DOCTOR I know what I’m talking about (Rises, crosses around to center.)I’ve got a poor devil in there right now, whom you’d call a criminal perhaps—a degenerate—an outcast, and yet in his own mind, he’s committing no wrong—he’s doing nothing save what he should do—his very lack of normality is normality to him. I’d call him—a trick of fate—a misfit of nature—
JUDGE Nature has no misfits. Look at the trees—the flowers—
DOCTOR —but how do we know they aren’t misfits?
JUDGE Jim, you’re—
DOCTOR Crazy?—No. Take that poor devil in there—you’d say send him to an asylum—an institution of some sort—even to jail—and yet the man has done no wrong. He’s only what he was born to be—a sexual invert.
JUDGE One of those things!
DOCTOR Things! Perhaps the word suits them better than any other—neither male nor female, but something of both—Physically a male with feminine instincts.
JUDGE People like that should be herded together on some desert isle—
DOCTOR Why?
JUDGE For the good of the rest of humanity.
DOCTOR You’d need a large island, JUDGE. And again, why? What have they done? Their crime isn’t one of commission or omission. It is a misfortune for which they are not to blame.
JUDGE A man is what he makes himself—
DOCTOR And before that, a man is what he is born to be. Nature seems to have made no distinction in bestowing this misfortune upon the human race. We find this abnormality among persons of every state of society. It has held sway on the thrones of kings, princes, statesmen, scholars, fools! Wealth, culture, refinement, makes no difference. From the nadir to the zenith of man’s career on earth, this nameless vice has traversed all the way. It is as strong today as it was centuries ago.
JUDGE That’s unfortunately true-despite all we can do by law to suppress and stamp it out of modern society.
DOCTOR Yes, despite all you can do by law. You law-makers. You think that four stone walls and a barred window will cure everything or anything. But still you endeavor by law to force a man born with inverted sexual desires, born to make his way in the world with millions of human beings radically different than he is, to become something which his soul will not permit him to become. I’m not discussing those who are deliberately depraved or who have acquired the habit of this nameless vice through bad associations and environment. I am talking about the born homosexual, and that type is not deliberately vicious.
JUDGE My dear doctor, you are perhaps a little unfair to the law. Consider what would happen if this nameless vice were permitted to go rampant in society. How long do you think it would be before its degrading, pernicious effect would be felt throughout the very foundations of society? The law has forced this vice into a corner, just as it has forced prostitution into shady byways.
DOCTOR Granted the law has done just that, but what specific good has it done? Has the law made secret prostitution unprofitable? However, the question involved does not concern financial gain. It concerns society socially and it is this: Are we, the majority of people, normal human beings, are we going to declare as outcast and criminal these unfortunates who through no fault of their own have been born with instincts and desires different from ours? Are we who have as our guiding principles in life the virtues of faith, hope, charity and love, going to deny to these miscasts the right to faith in what life has to offer, hope in eternal goodness? The charity of our hearts is the only love which they can ever know. Or are we going to force them into secrecy and shame, for being what they cannot help being, by branding them as criminals and so lead them into the depths of misery and suicide?
JUDGE (Rises, Takes Step To Center) I’m afraid doctor, you’re becoming a trifle hysterical over the matter. After all, what have you done? You medical men, you scientists, you social philosophers? Not one damn solitary thing, so far as I have been able to learn. You sit back just as you are doing now and gabble about faith, hope and charity—you commiserate with these abnormal creatures, out of the charity of your hearts, no doubt, but you don’t lift a finger to relieve the situation. I happen to know that there are approximately five million homosexuals in the United States and of these the greater percentage are born sexual inverts. How many there are in this country that are not accounted for, God only knows. Quite an appalling figure, this, for the United States, and in Europe there are a damn sight more. And yet, you brilliant physicians, you learned doctors who are curing cancer, tuberculosis and other diseases have not bothered to thoroughly investigate what is as vitally menacing to society as any of the more pernicious diseases. Have you five million cancer cases in this country, or in the world, for that matter? Yet you sit back in your offices and rant and rail against what the law is doing to handle the situation, but can you offer any solution?
DOCTOR There is a cure for this thing. (Enter CLAIR.)
DOCTOR Why CLAIR! This is a pleasant surprise. Didn’t know you were in the city.
CLAIR Came in to do some shopping. ROLLY is calling for me. Hello, Daddy Kingsbury! (Crosses to JUDGE.)
