Jesse: Merry Christmas, Cowboy

by Lynnette Kent

  Janie cleared her throat. “We always seem to think our parents will be with us forever.”

  “Yeah.” He started to say something else, but a noise from the back of the house interrupted.

  “Janie? Janie?” The weak voice was her mother’s. “Janie, where are you? Something’s wrong, Janie.”

  “I’m sorry,” Janie said.

  Jesse shook his head. “Don’t worry about it.”

  “Janie?”

  “It’s okay, Mom. I’m coming.”

  But her mother already stood at the opening from the hallway into the kitchen, clinging to the edge of the wall. Her unbuttoned nightgown drooped off of one shoulder, her feet were bare, and her eyes were wide and scared. At least her hair looked neat, because Janie had washed and braided it before putting her to bed.

  She went over and circled an arm around Abby’s shoulders. “What are you doing out here without your robe and slippers? You’ll catch cold. Let’s go back to your room—”

  Abby’s terrified gaze was fixed on Jesse. “Who is that man? Why is he here?”

  He stepped forward. “I’m Jesse Cody, Mrs. Hansen. Elly’s brother.”

  “You remember Elly, Mom.” Janie used a hand on her mother’s cheek to turn her head so their eyes could meet. “Elly is my best friend.”

  Abby turned to stare at Jesse again. “Cody,” she said, moving her mouth as if tasting the word. “John Walker Cody.”

  Jesse said quietly, “I’m his son.”

  “I remember.” She nodded, but then her eyes narrowed and her mouth thinned. “John Walker Cody. Lied to me. Never said he was married…how was I to know? I showed him, though. Didn’t want help. Didn’t want him—or her, the bitch—interfering with my son.”

  Janie couldn’t bear to see the pity and disgust in Jesse’s face, couldn’t think of what to say. Without a word, she turned her mother back toward the bedroom, holding her close, keeping Abby’s head on her shoulder with her free hand. Jesse would, she assumed, let himself out.

  An hour later, she left her mother sound asleep again, stretched out in the center of the bed rather than cowering next to the wall. For herself, Janie only wanted a glass of water and a full night’s rest. Maybe by morning she’d be able to think about tonight’s disaster without getting sick to her stomach.

  As she came down the hallway, she could see into the living room beyond the kitchen. There sat Jesse Cody on the end of the sofa, an elbow propped on the arm to hold up his head. While she watched, his hand dropped. He lurched to the side, startled, then braced his head again and relaxed. The man had fallen asleep waiting for her.

  After he’d cleaned up the kitchen.

  “Jesse.” She sat down beside him on the couch and gave his sound knee a shake. “Jesse, wake up.”

  His thick blond lashes slowly lifted. “Hey.” He yawned. “Sorry. I fell asleep.”

  “What are you doing here? You should be at home in bed.”

  He shook his head, waking a little further. “I didn’t want the night to end…like that. Is your mother all right?”

  “No worse, anyway.” Janie stared down at her hand, still resting on his knee. “I apologize for what she said. When she was well, she didn’t think those things. I never heard her say a word against your parents. Ever.”

  Jesse’s hand came to rest on hers. “It’s good to hear the truth, for a change. And maybe she’s just let J.W. off the hook a little. Sounds like she didn’t want him to know Mark at all.”

  Fear shot through Janie’s chest. After ignoring Mark for thirty years, J. W. Cody was trying to make amends. What Abigail had or hadn’t wanted, all those years ago, wouldn’t change the present situation.

  And an old letter from Abby to J.W., written that fateful year but returned to its sender still sealed, shouldn’t matter, either. Certainly not to Jesse, or any of the other Cody kids. Mark had read it, but he’d discovered his parentage by comparing blood types and appearances. He’d only found the letter afterward—a confirmation, of sorts.

  So Janie didn’t have to feel guilty for not telling Jesse about a letter no one cared about, anyway—even if she’d been the one to find it in the first place, and had kept the secret to herself for more than two years. Who cared?

  While she debated, Jesse reached around her for the coat he’d left on the sofa, then stood to shrug into it. “I’d better go. We both need some rest. This dilemma has waited thirty years—it’ll wait another night, at least.”

