by Wood, Lauren
Alex
I had messed up. After waiting so long for Betty to decide what to do, I had lost myself a little bit. I was so used to not getting my way and I certainly wasn't used to holding out for someone. I tried. I really did. I waited over three months before I finally got talked into getting intimate with another woman. It wasn't someone that I really cared for. I just thought she was hot and sort of looked a little bit like Betty.
But of course, it came back to bite me in the ass because Betty had walked in and seen it all. She had been coming to my job once in a while for different reasons. I didn't even know what she had come there for today, just that she had, and she had seen too much. The look on her face was something that was never going to leave my consciousness. She had looked like I had betrayed her, and I felt like I had.
I tried to talk to her, but it wasn’t going to do any good. She didn't want to hear anything I had to say, and I really can't say that I blame her. I told her that I would wait, and I hadn’t. It didn't matter that I was it used to getting what I wanted. The fact was that I had broken a promise and I didn't know how I was going to get her to forgive me. It didn't seem like it was going to be something that was going to be easy.
The next morning, I heard a knock on the door. When I looked at the clock, I could see it was a little early. For a very brief moment, I thought that it was Betty and she had decided that it was time for us to finally be together. I don't know why I thought that, but I was hopeful that it was true.
While I didn’t know who was on the other side of the door, my fantasy was that it was Betty. As long as I didn’t answer it and ruin it, I could pretend that Betty had come back, and she was going to give me everything that I wanted and more.
Then I answered it. I saw that it was my ex-wife and I was floored. What the hell was I supposed to do now? She always seemed to pop up at the most inopportune times and this time didn’t appear to be any different.
“Did you change the locks too?”
“Yeah, I changed the locks Nicole. What are you doing here?”
“Well I'm your wife. I live here.”
She hadn't played the wife card in a very long time and I didn't know what the hell she was playing it for now. I hadn't seen her in almost a year straight and for a time I hadn’t thought that she would darken my doorstep again. Yet, here she was.
“You don't live here, Nicole. You haven't lived here in a long time. And you certainly haven't been my wife in a lot longer. You also haven’t been a mother to your daughter either.”
“I know that I messed up Alex and that's why I'm here. I want things to get back to the way they were before. We owe that to ourselves and to Ophelia to see if we can somehow make this work. She deserves to have parents that are together. Both parents.”
I couldn't believe that she was saying this now because it was the exact same thing that I had said to her a long time ago when she started running away from home so much.
I haven't shared many words with her much since she walked out the first time. It was a pattern with her. This would be the third or fourth time she had taken off. At the end of it all, it was just getting old.
It had been a rollercoaster since Nicole left, but in truth, it had been that way with here too. She was very unstable and while she liked to call it like she saw it, her plans always turned into a mess.
“No Nicole, I really can't do this right now. I have to get to work and you need to leave.”
“Well who is going to stay with Ophelia while you’re gone?”
Of course, it was about time Nicole put in some time with her daughter, but her being here was not something that I was necessarily looking forward to.
Then I started to think about it and got nervous. Nicole was never one to be very nice and I knew instantly that she was going to see Betty as competition and that would not end well for anybody. She was going to feel threatened and even though it didn't matter that we hadn't been together for so long, Nicole was just going to make it worse. I knew that much for sure.
“I have a nanny I’m not here and she tutors her as well.”
“A nanny?”
“Yeah, I needed one. I have had many. It has been rather hard to work when she was kicked out of so many schools and kicked out of so many child care centers. Since you left, our daughter has quite a streak of anger in her. It is dissipating finally.”
“Well just tell her that you don't need her today. I want to stay with Ophelia. I haven't seen her in a long time.”
I wanted to tell her to piss off, but I knew that I couldn't. Ophelia would never forgive me if I ruined a chance for her to see her mother, especially now that they were so few and far between.
“Yeah let me go do that. I'm sure that she will enjoy the day off.”
“Well you might just want to go ahead and let her go. I plan on coming back for good.”
I had a lot to say to that, but at the moment I couldn't say any of it. A car had pulled up while we were talking, and I could see Betty getting out of the car. She was looking and me and Nicole curiously.
I would have given anything to know what was going on in her mind right now. Betty's eyes landed on Nicole and I wanted nothing more than to get her back in her car and have her leaving. But nothing ever worked out the way it was supposed to.
Nicole started down the stairs and I knew what she was going to do. She wanted to size up the nanny and she wanted to see if there was something between us. Nicole had always been convinced that she would just know. Most of the time, I had never cared, but at this moment I did. I had to get Betty out of here. Nicole would eat her up and spit her out before she even chewed.
“Thanks for coming this morning Betty but I am not going to need you today. I will give you a call later in the afternoon about it. Just think of it as a paid day off.”
“Paid?”
I looked back to see that Nicole was almost upon us and I agreed to it with a quick shake to my head.
“Okay then Betty. I will see you later, okay?”
