Benign Flame Saga Of Love In Chapters Format

by BS Murthy

  The thought of the distance depressed her all the more after her visualization of their joy, 'Besides, won't Sandhya's ardor for her man insensibly dampen her ardency towards me, sooner than latter?'

  As she was startled at that, the fear of an erotic gulf between them froze her

  'No, it won't be the case,' she tried to revive her spirits as she recalled Sandhya's words. "I love you enough to need you too", that's what she promised, didn't she?'

  'What if the aura of Raja's virility casts a shadow on her lesbian leanings,' it dawned on her to her despair. 'Oh, if I were to lose her, what would I be left with to live for? How cruel that would be for me. But what else could I do than keep my fingers crossed.'

  The melancholy of the moment brought the memories of her family, and she found reminiscing, 'Could there have been a better couple than them that ever parented? But how do we their children fare? Suguna and her husband are a contented lot, living within their limitations, one might call them colorless, but of what avail is all the color in life, if it can't provide a shade of happiness to it! Well.'

  As though to contrast her own life, she thought about Chandrika, 'Didn't she dare to be different and staked everything for love. What love should've given her in return?' Compelled by curiosity, she thought of writing to her to attend Sandhya's wedding, even as her thoughts turned to her brother, 'Well, he wants to become an engineer, good luck to him, and how I craved to be a doctor.'

  Recalling Rukmini's fondness for her as her childhood memories came in torrents, she thought, 'Perhaps, she's the luckiest of us all, well, the dead have no problems to contend with.'

  However, her reverie was broken when Ramu arrived towards the evening, and said, 'I thought Sathyam would have come back by now.'

  As she said, 'It's time for him to come,' they heard Sathyam's Lambretta.

  'I've some mixed news for you,' said Ramu. 'Sadly, my plans to acquire a unit here fell flat in the end, but thanks to the second string of my bow, I could take over one in M adras. We would have loved to be here but well, the opportunity lies elsewhere.'

  'Wish you all the best,' said the Sathyams after congratulating Ramu heartily, 'though we'll miss you.'

  'You know,' said Ramu, embracing Sathyam, 'that our feelings are no different.'

  'I know what a tight schedule it could be. Still I hope you would spend some time with us before you leave,' she told Ramu, and turning to Sathyam, she added, 'Sandhya's marriage is slated for 7th J une.'

  'Good news galore,' said Sathyam. 'Who'sthe lucky guy?'

  'Raja Rao, an architect from New Delhi,' she said.

  'Sandhya's smart in choosing an architect,' Ramu said heartily. 'Now she needn't pay for the design of her sweet home.'

  'For yours,' said Roopa in jest, 'we can ask him for a decent discount.'

  'That would be a favor,' said Ramu amusedly.

  Seeing the satisfaction in Ramu, Roopa began to envision the measure of Sandhya's happiness, only to end up thinking about her own unfulfilled life, 'Why did life fail me, after all? Why has it denied me that life-filled moment to let me feel fulfilled?'

  That midsummer though Roopa was in heat to meet Sandhya, as her apprehensions about losing her mate after her marriage bogged her, she felt like postponing the trip to Kakinada until the very end. However, as her love for Sandhya prevailed over her fear of herself, she set out on herjourney as scheduled.

  'I'll be there by the 5th Godavari,' said Sathyam, as he waved her off at the Secunderabad Railway Station that 15th M ay.

  On reaching home the next morning as Roopa hit the pillow, her parents thought that she might have had a sleepless journey. However, finding her languid even by noon, said Janaki, 'I'm surprised you didn't rush to Sandhya. Are you ill or what?'

  'I'm a little lazy. Maybe, it's time I left,' she said, and wondered. 'What is bothering me after all?'

  Before she could get a clue to her lethargy, Sandhya came in like a hurricane.

  'I couldn't wait any longer,' said Sandhya enticingly.

  'I've never seen her so dull,' said Janaki as she left them on their own.

  'Congrats,' said Roopa extending her hand, though besieged as she was by a strange transformation brought about by Sandhya's sight.

  'I won't have it that way,' said Sandhya mischievously folding her hands at her back.

  'Don't you know I'm cut up with you,' said Roopa feigning anger, 'for not writing about the valor of the man who captured your heart.'