  Janie followed him to the door. “It’s always been a complicated situation.”

  His face softened. “But we can’t do anything about any of it tonight, can we?” Bending, he brushed her mouth with his.

  “Not a thing,” Janie whispered.

  “Sleep tight,” he said with a last, sweet kiss. “See you tomorrow at the barn.”

  And then he limped out the door to drive home in the sleet and get into his cold bed alone, just as Janie got into hers. She could only hope Jesse slept better than she did.

  But she doubted he would. He had so much on his mind tonight—his dad’s illness, of course, and all the problems arising from it. Mr. Cody had included Mark in the “family” meeting, and though he hadn’t said anything specific, she could tell that the gesture had rubbed Jesse’s already raw feelings. How would he reconcile his worry over his dad with his honest dismay at the man’s behavior? Bad enough that he’d been unfaithful to his wife, but then to ignore his own son…

  For Jesse, honor and responsibility went hand in hand. His dad’s choices, even if they didn’t affect Jesse directly, would complicate their relationship.

  Punching her pillow, turning over and over again as she tried to find a restful position, Janie thought about the letter she’d found and concealed. Though not very important in itself, the returned note still seemed like a time bomb, ticking away quietly until it exploded at the worst possible moment.

  And she had the feeling that her own chance to be happy with Jesse—her opportunity to make him happy—might be blown to dust at the same instant.

  Chapter Eleven

  Anne went to bed late in the evening, after the children had eaten dinner, asked all the questions they could think of about John Walker’s illness and his future, then left for their own homes. But she hadn’t been able to sleep.

  Now she sat at her kitchen table, the mug of tea she’d brewed hours ago gone cold between her hands. As the rising sun streaked the sky with red and gold, the palisade of tree trunks along Cottonwood Creek in the backyard gradually became visible. Unlike the sun, however, Anne was so deep in thought she hadn’t moved for a long time.

  So deep, in fact, that she didn’t hear J.W. come into the kitchen until he put his hand on her shoulder.

  “So this is where you’re hiding.”

  “Aack!” She jumped, and the tea spilled. “You scared me.”

  He chuckled. “Well, what are you doing sitting here, just staring out the window?”

  “Thinking.” She scooted her chair out with an irritated jerk. “For heaven’s sake, hand me a dishcloth to mop this up.”

  He gave her a startled glance as he reached for the towel. “What are you so upset about?”

  Blotting the table, she didn’t answer at first. “Jesse,” she said, walking into the kitchen.

  Her husband waved a dismissive hand. “He’s always the quiet one. He just didn’t feel like talking about what’s going on.”

  Wringing the towel into the sink, she shook her head. “It’s more than that. There’s enough unsettledness about the situation involving Mark without—”

  Her husband made a chopping motion with his hand. “I don’t want to argue about Mark anymore.”

  “I don’t want to argue, either. In fact, I’m trying very hard to cooperate with you as far as he’s concerned. But—”

  “Look, Annie.” He came close and reached for her hand, cradling it between his palms. “I’ve done what you asked. All these years, I never made a move toward Mark. He seems t
o believe his mother would have kept the secret to her grave, if she hadn’t gotten sick. But now he knows—”

  “Along with everybody else in Wyoming.”

  “—and I owe him the dignity of acknowledging him as my son.”

  “What else does he think you owe him?”

  John Walker shook his head. “I don’t know yet. We’re still trying to get acquainted. Can’t you give us the time we need? It’s not easy catching up on thirty-one years.”

  She looked down at their joined hands. “I’m simply asking you to remember that you have five children who are no less precious simply because you’ve known them all their lives. Especially Jesse.”

  “What I remember is that I love you.” His arm curved around her waist and drew her to him as he bent to kiss her. Despite her anger and disappointment, Anne surrendered to her husband’s passion. For more than thirty years, she’d been cherished by this strong, lustful man. He had given her children, a home and every luxury she could imagine. He shared with her the power and influence of the Cody name.

