Space, Man

by Sharon Maria Bidwell

  Mani did that little head tilt that said he searched for the meaning to the word. “Drift. To be carried along by or as if by current of water or air. To move through life without a particular goal. To progress without a set destination. Yes. I liked the look of your world, and I liked these places you call beaches. I did not account on it being so cold. Now, I know that it is winter, but still, I’m glad I came when I did, for I would not have met you.”

  “You like the beach,” Alex said, ignoring any other implications that little speech might entail. Mani nodded. “A beach bum.” He giggled and couldn’t help it. “I find an alien and he’s another beach bum.” He started to laugh, and one chuckle ripped another, louder one out of him. The puzzled expression on Mani’s face just made him chuckle all the more. The thought of what his mother would say if she could see her living room filled with all these green, pulsing veins made him choke.

  * * * * *

  “You’re not wearing contacts, are you?” Alex waved impatiently. “I mean your eyes. The colour’s natural, and so is your hair.” He waited for Mani’s nod. “And your...” he coughed, “you have no hair anywhere on your body?”

  “None of my kind do.”

  “Okay. I’m prepared to believe. You’re an alien. Did you come in some sort of craft?”

  “Not as in the way you mean it. There is much you can do with thought when you are incorporeal...”

  Mani’s explanation was lost to the ether as Alex watched his lips move. For the first time since Mani’s arrival, he took advantage of his first genuine reason to stare. He studied the man from his arched eyebrows, to the oval eyes, down the line of that delicate-looking nose that led to the pouty mouth, which dominated the narrow, tight jaw line. The shaggy, inward-curving sweep of white hair was a perfect frame for that graceful face. A prominent, but slender, neck drew the eye down to a deep hollow at the base of a throat, which looked just right to accept the press of a tongue. The sharp clavicle bones lay in an almost straight line to each curving shoulder. The thought of first running his fingers over one of those rounded slopes, and then following his fingers with his lips and tongue...

  Alex swallowed, blinked, tried to focus on what the alien was saying, but he knew everything on this being was slender, tight, clearly defined. Perfect.

  “You’re not listening, are you?”

  At least this creature appeared more amused than annoyed. “I was just thinking that if you’re such an advanced race, how come you didn’t know how to use the shower?”

  “I never said we were advanced.”

  “What you’re telling me all sounds quite advanced to me.”

  “Not compared to some in the universe.”

  Again, Alex blinked. It hadn’t occurred to him that there were others out there besides this fine-looking being. The human race could only hope all were as benign as this alien, if not as delectable to look at.

  “Water is scarce in many parts of the universe, including my home planet. You don’t waste it for such a simple thing as getting clean. There are other...” Again, the creature tilted his head in a way that Alex now knew was him either searching for the right word, or one that Alex would understand in comparison. “There are electronic means to keep clean. I will admit though, that the water felt good flowing over my skin and down my body.”

  “Hmm.” Alex offered a non-committal sound, but it emerged at too high a pitch for his liking.

  “Do many things on your planet feel good?” Mani asked.

  This time, Alex let out a squeak that turned into a cough, and Mani took to slapping him on the back when he choked. Alien or not, delectable or not, Alex repeated the mantra that he did not need another drifter in his life. One day, Mani would take to the stars and where would he be then? Heartbroken. Besides, there was no point in wishing for something that could never be. Even though Mani had tried to crawl into bed with him, it was in innocence, seeking warmth. Alex would not take advantage of this beautiful, luscious being, even if he did want to lick him all over like some type of delicious vanilla ice cream.

  * * * * *

  “Well, who is this tasty little morsel?”

  Alex stifled a groan, knowing it would only make things worse. He’d said hello automatically as he bumped into an old friend, and then silently cursed as said friend immediately turned his attention to his white-haired companion. James sashayed closer to Mani, slipping out of Alex’s embrace before he could stop him. Not that there was anything wrong with James, though he did exaggerate in everything that he did -- the way he moved, the stories he told -- but Alex just didn’t know what James would do, or how Mani would handle it. Leaning in too close to be polite, James tilted his head to look up, for he was the shortest of the three, and stared into the violet eyes. He even fluttered his eyelashes. “Love the contacts, darling.”