I kept saying okay and I knew that it was because I wanted it to be that way. I wanted her to get in her car and for Nicole to not get her hooks in Betty. Not only was I afraid that I would lose my nanny, but I was afraid that I would just get pushed further away from convincing Betty that we were meant to be together.
She was walking back to her car and I hoped for a minute that I would be in the clear, but I should have known better. Murphy's law was going to show its face and I heard Nicole tell Betty to stop.
This was going to be a disaster. My wife was very good at those.
Betty
I didn't understand why I was getting turned away, but I didn't have time to wonder. The woman that I saw on the porch talking to Alex when I drove up, was now walking towards me. She was calling after me, saying nanny over and over again in this high-pitched, nasally voice. It was a little embarrassing to be honest and I had no idea what she wanted. I had no idea who she was.
When she got closer, I realized exactly who she was. It wasn't because I had met her before, but I had seen her picture. It was because she looked just like a little girl that I took care of every day. They both had the same piercing blue eyes that I thought Ophelia had gotten from her father, and that platinum blonde curly hair that surely now I could see came from her mother. She was literally most likely, the last person that I wanted to see, and it appeared that she wanted to talk to me. About what?
What in the world was Ophelia’s mother doing here? Last I heard, she hadn't seen her little girl in a long time. It just didn't make sense and I wasn't sure what to think of her presence. I looked over at Alex and he certainly looked pretty damn uncomfortable.
“Yes Ma’am?”
“You’re the new nanny?”
I told her that I was, and she asked how long I had been taking care of her daughter. It was very clear by the way she said it, that she wanted me to know that she was Ophelia’s mom, but she didn't have to. I already knew. I didn't think she wa
s asking because she was curious, but more because she wanted to know what I was doing with Alex. I could feel the territorial tension in the air as she looked at me.
“I have had this job for several months now. Your daughter is an absolute delight.”
She thanked me, but her face was screwed up in consternation and I knew that she was trying to figure out how I fit into all of this. I was young, but at the same time I wasn’t beautiful like her. How could she see me as a threat? I wasn't even in the same league as her and I felt quiet dowdy standing next to her right now. She was so sleek and fashionable. I could almost guarantee that her coat cost more than my car. She was gazelle, while I was looking more like a hyena in comparison.
It was killing my self-esteem every moment I was around her. How could I have thought that me and Alex could ever have something when I was coming in after her? It really seemed all impossible now.
After a moment of looking me up and down, Ophelia’s mother decided apparently that I was no threat to her and that I would do. I hoped that was what the expression on her face meant, but her skin didn’t move much, so I wasn’t really sure. Her cheeks didn’t move when she smiled, it was weird.
“Well it is good to know that she has been in good hands. I have been away for a while, but now I am back. I don't think my husband will need your services any longer.”
There were several things that I needed to take a minute to compute. First was the fact that she had called Alex her husband. She hadn't called him her ex-husband or anything else. No, she called him her husband. Were they still married? Why hadn’t I asked? I have far too many questions that I didn't have the answer to and I didn't like that at all.
Second was, did I really just get fired? I played back what she said and sure enough, there was a firing in it. Now I was fired as well? This was not my day and I felt a rush of emotions come over me. I had to get out of here.
“Yes Ma'am.”
I turned around to leave because I honestly couldn’t stay there any longer. There was nothing that I could say at this moment and not only had I been fired, but I just found out that the man that I loved was actually married to the woman in front of me. She was a goddess and I knew that I didn't have a chance.
“Wait Betty. We need to talk.”
I had heard that so many times before, that I just waved him off.
“I will text you my address and you can send my last check there. I am glad to see that Ophelia and her mom were able to reconnect. That is always the best thing for any child.”
My heart was breaking inside of me and like before when I had walked in on him with someone else, I didn't want anyone to see me fall apart. There was a lot of falling involved with Alex. Either I was falling in love with him or I was breaking into little tiny pieces that I didn't even know if they would ever be able to put back together again. Either way, all of this, wasn't doing me any good. I was a mess since I had met Alex, on one ascent, just as I was coming from the bottom from a fall. It was so up and down. I really felt like I was on a rollercoaster.
When I got away from the house and I couldn't see them anymore, I allowed myself to cry. I wasn't too upset about the job though. I was going to miss Ophelia and it was good money. It wasn't about that at the moment. At the moment, it was true pity party because I was losing what I thought I already had. But now I knew the truth. Alex was never mine and he was never available to me. He’d been married the whole time, to a porcelain doll that I would never really compare to.
My only saving grace was that I hadn’t let him screw me like he’d wanted to. Hell, like I’d wanted him to and I knew that it was just because it hadn’t happened yet. It would have. I was sure of it.
Even though we hadn’t gone all the way, there was still the fact that I had succumbed to the temptation. While he might not have pushed deep inside of me, his mouth had been all over me, making me writhe in pleasure.
