Left Drowning

by Jessica Park

  Before I’ve started to recover, I am already breathlessly asking him what I’m scared to. “What are we doing? What are you doing?”

  “Loving you,” he says simply. “If you’ll let me.”

  “Always. God, always.”

  He lifts me up and walks us through the water spray until my back is flat against the wall. I can’t pull together any coherent thoughts. All I can do is try and take in what is happening between us. His tongue and lips race hungrily over my skin while his fingers start to slip off the straps of my suit. Just as I cover his cock with my hand, Sabin’s booming voice yells out, “Where in the goddamn hell are Blythe and Chris?”

  Chris drops his head to my shoulder and laughs, and I cringe at the sound of heels clicking against the walkway. Estelle wears her heels even on the rough terrain around here. She bangs on the door and yells, “They’re fucking in the shower! Thank you, Lord!” Then her heels continue down the walkway while a collective round of applause echoes into the now-dark sky.

  “Congratulations! But hurry it up, kids! Dinner is almost ready! And we’re hitting the bars after this!”

  “Leave them alone!” Zach shouts crankily. “At least somebody’s fucking.”

  Chris lifts up. “We’re not fucking!” he hollers. Then he looks at me and winks before he adds loudly, “Not yet!”

  “Well, I’ve been getting laid! I’ve been getting laid!” Estelle announces this news with an all-too-cheery tone.

  I rest my head against the wall. “Oh no. Oh no.”

  Chris laughs. “It’s not that bad. I think they could be good together.”

  “Your sister and my brother? That is … creepy and gross.”

  “It’s harmless. A summer fling.”

  “Is that what—”

  “No,” he stops me quickly. “That’s not what this is.”

  I relax a bit as he rubs my shoulders. “We should probably, you know, dry off.”

  “Yes. For now. Besides, I don’t want this first time to be as rushed as our last first time.” He kisses me softly. “We’re going to have slow, meticulous, exhaustive, fantastic lovemaking.”

  I smile. “And hot and dirty?”

  “That’s my girl.”

  I turn off the shower. “You and I have spent a lot of time together in water,” I say.

  “We have.” Chris retrieves the towels that are hanging over the top of the wall and hands one to me.

  “It’s funny.” I think for a bit as I dry off my hair. “You almost never walk out on the dock and you never go in the ocean. You did the first day I met you, though. Remember? You waded into the lake. But you hardly even get your feet wet now.”

  “You’re right. I don’t.”

  “And … ?”

  He hesitates. “I have a love-hate relationship with water.”

  He has just voiced something that I’ve thought about myself many times. I take his towel and wrap it around his neck. He looks sad now.

  “When you’re ready, you can tell me about that.”

  He nods.

  “Whatever you want to tell me, it’s going to be okay. You’re not going to scare me off. I promise you.”

  “You say that now.” He rubs a hand over his eyes. “You say that now.”

  “I’ll say that forever.” I hug him tightly. For the first time in a year and a half, I slide my left arm to the place on his back, the place where we fit so incomprehensibly perfectly. “I know what it’s like when we’re together. I don’t know why that is, but even here it’s happening. It’s because you were with me that I remembered this house before we went inside.”

  “Blythe, I think that’s a little farfetched, don’t you?”

  “Christopher, listen to me.” I put my hands on either side of his head so that he can’t turn away. I want him to really hear this. “When we are together, the world gets sharper, the past becomes unobstructed, and … the floodgates open. You can’t pretend that didn’t happen to me; you saw me reconstruct the fire from memories that I didn’t know I had. It’ll happen to you, too. You’ll reconstruct your own fire.”

  “Now you listen to me. The future is sharper and unobstructed. That’s how the floodgates are opening.”

  “Either way, I won’t leave. We ran away from each other before. Mostly, you ran. I’m ready for this now. Are you?”