JUDGE (Kissing Her) Where’s ROLLY?
CLAIR He’ll be here, shortly.
JUDGE I’m sorry I can’t wait for him. I’ll see him tomorrow. You look a little tired.
DOCTOR You do look a little worn, CLAIR. Been overdoing it? Too many dances, too many parties? Oh, you young folks never know when to let up.
CLAIR You’re wrong, Daddy. I’m not ill.
DOCTOR Shopping’s peeved you, my dear.
CLAIR I’m sorry if I seem unpleasant.
JUDGE That simply could not be, my dear.
CLAIR If one could thrive on compliments, there’d be no invalids among your acquaintances.
JUDGE Indeed—indeed.
CLAIR I’m afraid I missed the mark—But I plead pardon. I am tired. Shopping is a weary job.
JUDGE Well, I must be running along.
CLAIR Please don’t let me drive you away. I know how dearly you and Dad love an argument.
JUDGE We’ve had it.
CLAIR Oh, and you’ve no further taste for each other’s society.
JUDGE One can’t get too much of a good thing. Jim, how about my insane man?
DOCTOR You can depend upon me to do my bit. It’s all in the law you know.
JUDGE My compliments to Miss BARBARA.
CLAIR Good-bye, Daddy Kingsbury.
DOCTOR You don’t look well, child. What is it?
CLAIR (Choking) Daddy!
DOCTOR Why, why—honey—What’s the matter?
CLAIR I can’t stand it—I want to go away—to Europe—anywhere—Daddy. I can’t go on.
DOCTOR Why child—CLAIR, what’s wrong? Have you and ROLLY quarreled?
CLAIR No, no, no, no!
DOCTOR What’s wrong? Has ROLLY done anything—?
CLAIR Oh, he’s a model husband! I couldn’t find fault with him! I just can’t go on—I’ll go mad if I stay with him—Daddy—I can’t make you understand—I’m unhappy. I’m miserable. (Sobbing. DOCTOR tries to comfort her.)
DOCTOR (Crosses To Bell) Honey, honey. (Rings bell.) Trust me. What’s wrong? What has ROLLY done?
CLAIR Nothing—I just—I—
DOCTOR Don’t you love him any more?
CLAIR I feel the same toward him. (Enter JESSIE.) JESSIE, ask Miss BARBARA to come here—Tell her Miss CLAIR is here.
JESSIE Yes, sir. (Exits.)
DOCTOR CLAIR, are you sure it’s not—may not be—your condition. Goodness child, you can trust your father.
CLAIR There’s nothing the matter with me. It’s just that—that—it’s something I can’t understand myself, something that seems tearing at my heart—keeps me restless, hungry for something—Always wanting something—I don’t know what it is—I’m so discontented—so unhappy.
DOCTOR You’ve fussed with ROLLY. Come, confess.
CLAIR I tell you no!
DOCTOR Then what have you to be unhappy about? If ROLLY hasn�
��t been at fault? You loved him, didn’t you? You love him still?
CLAIR I suppose SO.
DOCTOR You suppose so! Good land, you suppose so!
CLAIR I can’t explain. I don’t know myself what is wrong—If I did, I’d understand, that’s the trouble—Don’t you see—Dad? Something I sense and feel—something that makes me dissatisfied—not wanting to live, as it were, and I can’t name it.
DOCTOR Good land! What talk! That’s this Twentieth Century idea. I’ll tell you what’s the matter with you. You have nothing to do—Everything is done for you. Servants to fetch and carry—house keepers to take care of your home—to plan your every meal. Nothing to do but gad around and look for trouble. I’ll tell ROLLY to discharge some of that staff of servants of his and let you look after your own establishment—
CLAIR It’s not that.
DOCTOR Then, has some other man been making love to you?
CLAIR No, of course not!
DOCTOR (Sits In Chair Back Of Desk Center) Whatever it is, the fault is not your husband’s. (CLAIR is over right as BARBARA enters.)
BARBARA Hello, CLAIR—Why, James, not quarreling with your daughter?
DOCTOR My daughter has taken leave of her senses. I want you to talk to her. Wants to go to Europe—leave her husband or something and she doesn’t know why. (BARBARA looks from CLAIR to DOCTOR.)
BARBARA She probably has her reasons.
