with colds during stretches that I haven’t been able to spend some time alone and recharge.
Everything about the place worked to weaken me. I had to find a way to keep my mind alert.
I felt grubby and gritty, and realized that I hadn’t showered yet and had been wearing the same clothes for two days. When I got back up I’d go into the room downstairs and find a fresh pair of clothes and get a shower. Then I’d feel more human.
Meredith sat on the bed next to me, her legs crossed Indian style. “Sleep for a little while. I’ll watch over you.”
Christ. I just wanted her to go away. “I really don’t need you to watch over me. I’ll be okay. I just need a little rest to kick whatever this is.”
She smiled as if she were humoring a four year old child. “I’ll stay. Gabriel wants me to stay with you.”
“And Gabriel’s word is gospel here, isn’t it?” I was moving into dangerous terrain here. But I was too tired and cranky to care.
She looked startled. “Of course it is. Gabriel has changed all of our lives. He’s made us see the light.”
“What light?”
“Well, how meaningless our lives were before him. Struggling against everything in life, to keep up with the Joneses, to make ends meet and to make it as a respected member of society. To be respected in their society you need to be rich, otherwise you are nothing. It’s not like that here. Everyone is equal. No one is better than anyone else.”
“Except Gabriel,” I said.
“Yes. But he’s our leader. He is showing us the way to a more fulfilling, meaningful life.”
“Ah,” I said, my eyes closing. I’d just close them for a minute. “I’m still listening.”
“I’m still watching.”
* * *
When I awoke my heart sank. I was still at the compound. Meredith was still sitting on the bed beside me, but her eyes were closed and her wrists lay facing up on her legs. She was meditating. I wanted to enjoy just a few minutes more of resting, especially since she wasn’t looking at me, but she sensed that I was awake and her dark eyes opened.
She smiled. “Well hello. Did you have a good nap? You were sleeping for about an hour.
“I feel like I could sleep for an entire day,” I said, and it was true. As soon as I got back home I was going to do just that. Maybe I’d sleep for several days.
“Do you feel better?” She asked me.
“I’d feel better if I could have a shower,” I said.
“Oh.” Her eyes widened. “We’ll have to ask Gabriel if you can shower.”
Of course we’d have to ask Gabriel. “Why, I won’t take long.”
“Because we shower on specific days so that we don’t run out of hot water. I take one on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Today is Saturday.” She nodded once with conviction. “We’ll have to find out if it’s okay for you to shower on a Saturday.”
Jesus. How did these people live this way? But then, some people might find it comforting to not have to make single decision. I was all for saving the environment, but that wasn’t the real reason Gabriel had these people on such a tight regimen. Everything was thought of for these people. They didn’t do a thing without Gabriel saying it was okay first.
“Okay,” I said. “Can we ask him now? I need fresh clothes, too. He said I could look through the boxes downstairs.”
“We’ll just make sure that’s okay too.”
“Oh, is that not allowed on a Saturday?”
Her face hardened. I wouldn’t make allies here with my attitude.
“Just wondering. This is all new to me,” I said. “You know? Not used to being told what to do all the time.”
She gave me a forgiving smile. “Oh, you’ll get used to it. It’s for the betterment of everyone. You need to be assigned a number, too.”
Ah. The numbers. “A number?”
“I’m number eight,” she said proudly.
“Why numbers?”
“It’s just better that way,” she said. “Any decision Gabriel makes is for the good of the family. If you’ve never really had much of a family it might take some getting used to, but you will. Most everyone does.”
I wondered what happened to those who didn’t.
* * *
Gabriel decided that I would be allowed a shower. I promised to make it quick. When asked if I could look through the boxes of clothes, Gabriel frowned a little and said that Ivy would find something for me to wear. I was to simply give Ivy my size and she’d dig up a couple of shirts and pants for me. I requested jeans.
I followed Meredith downstairs to a long room which was the shower room. There was a long and narrow open stall with five shower heads attached to the tiled wall. The hair stood up on the back of my neck. The compound was dehumanizing. You were not a person here. You were merely part of the group.
There were no bottles of shampoo or conditioner, only large bars of soap. I looked back at Meredith. “I can shower by myself. I’ll be fine.”