  Her life could be very much worse. Many men in John Walker’s world took women for granted, used them like toys and expected their wives to accept a promiscuous lifestyle they would not change. John Walker had strayed only once in their marriage. He’d spent the years since trying to make amends in every possible way. Abby Hansen’s son was the only reminder of that awful time.

  The only reminder…except for Anne’s own, endless guilt.

  WHEN THE BELL ON THE FEED store door jangled at nine on Monday morning, Janie looked up from the cash register to see Elly Cody coming along the aisle toward her.

  “Don’t you look Christmassy,” she said, admiring her friend’s fuzzy white scarf, red sweater and dark green jeans tucked into black boots. “All you need is a red cap with a white ball on the end. We’ve got some dog hats like that over in the corner.”

  “If only.” Elly gave her a hug, harder and longer than their usual greeting. “I’m more in the market for a miracle.”

  Janie drew back and took in her friend’s red-rimmed eyes and pale face. “Is this about your dad? I’m sorry, El. I know you must be worried sick.”

  Elly pulled a tissue out of her pocket to dab at her eyes and nose. “I can’t believe he just dropped it on us out of the blue. Right before Christmas. Nobody had any idea that he was sick.”

  “Well, that’s the problem with prostate cancer, right?” The store was empty except for the two of them, so she led Elly to sit down on a nearby horse mounting block. Then she turned over a big bucket nearby for herself. “You don’t know unless a doctor checks. But they have all sorts of effective treatments available these days. Lots of men have recovered completely.”

  “Oh, believe me, Will and I stayed up half the night reading every article on the internet. It’s just…I don’t want to lose my dad.” With a sob, Elly folded her arms on her knees and buried her face in them.

  Janie rubbed her friend’s back and made soothing noises, thinking about Jesse’s reaction last night to the same news. And she couldn’t blame either of them. She knew from experience the fear and heartbreak this kind of announcement brought. Even though she hadn’t been as close to her dad as Elly was to J.W., she’d mourned the loss of a parent. Two parents, really. Her mother’s decline was happening in phases, rather than all at once. But in the end, she would be gone.

  “And Jesse just walked out.” Elly jerked herself up again. “He didn’t say a single word—not ‘I’m sorry’ or ‘What can I do’ or anything. Sometimes he makes me so mad.”

  Moving back, Janie spoke carefully. “He’s just as upset as you are, El. But Jesse’s not one to lay his feelings out for everybody to see. You know that.”

  “We all needed him to be there, to help us sort this thing out. Instead…” Elly sat motionless for a moment. Her blue-green gaze focused on Janie’s face. “You already knew about Dad before I got here. You knew what his illness was before I told you.”

  Janie gave a slight shrug.

  “Jesse left Mom and Dad’s house…and went to yours?”

  “Yes.” She swallowed the huge lump in her throat. “He did.”

  “Why?”

  She wasn’t quite sure herself. “I guess he needed somebody to talk to.”

  Elly stood up. “Jesse doesn’t discuss Cody business with anyone outside the family.”

  Janie got to her feet. Temper jumped into her throat. “That would change, I expect, if he found a woman he cared about.”

  Her best friend stared at her in shock. “You and Jesse? Is it serious?”

  “Um…maybe.” For her, at least.

  Elly brushed her blond hair back with both hands. “I can’t believe…I mean, you had a crush on him back in school, but I figured you’d given up when he and Laurie got engaged. And she’s been dead for eight years.”

  Janie suddenly saw a shelf that needed straightening. She went to work. “We got better acquainted in—in Las Vegas.” Thank goodness no one else was in the store. “And we both rode in the Gardiner rodeo this last weekend.”

  “He mentioned that last night. And I knew you two took in some of the sights in Vegas. Then something happened, and he acted like a bear with a thorn in his paw for ten days. You spent the rest of the time hiding in your cave. Did you have some kind of argument?” She shook her head. “That would explain a lot of the crazy behavior.”

  “We didn’t exactly argue.” But her flushed cheeks probably betrayed the truth. “So, anyway, last night, when he needed somebody to listen, he came to my house. I’m sorry if that bothers you.”

