“Of course I know that.” She pulled away from him and walked into the kitchen to finish making her tea. If he’d come here to impress upon her the lack of relevance she had to their relationship, he needn’t have bothered. “You’re forgetting I saw how much you loved each other when no one else did. If you think I have any desire to mess with your relationship, you are sorely mistaken.”
“Here’s something you don’t know,” he said. She could tell from the sound of his voice he’d followed her as far as the doorway, but hadn’t entered the kitchen. “As much as Derek is mine, he’s yours now too.” He paused for a moment before adding, “And so am I.”
She gasped, her hands stilling. Turning around, she reached back to grip onto the counter with her hands. “But you said—”
“I know what I said,” he interrupted, burning her with his gaze. “It was bullshit. It’s true we’ve had the occasional fling with a few women before. A night, maybe two. Nothing more. We’ve never invited a woman to share our home before. There has been no one else like you. Not even close.”
She swallowed hard, trying to take in what he was saying. “Then why would you say that to me?” She glared at him, all the anger and hurt she’d felt in the past fortnight clawing its way to the surface. “Why hurt me like that?”
“I’m so sorry.” He strode into the kitchen, reaching for her as he drew nearer, but she shook her head and he stopped dead less than a metre away. His raised hands curled into fists for a moment before he dropped them to his sides. His gaze still held hers, though, and she felt the weight of it on her skin as surely as if he touched her. “You wanted out and I thought a clean break would be easier. Derek would have tried to change your mind and when that didn’t work he would have wanted us all to be friends.”
“And you wanted to make damned sure that never happened.” She spat the words at him. “Is that it?”
“I couldn’t stand to be around you, Julia,” he cried, throwing his arms in the air. “I’m so in love with you I can’t see straight. If I had to keep being around you, knowing you love Derek and not me... ” He shook his head, breathing hard. “I’m a cowardly bastard and I couldn’t do it. It’s as simple as that.”
Crossing her arms over her chest, she shrugged one shoulder. “You won’t hear me disagree with you.”
Instead of being offended, he smiled down at her. “That’s my girl,” he murmured. “Always the feisty one.”
She scoffed before looking up at him through narrowed eyes. “You mean it?” she murmured. “You love me?”
He straightened his shoulders, as if bracing himself for her reaction. “Yes.”
Pushing away from the counter, she reached up to cup his cheeks between her palms and press a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you, too.”
Strong arms banded around her, holding her tight against his body and he took a deep breath, releasing it into the curve of her neck. “Thank fucking God for that,” he growled, making her laugh as she held him close.
Chapter 21
Her lips found his and she lost herself in his kiss. Their tongues played across each other’s in a dance that left them both breathing hard. Resting his forehead against hers, Scott buried his hands in her hair and whispered against her lips, “I thought I would never get to touch you again.”
Mouth curving into a smile, she stroked her hands up and down his back before circling around to the front of his shirt. “I missed you so much it hurt,” she said as she undid one button after another. “I would close my eyes at night and imagine you and Derek were watching me as I brought myself to orgasm.” She parted the material and pushed it back off his shoulders, forcing him to lower his arms away from her so it could fall to the floor.
She reached for the cloth belt that held her robe closed, keeping her gaze locked with his as she found the end. “I’ve spent hours running my hands over my skin, pretending it was you who touched me.” With a gentle tug the bow came undone and she opened the robe to reveal her naked body beneath.
“Holy fucking hell.” His voice broke, fists still clenched at his sides, as his eyes drank in the sight of her.
“Please, Scott,” she breathed, her chest rising and falling with the force of her desire. “I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
He stepped toward her, palms lifting to cradle her jaw, and he licked his lips before pressing them to hers in the lightest of touches. Again and again he brushed his mouth over hers before, finally, his tongue slipped inside to taste her.
She held still, poised, as his hands began to move downward, grazing her skin with a lightness that made her tremble. He cupped her breasts, circling her nipples until they were pinpoints of need, aching for more.
Her hands rose to wrap around the back of his neck as she struggled to stop herself from pressing up against his body. This torture was too exquisite, the sharp edge of pain between her legs too ecstatic. Her body wept for him. Her muscles clenched at the emptiness inside that begged to be stretched as he filled her. And yet, even as her body craved Scott’s touch, Derek’s absence pressed against her mind.
“Wait.” She placed a hand to his chest, pressing him back for a moment. His hands stilled, though they remained in place around her torso. His thumbs brushed back and forth across the sensitive skin beneath her breasts in a maddening way.
“What’s wrong?” he asked in a strangled voice.
“Derek. We’ve never been together without him.” After all they’d been through in the past few weeks, she didn’t want to do anything that might hurt him. “Would he be okay with this?”
Scott’s breath released with a quiet chuckle and his body relaxed. “Derek will be ecstatic about this,” he assured her. “There are no limits between the three of us, Julia. No rules or jealousy.” He pulled her into another brief kiss. “Just love.”
“Thank God,” she said with a smile of her own as she leaned into him.
