by Sawyer Caine
“Go with him, would you? The others are heading back now. I can hear them. I don’t want him to be there alone,” she said.
“As you wish, though I hardly know what help I’d be to him in any troubles we might encounter,” I said as I stood and made to follow him down the path.
“You are a man, aren’t you? You could fight if you had the need or at the very least you could run and shout for help,” she replied disgustedly.
I didn’t answer her. I could see the light from Paulo’s torch and, in a matter of moments, he and Frederick came into view. Frederick smiled at me as he passed and leaned over to whisper in my ear. “Look but don’t touch,” he admonished.
“Nekana asked me to go with him,” I hissed back and mock punched Frederick in the arm.
“Remember what I said, love,” he called after me.
I told myself over and over again that I would do as he said. Look and not touch. I wouldn’t be the bad man who corrupted this innocent boy. I would just go down and wash up, nothing more. He and I could not speak to one another, nothing untoward could occur. How could it if we couldn’t even communicate? So I made my way down toward the roaring falls beneath the moonlight and tried to ignore the sounds of the jungle above and around me as I did so. When I reached the clearing, I stopped and crouched down in the undergrowth.
*
He stood beneath the full moon, before the thunder of the falls that shook the ground below my traitorous feet as I crouched, hidden behind the lush ferns and undergrowth. He turned in my direction and I feared that he knew, somehow, that I watched him, secluded and unbidden.
My eyes drifted over his impressive physique as the water lapped against his tight belly, just below his waist line. I watched him as he tipped his head back and disappeared beneath the water. I waited, holding my breath and was quite startled when he broke the surface only a few feet from where I was hidden.
I could see him clearly now, this captivating man-child, his long, black hair sticking to the wet skin of his back as he waded among the shallows, ducking beneath the surface from time to time. He moved gracefully and naturally within the water, having grown up beside the river. As I watched him, my hand drifted beneath the band of my breeches to stroke shamelessly at the growing hardness there.
I could not deny that I desperately desired him, and in a most un-virtuous way. It was unmanly of me to acknowledge such a thing. But yet I wondered why had he been placed in my path. Was it to tempt me? Was it to draw me away from my beloved, my Frederick? It was the devil’s work, I felt, and yet how could it be? Lucifer does not make beautiful things, and are we not all God’s children?
The conflict within me tormented my wretched soul but, alas, I surrendered to that dark and rampant desire. I turned my sinful, greedy eyes toward him once more as he swam to and fro in the water, completely unaware that he had a silent watcher. But I could bear the want of him no longer, and I traversed the short path to the water’s edge. He did not see me at first, so I cleared my throat as a gentleman would, to make my presence known.
He turned to me and gave me a smile, beckoning to me to join him. I took a seat upon a fallen log and removed my boots and stockings. I shifted my suspenders off of my shoulders and unbuttoned my shirt, and as I did so, I felt his dark, deep-set eyes on me, soulful and filled with a childish kind of naivety.
If only he could read my mind. If he could but see into my feverish brain and the wicked thoughts that lurked within it. He would flee from me. Or would he? I stood, slipping my shirt off as I unfastened and stepped out of my breeches. I found that I was gripped suddenly with the immense gravity of the situation. If I entered the water, I knew I would touch him and I realized that I had neither the strength nor the will to stop myself. Yet the guilt did not weigh upon me as I feared it would.
Awash with self-consciousness about my nudity, I stepped into the water and moved toward him, relieved as the dark depths covered my source of shame and hid my arousal from him. I lifted my eyes to drink in the sight of him once more, and he splashed water at me teasingly, inviting me with silent eloquence to play at this boyish game with him. How could I not? I acquiesced and sent a wave of water splashing toward him.
He laughed aloud, the first time I had ever heard him do so and it was like precious music to my ears. His voice was too deep to be that of a child, but it had not yet reached the timbre of a man’s. I made my decision, and with one quick and carefully timed movement, I reached out and grabbed him by his long hair and planted a playful kiss upon those full, soft lips.