  “To move ahead with you? Yes.” He swipes his tongue over my mouth and whispers in my ear. “To take you to bed forever? Yes. To make you come in my mouth, to feel you writhe under me while I slide my cock inside you? Yes. To listen to you scream and beg me to stop because I can’t get enough of you? Absolutely. Am I ready to focus on giving you levels of pleasure that you’ve never even dreamed about? Yeah. I’m ready.”

  I laugh. “That’s not what I meant.”

  “I know what you meant.” He holds me against him. “I’m here.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

  Reaching

  I only have on a T-shirt, no underwear, but Chris is fully dressed. We’re in my bed, and I’m sitting between his legs with my back resting against his chest and my legs draped over his. The room is dark, but the television is on because some movie that Chris is obsessed with just started. We’ve been sitting this way for the last half hour since we got into bed not long after dinner. There’s just enough light from the flickering screen for me to watch his hand. He’s lightly moving his palm over my thigh, up and down, his hand just next to but never touching between my legs. He’s already been doing this to me for a while. Too long. And with the way we’re sitting, I can’t get my hand on his cock. Which I want more than anything.

  For the past month we’ve been screwing our brains out. And making love. And then screwing our brains out again. I’m concerned that I’ve become some kind of deranged sex addict. The good news is that we seem to be able to leave the bedroom long enough to scrounge for survival items, like food. And lube and condoms. There was the one time that Chris made Sabin go to the store and throw the box up to us through the window, but mostly we’ve done our own errands. We’ve given up trying to be quiet, although we sometimes replace our noise with loud music. Our other housemates seem to have developed a high tolerance for our noise level. The downside is that I’m not in much of a position to complain about the noise that Estelle and James make at night. And admittedly, they are sort of cute together. It’s funny to see my brother fussing over a girl the way he tends to Estelle, and it’s even funnier to see her let him, but they genuinely seem to care about each other. As for me, I am so completely in love that it feels like nothing else matters.

  I turn my head a little to the side and feel Chris softly kiss the top of my head while his hand keeps teasing me with his soft strokes. Then he finally puts his hand between my legs, and I shudder. All he has to do is touch me once like this and my mind starts swimming. I picture us hot and fucking hard… . I think about how his cock feels as he drives into me over and over… . I want that heated moment just before he comes, when I’m grabbing onto him and we’re both gasping and moaning. It’s like I have a reel of porn of the two of us that plays over in my head. Flashes of what we’ve done. What else we might do.

  Because he’s so good—so perfect—he makes me greedy and impatient. Maybe if he fucked me a few hundred more times it might be easier for me to stay in the slower moments. Even then …

  But right now my endgame involves sweat, and cum, and plenty of noise, and I want to get there. I curl my hips up to push against his hand, but he pulls away a bit. Chris leans his head down and whispers to me slowly, “Don’t move yet.”

  I drop my hips back down and try to relax into him. But then he puts his hand back where I want it, cupping my pussy and staying there. He says something that I don’t understand … and I realize that he’s talking about the movie. I don’t even remember the name of this film that he loves so much, but clearly he wants to watch it until it’s over. Which will take another hour, at least. Great. I decide that I better slow myself down, because he is
going to make me wait for this interminable hour to pass before he gives me what I want.

  But I can wait; I can calm down. I think.

  I put my hand in his free one and squeeze tightly. He squeezes back. Finally, he touches one finger to my clit, just for a second, and then takes it away. He does this again. And then again. I try to distract myself, so I don’t scream by counting every time he touches me. He can’t do this forever, right? I get to twenty and give up, letting him do what he’s going to do. Then finally he starts to stroke where I want ever so slowly and gently, and I love this. It’s simultaneously hot and soothing, and he lulls me into a place where I’m not so rushed. Where I just want to stay like this.

  He uses his whole hand, brushing against me again and again. His fingers touch everywhere lightly, never staying in one spot for more than a moment. And because he’s obviously trying to drive me insane, he every once in a while laughs at the movie we’re watching. He asks me something about the plot, and I realize I have no response because I can’t pay attention to anything except how he makes me feel.