I got home and sat on the couch for a while in a daze. I didn’t even bother to turn on a light. I just sat there in silence and darkness and tried to figure out what had just happened to my life. Everything was different now. Everything was ruined.
I stared ahead and tried to playback this last few moments before I left Alex’s house. Every time, I came to the same conclusion. It was my fault because I should have seen it all coming. How had I been so blind? I’d wanted to hear Alex’s lies, so it made me believe him. Because I wanted to.
The phone was ringing again, and I knew exactly who it was. Alex has been calling me nonstop for several days and there was no way that I was going to answer it. It wasn't because I was mad at him, but because I didn't want to face him. I didn't want to have to hear his voice or the reasons why Nicole being back was a good thing. It would do nothing but break my heart even more and I just couldn’t take it.
So, I flipped the phone off for the day and tried to get on with it. I was in the process of looking for a job and I looked for what I knew, assisting. I wondered now how different I would feel about it after being a nanny for so long. I’d found the job far more rewarding than I ever thought was possible.
Turning the phone off worked for a time. I was able to get my resume printed out and I just skipped the time that I was with Alex on there, fudging some of the other dates in my employment history. The last thing I needed to do was have people calling him for a reference. I had a feeling that it wouldn’t go over very well, and I wouldn’t get an unbiased answer.
It felt strange to be looking for something else, but it had been days. It was time to move on and pick up the pieces. I just kept telling myself that I never needed to do this again. It was all worth it, if I actually learned my lesson.
Alex
I threw the phone when she turned it off. Now it just went to voicemail and I knew that she was never going to answer. I’d hoped that she would at least let me explain everything, but that didn't seem to be the case. I couldn't believe that everything had went so wrong.
“Is everything okay?”
I didn't even look towards Nicole because I knew that there was going to be a satisfied look on her face. Every time I was upset, that somehow made her happy. It was most of the reason why we never got along, but I never realized how bad our relationship was, until I met someone that I actually got along with. It was so different to be around Betty, because there was no animosity there. Well, there didn't used to be.
“Everything is fine.”
“I thought I heard something bounce off the floor and break.”
She looked down and saw my phone broken in pieces and I didn't give an excuse. This was my house and if I wanted to throw something, I would. I wasn’t going to explain myself to Nicole.
“Just leave it alone Nicole. You coming back has complicated everything. You really do bring drama with you wherever you go.”
“It wasn't too long ago, that you were begging me to come home. What has changed?”
She was baiting me and trying to get information. I knew that I wasn't going to be able to let her do that. I needed to instead, keep my mouth shut about Betty. I think that she really suspected something, but I certainly wasn't going to solidify the accusations with any sort of admission.
“What has changed is the fact that you have been gone a very long time and every time you leave, it is messing Ophelia up a little bit more. I don't think you seem to quite get that and that is what bothers me. How long are you going to stay this time before your walking out again and leaving a trail of chaos behind you?”
Nicole sat up a little straighter and I could tell that she did not like what I was telling her. Nicole never did like to hear the truth. She wanted whatever fairy tale she was living in her head at the moment. I had no idea what that was.
For the moment, she wanted to believe that this was a happy marriage but we both knew that it wasn't true. This was anything but happy and we weren't even sleeping together. I didn't even want to and even though she came to me several times in the night, I knew that Nicole wasn't what I w
anted.
“I haven't been gone that long. I told you that I was coming back. I needed to find myself. You know that I had to figure some things out.”
This was the same thing that she had been saying for at least a couple of years now and I was sick of hearing it. I had never met grown people that thought that they need to find themselves so late in life. It was something that you did on summer vacation or at summer camp when you're thirteen. It wasn't something that should be done in a person’s forties. Nicole should know exactly what she is by now.
“I will say that I am glad you are back for Ophelia. She has missed you, but keep in mind that every time you leave a part of that will die. Eventually, she won’t be waiting for you when you come back Nicole. Beyond that I don't really have anything else to say to you.”
Nicole didn't say anything for a moment and then she smiled at me like she had figured out the cure for cancer.
“I know what your problem is.”
“You are feeling left out, aren't you?”
This woman had lost her mind. Why was it that I had a problem? I was the one taking care of things, certainly not her.
“What are you talking about?”
“I can see now that you are under a lot of stress and you're very tense. There is only one surefire way of getting rid of stress and tension for you Alex. I used to know how to do that for you. Would you like me to do it for you now?”
As she was talking, she was getting down on her knees and for a moment it was like Deja vu all over again. Although this time, I figured it was best not to take Nicole up on her offer. I knew what could happen if I chose wrong. I was already so far in the hole with Betty, I didn't want to make it worse. I had to convince her that everything she thought was wrong and I was still waiting for her. Even when it seemed like it was impossible, there was no one else that I wanted, so it made it easier to keep up the hope I had refused to let go of.