She opened her mouth to argue, then nodded and said, “I’ll be right outside the door.”
Wonderful.
A frosted glass partition came outward part way across the room, but not far. It would afford just the slightest bit of privacy if I chose the shower head closest to it.
I undressed quickly, careful to hide the bug under my top. I leaned in close and whispered, “God Jack. This place is horrible. Just a little longer, though, okay?”
I knew he couldn’t be too far, probably parked right down the road. It gave me just a small bit of comfort knowing that I wasn’t completely alone in this madhouse.
The shower lever groaned as I turned the water on. It took a long time before the water turned hot. I shivered as I stepped under the steamy spray. The heat felt lovely. I used the bar soap, yellow, it was, to lather my entire body and hair, and rinsed myself off thoroughly. The smell of the soap turned my stomach. It smelled like dishwashing liquid. Shampoo must be for the evil rich. An unnecessary, decadent luxury.
I lingered just a moment longer under the steaming spray, letting it run over my neck and down my back, my eyes closed tightly.
The steam stayed in the room after I turned the shower off. I’d forgotten to ask for a towel. When I turned around I noticed a white one hanging from the end of the glass partition, I felt slightly alarmed. I hadn’t heard anyone enter. It was a creepy feeling knowing that they were watching me even when I wasn’t aware.
I dried off quickly. The rough texture of the towel felt good on my skin. I guessed that they didn’t invest in fabric softener.
I came around the partition, looking for my clothes. They were no longer there. In their place was the fresh pair of jeans and long sleeved waffle top someone had folded neatly and placed on the floor for me. My stomach turned to ice. Did they touch my bra?
I lifted the top. A sports bra I’d never seen lay there. My bra was gone.
And so was the bug that had been attached to it.
* * *
Within moments number seven walked into the room. She was followed by number nine, and various other numbers.
I held the towel up to myself, covering up what I could.
Gabriel’s first lieutenant, number one, pushed past the women, gun trained on me. “Get dressed.
“Get out of here and I will. I’m not giving a free show for you, pervert.”
He smirked. “You don’t have a choice.”
I glared at him, grabbed up the clothes and backed up behind the frosted glass. I pulled the clothes on, all which were a little big. It didn’t much matter, except that it pissed me off that these were the clothes I’d probably be shot dead in. Strange, the things you thought of when you had a gun pointed at you.
I was in tr
ouble. No doubt about it.
But Jack and Declan would know that something had happened, that I didn’t have the bug anymore. They’d be storming the place any moment, right? Wouldn’t they?
My mind was spinning. Not knowing what else I could do, I came out from behind the glass partition and stood, staring Number One in the eye.
I tried to convey my message. I’m not afraid of you, asshole. I straightened my back, made sure my shoulders were squared and Tilted my chin up. Screw you.
He chuckled. “You won’t be so tough when you discover what Gabriel has in store for you. We’re going for a little ride.”
A ride could be bad. “I can’t wait. This place is boring as hell. Anything would be preferable.”
“We’ll see.” The smirk widened. “I can’t wait, either.”
Oh shit.
My gaze flicked to Meredith. Her expression was disgusted. I was a traitor. A spy. I deserved what was coming to me. All their expressions were the same.
There was no mercy for me here.
Number one stepped to the side and gestured with the gun for me to move.
As I walked toward them, the other numbers moved to the sides, clearing a path. I was outnumbered, literally, and Number One had a gun. I wouldn’t be running away from this.
This had been a bit of a bad idea. I hoped that Jack and Declan were on top of it, ready to storm in with guns, every friend we had right behind them.
As I approached the stairs, I saw Gabriel standing at the top , legs spread slightly, arms crossed. He was wearing a wide smile. “Well, well. There’s more to you than I thought, Leah.” He turned his head, keeping his eyes on me. “See, my children? The enemy comes wearing my disguises.”
I climbed the stairs purposefully, not shying away from him. When I saw the faces of the other members, I couldn’t help myself. “Yes, and sometimes the enemy will come as a cult leader with the face of an angel. Who impregnates his members and then steals their babies, telling them that the babies died and then selling them to the black market.”