  Finally, unable to stop myself, I lean to the side and turn my mouth up to his and kiss him. God, he’s just a delicious kisser. I can’t get over it. I feel his tongue against mine while we kiss, teasing, and soft, and endless. Then he moves his mouth away and leans back as he takes my nipples between his fingers.

  Now he’s done it. Just when he had me in a slow rhythm, my heart rate is back up, and I desperately need him. This drives me crazy, having him play with me like this, rolling my nipples between his fingers, pinching me, pulling… .

  “You have to fuck me, Chris.”

  “Not until you’re dripping wet,” he whispers back.

  “I am; I promise you.”

  “I’ll check.”

  He takes a hand out from under my shirt and moves it between my legs. My breathing gets ragged as his finger moves inside me and then pulls back to glide across my clit.

  “I told you I was wet,” I say.

  So far his hands have moved slowly tonight, as though every goddamn touch has been calculated to keep me below that line where my orgasm starts building, that frustration level just before I’ll scream. So when he takes his finger from me and pushes it deep inside me, I can’t help but groan and push back against him. He pulls out and then slides two fingers in. I dig my hands into his legs as I arch my back.

  “Don’t move yet, Blythe. I’m not done checking.”

  Now he’s just fucking with me.

  He presses his hand tightly against me and flexes his fingers back and forth a few times, getting me hotter and even more impatient. But then he takes away his hand and moves back up to my breast. “You’re definitely wet,” he tells me. “But you’re not as wet as I want you.”

  I groan again. He’s got to be kidding me. I can feel how wet his fingers are as he rubs them across my nipple.

  “Besides, the movie’s not over yet.” I can tell he’s trying not to laugh.

  God, I hate him sometimes. He’s a control freak who gets off on exactly when and how I come, but giving to me is what arouses him. I’m still teaching him that his pleasure is just as important to me. It’s harder for him to surrender to me the way that I do to him. He’s learning, but for now, I’m going to let him play this game.

  I’m whimpering, and I check the clock. Fuck. I can do this for another twenty minutes, right? I can take it. Except that his grip on my breasts and my nipples is tighter, a little more urgent. He knows how to give me the mix of pleasure and slight pain that I love, and I can feel him breathing harder in my ear because he loves what he’s doing to me. Chris shifts his hips, and I feel his cock against my body. I close my eyes. I swear to God that I could probably come like this.

  One hand goes back where I want it. He starts working my clit between two fingers, and every few seconds he pinches me lightly, tugs a little. I look down. I want to see him do this. I want to watch how he can make me so deliriously turned on.

  “You have the best fucking pussy,” Chris says. “You know that? You do. And I promise I’m going to make you come so hard.”

  This he doesn’t need to tell me, because I know he will. He always does.

  “You’re starting to get there, aren’t you?”

  “Yes.” God, the sound of his voice is making me squirm, but at least he’s letting me move now.

  “You can’t think about anything else now, can you?”

  I shake my head. “No.”

  “You can’t think about anything else but how it will feel when I make you come.”

  “Chris, please …”

  “How you’ll tense up, how your whole body will shake, how you’ll say my name. How you’ll beg me to do it again. You can’t stop thinking about it, can you?”

  “No.”

  “You just need a little more, baby, don’t you?”

  I nod.

  “A little faster, a little harder?” He knows damn well this is what I need, but he likes keeping me on this edge.

  “Chris, you have to fuck me.” I’m panting now. “You have to fuck me.”

  “You think you’re wet enough for me now?”

  I laugh a little. “Check”.

  He takes away his hands so that he can move out from under me. I lean back, holding myself up on my arms so that I can watch him again. I want his clothes off. I want his body against mine. I want to feel him, and hear him, and taste him.

  But he kneels next to me and spreads my legs open. Now his fingers disappear inside me again. “You’re almost where I want you.”

  I drop onto my back and put my hands in my hair. God, he’s driving me fucking crazy. His fingers are still inside me and he leans in over his hand, holding his mouth just above me, letting his breath blow over me and making me shudder.

