by Wood, Lauren
“We’re fine Alex, really. Was that all?”
No, that wasn’t all, but it was going to have to be for the moment. I had moved too fast and scared her away. Now I was going to have to figure out a way to convince her that I was harmless, even though Betty brought out the beast in me.
Betty
I was afraid that he was going to ask more questions and I was thankful that he didn't. Whatever it was that he had seen on my face, was enough for him to realize that I didn't want to have that conversation. I didn't want to have the conversation about what was going on between us. I still wasn't sure myself and it seemed impossible to verbalize it when it wasn’t fully known.
Happy to have a few minutes without him, I was able to breathe a little bit. I got back into the room and the cartoon that Ophelia was watching, was getting over. She was ready to go and after I grabbed my purse and coat, I was too.
“So, what is going on with you and dad?”
Her question threw me off and I actually dropped my purse. I was afraid that she knew something or had seen something or something. It certainly wasn't a question that I wanted to hear. I knew I had to get it together though. A nine-year-old wasn’t supposed to see that I was bothered. Not when I was trying my best to hold it in.
“What do you mean?”
Crap, what did she know?
“I don't know it just seems weird between you two this morning. Are you guys not getting along or something? I remember when my parents didn’t get along. It felt like that this morning.”
I found it strange that she could pick up on it so quickly. I knew that kids were like that though. They always knew more than adults thought they did. But at the moment, I didn't know what to say to that. I was just going to go with what I was felt was the safest route. I didn’t like to lie, but this was an instance that I didn’t feel all that strongly about it.
“Nothing is going on honey. Your father and I are getting along just fine. You don’t have to worry about anything like that.”
She looked like she was going to say something else and I was already dreading it. But she didn't and again I was reeling with it all. This morning was full of conversations that I really didn't want to have. It was hard enough to do it with Alex. I didn't need to deal with Ophelia as well.
I was glad when she let it go and we went to the aquarium without more questions that I had to dodge. After those awkward five minutes at the hotel before we left, we had a great time and it wasn't brought up again. Before I knew it, the day was already half gone, and I was getting a call from Alex. It was unexpected, but I still felt myself smiling from the sound of his voice.
As soon as I saw the number, he was all I could think about. He had done something inside of me and it was becoming impossible for me to act normal. I just didn't want his daughter to pick up on it and ask questions later. I was going to have to learn to control my emotions, even around Alex. No matter how hard that was going to be to do.
“Hey Alex, what's up?”
“I was just calling to see what time you guys are going to be back.”
“Well, we were talking about hitting up this science museum not too far from here. Do you have another meeting to get to? Because if that's the case, don't worry about Ophelia. I will get her some dinner. I know you're busy and she knows that this is a work trip for you.”
“Actually, I was going to see if you guys wouldn't mind if I tagged along with you. The meeting went so well that I don't have to have one this afternoon and I'm free for the rest of the day.”
“Oh, well that's good.”
I certainly wasn't expecting that and to be honest, the idea of being around him made me nervous. I knew that we were together quite a bit, but after what we did that night, I didn't know how I was supposed to act. Since his daughter had already noticed that we were acting differently, it didn't seem wise to push it. She was going to know something was up.
But then again how could I refuse? He was my boss after all and I was running his daughter around.
“Of course, Alex. Do you want us to go back to the hotel or do you want to meet us at the museum?”
“I will meet you at the museum, just give me the name of it so the driver can find it.”
I told him the name of the science museum that we were going to and I hoped that I would be able to keep it together. When I told Ophelia about it, she was excited that Alex was able to make it. She loved spending time with Alex and it was so sweet to see the bond between the two of them. But on the flip side, I was scared to death that whatever was happening between us, was going to bubble over and she would know.
We were just getting done with lunch and we walked over to the museum. It was bigger than I thought it was going to be and I hoped for a moment that we would be able to get lost and never find Alex. But then I saw him. He was at the front, waving to us and I wasn’t going to have a choice. This was actually going to happen.
Ophelia ran ahead and all I could do was follow. I was the nanny after all and it wasn't like I had a choice. I was just going to have to suck it up and see where this all lead. I'm sure it was going to be fine.
But then I got closer to him and I started having flashbacks. While I knew that I didn't have a choice and I couldn't just leave, I knew that I should. I knew that this was not going to end well, my heart was on the line and I didn’t trust Alex to be all that gentle with it.
Alex
The science museum was great, and my daughter had a good time, but I couldn't stop thinking about what was going on with me and the nanny. Betty was still avoiding me, and I knew that things were weird between us, but I was hoping that we could get past it. Hell, I was hoping that we could have more situations like that.
I didn't mind it being a little awkward, even though I knew it was hard for Betty. A couple of times, I saw her looking at me when she thought I wasn't paying attention, but I was. And when I saw the look in her eyes, I knew that it wouldn't be long until I had her in all the ways that I needed her.
