CURTAIN
SCENE TWO
Later that evening. The same room. Lights dim. ROCKY leads CLARA, his “society dame” into the apartment. He looks around suspiciously.
Rocky (Enters) Oho—Oho. Alright, come right in. I thought maybe some of my friends were parked around here. I’m good natured and they take advantage of it.
(CLARA enters.)
CLARA It’s rather dark in here.
Rocky Just a minute and I’ll light up. (Lights come up.) There we are. CLARA: What an interesting place you have.
Rocky Oh, the diggings ain’t so bad. Sit down and make yourself comfortable. You’re going to be right at home here, you know.
CLARA I feel very much at home already.
Rocky Let me take your wraps.
CLARA Thank you.
Rocky Sit down and make yourself comfortable. Nothin’ swell about this joint, but you can do as you please, and there’s no one to put a damper on the works.
CLARA It’s so wonderful here in Montreal, I’d like to stay here forever.
Rocky Is this your first visit to the town?
CLARA Yes.
Rocky Well I’m going to fix it so you won’t forget it as long as you live. Where is your home?
CLARA My home is in Connecticut.
Rocky You’re fibbing to me, but it’s alright. I can stand for almost anything from a woman as beautiful as you are.
CLARA You do say the nicest things.
Rocky Thanks. When are you going to tell me your real name? CLARA: I have told you. CLARA Smith is my real name.
Rocky A two-year-old would know that was phoney. CLARA: What’s in a name? I’m here with you.
Rocky That ought to be enough for any man.
CLARA You have the most persuasive ways.
Rocky So you won’t tell me what your real name is?
CLARA You must not ask me so many questions. I’m here to enjoy myself.
Rocky And believe me, you’re going to have the time of your young life. We’ll start off with a little drink, that’s always a good start for any party. How about it, CLARA dear?
CLARA CLARA dear?
Rocky You must get used to me getting familiar like.
CLARA You do say the cutest things.
Rocky Thanks. How about that drink?
CLARA Yes. I believe I would enjoy a drink.
Rocky You’ll enjoy this alright, pure Canadian Club, and it’s got a kick like a mule. Drink.
CLARA This is so thrilling. I love it because it’s so …unconventional.
Rocky It’s worse than that. There’s nothing like sneaking away and stealing a march once in a while, is there?
CLARA It’s wonderful!
Rocky I knew you’d love a thrill so I’m going to give you one. Do you know what street this house is on?
CLARA No.
Rocky It’s on Caidoux Street. You’ve heard of Caidoux Street, haven’t you?
CLARA I don’t believe I have.
Rocky Well Caidoux Street is the most notorious street in Montreal. It’s in the heart of the red light district.
CLARA How perfectly thrilling.
Rocky I knew that would strike you right.
CLARA It’s such a departure from the usual course of life! So daring!
Rocky Anything for a thrill, dear. A new sensation, eh? I bet you get plenty of them on these little trips, eh?
CLARA Anything to get away from the dull, monotonous routine of my daily existence. Always doing the same thing in the same way.
Seeing the same people day in and day out almost drives me insane. Yes, I do enjoy a little fling once in a while. It sort of breaks the monotony.
Rocky I’m sure lucky to have met you, and it’s me that knows it.
CLARA You say the most wonderful things.
Rocky Not half as wonderful as I’d like to say to you. But I suppose after you leave Montreal I’ll never see you again. What a beautiful soft hand you have. Gee, this is funny. Here I am falling in love with a married woman, and when you get back home and meet your husband, I fade right out of the picture. You’ll forget you ever met me, and I’ll be here in Montreal just pining away.
CLARA Don’t be foolish. You’re certainly not falling in love with a woman almost old enough to be—well, anyway, you know, is much older than you.
Rocky What’s age got to do with it? You’re wonderful. You need someone like me, someone to cheer you up and say nice things to you. Someone who understands you. Someone who would really appreciate you.
CLARA Yes, I know I do. I’m neglected too much. You see, I’m married to a tired businessman who gives all his time to making money, and who’s years my senior. I have everything that money can buy, every luxury, but the one thing I need most of all—love. Of course you understand.
