by Sawyer Caine
At this point, I reached out and captured Frederick in my arm in much the same way I’d done to Nekai hours earlier, pulling him against me and reaching for his manhood. I took Frederick in hand and stroked him firmly, demonstrating what ploy I’d used to shatter Nekai’s hold on his passion. It had much the same effect on Frederick as he leaned against me, pushing himself into the palm of my hand.
“Then, I kissed him again…” I eased my tongue into Frederick’s open mouth and felt his arms come around me. When I opened my eyes again, Frederick looked into them, and I could see his arousal and his desire written there. “He didn’t touch me as you are now. He didn’t understand any of it, Frederick. He only knows that what I did to him felt pleasant. He might think it a normal behavior for men to engage in now. I hope I didn’t warp his sensitivities overly much.”
“It’s not as if you’re really worried about that now are you, love? You will most certainly attempt to have him again the moment you are able to do so. I understand your insatiable desires, Alfred. I know you have demons to struggle with, and I would never stand in the way. I only ask you to remember that he is a boy…” Frederick made no effort to finish his statement as I continued to work him with my hand in a most insistent fashion. He became rather weak in the knees and drew me toward his cot persistently.
I gave over to him and lay down. He moved over my body with his warm, skillful hands, slender hands, soft and un-calloused, so different from Nekai’s. Frederick, my Frederick, the man I knew better than any other living being.
“Love me,” he said.
“You desire it of me after what I’ve done?” I inquired.
“With all that I am.”
His answer did not surprise me. He was as forgiving as the crucified Christ. I left him for only a moment to retrieve my bag and the supply of oil I had hidden within it. When he drew me against him once more, I found him hard and ready for me. I paused to look down at him once more and gave him my most sorrowful expression. “Love, how can you stand me?” I asked in all sincerity.
“I love you, and that is simply the answer,” he breathed against my lips as he rose to kiss me.
“Don’t you want to take me now?” I asked, thinking it the fair and honorable thing to offer him.
“No, love. I want to know that I am first in your heart,” he replied.
“Never think otherwise!” I cried, almost too loudly. I knew that Paulo had still been awake when I’d looked out less than an hour earlier. The only reason I wasn’t concerned was that he could not understand our language.
“Stop hesitating, then. Are you a man or not?” Frederick teased.
I silenced his prattle with my mouth and ground against him with abandon. We made our way from the cot to the ground and lay on the tiger skin rug. Our actions could be much more violent and possessive with the firm ground beneath us. I tangled my hands in his hair as I brought him up onto his knees beneath me and reached for his hardness, letting my weight down onto his back. He held me up, and I searched for the place within him that would make him my slave.
I knew when I had located it. He stiffened then went slack, nearly falling forward against the ground as I moved my fingers within him. “Do you like that, love? I would never do this with anyone else but you,” I vowed, wondering if those words were true.
“Give me all of it. I want you, please, Alfred.” he begged.
“I want to love you with all of me, Frederick, but you desire gentle love, and I need something more tonight,” I answered.
“Then give me what I must have and take what you must have from him if he will give it,” Frederick replied.
“But love, I desire it of you, not him,” I begged.
“I do not enjoy rough embraces. I know you want such, but I cannot surrender to it. If you love me then do it with grace. If that is not good enough for you…”
“Never think it,” I cut him off and wrapped my arms around his waist, moving into him with all the usual ease and careful consideration for his desire. As always, my needs were second, and I knew I deserved no more on this of all nights.
I wanted so to lose myself in the act, but I couldn’t. He required me to remain alert and in control of my more base instincts. I’d not felt any such restraint with Nekai. I braced myself with my hands on his lower back and moved slowly and gently, prolonging the pleasure and the agony of my need. When he dropped his head, pressing his face against the rug to muffle his cries of pleasure, I gave myself over to it and finished. I’d never felt so cheated in the act, yet it was no different from any other time we’d made love.
His soft kisses afterward only made me hungry for more. As we parted and took our places on our separate cots lest we be found naked and wrapped in each other’s arms in the morning, I reached for him and held him so tightly I was fairly certain I’d cut off his breath.
“Please don’t think that I don’t love you,” I whispered.
“I know you do or else you wouldn’t put up with my insistent ways. I realize you aren’t getting what you need from me, and that is why I don’t condemn you for your conquest of him. I only ask that you do me the honor of not falling madly in love with him. I ask that you reserve that sentiment for me alone. Can you do that, Alfred?” he asked.
“Without a doubt, my love. You have my heart and you know that.”
“I do, and I will not let it go. Remember, Alfred, you mustn’t harm him. He is very young, and we will leave this place when our task is done. He must remain here, and it might be difficult for him if he becomes attached to you.”
“Yes, I will do my best to prevent such a thing from occurring.”
“Good, now I must beg you to go to sleep. We will have another trying day tomorrow, and I would imagine that Nekana will wake us before dawn.”