After we finished at the museum, we all went out for dinner. It felt so natural, all of us together and I knew that I was getting too comfortable with Betty. It was because she just made it so easy. She made it easy for me to fall for her and she made it easier to still to think of what could happen between us. It was in my noggin constantly.
When we were done with dinner, we went to see a movie and if we would have been alone, I would have taken advantage of the darkness around us. I wanted to, but I had a feeling that Betty put so much space between us for a reason. I just had to keep reminding myself that she had been wet. So, it wasn't that she wanted to have nothing to do with me, but something about me scared her. If I ever wanted Betty in the way that I did, I knew that I was going to have to convince her that everything was going to be just fine.
When we finally got back to the hotel, it was getting late and Ophelia started getting ready for bed. That left me and Betty alone for a few minutes and I knew that we needed it. I needed to let her know that everything was going to work out between us and that it didn’t have to be so tense with each other. Whatever was going on between us, was supposed to happen, so how could it be wrong?
But Betty seemed to know that I wanted to talk about something important because she made an excuse and left. She said something about going for a walk. But I knew deep down that it was so that she could get some distance between us. We had far too much damn distance between us and I stayed up for a couple of hours waiting for her to come back. I was bound and determined to make it happen between us.
But when she got in, Betty was moving in stealth mode so that she didn’t wake up her roommate. I almost didn’t hear her, and it was only after she had been there a few minutes. I couldn’t help myself. I went over to the side of my room that had the door that went to hers and Ophelia’s and I knocked.
When Betty got to the door, she opened it a little bit and I could tell that she was just getting out of the shower. Her shoulders were naked, and I could sm
ell her shampoo. It was the same one that she had used before and the flashbacks of our night together was coming back in living color.
“What's up Alex?”
“We really need to talk.”
Betty looked down and again she couldn't look into my eyes. I don't know what was going on with her, but we had to hash this out. I wasn't going to lose the one woman that I felt something for. Not after it had taken me this long to find her.
“I don't think that we should Alex. Unless it’s about Ophelia, I don't think we should have those kinds of conversations. I just don't see how this is all going to end well if we keep going down this path Alex.”
“Well I think it already ended well for you Betty.”
I said it quickly without thinking and as soon as it came out from between my lips, I regretted it. Her face got instantly redder. Even though it was so freaking adorable, I knew that I just made my case harder. She was thinking about it again and even though I liked the idea of it, I knew that with Betty, it wasn’t necessarily a good thing.
“Yes, Alex I know. We shouldn’t have done it and I don't want to talk about it because it's embarrassing.”
“What is there to be embarrassed about? What we did the other night, didn’t hurt anyone.”
Betty looked at me as if I was crazy for a moment. At this point, I was seriously just saying whatever came out of my mouth. I wasn’t even filtering anymore it seemed like.
“We shouldn’t have done it, that’s all. You know that it’s true what I’m saying. We went all out of bounds…doing that. We work together.”
I don’t know why I found it so damn cute that she couldn’t even say it out loud. I had eaten her out until she’d begged me to stop. ‘It’ didn’t feel like it was really giving it any justice.
“Can you not even say it out loud?”
I don't know what was going on, but she had become almost instantly shy. I wanted to know what was rolling around in her head to make her act this way all of a sudden. Ever since we’d been breaking up in the middle of it the other night, Betty was acting completely different and I still wasn’t too sure how to work with this new nanny.
Betty was certainly like no other woman that I'd ever met. She was acting like she hadn't come in my mouth less than twenty-four hours ago, twice. There was no reason to be shy anymore. I had seen and tasted the most intimate part of her after all.
“I don’t think that I should. We are very different Alex and I think that talking about it, isn’t going to make it any better. We should just forget that it ever happened.”
She was talking about our time together like it wasn’t that enjoyable and I really didn’t like the way she was dismissing it so readily. I was still dying to do more, but she was trying to get out of it. Betty was backtracking hard and it reminded me of a couple of times that I had done the same thing.
“Can you really forget about it?”
Betty said that she could, but she said it with hesitation and with doubt in her face. At least, that’s what I wanted to see. I don’t know if it was real or fabricated, but I liked to think that she was just saying that to throw me off. I couldn’t live with the alternative. There was no way that I could.
“Well I don’t think that I can. I don’t want to. We have something going on here and we should see where it goes.”
I was getting closer while we spoke, and it wasn’t something that I did on purpose. I wanted to believe that everything was going to work out and I was going to get the girl, because I always did. Then again, that may not be the case. I was not used to a woman trying to get out of being with me. It was certainly something new for me to experience and I didn’t like it one damn bit.
“That is the last thing that we need to do Alex. I like you, I think you know that I do, but I work for you and I really like this job. I don’t want this to get messy and ever relationship I have ever had, turns out messy.”