  Alex had explained to Mani that the colour of his eyes was unusual, and that the idea he wore coloured contact lenses was a good story. Most people would make the assumption, and he had convinced Mani that the easiest thing to do was just go along with the ruse. “This is... Mani.” Alex hesitated only slightly over the name. He doubted James would deduce where it came from. “He’s a friend.”

  James looked at him sideways. “Staying with you, is he?” The tone implied that Alex kept far too many things secret and this was one little snippet of information that James would pass along at all speed. Damn! He’d better let his parents know he’d asked a friend to stay before the news filtered back to them indirectly. They knew he was gay, so they would just assume the same thing James was assuming at this very minute. It would be wise for him and Mani to make sure they left before his parents returned in a month, to avoid any awkward questions.

  That reminded him, what was he going to do with said strange young man? He showed no signs of leaving.

  James now squeezed Mani’s hand. Clearly uncertain, Mani finally managed a smile. James, whose friends waited nearby, now leaned towards Alex. “I want all the details,” he said, theatrically. Standing on tiptoe, James gave Alex a chaste kiss on the lips, and then made his way, swaying, down the street. Aside from James’s friends, no one noticed the kiss in the dark, other than Mani. Trying not to think about it, Alex led the way back to the car. They’d shared an excellent dinner. Mani adored seafood.

  “What are your plans?” Alex asked, as they entered the cottage.

  “Plans?” Mani tilted his head in question.

  “What do you want to do? How long do you hope to stay here?”

  “I thought, a year, maybe longer. It depends. I would like to see the seasons change. I would like to see the beach in summer.”

  “That’s great. Just great.” Alex paced, fiddled with his car-keys, finally set them down on the table, and then leaned on the back of a chair. He needed the support. “Look, the problem is, this isn’t my house.”

  “I know that.”

  Alex had already explained the cottage belonged to his parents and they were currently away for three months, spending the winter in warmer climes. “Well, my folks will be home in a month, and if you’re going to stay for a year, you’ll have to work out where you want to go. You’ll need money, so you’ll need a job.” He stopped and sighed. “That’s a whole other complication. You’ll need an identity and I’m too honest to know how to provide you with one.”

  “I can do that.” Mani tilted his head towards the living room where Alex’s doctored computer beeped and pulsed. Admittedly, it worked like nothing on earth, and in the world of internet marketing, it was worth more than its weight in currency. Alex would be seriously upset to see it go, but even if he could cart it back to his London flat, he wouldn’t know what to do with it if something went wrong. He would also need Mani to keep it running and he wouldn’t let his thoughts go in that direction. Not even after witnessing firsthand what it could do. He hadn’t gained enough courage to allow Mani to hook him up to it directly, not even when the alien demonstrated how it worked. Just a couple of days ago, Ma
ni cleared a week’s work in a couple of hours. How could a mere human not be impressed? Guilt tinged his admiration the moment Alex realised Mani could live with him, do in hours what it took Alex days to complete, and they would be free to enjoy the rest of their lives together. Strangely, the strongest, most absorbing thought concerned the idea of spending his life with Mani, rather than the amount of free time he would have at hand.

  “Fine.” He didn’t want to linger on thoughts of how Mani would set up an identity for himself. He said he could do it, so Alex believed him.

  “Do you not have enough money for both of us?”

  From any other person, Alex would have taken that as insulting and audacious. Mani understood how money worked. He just didn’t get the entire concept of why people coveted it, or needed it so much. “As much as I like you, I’m not about to fund an indefinite stay. Not if...”Not if you’re not with me in every conceivable way.”

  Mani saved him from answering the question truthfully by interrupting. Or maybe not. “Where will you be?” Mani asked.

  “Where?”

  “When your parents return, where will you go?”

  “I live in London. It takes about five hours to drive there.”