He drew in a hard breath and pulled slightly back from me in surprise, yet I found no sign of fear in his eyes and he made no move to run away. I took confidence in that, feeling like a hunter stalking his prey, but Nekai was no helpless, mindless animal. He was flesh and blood, beating heart and pure soul, primitive and utterly intoxicating to me.
I reached for him again and my hand closed over his wrist beneath the water. I spoke his name, worshipfully and drew closer to him still. Did he know of love? Had he ever tasted the all-consuming fire of passion and spent his pleasure with another? Or was he, as he appeared to be, without the stain of sin upon his handsome flesh?
The heat of my desire was upon me. It was all around me. I was drunk with it and with the power I believed I had over him, but it was only an illusion. I knew he was strong enough to break my bones with his bare hands if he chose to do so. He remained, however, silent as ever and watchful of me.
“Do not do this thing,” my conscious chided me and as it did so, I knew the warning was useless. I knew I would do it, for nothing was between us but the water.
He had become for me a thing of exotic beauty which drove the man within me to madness. I was compelled with a feverish desire as I perceived within him a ferocity of spirit and bravery as powerful as my own. I knew that he did not fear me even as I bore down on him where he stood, looking up at me.
I was possessed with a fiery passion, a burning for this innocent one who had never been known by another. I knew my embraces could give him what no woman could ever give him. I longed to show him the secrets of love that I had learned on those long, sleepy, summer afternoons wrapped up in the arms of my Frederick. I would love him with those skills I’d perfected in patience, when time was my friend, before I’d had in my arms this trembling, vulnerable one, this young and unrestrained native.
I thought again of all the men I’d ever given myself to before I met Frederick. I remembered those arms that had pushed me in dark rooms, restrained me against the sheets with the strength that only men possess. I remembered those men who, even in the midst of their passion, had sought to discover my submission. Was that the prize in this violent and coquettish dance? Was the goal of it all that he should submit himself to my selfish will?
My hands trembled as I laid them on his powerful chest and felt the rapid beating of his heart. Again, I spoke his name as passion flooded my senses and blinded my reason. I stared down into those black eyes that looked up at me with open trust.
I again slipped my hand into his thick, dark hair and tilted his head back as I pushed my body shamelessly against his and brought my arousal up between his thighs to brush wantonly against his own. I wrapped my other arm around his narrow waist and held him taut as I took his mouth forcefully. He gave no response, and I feared he did not understand what he was to do. I released his hair to place my hand beneath his chin, tugging at it and opening his mouth to my advances.
My tongue slid easily into that soft, pliant mouth, and I moved it against his so gently that the roughness of my embrace seemed foreign and out of place. He drew back in shock and pushed against my chest with his strong hands. I looked down at him, his mouth open and his eyes fixed on me with desperate confusion. I felt my heart wrench, and I prayed that he would not run. He did not.
I advanced upon him again, capturing him in one arm and holding him against me as I took his flaccid length in my other hand and stroked it. I watched his young face,
his confused expression as it fell away and was replaced with obvious surprise at the forced pleasure I was giving him. As I stroked harder, I felt him rise against me, and I knew he was responding to it favorably. When he closed his bewitching eyes and moaned his pleasure against my mouth, I took him once more in a soulful kiss, loving the taste of him, loving that I was the first to conquer him.
Yes, my young, beautiful one, my innocent and wild one. Cry out your pleasure, cry it out into me I thought as I drank of his willing mouth, his moans like music to my hungry ears.
When I felt him shudder and become weak in my arms, I knew I had made him give it to me, his surrender, and his release. I was drunk with the thought that I had been the first to take it from him. Yet even so, I was moved with deep emotion at the realization that his submission was a beautiful gift. I would not forget that. It was a gift to be cherished. As I moved back to look down into those mesmerizing eyes once more, I could see that he wasn’t frightened and for that I was thankful. Yet even so, I realized that I had betrayed my heart’s love with this momentary indiscretion.