DOCTOR If you can discover them, you’re doing more than I can do. (Crosses to rear.) I’ve got to look after my patient. (Turning at door.)And remember, CLAIR, no nonsense. We’ve enough scandal in society as it is. I’ll not have you bring my name or the Kingsbury name, for that matter, into the mire. (He slams into his office. BARBARA turns to CLAIR.)
BARBARA (Crosses To CLAIR) What’s it all about? (CLAIR sighs.) Tired of ROLLY? Is he too perfect?
CLAIR I don’t know what it is, Aunt BARBARA. I’m not tired of ROLLY, but somehow, I’m disappointed in him.
BARBARA You knew him long enough before you married him. You were raised together from the cradle.
CLAIR You never know a man until you’re married to him.
BARBARA And sometimes, not then. What’s he done?
CLAIR Why nothing. That’s just it. Somehow I expected ROLLY to be different after we were married. (Sits.) I don’t know what I expected him to be, but somehow—Oh, I don’t know! Sometimes I think I annoy him by just being alive—that I’m a nuisance—he never says so and he’s always so courteous. Oh, Aunt BARBARA, it’s all wrong. Something is crying out in me—I can’t understand it. Just as if something were trying to tell me something—and I can’t understand. I try and try and try, but it’s always the same. Just as if I wanted something—and didn’t know what it was.
BARBARA So that’s it. CLAIR, what do you know about love?
CLAIR What a question! I suppose I love ROLLY, I always did. I never was interested in any other man—when no man ever so much as kissed me, save ROLLY.
BARBARA Sure you’re not in love with this—Allen GRAYSON?
CLAIR (Flaring Up) Now what do you mean? Mr. GRAYSON—
BARBARA Rumor.
CLAIR Why, Mr. GRAYSON has never so much as—what nonsense! He’s a perfect gentleman. A charming man. Why, Aunt BARBARA, he’s too fine to make love to another man’s wife.
BARBARA I see. Your husband admires him?
CLAIR One can’t help admiring Allen GRAYSON. He’s a man among a thousand. You’d single him out anywhere. A man bound to do things—a man worthy of trust and confidence.
BARBARA I see. And you want to go to Europe?
CLAIR I thought if I could go for a little while, I might feel different.
BARBARA Toward ROLLY?
CLAIR (Looks At Her Quickly) Why, yes—toward everything.
BARBARA I see. (Enter DOCTOR from rear. BARBARA looks at him.)
DOCTOR Have you two come to a decision?
BARBARA Yes. CLAIR and I have been planning a little trip.
DOCTOR What—what—are you both crazy? CLAIR is not going to leave her husband—
BARBARA The best thing for CLAIR and her husband is a separation for a while. Ever know that two people can get too much of each other? That’s your trouble, Jim, you’ve had too much of me. That’s why I’m going to Europe with CLAIR.
DOCTOR I’ll talk to ROLLY about this—
CLAIR I don’t think he’ll mind—But Dad, I’d rather you’d let me tell him.
DOCTOR (Turns Upon Her) Oh! (JESSIE enters and announces.)
JESSIE Mr. Kingsbury. (Enter ROLLY. JESSIE exits. CLAIR turns to ROLLY unconsciously expectant, sensing something amiss.)
DOCTOR Hello, ROLLY.
ROLLY Hello—How’s everybody? Just finished up at the office. Rather difficult day’s work.
DOCTOR I understand you’re building additions.
ROLLY Yes, we need more room. I don’t see why they can’t do things without consulting me.
BARBARA It’s your business, ROLLY.
ROLLY Who took care of it while I was under age? Why can’t they do it now?
DOCTOR My dear boy! A man’s business is his God in a way.
ROLLY Then I’m afraid I’m an atheist in that line.
CLAIR ROLLY hates business.
DOCTOR I suppose you’d rather play polo or hockey and take a chance with your neck, eh?
ROLLY Oh, land no. I’ve never sat on a polo pony in my life. I’m afraid of the darn things.
DOCTOR Yes, I know, your mother coddled you till you thought the wind should stop when you told it to. That’s your one fault, ROLLY, you’ve been coddled too much. Get out in the open, take a few bruises, get smashed up, better for you in the end.
ROLLY Being mother’s only child, she always used to tell me it was the dread of her life that I’d turn out to be a roughneck.
BARBARA Not much chance. (She speaks with a scarcely perceptible sneer.) By the way ROLLY, I’ve decided to take a little vacation in Europe, and I want to take CLAIR with me for company. Think you can spare her a little while?