Rocky Let’s have another drink. I know just how you feel, dear.
CLARA Dear? Oh don’t make it quite so strong. I’m not used to being petted in that way, my dear boy. You think we are quite safe here?
Rocky Why, honey, what do you mean?
CLARA I mean safe from intrusion. You know, in such a notorious district I’m afraid the police may come in.
Rocky Don’t worry about that, honey. After you drink this next drink you won’t give a rap if the whole Montreal police force comes in.
CLARA But suppose they did come and there was a scandal? Think of my poor husband.
Rocky What’s a husband or two among friends? Wrap yourself around this. Atta girl. A few minutes from now and you won’t care for a whole flock of husbands.
CLARA Wasn’t that drink terribly strong?
Rocky Of course not. Come on over here, babe, and let’s get together. Now, I’d like to be around you all the time. Can’t you take me back home with you?
CLARA Why, you silly boy, how could I? My husband would find out.
Rocky Couldn’t I play chauffeur to you or some other excuse to be around you? I’ll promise you a new thrill every day, babe.
CLARA You say the sweetest things.
(They kiss.)
Rocky Come on, let’s have another drink.
CLARA No, I think I’ve had too much already. I’m not used to drinking so fast—I feel sick.
Rocky Right over there babe. Help yourself.
(Exit CLARA to bathroom. After a pause she reenters.)
CLARA Oh dear, I’m sick, I feel terrible.
Rocky Come here, dear. Is my baby feeling sick? Sit down and I’ll give you something that will fix you fine. Just this one drink is what you need.
CLARA No, no, I don’t want any more.
Rocky But dear, you must take this one, it’s just what you need. It’ll fix you proper. I’ll take good care of you, babe.
CLARA You say the nicest things.
Rocky That’s the way—you’ll be perfect in a moment.
CLARA I hope so.
Rocky I know so.
CLARA I’m getting so dizzy—everything is just blank—I feel like I’m in space.
Rocky Feel like you’re passing out?
CLARA Oh dear—I—I—
(CLARA faints. ROCKY leads her staggering off toward the bedroom.)
Agnes (Outside) MARGY MARGY. (She enters.)
MARGY (Enters With Gregg In Conversation) Oh hello, kid.
Agnes I thought I heard someone in here, MARGY.
MARGY Wait till I light up. Maybe Rocky’s back.
Gregg Then maybe I’d better go.
MARGY I’m paying the freight on this joint, and what I say goes. Come on and have a drink with us Agnes. Agnes lives across the hall. Her idea of a good time is listening to the church bells ring and having a good cry. She’s all right when you know her. Sit down.
Gregg Anything you say. You’re the boss.
MARGY You bet your sweet life I am. Anything I say around here goes. Ain’t that right, Agnes?
Agnes Yes.
MARGY Take off your jacket and stay.
Gregg On the level? Here take this.
(Gives her money.)
MARGY What’s this for?
Gregg Saves you the trouble of taking it while I’m asleep.
MARGY You’re thoughtful, anyway.
Gregg I always go the easiest way about everything.
MARGY What a man, what a man … (They kiss.) Pardon me, pardon me while I go down to the English Channel. (They kiss again.) Now to show you I’m a good sport, I’ll have a drink.
Gregg That’s a jolly good idea.
MARGY That is, if the boy friend hasn’t made love to it.
Gregg This boy friend seems to be sort of a necessity.
MARGY Not a necessity. A luxury. Where are you going?
Agnes I’m afraid that Curley might miss me.
MARGY Do him good.
Agnes If you don’t mind I’d rather—
MARGY Goin to crab the party?
Agnes I’d like to. Good night, MARGY.
MARGY I told you her idea of a good time, didn’t I?
Gregg I think she’s jolly considerate—three’s always a crowd.
MARGY So long as you’re satisfied I don’t care. (They drink.)
Gregg Cheerio! You know, MARGY, we go on quite a trip from here. Panama, Cuba and Trinidad, and I was thinking how wonderful it would be if I could meet you there. You know, what we were talking about, following the fleet. I wish you’d do that.