He went back to kissing her with that slow, deliberate, maddening control. Before long, a keening sound escaped her throat. His hands, gliding now over her buttocks, tightened in response. Her lips curved. She knew how to break his control.
She allowed a long, yearning whimper to glide from her mouth to his. His fingers dug into her curved flesh as he pulled her against him with a low growl. He lifted her body and she wrapped her legs around his waist as he carried her out of the kitchen. She expected him to head for the bedroom, but instead he sat her down on the edge of the dining table, nestling his large frame between her thighs.
“Lie back,” he instructed.
Barely breathing, she lowered herself onto the table’s cool surface. She watched his every movement, eager to see what he would do next.
He placed his hands across her ribs, fingers spread wide, before sliding up so his thumbs could brush against the undersides of her breasts.
Her back ached and her nipples thrust into the air, begging for attention. But it seemed his interest was focused on other areas.
She heard the scrape of a dining chair being dragged across the tiled floor, then he sat down. Her breathing came in shallow gasps as she stared at the ceiling, body tight with anticipation.
Both of his hands slid down her thighs until he’d cupped a knee in each palm and pushed her legs wide. He paused for a moment and she glanced down to see him feasting his gaze on her body.
“I’ve missed the taste of you on my tongue.” His voice was harsh with need, it scraped over her raw nerves like sandpaper. Her thighs trembled beneath the weight of his hands and the steady throb of her own arousal beat with a painful pleasure through her labia.
“Please,” she whimpered, trying not to sound like she was begging, but there was no escaping the truth. She would beg if he wanted her to.
When he finally placed his mouth on her, it was a gentle kiss against the inside of her left knee and she moaned in a heady mix of frustration and relief. He travelled up the inside of her thigh with little licks and nips, his lips dragging across her heated skin. She c
urved her hands around his head in an attempt to urge him to move faster, but he stopped her. Entwining their fingers, he held her hands out to the sides of her body and continued on his tortuously slow path.
He reached her centre and she held her breath, waiting for the relief that would come with the pressure of his mouth. He sighed against her and her whole body quivered at the rush of his warm breath. Then he backed away and started all over again, this time at her right knee.
“No.” The word came out of her on a low moan and her body twisted and turned on the tabletop as she searched for a way to hit the peak her body craved. Releasing her hands, Scott grabbed onto her hips and held her down. He continued his maddening journey, though the increasing roughness of his breath against her skin told her she wasn’t the only one suffering.
Just as she thought she would go insane, he was there, giving her what she wanted. The broad flat of his tongue stroked the length of her over and over until her orgasm ripped through her with the force of a tidal wave. A throaty scream sounded in her ears and she clamped her hands around his head to hold him there between her thighs as her orgasm spilled onto his eager tongue.
At last, her muscles began to relax and she fell back onto the table, boneless and sated. A smile curved her lips when she heard the hurried sound of Scott shedding his pants and the rip of foil. His erection pushed against her entrance a moment later and she pried her eyes open to look up at this man who always gave so much more than he asked for in return.
Pushing up into a sitting position, she urged him to drop back down into the dining room chair. It was a cheap and cheerful type of chair and she could only hope it held up under the pressure she planned to put it under.
She lowered herself from the table and leaned over to capture his mouth as she straddled his lap. Her eyes slid closed and she reached down to guide him to her entrance.
They both groaned in relief as she sank down onto him. His arms wrapped like steel bands around her and his head fell onto her bare shoulder as he flexed his hips, driving deeper into her body.
Her own hands skimmed over him. Raking through his short hair, clenching at the muscles of his back. She began to move, rising slowly before sinking down once more. She could feel the rush of his breath on her neck, the bite of his blunt teeth against her skin. Hard enough to mark, but not to hurt. His body trembled with the same desperation she’d endured only minutes ago. She wanted to give him the same pleasure he’d given her—bring him the same immense joy.
“I love you.” The words, whispered into his ear, came so easily now. The rightness of them resounded through the corners of her heart.
Scott lifted his head from her shoulder and turned to look deep into her eyes. “I love you, my sweet, sexy Julia.” Then he kissed her. Deeply. Thoroughly. As if he never wanted to stop.
Her second orgasm broke gently, rolling through her in slow, undulating waves. With a low groan, his arms clutching her like a lifeline, he followed her into the depths.
Chapter 22
“I need to call Derek,” Scott said some time later, after they had redressed. “He’ll be going crazy wondering what’s going on.”
Julia reached out to nab the phone he’d pulled from his pocket. “Allow me,” she said as she made the call.
“Scott,” came Derek’s voice, “what took so fucking long?”
“Good evening, Derek,” Julia said in a chirpy voice. “Though I guess it’s technically morning now. Scott would have called you earlier but we were a little bit busy having make up sex. He’s very sorry.”
A strangled gurgle sounded on the other end of the line before Derek barked, “I’m on my way.”
“We’ll be waiting,” she said, but the line had already gone dead. Julia laughed as she handed the phone back to Scott.
She headed for the kitchen to finish making the tea she’d been hoping would help her get to sleep, though she had no interest in sleeping anymore.