I wanted to disagree, pull her to me and kiss her until she took it all back. But I wasn’t going to do that. I really didn’t think that it was going to do me any good, anyways. There was something about the determination in her expression, that told me that I was going to have to walk away and let this work itself out, no matter how badly I wanted to strongarm the situation. This time, I was going to have to let someone else take the reins and I can’t say that I liked the idea of that all too much.
“If that is what you want Betty, I will go along with it. But when you change your mind, let me know. I will be waiting.”
Betty
We got back from the trip to Toronto and things between Alex and I were dicey. He didn’t push anymore for us to be together, but every time he looked at me, I could see him naked. I could also see the look in his eyes that said he had seen me naked as well. It didn’t reassure me that he was imagining me naked, just like I was doing to him.
So, after several weeks, there was still this tension between us, but I could tell that Alex was losing hope that it would happen. I knew for sure that he’d given up on us, when I went to go see him at work and he was with another woman.
It wasn’t what I had expected to see when I walked in, some woman on her knees in front of Alex, but I closed the door as quickly as I could and left. I ignored the sound of Alex calling my name and went to the elevator. I shouldn’t have seen it, shouldn’t have been there and I’d learned not to show up unannounced anymore.
My mind stayed on the blonde that had her mouth full of Alex the rest of the day. It made me realize that the last thing that I wanted was for him to move on. He’d said he would wait, but apparently, he was done waiting.
That made me question if I was ready to give him up. While I fought what was going on between me and him, that didn’t mean that I wasn’t able to see it for what it was. I was falling for my boss and whether it was a good idea of not, it was exactly what was happening. There was nothing that I could do about that now. Even if I wanted to. And when I say falling, I mean that I’d fallen so damn hard that I was afraid of what was going to happen when I hit bottom.
So, when Alex got home later, it was late. Ophelia was asleep, and I almost wished that she would have been up. Then Alex wouldn’t have stopped me as I tried to make my get away.
“We need to talk.”
I hated it when he said that. Every time we talked, it just made things worse. I didn’t want to talk about what I saw. I didn’t want to hear about the woman he was with or how he had moved on. I was devastated. I had taken too long, and I didn’t want to have this conversation.
“I need to go Alex. I will see you in the morning. Have a good night.”
And that was it. I pulled my arm away because he didn’t have a very tight grip and I went out onto the porch. I was able to breathe again, but it wasn’t going to last long.
The door opened behind me and Alex was right in front of me.
“You and I need to talk about what happened today at work.”
“Nothing happened, so there is nothing to talk about. I will always call from now on when I want to visit you at the office. I wasn’t supposed to see that and I’m sorry that I did. I will make sure that I don’t walk in on anything like that again. I assure you of that.”
“It wasn’t what it looked like.”
I scoffed at his answer and I was amazed at how stupid he must think I was.
“I saw what was going on, so it isn’t like you can tell me that you didn’t have your dick shoved down someone’s throat. You can’t say that because we both know that I know better. I see it with my own eyes.”
“I am not going to say that it wasn’t what was going on, but she is just some relief until you decide that you want me again. I told you that I was going to wait, but I have to get off Betty.”
He said it like I was going to be happy to hear such a thing, but he would be wrong. The last thing I was thinking about was how great it was that he was still waiting for me.
“By the looks of its Alex, you haven’t been waiting at all.”
“Have you?”
I paused for a moment because I didn’t want to admit it, but I had been waiting, for real. I knew that I wanted him, still did even though I hadn’t wanted to admit it, and I certainly hadn’t let someone go down on me since then.
“Yes, and it is good to know that you find me that quick to be replaced. That doesn’t make a girl feel all that good. Just so you know for future reference.”
I was veering off course and I knew that I had to get myself together. This wasn’t helping anything, and I was showing emotions that I needed to keep buried. It wasn’t going to help to dig them up and make it all feel fresh again.
“But I am your nanny, so none of this matter. I got to go. It’s late and I still have some things to do before I go to bed. If that’s all?”
I wanted him to see that he wasn’t going to bully me into anything. I wasn’t going to let him talk about it anymore. I just wanted to forget about everything and I wished more than anything, that what I had walked in on would just go away. I was broken up about it, felt betrayed, even though I knew that it was the inevitable.
I couldn’t expect him to wait around forever, even if he said he would.
“Yeah that’s all Betty. I wish you would hear me out, but I am not going to keep you any longer.”
I thanked him and walked away without saying another word. He may have thought that I left angry and I had for the first few moments that it took me to get to my car. After that, it was nothing but hot tears running down my cheeks and my own will to not let him see me break down.
Alex didn’t need to know what he did to me and how he affected me. I couldn’t let it happen. Seeing him with another woman, broke my heart and I knew that it was going to be hard to ever look at him the same again.