  “Bothers me?” Elly swooped down on her and wrapped her in another frenzied hug. “I think it’s great. My best friend and my big brother—you’re perfect for each other.” She glanced around and then lowered her voice as she looked at Janie again. “Have you slept together?”

  Stunned at the sudden about-face, Janie could only nod.

  “Oh, excellent. The Iceman has melted. I’m thrilled, really.” She bestowed a kiss on each of Janie’s cheeks. “Has he proposed?”

  “No!” Janie backed away. “And if you say a single word to him about that, or to anyone on the planet about what I’ve told you, I will never speak to you again, Ellen Anne Cody. I swear. Jesse would hate having anybody know.”

  Elly wrinkled her forehead. “Well, aside from the fact that, as I said, he doesn’t like talking to people about Cody business, why would he hate having people know that you’re going together?”

  “We aren’t. Really. It’s all just…happened.”

  “Pooh. You’ve loved him for decades.”

  “He doesn’t know that. And I don’t know that he feels the same way.” Tears sprung to her eyes as she took her friend by the shoulders. “Please, please, Elly. I’m so afraid the least problem will drive him off. Just let us work this out in our own time.”

  “Well, sure. Okay.” They walked together back to the check out desk. “I get to be your bridesmaid, right?”

  At that moment, the doorbell rang. “If I have one, you’re it.”

  “Good.” Elly blew out a deep breath. “At least this gives me something else to think about. Thanks.”

  “Think about it by yourself. No sharing.” Elly opened her mouth but Janie intercepted the question. “Not even Will.”

  “Okay,” she whined. “I’ll see you at the barn sometime later this week. I’ve got a great idea for your Christmas present.”

  Janie grinned. “Can’t wait.”

  But as soon as Elly had left, the grin died. Janie could only hope her friend would keep the promise and keep quiet. The news that she and Jesse were…together…was bad enough. Coupled with J.W.’s recognition of Mark as his son, the situation would provide endless fuel for gossip and speculation. Jesse was already sensitive to the talk about him and Mark.

  And the more people who talked, the greater the possibility that he would find out the last piece of the puzzle—Abigail’s letter—from someone else. Janie could
n’t imagine how anyone besides herself and Mark, and J.W., of course, would know. But the risk was real.

  So she would have to tell him soon. At the right time, in private, where he could be furious if he wanted.

  Where he could kick her out of his life with no one else the wiser.

  MONDAY NIGHT, JESSE MADE a point of remaining at the barn so he could see Janie when she came to treat Sundae. He was already in the stall, giving the horse a carrot to munch on, when he heard her quick footsteps coming down the hallway.

  She gave a little jump when she saw him. “Oh, hi. I didn’t realize you were here.”

  “Yeah, there’s no way to warn somebody, is there?” As she turned to make sure the stall door was latched, he came up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist. “I guess I owe you an apology for yelling at you last week.”

  “You’re forgiven.” She drew a deep breath as he kissed the side of her neck, and shivered as he lifted her braid to brush his mouth over the little mole hiding underneath. “You’re also wicked. I’m here to take care of your horse.”

  “He’s used to waiting on me.”

  Janie leaned her head back to look at him, and he took complete advantage, covering her lips with his. Her generosity amazed him—she gave whatever he asked, then offered more, twisting in his hold to press up against him and tighten her arms around his back. Jesse could have laid her down on the floor and taken her right there in the stall. He damn sure wanted to. Needed to.

  But he still had a shred of sanity left in his brain. “Sundae’s bored,” he whispered, trying to catch his breath.

  “I’m sure.” She retreated an unsteady step, holding on to his waist for balance. “He deserves some attention.”

  With a deep breath, she bent to pick up the bag she’d let fall and crossed to the horse. “I know,” she murmured, stroking his neck. “You’re the handsome one. But he pays the bills, so I have to make him feel special.”

  Chuckling, Jesse sat down on the floor with his back against the wall. “How was your day?”

  She shrugged, beginning to stroke Sundae’s injured leg. “So-so. Elly stopped by—she’s really upset about your dad.”