  'I wanted you to figure it out yourself, so that I can have a second opinion,' said Sandhya mirthfully. 'In fact. I'm not going to let you see his picture till you see him in person.'

  'How unfair!' said Roopa, 'I'll warn him that you are clever by half like when pinned down on the back yet you claim a win by crossing her legs over the victor's back.'

  'He's too smart to outsmart both of us put together,' said Sandhya with a smile of reminiscence.

  'Then,' said Roopa enthusiastically, 'it should be interesting.'

  'What's lacking now?' crooned Sandhya, pushing Roopa's head into her valley.

  'Why are you dull, my lovey?' said Sandhya finding Roopa numb in her embrace.

  'I don't know,' said Roopa melancholically, 'but I'm out of sorts really.'

  'I can understand what's bothering you,' said Sandhya with conviction. 'Though I can visuaiize what his iove might mean to me, I know I need you as much as I wouid need him.'

  'Thank you dariing,' said Roopa in gratification. 'I iove you aii the more for our iove.'

  With the fears thus dispeiied from her mind, Roopa went on devouring the iips that uttered those reassuring words. Then the rosy iien on their iove seemed to have ient a new vigor to their iibido as they induiged to the hiit.

  When Chandrika ianded a week iater, Janaki turned sentimentai aii again, 'She brought it upon herseif, this ostracized existence. We can neither invite them to our house nor can we go to their piace.'

  'Don't worry,' said Chandrika, assuring her mother, 'things are changing.'

  'I don't see any,' said Janaki and went into the kitchen in sobs. 'But how I wish they do.'

  'I iove to hear about your iove iife,' Roopa couidn't hide her eagerness.

  'We'ii come to that iater,' said Chandrika, 'but teii me how your married iife is.'

  'It's routine,' said Roopa, 'with the capitai R.'

  Then suddeniy Janaki rejoined her daughters with a rejoinder, 'One shouidn't forget the fuss Roopa made about the match. And you didn't heed our advice.'

  'Why do you rake up the past?' Ramaiah, who was within earshot, reprimanded his wife.

  'One must know that the path of the future is iaid on the tracks of the past,' retorted Janaki.

  'Let's go to Sandhya's piace,' Roopa proposed to her sister after a whiie.

  The moment they stepped out, Roopa was impatient, 'Teii me now.'

  'Life in a nutsheii is chaiienging as weii as charming,' said Chandrika. 'It's as though the complexities of life are compounded in exogamous marriages. At times, it feels that the risk was worth taking, and on occasion, it seems it's all a bad bargain. There would be depressing moments to go through as well as exciting events to gloat over.'

  'Save mine,' said Roopa a little disappointed. 'I suppose, that's the way with most marriages.'

  'No way,' said Chandrika in explanation, 'inter-caste marriages would throw up myriad problems. We encounter sensitive situations and face peculiar pressures alien to the arranged unions. To make it worse, there are external factors that could upset our apple-carts. All of us have personal preferences steeped in our upbringing that are shaped by our respective communal ethos. In endogamous marriages, the commonality of cultural attitudes could limit the deviations in personal proclivities. But the exogamous marriages won't have the in-built limit switches to keep the couple on course. We have to fend for ourselves in the pathless woods of personal prejudices. The spouses should be on guard always, lest some casual remark of one should hurt the communal sensitivities of the
other. All this would only mean that one couldn't be his or her natural self in a given situation. On the positive side, however, it makes us more responsive to others' sensibilities.'

  'Now I can understand,' said Roopa who was all ears for Chandrika.

  'Once we opt for an inter-caste marriage,' Chandrika continued, 'it's as if we have burnt our bridges and cold-shouldered all shoulders to cry over. Unable to relieve

  ourselves from our pressures, we only help them build up to the breaking point. We cry In the privacy of our dwelling, afraid that the world would laugh at us If found wanting. Though It might provide a vent to the woman. It would Invariably vex the man for that tends to suggest to him that It's all his making. We develop a siege mentality and Imagine everyone wants to see us fall. We feel as though the world doesn't want us to succeed so as to make an example out of us for others to desist from venturing. All this puts pressure on us to make It right as though marriage Is a task to be fulfilled. Forced to restrain ourselves, we Interact selectively stalling our social Integration.'