*
We moved stiffly out of the water and dressed in silence. He led the way back to the camp, the sounds of the jungle, more vivid, more surreal after our erotic encounter. It was as though my senses had become more acute, more attuned. I could hear the Victrola playing in our tent; I could see Nekana poking at the embers of the fire as she knelt before it, cooking our supper.
I reached out and grasped his wrist, pulling him back toward me and I placed my finger over my lips to signify the need for silence from him, and I prayed that he too would value our need for discretion. He nodded solemnly to convey his understanding, then stepped out into the clearing.
I went to the tent where Frederick lay sleeping soundly. His spectacles were askew on his face, and the book he’d been reading had fallen to one side. I picked the book up and placed it on his folding table. I put his spectacles on top of it, and ran my fingers through his hair. I was seized, suddenly, with a horrible need to wake him, take him into my arms and confess my sinful deeds, but I knew I hadn’t the fortitude. It was done. I’d broken his trust, and if he were to discover it, I feared that our relationship would change.
Nekana called for us to come and eat. I bent down and kissed Fredericks’s forehead. “Wake up, lover. It’s time for dinner,” I said.
His green eyes fluttered open, and he looked up at me. “Alfred, I must have drifted off. How was your bath?” he asked, looking up at me and smiling sweetly.
“Quite stimulating,” I answered. “Now come, my love.” I took his hand, helping him to stand, and we made our way out to the fire.
All of us ate in silence. It didn’t take long to make the roasted dried boar meat and corncakes disappear. Frederick and I had opened one of our bottles of wine, and we passed it around to the group as we ate. I couldn’t help but cast glances at Nekai and a few times I saw him looking up at me through his impossibly long lashes as he bit his lower lip. I felt like a criminal. He looked like such a child when he did that. I wanted to crawl away into a hole and rot.
After our meal, Nekana took a flute and played softly. We sat around the fire listening to that sweet music as the fire died down to smoldering coals. Paulo rose and tossed more wood on it to build it up for the night. Frederick yawned and fell over against me. I righted him and smiled at his sleepiness.
“Goodnight. Frederick and I must retire now,” I said to Nekana. I nodded to Paulo and Nekai, pausing to pass my eyes over him one last time before turning and helping a very sleepy Frederick back to our tent.
As I tucked him into bed, he protested. “But love, I wanted to be with you tonight,” he said as he reached up to grasp my wrist.
“Nap for a bit. If you wake during the night and want me, you know where to find me,” I said as I leaned down and kissed him softly.
By the time I’d put out the lamp and tucked myself in to my cot, I could hear Frederick snoring quietly. I laughed softly as I pulled the blanket up over myself and leaned back against the pillow. I drifted away to the sounds of the flute music and the crackling of the fire. The rumble of the falls behind us was a natural backdrop to it all. Did I feel guilty? Yes, I felt dreadfully guilty. Yet at the same time, I did not regret what I’d done, and I knew that given the opportunity, I’d do it again.
“I am the devil,” I whispered as sleep took me.
Chapter Seven
I lay on my cot, tossing and turning about in an utterly dreadful state. I burned with an unsated need, and I could find no relief for my unfortunate condition. Frederick snored softly just a few feet from me. I longed to wake him with my kisses and embraces, but I felt completely wretched over my recent exploit with Nekai. Though he behaved as if completely unaffected by our encounter, I worried that he might disclose my reckless lapse in judgment to his sister. She would then browbeat me ceaselessly for it. At last I could stand my misery no longer and rose from my cot, stealing across the room like a thief in the night.
“Frederick, my love, will you wake for me?”
He shifted about in his blankets and yawned, stretching his lean arms and arching his shapely back. “What is the time?” he asked.
“Nearly midnight, love. I must apologize for this rude interruption of your night’s rest, but I am afraid I’m in quite a quandary.”
“In what quandary are you, my darling?” he asked, smiling up at me in the dim light from the lone, low-burning candle.