Scott looked up at her when she placed a steaming mug on the table in front of him, his mouth set in a grim line.
“What is it?” she asked.
“I want to tell you about what happened to me when I came out. It’s important you know what can happen.”
“Okay,” she replied. Sitting down opposite him, she clasped her hands on the table in front of her and waited for him to begin. She knew this wasn’t going to be easy for him. He was a private person, always had been. He’d talked to her about his work and politics and his favourite books and music. He’d told her funny stories about Derek and stupid things he’d done as a teenager. Never once had he mentioned his family, though. His mother, father. She didn’t even know if he had siblings.
“My home life wasn’t great as a kid,” he said. “Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t abused or anything. I just didn’t live in the happiest of households. My parents fought a lot about money, about my dad’s drinking, him cheating on my mum. That kind of thing.” He shrugged, as if it was nothing unusual.
“Do you have brothers or sisters?” she asked.
“A brother. Andrew,” he said. There was a slight crack in his voice, though his expression gave nothing away. “He was a couple years older than me. He was a big guy, and tough, but he always watched out for me when things got rough at home. I thought he was awesome.”
She smiled at the reverence in his voice. “He loved you,” she murmured.
Scott didn’t answer for a moment and she saw his throat working as he swallowed. “To a point,” he said.
“What happened?”
His fingers tightened around his mug, though he had yet to take a sip. “I fell in love for the first time when I was seventeen,” he said. “It was a guy I went to high school with. He was straight as an arrow.”
“Did he know how you felt?”
A curt nod. “He figured it out, yeah.”
“And?”
“He and his mates beat the crap out of me.” He said the words with a bitter laugh. Sitting back in his chair, he fiddled with the mug’s handle. “Maybe he thought people would think he was gay if he didn’t. I don’t know. Anyway, when I got home I confessed the whole thing to my big brother. That’s when I found out brotherly love has limits.” The hurt in his eyes made her heart ache for the vulnerable kid he’d once been. She reached out a hand to his, curling her fingers around his palm.
“He told my parents and before the night ended I was standing on the footpath with a rubbish bag full of clothes and fifty bucks to my name.”
“That’s awful.” Not even eighteen yet and all alone in the world. She couldn’t imagine ever treating a child so badly, for any reason. “What did you do?”
“I stayed with a friend for a couple of months while I finished school. Luckily, his parents were willing to take me in. Then I got an apprenticeship with a carpenter. Money was tight but life was okay for a while.” He shrugged. “Until the guys I worked with found out I was gay. I don’t know who told them, but it wasn’t a big town. I should have expected it to get around eventually.”
“How did they react?”
“Some of them were cool about it, but not all of them.” He shook his head, remembering events Julia wasn’t sure she wanted to know. “A couple of the guys stopped calling me by my name. They preferred other, more derogatory, labels. Some of them just seemed scared of me. Like they thought I was gonna hit on them any minute. I caused problems on the site just by showing up to work and I could tell my boss was getting tired of having to stick up for me. So I quit. I drove down to the city that same day to start over.”
He looked proud of the decision he’d made. It would have taken an enormous amount of courage, she knew, to leave the past behind and reach for a better future. “I take it that worked out for you.”
“Best thing I ever did,” he said with a nod. “I made new friends, had relationships with men and women,” he said, stressing the last part.
Julia smiled. “You realised you weren’t as gay as you thought you were?”
&
nbsp; “Pretty much,” he replied. “With all the pressure gone, I was free to figure out who I wanted to be rather than being put into a box, you know?”
She nodded.
“It took me a while to find another apprenticeship, so I worked odd jobs for a year or so. Then I found this old guy who agreed to take me on, despite the fact I still had a chip on my shoulder. I finished my apprenticeship with him.” He gave her a wicked grin. “You should have seen his nephew. Criminally hot and just itching to get his hands on my big hard cock.”
She laughed at his description. Of course, having already heard this part of the story from Derek’s point of view, she happened to know he was right.
“Did you wear those shorts that drove him wild on purpose?” she asked with a grin.
“Hell, yes. I had to do something or he would have stayed with that girlfriend of his freaking forever.” He laughed at the memory. “It was the longest six months of my life.”
“Love made you crazy, huh?”
“Nah.” He shook his head. “Lust made me crazy. I wanted at him so bad I thought I would go insane with it. I’d have these dreams about tying him to a bed and making him beg for mercy.” Julia chuckled at the image, even as it made her a little hot and bothered.
“The love came later,” Scott added. “But then that’s what love does, right? It sneaks up and bites you on the arse when you’re least expecting it.”
“That it does.” Julia smiled as she looked at him, loving every part of him all the more for having heard his story. He’d been beaten, ridiculed and thrown away. Still, he never gave up. He came out on top and made a success of his life. “Did you ever see your family again?”
He shrugged. “I tried once. After I’d moved to Melbourne and gotten my life together. I thought maybe, if they met Derek... ” The haunted look in his eyes told her the experience had not been a good one. “I won’t be trying again.”
Our Little Secret (Finding Forever Book 1) Page 11