  “Chris … Yeah … God, Chris … Please.”

  He licks my clit. Once. “You do have the best pussy,” he tells me again. I can’t hear that enough. And then he waits a moment. I squeeze around his fingers, reminding him what I can do to his cock. He leans in closer and puts his lips around me, sucking me gently. I put a hand on the back of his head. I feel his tongue start to press against me, and I pull him in tighter. He starts to move his fingers just a little faster … In and out, back and forth. When he rubs his teeth against my clit, I groan loudly.

  That’s it. I’m getting him naked now, even if it means he has to stop touching me for a minute. I reach over and grab at his shirt and get him to lift up. I stay on the bed, my legs spread, and watch hungrily as he yanks his shirt over his head and undoes his pants.

  He may love my pussy, but I love his cock just as much. “I promise you, I’m dripping wet now,” I tell him.

  He crawls between my legs and shoves his hands under my ass. “Not that I don’t trust you, but …” He pushes his tongue inside, tasting me, smelling me, breathing me in.

  I push my feet hard into the bed. “Jesus Christ …”

  Then he raises his body, moving his chest against mine, and kisses me. I can taste myself on his tongue, and I feel his cock brush over me. “Wet enough for you?” I ask.

  He pushes up onto his arms and smiles. “You’re drenched.”

  “So you have to fuck me now.” I sound pathetic. I know that. But I can’t help the whimpering tone in my voice.

  “Yes,” he says. “I’m gonna fuck you now.”

  He lifts off me and kneels, sitting back on his knees, watching me as he presses his cock up against my pussy. The seconds it takes him to put on a condom feel like hours. But then he rubs his cock over me and slowly starts to ease in. He pulls back just a bit and then moves in a little more.

  “Chris … Chris …” Looking up at him while he kneels between my legs is unbelievable.

  Chris looks at me and winks as he as he licks his fingers and presses them to my clit. It’s a hot fucking move, and he knows it. I smile at him. He fucks me a little bit faster. Not hard, not deep, but faster. I need that friction, that speed. He’s
got me figured out, and he knows how to make me come.

  I’m starting to tense up… . I’m getting close… . God, I’m so close… .

  I can’t stop saying his name.

  I love how he looks when I’m like this. How it makes him so fucking hot to get me off. It’s exactly how I feel before he comes.

  He is so hard, and his breathing is picking up. “I want you to come, Blythe. I want you to come. Baby, tell me when you’re ready.” His voice is husky, and raw, and full of need.

  He keeps fucking me like this and rubbing his hand against me until my breathing gets labored and I push his hands away. Because as much as I enjoy this touch, right now I don’t need it. I just need that perfect cock of his. “I’m almost there… .” Talking is nearly impossible.

  He drops down, holding himself just above me, and drives into me, deeply. He fucks me faster now, just barely pulling out but grinding into me hard. He’s rubbing against me every time he moves, but that’s not what’s getting me to the brink. It’s how his cock is moving, how he’s lifting inside me.

  I can barely breathe or think, but I say two words to him. “Don’t. Come.”

  “I won’t,” he promises. I tighten around him, and he knows by the way I sound that I’m just about there. “Yeah, Blythe, come for me,” he’s saying, talking me through it.

  “Come for me… . Your pussy is so fucking hot… . I feel how wet you are, how tight you are… . Let me hear you.”

  I take his shoulders and dig my nails in. He listens to me groan as my orgasm starts.

  I’m grabbing him so hard that I can’t believe I’m not drawing blood. My whole body spasms, I feel myself detonate around his cock over and over as pleasure flows through me. Fuck, he is so good. I groan again and again with each wave. When I start to slow down, I murmur through my panting, “Don’t stop. Go slow, but don’t stop… . Please.”

  I’m still coming and I pull him in closer. Chris puts his hands underneath my body, holding me, cradling me. Every few seconds, I shake again. He rubs into me hard, making sure I come until I can’t anymore. Until I’m totally spent.