Before he could say anything further, I fell upon him, covering his body with my own and forcing my arousal against him in a most self-gratifying manner. He made no move to dislodge himself from me and, in fact, reciprocates with his own advances despite his apparent state of exhaustion. It was nearly impossible for either us of to resist the other when love in the darkness was the object of the encounter.
So it was that we, in a matter of mere moments, found ourselves without our garments and wrapped within the sweltering embrace that only we two could possess together. Fredericks’s eager hands trailed down my back in a most possessive manner, and he rose against me to place his mouth near my ear. In so doing, he had put himself in a position to completely unman me with the words he spoke in candor.
“Did you take advantage of him?”
The question nearly stopped my heart. I lifted up on my arms, bracing above him to look down at the handsome, green-eyed devil. He smiled up at me like a cat that got the cream, and I feared he must have been observing the play between Nekai and me, hidden amongst the ferns as I had been when first I went to the falls. As I was, for the moment, unable to find voice to make my excuses, he filled the silence with another question.
“Did he return your advances?”
The interrogative caught me most off guard. Without thinking, I spoke in Nekai’s defense and so damned myself in the process.
“Of course he didn’t! He is completely without knowledge on the subject and he stood there as if he was shocked by my actions…” I fell to silence, my traitorous tongue having already trapped me in an admission of guilt.
Oh he was most coy, my Frederick. With a seemingly innocent question, he’d managed to trick me into disclosing my imprudence with the boy. If I’d felt wretched before, I was absolutely without recourse at that point. I sat up on the side of the cot and reached for my cigarette case. I could not stop the tremulous shaking of my hands, and I wished for the candle to simply extinguish itself so the darkness could enclose me and cover my humiliation. Frederick sat beside me and placed his hand on my shoulder.
“How could I blame you, my love? He is everything that a warm-blooded lover of young men would desire. Did you find him wanting in any way? I’ve tried to discover a fault in him, but I am unable to do so. Tell me, is he as naïve as he appears? I wonder how a boy could grow up in a village such as his and not learn something of the ways of physical passion. It seems bizarre, does it not?”
“I’m sure I don’t know what you mean. I simply tried to kiss his
mouth and he was frightened and pulled away, pushing at me. We played in the water, that was all.”
“Don’t attempt to mislead me, Alfred. I saw his face at supper. I observed the way he watched your every move and quickly averted his eyes when they chanced to meet yours. Won’t you at least share your mortification with me? I wanted so to follow you and catch you in the act. I knew you would try to do it. You hadn’t enough time to engage in much indiscriminate behavior with him, but won’t you tell me at least what you did do?”
“Frederick, don’t make me do this, I cannot!” I hissed, refusing to meet his eyes.
“Must I also be coy in wringing this information from you? Did you kiss him? Did you put your hands on his body? Did he touch you back?”
“Stop this, please. Is it not enough for you to know that I betrayed you? Are you gaining pleasure from torturing me?” I asked.
“No, of course not. I want to see it in my mind as it unfolded. Better yet, don’t tell me, show me. Imagine if you will, that I am he and you are you. Now, stand up and face me and we will play at this game. Do to me what you did to him.” Frederick grasped my unwilling hand and forced me to stand with him. He took my cigarette and tossed it into the crystal ashtray on my folding table. “Come, love, do it for me,” he begged.
I sighed. “He beckoned to me to come into the water, and I undressed and joined him. He wanted to play a game of splashing the water about and we did so for a moment, then I approached him and took him by his long hair…” I reached out and grasped the back of Frederick’s neck, looking into his jade eyes for some sign of distress. Finding none, I proceeded. “I then bent down and quickly gave him a chaste kiss like this.”
I brushed my lips against Fredericks’s and felt him draw in a sharp breath against my mouth. I continued in my description of my fall from grace. “He drew away from me in surprise but showed no fear, so I advanced on him again. I took his wrist beneath the water and pulled him to me. I reached for the back of his neck and tilted his head up to me, and I tried again to take his mouth, this time with more passion, but he didn’t understand what I was about. I used my thumb to open his mouth and showed him what a tongue is for. He responded but then pushed me away again. When he did not run…”