MARGY Trinidad? What kind of a jungle is it?
Gregg It’s an island just north of South America.
MARGY Oh, where the parrots and the monkeys come from?
Gregg It’s a place where you can live cheap. Why down there you can get a room and bath, a wife and a bottle of liquor for two dollars.
MARGY It must be bum liquor.
Gregg It’s a place where a girl like you would make a fortune. Say, think it over. All the girls down there are half breeds or a bit off-color. It’s the place for a girl like you. You’d coin money.
MARGY I’ll think it over, old dear. I promise you I will, on my word.
Gregg I wish you would, you don’t know how much I want you. Damn you, you don’t know how much I want to be with you. You know every time I go to Montreal I spend my shore leave with you, and I could do the same thing any place we go to. (They kiss.) Where are you going?
MARGY I’m goin’ to put on a good hot tune and have a little dance.
Gregg By Jove, you’re certainly showing me a good time!
MARGY Baby, you’re goin’ to write this night down in your diary in red ink. (They dance.)
Gregg I’m good on swimming, but short on stepping.
MARGY Have another drink.
Gregg God girl, you’re beautiful, you’ve got the kind of beauty that makes a savage out of a man. Make him feel as though he’d like to take you in his arms and tear and crush you.
(CLARA groans Off stage.)
Gregg What’s that?
MARGY What’s what?
Gregg I thought I heard someone groan.
MARGY Oh, you’re the greatest guy for hearing things. (CLARA groans again. MARGY opens door of bedroom and looks inside.) Well I’ll be damned.
Gregg What’s up?
MARGY He’s pulled something. (GREGG follows MARGY to bedroom door.)
Gregg Who is she? One of your lady-friends?
MARGY I’ll bet it’s that society jane.
Gregg This is hardly the place for a society woman. Is she drunk?
MARGY He’s given her the works.
Gregg He’s what?
MARGY Given her the works.
Gregg He’s given her what?
MARGY He’s doped her. Don’t you understand English?
Gregg Doped her. This is awkward.
MARGY A fine mess the dirty rat left on my hands. He’s given her enough stuff to kill a mule.
Gregg You don’t mean to tell me there’s a possibility of the woman dying?
MARGY Sure there is. That’s why he made a quick getaway. Quick, get her off the floor.
(GREGG carries CLARA to the chaise lounge. MARGY exits to bathroom.)
Gregg Don’t let her die, old thing, she’s a fine looking woman.
MARGY (Enters With Bottle) If this don’t bring her round, it’s lillies for her.
Gregg That gentleman friend of yours must be a nice playmate.
MARGY Don’t talk. Rub her hand and rub it good.
Gregg He was a generous dog, he gave her plenty of the stuff while he was about it. How could he do this? He gave her enough to kill her.
MARGY Because he’s a rat and always will be. Hold her head back while I…
Gregg I think she’s coming to.
MARGY Get some cold water and bathe her face. (GREGG exits. To CLARA.) Come on and take this. (GREGG enters with glass of water. To GREGG.) Don’t spill it all over her.
Gregg She’s bloomin’ lucky to be among those present.
CLARA Where am I? Where am I?
MARGY You know damn well where you are.
CLARA (Coming To) Oh, I’m so sick.
MARGY That’s what you get for fooling around like this. You came here for a thrill. You got one, but not the kind you expected. Serves you right.
Gregg I say, old dear, don’t you think you’re rather rough on the poor thing?
MARGY Rough on her? She ain’t getting half what she deserves. She’s one of those respectable society dames who poses as decent, and is looking for the first chance to cheat without being found out.
Gregg Well, old dear, you can’t blame her. All of us are looking for a little party at times.
Dawson (Enters) Hello, Marge.
MARGY Oh, hello.
Gregg Pardon me, old thing, I think you’re intruding.
MARGY Lay off you fool, he’s a cop.
Gregg Oh, a Bobby.
Dawson Officer of the law. It sounds better. What’s coming off here? Manly said he saw Rocky coming out of here with a grip in his hand.