  During this time, Mani’s expression slowly tightened, until it now looked stern. As much as Alex preferred the young man looking pleased or happy, even this expression looked endearing.

  “You have no wish for me to be with you?”

  Oh, cripes. “It’s not that. I... Mani, I just can’t. Besides, you want to see the beach in summer. There are no beaches in London. There are lakes and rivers, but nothing like here.”

  “You do not visit your parents during the year?”

  “Well, of course I do.”

  The frown disappeared, and a smile now blossomed on that face. “Then, I could come with you, to visit.”

  “No. Look. No!” Alex gave up. He was too tired for this. “We’ll talk about it in the morning. I need to go to bed.”

  Mani laughed. “Don’t look so concerned. We will figure it out.” He leaned in. “Goodnight, dear Alex. Pleasant dreams.” With that endearment, Mani kissed him.

  * * * * *

  He drifted, on a cloud, silken tickling feathers brushing lightly over his lips, tasting of nothing, yet making him think of morning dew on a rose. Then, Alex realised whose lips firmly pressed against his, and he pushed Mani away.

  “What? No. You can’t. We can’t. You can’t do those things with me.”

  Mani frowned, leaning in, only Alex’s firm hand keeping his body from pressing too close. “You kissed that little man.”

  “What? Who? Oh, James. He’s a friend.”

  “Am I not a friend?”

  “Yes, but not... He’s an old friend. I’ve known him for ages.”

  “Time makes a difference?”

  “Yes. No. He and I aren’t lovers.”

  “Lovers.” Mani tilted his head. “Someone who loves another. A sexual partner.”

  “Could you stop doing that?” Alex almost growled in frustration. Sometimes it felt as though Mani existed perpetually hooked up to the internet. Either that or the alien had swallowed a bloody dictionary. “James and I are not lovers. We never have been. We don’t have sex. We’re just friends.” Alex tried backing up and, to his horror, Mani came with him, so that his chest remained pressed against Alex’s hand. Mani should have picked out a thicker shirt for the weather. Even through the fabric, Alex could feel the firmness of that chest.

  “I don’t understand.”

  No. He wouldn’t. That didn’t truly explain the distinction. “Men don’t kiss each other on the lips. Not even if they’re friends. It takes a special... kind of friendship.” Oh, that was so lame.

  “I am not special to you?”

  You have no idea. “You’re special. Just different.” As much as what he was about to say hurt him, Alex couldn’t take advantage of the situation. Mani was clearly innocent in matters of sex. It crossed Alex’s mind that he could talk him into just about anything. He wanted to. He just couldn’t bring himself to do it. “You should kiss women.”

  “Then, shouldn’t you kiss women?”

  “Yes. No. It’s not that simple.”

  Mani advanced. Alex, one hand pressed against that solid chest could only retreat.

  “What are you not explaining to me? Why are you feeling awkward?”

  Alex sought for a way out. “Look, on your planet, how do you have children?”

  “Ah, procreation. I have seen on your internet how your species give birth. We have very few females. We donate when we come of age. When we fill our quota, we are free to explore the universe.”

  Alex blinked. “Donate?”

  “They require our seed, not the body that provides it.”

  “Oh. That... kind of takes the fun out of it.”

  This time, Mani blinked. “There is fun in procreation?”

  “Oh, yes!”

  “This is new to me. It serves one purpose where I come from.”

  “Not here. It’s good for things like blood pressure and stress. It bonds people together. You don’t have to have children if you don’t want.”

  Mani appeared a little distracted as he often did when trying to figure things out. “So, kissing leads to sex on this world?”

  “Yes.”

  “I did not know this. We do not physically touch on my world. I just wanted to thank you, but it was pleasant to discover what a kiss felt like.”

  “Well, now you know.”

  “I liked it.”

  Stunned, Alex just gaped. Mani frowned suddenly, his expression intense. Alex’s mind caught up with his train of thought, realising his error, just before Mani spoke. “You have just told me you are not having sex with James, yet you kissed him.”