ROLLY Why—(Glancing at CLAIR): If CLAIR wants to go. I wouldn’t think of keeping her home.
BARBARA That’s settled. Come on, CLAIR, we’ll discuss ways and means—I mean to start before the week’s out;
ROLLY Isn’t that rather soon?
BARBARA Not when you’re in a hurry. Come CLAIR—ROLLY you’ll wait for her?
ROLLY Certainly. (CLAIR and BARBARA exit. DOCTOR turns to ROLLY and explodes.)
DOCTOR What the devil’s wrong between you and CLAIR?
ROLLY (Surprised) Nothing. Not a thing.
DOCTOR What are you both hiding from me? CLAIR’s miserable.
ROLLY Has she said so?
DOCTOR She doesn’t have to. Don’t you think a man can see when his own daughter’s heart is breaking?
ROLLY I’m surprised—I thought CLAIR was very happy. We get along splendidly. An ideal couple, really.
DOCTOR Then why does she want to run away to Europe?
ROLLY Aunt BARBARA—
DOCTOR Aunt BARBARA detests nothing in the world more than travelling—especially on water. She gets seasick when she takes the boat to Coney Island. It’s CLAIR who wants to go.
ROLLY That’s puzzling. She hasn’t said anything to me.
DOCTOR Really, I’ve known you since you were a baby. I can’t have been mistaken in you. When I gave you my daughter, I thought it would be for the happiness of both of you. You loved each other, at least you thought you did—Well?
ROLLY There’s no woman in my life. CLAIR’s the only girl I ever really knew.
DOCTOR I don’t like the idea of this European trip, but there must be a damn good reason for it. Are you sure there isn’t another woman?
ROLLY Why I wouldn’t think of looking at another woman.
DOCTOR (Rises) You tell it well. Watch out. (Crossing to door.) Wait for CLAIR. I don’t like this European trip, I’m going to talk these women out of it.
(ROLL
Y crosses to table and picks up Ulrich book. Much disturbed, puts it down again. Looks off after DOCTOR. DAVID opens door rear. His coat and vest are off. He half staggers into room.)
DAVID DOCTOR—DOCTOR—It’s no use I can’t—ROLLY!
ROLLY You—What are you doing here?
DAVID ROLLY—
ROLLY Why are you here?
DAVID I couldn’t stand it any longer—I came here to see the doctor—I thought—
ROLLY You came to tell him—
DAVID It’s not so. I didn’t tell him I so much as knew you. I came because I thought he could help me.
ROLLY You fool, he can do nothing for you—For any of us. (Takes out wallet.) Here take this—and get out of here.
DAVID I don’t want your money—ROLLY please—
ROLLY Get out of here. I’ve had enough of you.
DAVID I’ve heard all about you and GRAYSON. He doesn’t give a damn for you.
ROLLY Shut your mouth about GRAYSON—leave his name out of this.
Davi D It’s true and you know it. He doesn’t give a damn for you.
ROLLY Damn you—you—You—(Grabs DAVID by the throat and swings him onto divan.) (DOCTOR enters.)
DOCTOR ROLLY!
ROLLY Who is this—this mad man—He tried to attack me.
DOCTOR My poor lad—What’s got into you? It may be the drug I’ve given him—I don’t know—poor devil—Thank God, ROLLY, you’re not what he is—Come, come, my boy—Come—
DOCTOR (Leads DAVID toward rear exit. DAVID turns and looks at ROLLY.)
ROLLY Not what he is—(Looks after DOCTOR and DAVID and then sinks in chair.) Good God!
CURTAIN
ACT TWO
(The same room, later that afternoon. PARSONS onstage at rise. Telephone rings. PARSONS answers it.)
PARSONS Mr. Kingsbury is not at home, sir. (Writes message on pad.)Very, well sir, I shall give him the message. (Enter ROLLY.)
PARSONS A Mr. CLEM on the phone, Sir. Are you in, Sir?
ROLLY Yes, PARSONS, I’ll speak. (Takes phone.) Hello there! Where are you … Oh, you did…. Well yes, I was out …just got in. Who is with you? Where are you molls calling from? No, the wife is out. All right, hurry! Oh, it ought to take about ten minutes from where you are now. (Hangs up—then to PARSONS.) What time did Mrs. Kingsbury leave today?
Three Plays by Mae West Page 11