  'Don't his people support you?' Roopa asked with concern.

  'In a way yes,' said Chandrika nostalgically, 'but those who happen to come close to us tend to be a hindrance than of any help. If the wife were to be from an upper caste, then the man Is congratulated, making her feel humiliated as a symbol of the caste conquest. Well, one should understand their psyche burdened by their collective humiliation occasioned by the age-old exploitation of their women by the men of the upper castes. Seen from their perspective. It's as If one of their clan has In some way avenged for all of them by roping In an upper caste female for his cohabitation. If on the other hand, the marriage were to be morganatic, then they condescend to descend as though showing her place In the privileged setting. In subtle ways, the society, by and large, would ensure that we carry the cross with the odd-couple complex all along.'

  'Well,' said Roopa In apprehension, 'what's your balance sheet like?'

  'On the whole,' said Chandrika, 'It does seem a profitable account, though It needs quite a lot of reconciliation.'

  'I hope you aren't regretting.'

  'Oh, no,' said Chandrika sincerely. 'If I've to decide all again, 1 might thinktwice over,

  but yet go the same way. The thrill of being different gives a halo to our marriage In spite of everything, though the pressures constantly lead us on a razor's edge.'

  'What Is he like?' asked Roopa.

  'He Is quite mature,' said Chandrika as her affection for him filled her voice. 'It's his maturity and my motivation that's carrying the day for us. Otherwise, we would have called It quits a long while back.'

  By the time they reached Sandhya's place, Roopa was excited about the challenges that her sister's life posed. However, In time, seeing her sister's adventurous life against the backdrop of her dull marital existence, she felt depressed all again. That they didn't find Sandhya at home only further spoiled her mood, and as they walked back home, Roopa kept mum all along.

  'I'll take you to the doctor,' JanakI told Roopa as they had their lunch. 'Don't go anywhere In the evening.'

  'Why, what for?' Roopa feigned Innocence.

  'Don't you realize,' scowled JanakI at Roopa, 'Its nearing two years now, and there are no signs of It yet.'

  'What's the hurry?' said Roopa unable to share her mother's anxiety.

  'Who knows?' said Chandrika In jest, 'Maybe, they're having an extended honeymoon.'

  'When would your tummy show up?' said Roopa to Chandrika.

  'Bear with us,' said Chandrika, laughing. 'We are at It.'

  M any a time, it did cross Roopa's mind that a chiid shouid have fiiied her emotionai void. However, Sathyam, in spite of his disappointment, feit that a trip to the doctor was premature.

  Chapter 14

  Veil of Fate

  The countdown to Sandhya's wedding commenced with the arrivai of the marriage party on that 6th June. The groom's entourage feit the official clout of Kamalakar, who by then became the District Collector. Officials worked overtime to spruce up the government guest-houses for the occasion. Fleets of department vehicles were lined up at a hailing distance from the guests. The kalyana mandapam was so made up as to resemble the durbar hall of a maharajah's palace. Attendants in their scores swarmed the place to be on hand for assorted errands.

  Sandhya was wondering how to introduce Roopa to her fiance. She couldn't take her to him, as custom ordained that a bride shouldn't move out of the house on the eve of her marriage. She wished that he would come home to see her but the norms left no scope for that either.

  'What about going to the guest-house on the sly,' said Sandhya to Roopa.

  'Why not,' said Roopa in jest, 'if you don't mind being labeled a groom-chaser.'

  As they were wondering what to be done, Sandhya's mother called her, '0, Sandhya, come down.'

  'Seems she won't let me be on my own today,' grumbled Sandhya as she went down.

  Springing down the stairs in irritation, Sandhya saw her fiance following her movements from the drawing room. Even as her daydreaming brought him closer to her in her consciousness, she was still shy in his presence for the lack of intimacy. Thus, stopping in her tracks, she blushed to her roots.

  'Oh,' he complimented, going up to her, 'you look sweeter than ever.'

  'Thanks for the compliment,' she said coyly.

  'It's I who should thank you,' he said taking her hand, 'for accepting my hand.'

  'Why, you had started it all,' she turned coquettish, 'by taking my hand to read in between the lines.'

  'What of your inviting gestures,' he said looking into her eyes.