He settled down and within moments was drifting in dreams. I lay back and stared at the canvas tent above me. I was beginning to harden again, and I knew sleep would elude me. I reached beneath the blanket and wrapped my hand around my arousal, stroking it firmly. Remembering what he’d felt like in my hand beneath the water, recalling the softness of his mouth, the darkness of his eyes.
“I am damned,” I gasped in a hoarse whisper as I released into the palm of my hand.
Chapter Eight
I lay awake, the darkness of our tent illuminated slightly by the full moon that sailed directly overhead. This, the end of our second day in the Amazon jungle, had left me feeling exhausted and frustrated. Though I knew the object of our journey was to return the idol, it seemed as though I had forgotten it. I could not clear from my head the disastrous conflict of emotions that welled within me.
I tossed and turned restlessly, Frederick’s soft snores serving only to make me more aware of my inability to drift completely into dreams. I could not shake the memory of his eyes, the feel of his soft skin, his mouth… It was all quite torturous to me. I turned my back to Frederick and tried in vain to find the sleep that eluded me. Just as I was about to slip away, I was startled by a shuffling sound in our tent.
I sat up and groped for my lighter. When I struck it, I nearly cried out. Nekai was kneeling on the floor beside my cot. He jerked back from the flash of the lighter and frowned, pressing his finger to his lips. He took my wrist in his hand, tugging on it most insistently. I sat up on the side of my cot and reached for my boots, slipping them on and sliding my suspenders up on my shoulders. I tucked my shirt in and buttoned it, then stood and followed him as he lifted the flap of our tent and stepped out beneath the full moon.
He took up a torch that he had placed on the ground near our tent, then he reached back and captured my wrist once again. I allowed him to lead me. As we passed the other tent where Nekana and Paulo slept, I listened intently, but I could hear no sound. It was obvious where he meant to take me. We were going to the falls. I made no effort to stop him. I moved as quietly as possible along the path, but I did not have his skills, and he was pulling me along rather quickly.
When the f
alls came into view, I was surprised to find that he did not lead me to the water but rather toward the falls itself. I was struck with a sudden alarm that perhaps he meant to throw me off of it or drown me for what I’d done. I resolved to go with him nonetheless. I knew I deserved whatever revenge he wanted to put on me.
He followed a small, narrow path that led directly toward the thunderous falls and as we drew closer, I saw in the light of the torch that the path went behind the mighty water. He led and I followed to this secret place. As we passed beneath, drops and mist from the falls coated my face and chest. It was refreshing in the incessant heat, and I found this night time adventure quite invigorating.
Secreted just behind the center of the great falls was a small cave. Nekai entered it and pulled me behind him, the light from his torch our only illumination. The floor of the cave was soft sand, and its walls glittered as though scattered with the facets of many diamonds.
I noticed a woven blanket had been spread out on the floor, and Nekai gestured to it and motioned for me to sit. I did as he asked, and he leaned the torch against the wall of the cave and faced me. He stood over me looking both menacing and arousing at the same time. What did he want of me? I could only guess that he wished to repeat the pleasure I’d given him earlier.
I watched, mesmerized, as he loosed the tie that held his loincloth. The small swath of leather fell away, and he stood before me in all his exotic glory. I looked at this object of my desire with an undisguised longing. He was more than I’d ever imagined in my wildest dreams. He looked down at me with confused longing, and I knew he was as frustrated with our inability to openly communicate as I was. I perceived, also, that his frustration stemmed from his lack of knowledge. He knew that I’d given him a feeling that was alien and unknown and he knew, just as keenly, that he had enjoyed it and wanted it again.
He knelt beside me on the blanket and reached uncertainly for my hand, pulling it toward him, beseeching me to touch him once more. He bit his lower lip and frowned as he struggled with the conflict he felt. I could see the tumult of emotions in his fair face. I chose to ease that misery. I rose up over him and pressed on his chest, urging him to lie down on the blanket. He did so, and I hovered over him a moment. Any indecision I might have felt was swept away when he spoke my name breathlessly in that heavy, native accent.
“Alfred…”
He could say no more to me but my name, and it was enough. I slipped my suspenders down and quickly unbuttoned my shirt, tossing it aside. My boots followed, then my breeches and I was naked with him on the blanket. What are you doing, man? Are you mad? I wondered to myself as I lay beside him. I leaned up on one elbow, looking down into those black eyes that roved over my white skin with abandon. I must look quite foreign to him, so pale when he was accustomed to only the rich, caramel skin of his own people.
He raised his hand and brushed it over the stubble on my chin, whispering something I couldn’t understand. “Nekai,” I answered as I lowered my mouth to his and kissed him with a roughness that I would never have attempted with my Frederick. Nekai responded to it with a ferocity of his own, and I found myself wrapped in his powerful arms. I realized, in that moment, that I’d awakened the man in him and now we could not turn back.
“Then let the dance begin,” I whispered, though I knew he didn’t understand.