  Yep. That was the gap in his logic. Alex stood there, gaping, opening and closing his mouth like a fish. He watched Mani’s eyes start to glitter with what looked like unshed tears.

  “So, it is just me you do not wish to kiss.”

  “No. It’s not that.”

  “You do not like me.”

  “I like you just fine.”

  “Then I fail to understand. Have these last few days not been kind?”

  Mani’s verbal skills still failed him at times. Alex understood what he meant, though. Kind was just another way for the alien to refer to something he found good, fun, or pleasurable. “More than kind,” Alex said, and he meant it. The ‘few’ days were fast becoming weeks and, looking back, Alex couldn’t remember one moment when he didn’t feel good around Mani. The pale man’s intelligence, kind heart, sense of fun, and strong idea of right and wrong, made him gape, smile, laugh, and filled him with an odd, yet undeniably strong, sense of pride in turn. “I’ve loved every moment with you.”

  “And I, you.” Mani, who had glanced away, now looked back with something Alex could only liken to raw pain in his eyes. “What you say makes no sense. You say one thing, but you do not act as though you mean the words. Lovers. Someone who loves another. I care for you, Alex. I am sorry you do not feel the same way.” With that, he turned and fled to that cold and isolated back room, leaving Alex feeling as though his heart lay frozen in his chest.

  * * * * *

  “You can’t stand out here all night in the rain. You’ll freeze to death.” Odd that Alex had known he would find Mani out here, but the sensation crept through his bones while he paced in his bedroom, until the only solution was to prove the feeling was just his imagination. The reality stood, white hair hanging in a heavy drape, sodden from the rain.

  Weary, obviously reluctant, Mani turned and moved back towards the house. Alex stood aside, holding the door open with one hand as the alien stepped across the threshold. The moment he closed the door, Alex grabbed Mani by the arm, preventing him from escaping into the depths of the cottage. “What did you think you were doing? You’re cold, and wet. You’ll get sick doing a thing like that.”

  Mani just regar
ded him, those eyes limpid, wrecked, lips trembling, as though he didn’t trust himself to speak.

  “Mani, I...”

  Whatever he’d been about to say -- and Alex wasn’t even sure what word would have slipped out -- was lost, as the alien slapped Alex’s hand away. Though it pained him, it hardened Alex’s resolve. “You have to understand. I care too much to take advantage of you.”

  “How are you taking advantage of me by giving me something I’ve asked you for? If it’s what we both want, I see no harm.”

  “I told you...”

  Mani laughed, interrupting him. “I know. It’s not that simple. Your people seem to hide behind odd phrases when they don’t wish to be honest. They fear the very emotions they crave.” During this speech, Mani stalked through the small dwelling. Now, just outside of Alex’s bedroom door, he turned. “Well, you need fear me no longer. I will leave in the morning.”

  He couldn’t explain what he felt in that moment, but there was one thing Alex did know -- he didn’t want Mani to leave. Not like this. He didn’t have to say so, for whatever he felt surely showed on his face, if he could judge the way Mani regarded him.

  “At least your face is more honest than your words.”

  “My words are honest. You just don’t understand them.” When Mani stayed where he was, Alex’s heart leapt in hope. Maybe he would get the chance to explain. “Look. You’re soaked, and cold.” Alex stepped into the room and retrieved a blanket from the bed. He draped it around Mani, leading him into Alex’s bedroom and towards the bed as he did. “Sit. Listen to me. Even if it’s to say goodbye when I’m done, you should know why.”

  Mani sat shivering and clutching the blanket. “You should get out of those wet jeans,” Alex said, without thinking. The jeans were the only garment the pale man wore. Mani looked at him askance, and Alex shook his head. “I just mean to get you warm and dry.”

  Mani snorted. “I hardly expected anything else.”

  Sighing, Alex helped Mani undress, peeling down those wet jeans, revealing the long, pale legs. Kneeling in front of the alien, Alex looked up into those bright eyes. He wanted to burrow under the blanket, nuzzle his face into that cool skin, and warm it with his breath.