MARGY That ain’t a crime, is it?
Dawson He said Rocky was in a pretty big hurry, so I thought I’d come up and see what all the haste was about.
MARGY Had a date, perhaps.
Dawson Yeah? Who’s the dame?
MARGY A lady friend of mine.
Dawson A lady friend of yours? Don’t look much like the sort of company you keep. That looks more like your speed over there.
Gregg Thanks for the compliment, old thing.
Dawson Save your comedy till you get back to the fleet. You have a variety of friends, haven’t you? This one looks like she was all in. What’s wrong with her? Is she sick?
MARGY She’s not feeling well.
Dawson Too bad, poor thing. Stop stalling. Come clean. What’s the game?
MARGY No game that I know of.
Dawson What’s this woman doing in your place?
MARGY Paying me a visit.
Dawson Don’t look much like she’s enjoying her visit. Well, if you won’t tell me what the play is, maybe she will. Hey you—what are you doing with this pair of crooks?
Gregg Pardon me, old thing, we may be a bit loose, but we’re not crooks.
Dawson That’s enough from you. Well, out with it now. What’s the idea? What are you doing here? Do you know what kind of house you’re in?
CLARA Why—I—I—
Dawson The truth, lady. It’s the best way out.
CLARA Why, sir, I was lured here.
Dawson By whom?
CLARA (Pointing To MARGY) By that woman there. She brought me here. She told me a pitiful tale, then she gave me something to drink. After that I don’t remember. My jewels—they are gone!
MARGY She’s a dirty liar!
Dawson YOU shut up.
MARGY No I won’t shut up! She’s lying to you do you hear? She’s trying to make me the goat. But she can’t do it! She’s ashamed to tell you why she came here, but I will. She came here with Rocky. She came here with him so that he could make her!
Dawson Wait—you needn’t tell me what she came here for. I know.<
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Gregg Pardon me—
Dawson You stay where you are. We’re going on a little sightseeing tour and you’re going to be one of the party. Now you women get your wraps.
CLARA You’re not going to arrest me, are you?
Dawson I’m going to take you to headquarters for further investigation.
CLARA No, no, don’t do that please! The publicity would ruin me! Isn’t there some way I could fix this with you?
Dawson Well, perhaps.
CLARA I understand. (She hands money to DAWSON.)
MARGY No you don’t. This dame is going to take her medicine even if I have to go to jail.
Dawson You mind your own business or you will go to jail. I’m on to this game; Rocky’s been up to his old tricks again. If I take you two, it means I get Rocky. You won’t want him in jail, because you know what he’d do to you when he got out. Come on Miss, I’ll see you safely out of the district. And as for you, you better take a little tip and blow. Montreal is getting a little hot for you. That’s just a hint, and you’d better take it.
MARGY Just a minute (She faces CLARA.) You were almost dead when I found you in this room. I brought you back to life, and you try to frame me to save yourself. I don’t count, I suppose, because I’m what I am, but I’ll tell you something. I’ll remember this night as long as I live. And if I ever get a chance, I’ll get even with you, you dirty charity, I’ll get even.
Curtain
ACT TWO
SCENEONE
The Cafe Port au Prince in Trinidad. The scene begins with musical numbers. The company sings “Sailor’s Sweetheart;” followed by solo choruses and specialty dances. The entire company dances the finale. Onstage, CONDEZ, sailors.
Jones (Entering) Oh senor Condez.
Condez Como esta usted senor?
Jones I thought this affair was going to be over at the Casino.
Condez No, no, no, no, senor, I told you the Cafe Port au Prince. You like it?
Jones And who is giving the affair?
Condez We are giving this in honor of the boys of the fleet.
Jones Some fellow to give an affair like this. I think I’ll stay a while.
Condez Si, si. There is a table some place.
Jones Thank you, I’ll sit over here.
(Musical numbers “Bells of the Sea’ “I’m Sorry, Dear.” Soprano and baritone solos; “Castles in Spain,” tango by sailor and one of the fleet women.)
Three Plays by Mae West Page 6