He rolled so that his weight was resting on me, and he pressed me down into the sand on the blanket. I clutched at his back and slid my hands down to his narrow hips, pulling at them and showing him with that action, that he might relieve some of his misery by grinding himself against me. He was quick to understand this trick and moved most wantonly and without restraint. I watched his face as he realized the pleasure he was experiencing. His eyes fluttered closed, and he gasped for breath, then sucked the air back in through clenched teeth, an intoxicating moan escaping from his full lips.
I pushed up against him with the same abandon, desiring more contact. I found my greedy mouth watering with a need I could not deny much longer, and I pushed against his nearly immovable chest. He looked at me with a confused frown, but I was insistent and he rose up for me, rolling to one side and seeming quite disappointed. He would only feel that for a moment. I urged him with gentle pushes to lie back against the blanket once more.
I looked up at him with my most seductive expression, then wrapped my hand around his hard, needy, and beautifully uncut endowment. He took in another of those ragged gasps as I leaned down and ghosted my eager breath over the leaking tip of it, then I did what to him must have been simply unthinkable. I opened my mouth over him and took it all in.
He cried out and clutched at my head both trying to pull me off and at the same moment pushing me down. I loved his state of conflict and confusion. It was painfully arousing to me to know that I had him in such a way. He pushed up with his hips in that natural and instinctual way that men do, and I allowed it as it served to drive him into the back of my throat. Yes, use me, Nekai! You cannot be too rough! My traitorous mind raved like the madman it commanded.
I sucked on him with all my strength. I desired to make this experience as wonderful for him as I could. It was obvious that my efforts were paying off. From the sounds he made, I knew he wouldn’t last much longer. I wanted so to proffer myself to him, for him to take me completely, but I knew he wouldn’t understand what to do, and I honestly didn’t know how I could possibly show him without causing him even more confusion.
As I continued to draw on him, I reached down and took his balls into my hand, massaging them firmly between my fingers. He clutched at my hair, and I feared he would pull it from my head. That would need some explaining to my Frederick. Feeling a bit more adventurous than normal, I decided to push yet a little further and moved my fingers lower, circling his opening with them. I was afraid that he would balk at that, but he was too far gone with his pleasure to even notice.
I pushed just the tip of one finger into him and when I did, he cried out and thrust his hips against my mouth so hard that I gagged on him. I felt the hot, salty liquid strike the back of my throat, and I swallowed all he had to give me. It was the catalyst I had been waiting for to drive my desperate needs. I released my own pleasure only a mere moment after his and fell against him, resting my head on his firm belly.
As the last of those shuddering waves of bliss passed over him, he fell flat against the blanket gasping for breath. I sat up beside him and looked down at him lying there, breathless and sated. What a beautiful child of a man he was to me. Yet he wasn’t mine, not in the way that my Frederick was. I felt the lump rise in my throat, and the conflict returned. I had the sense to realize that Frederick was my life and my true love. So what was Nekai? Could a man love with equal abandon, more than one heart, more than one soul? Or was this nothing more than lustful desire? As I looked down into those large, vivid eyes full of fading innocence, my heart lurched as the finality of what I was doing to him set in.
So overcome with guilt was I, that I sought absolution from the very one I felt I’d wronged. I lay down and put my head on his broad shoulder, stretching my arm across his still heaving chest and throwing my leg over his thighs as if to draw as much of him against me as I could. He easily held my weight, and I felt his arms encircle me.
We lay together in the little cave as the torch burned low, and I knew we needed to return but so help me, I couldn’t tear myself out of his arms. His youth and his dying innocence were too close to my own lost heart, my own lost innocence. I both loved and hated him. He personified to me the boy I’d once been before I left the safe confines of my father’s house and sought relief from my unnatural longings in the back streets of London, in the places where noble men don’t go. In the long ago when I’d given myself to rough men of low character, I’d let them take from me what I was now trying to take from Nekai.
I made no effort to stop the flow of tears that came so naturally. He tightened his strong arms around me as he heard me weeping as if to convey comfort.
How could I tell him that I was sorry when in truth, I was still reveling from my sins with him?
*
After far too much time had passed, I reluctantly rose and moved away from him to dress. When I turned back to him, he’d done the same and rolled up the blanket, tying it onto his back in pack-like fashion. He took up the torch and reached for my hand. I again allowed him to lead me back past the falls and along the path. As we neared the tents, he laid the torch aside, took me in his arms and kissed me hard and possessively. It was so powerful that it made my knees weak, and I fell against him.
He pulled back and ran his fingers through my hair. I did the same to him and in that moment, I knew that if he tried to run away with me, I would go. I would despise myself for all eternity for running from my Frederick, but I would go. He went into his tent and I into mine. Frederick still slept. I envied him that rest. I returned to my cot and cast myself down onto it in almost more misery than I’d been in before I went with Nekai.
“I must stop this. I must stop it before it goes any further. He will fall in love with me, and I with him and then when we must part at the end of this, it will destroy us both,” I gasped into the darkness.
“It’s too late for that, my love,” Frederick mumbled from his side of the room. He lit the lamp, and my blood ran cold.
Chapter Nine