  'Don't tell me,' she said all smiles, 'you're blindfolded otherwise.'

  'Won't your beauty,' he said joyously squeezing her hand, 'impart vision to the blind even?'

  'Oh, come on,' she said enthusiastically, 'I've a treasure to show you.'

  'I thought you've more than one!' he said mischievously, 'anyway, why a premature display?'

  'Behave like a bridegroom,' she scolded him in mock anger, 'and don't act like a playboy.'

  'Hope you won't frame rules for our first night and thereafter,' he said, making her suppress her smile.

  'Tell me,' he said, picking up from where she had left, 'what's that you want to show me?'

  'Simply follow me,' she led him to her room.

  'Won't that be,' he followed her smiling, 'my lifelong occupation?'

  When Roopa heard their steps, rather instinctively she kept her inquisitive gaze doorwards. In time when their eyes met, her gaze was frozen and he stopped in his tracks. As Sandhya was about to initiate introductions, her mother called her again. Hurried by her mother, she left her fiance and her mate to fend for themselves.

  As though guided by her charms. Raja Rao found himself walking up to Roopa without taking his eyes off her. But she stood rooted and fixed her gaze at him as if the slightest tilt on her part might distract his path of attraction. As he came near her, she insensibly extended her hand as though to ensure he wouldn't trip in his trance. While he took her hand, as if to hold on to the summit of his life, energized by her dormant desire, she found herself pressing it in all eagerness. As they held their hands thus, their eyes were locked, conveying to each other the convulsions of their souls. Lost as they were in their enamored state, they had no words for each other but heaving a sigh on hearing Sandhya's approaching steps, as though to alert him, she pulled out her hand and wrenched her look. As if cut off from the life force itself, his heart was seized and his hand dropped.

  'This is my treasure,' said Sandhya to him, patting her friend while she herself panted. 'Roopa is her name.'

  'Anyway you look at it,' he said extending his hand to Roopa all again, 'it's a privilege to possess.'

  'Why hesitate, take it,' said Sandhya to a hesitant Roopa, 'to cement our friendship.'

  Roopa didn't need any further persuasion to recapture the thrill of the past moment.

  'If you're my better half,' said S
andhya to her beau, lacing Roopa, 'she is my other half.'

  'Won't that still leave,' he said meaningfully, 'two halves to be reckoned with?'

  'Be her friendly half,' said Sandhya warmly to him, 'besides being our philosopher and guide.'

  'It's my pleasure,' he said to Sandhya even as he tightened his grip on Roopa's hand, 'to do your bidding.'

  'It's my privilege,' said Roopa dreamily, 'to be part of you.'

  In time, called by Kamalakar, they went down, the sprightly bride leading and the enamored souls falling behind.

  'Isn't it tough grappling with our coastal humidity?' Kamalakar greeted Raja Rao.

  'Short of altering the climate, sir,' said Raja Rao warmly. 'You've spared nothing to make us comfortable. Thanks a lot.'

  'Honeymoon at Kodaikanal,' said Kamalakar to Raja Rao, 'that's what I thought. What do you say?'

  'I've Kothalanka in mind,' said Raja Rao looking at Sandhya, 'that is if you agree. You could enjoy the scenic beauty of Konaseema, and for me it would be like starting life where I came into being.'

  'I should love that,' said Sandhya, seemingly excited. 'I've heard that Konaseema rivals Kerala for its landscape.'

  'If it suits you both,' concurred in Kamalakar, 'it's Okay with us.'

  'Seems our purohit is missing me,' said Raja Rao as someone came to fetch him. 'I better get going.'

  Whiie Sandhya saw him off with an expectant feeiing, Roopa seemed iost with a foriorn iook. After he ieft, Sandhya ied Roopa to her room for exchanging notes.

  'How do you iike him?' Sandhya said excitediy, 'Don't you find him handsome?'

  'He's better than my dream man,' said Roopa inciting Sandhya to kiss her in response.

  'Oh, I've to ieave you now,' biuffed Roopa gripped by an urge for soiitude. 'Chandrika wants me to go with her for some purchases.'

  However, Sandhya, who wanted to share more about her beau with her mate, tried to hoid her ionger, and Roopa, after spending some time with her mate in her absentminded state, couid persuade her to iet her go.