Danny Dempsey and the Unlikely Alliance

by Denis Byrne

  The Superintendent groaned audibly. ‘What’s it to be this time? A giant marsupial bounding along with you snuggled up inside its pouch or something?’ He held up a hand as Danny was about to reply. ‘Don’t tell me! I don’t want to know. It’s better that way. Just make sure you steer clear of Mrs. Pearson’s street this time. I don’t want her descending on us again with more of her nonsense.’ He looked at Harrington enquiringly. ‘Well, what’s keeping you, Harrington? Eh? We’ve wasted enough time out here in the wilderness already. Speed is of the essence.’

  Danny watched the car tremble into life, black smoke belching from the exhaust as soon as the engine turned over. It spluttered and coughed for a while, then settled down to a more even wheeze before it finally drove away in a reasonably smooth manner. Danny hoped that the Superintendent had more luck in getting to his destination in it than he’d had in the wheelchair.

  Charlie had scurried behind a tree as soon as the black smoke had begun spewing from the exhaust, peeping warily around the trunk, with a look on his face that seemed to convey that he wouldn’t have been at all surprised to see the vehicle explode at any second. He only came back out to join Danny when the car had disappeared into the distance. Danny stood thinking for a few more minutes before coming to a decision. As the Superintendent had already said, they’d wasted enough time already. He pointed his finger at Charlie, saying: ‘FLEXITORIOUS MOTORIUM FLEDILMUUSSE IMMLEDIAIUM!’

  Within the blink of an eye, the Golden Retriever had vanished from view. Danny knelt down in the long grass, being extremely careful as he did so. He peered in amongst the green blades, his fingers searching in between them around about the spot where Charlie had obeyed his command. A plaintive squeak alerted him to the exact location of the tiny field mouse squatting there. Danny extended his palm towards it and it scuttled gratefully over his fingers and into the centre of his hand. He nuzzled its little nose against his own, then flicked its tail before gently depositing it in his pocket. Then he turned and walked briskly into the heart of the woods.

  He met Belinda’s Father not long afterwards. He trotted gracefully from behind some elerberry bushes, immediately making Danny suspect that he’d been up to his old tricks, even though it was obvious from his steady gait that he was perfectly sober. His artificial antlers were every bit as magnificent as the ones which had been shorn off in the drunken brawl, and only for the fact that it was Danny who’d fashioned them for him, he’d never have known they weren’t his original ones. And as Belinda had informed Danny on an earlier occasion, her Father’s hooves had healed completely. In fact, the visible portions of them were glistening brightly, evidently having been recently polished. Danny couldn’t but stare at them in admiration. The stag was delighted.

  ‘It’s elderberry juice, Danny,’ Belinda’s Father said, with a wicked gleam of satisfaction in his eyes. ‘That’s what I’ve been doing behind those bushes, despite what you might be thinking.’

  ‘Why, the thought never entered my head, Aloysius,’ Danny replied, smiling at him cheekily. ‘I don’t know how you could even imagine something like that was on my mind.’

  ‘Well, whether it was or not, you can rest assured those days are over as far as I’m concerned.’ Aloysius tossed his head proudly, making the air around him whish as his antlers cut through it. ‘I’m certainly not going to risk losing these, thank you very much. I wouldn’t be able to enter any more darts tournaments without them.’

  Danny feigned innocence. ‘Darts,’ he said, forcing himself to look surprised. ‘When did you take that up?’

  ‘Just as soon as Belinda presented me with a dartboard for our wedding anniversary,’ Aloysius replied. ‘I couldn’t believe it. It was the very thing I wanted.’ He paused and gave a little sigh of parental pride. ‘She’s such a thoughtful daughter. And you’ll never guess what she got for her Mother. Not in a million years you won’t.’

  Danny pretended to rack his brains, looking as thoughtful as possible as he did so. ‘Chocolates?’ he ventured. Aloysius shook his head. ‘A voucher for the beauty parlour? A new hairbrush? Legwarmers for when the winter comes? No! Oh, I give up! What was it?’

  ‘A lovely silver necklace, Danny. You should have seen it. I really never knew Belinda had such good taste. It was absolutely beautiful. Sylvia only loved it. She kept asking Belinda which shop she got it from, but she wouldn’t tell her. Sylvia wanted to get a matching ankle bracelet to go with it, but all Belinda keeps telling her was that it was a secret. She told her she’d get the ankle bracelet for her for her next birthday.’

  ‘And when is that?’ Danny asked, wondering if the shop where he’d brought the necklace also stocked ankle bracelets.

  ‘Oh, it’s not for another six months. But I know Belinda will keep her promise when the time comes.’

  ‘Of course she will,’ Danny replied, taking a mental note to check up on the matter the first opportunity he got. Then, out of sheer curiosity on Belinda’s choice of present for her Father, he asked, ‘And the darts, Aloysius, er, how do you manage to – to throw them?’

  ‘Through a blowpipe, of course. River reeds are perfect for the job. And I do special breathing exercises every morning to improve my puff. It’s a very serious business, Danny, make no mistake about it. Some day I’m going to beat Phil Taylor and become world champion. I’ve already almost had a nine dart finish. I only missed the finishing double by a hairsbreadth.’

  ‘I don’t quite understand, Aloysius. You were talking there a minute ago about how important your antlers were for darts tournaments. Now you’re saying you use a blowpipe. Are you sure you haven’t been - -.’

  ‘I most certainly have not!’ Aloysius replied indignantly. ‘Haven’t I just told you so?’

  ‘Sorry,’ Danny mumbled apologetically. ‘But what you’ve been telling me sounds a bit confusing, that’s all.’

  ‘It’s all about balance, Danny. My antlers see to that. Without them to keep me steady as I fire off the darts, I’d be wasting my time. Just you keep your eyes on the sports pages from here on in. I’m going to be the first stag in history to win the world title.’

  ‘Good for you,’ Danny answered, trying not to sound too dubious regarding his friend’s prediction. ‘I can’t wait to see your picture in the papers.’

  ‘Did you hear that?’ Aloysius’s asked suddenly, his ears standing up in listening mode, a look of suspicion taking over his face. He commenced to back away from where he’s been standing, peering apprehensively into the thick grass as he did so, delicately sifting through it here and there with his newly juiced hooves. ‘There’s a mouse around here somewhere.’

  Charlie had squeaked in Danny’s pocket. He looked at the stag innocently before saying, ‘What difference does that make, Aloysius? Sure there are thousands of them living in the woods.’

  ‘Ah, but this one was eavesdropping. Listening to every word I was telling you about my darts blowing. Phil Taylor’s at the back of it. He’s running scared. He’s trying to find out all my secrets before the inevitable confrontation.’ He pawed more vigorously and uprooted a few sods as he searched for the imagined spy. ‘He’s evidently heard about how good I’m getting at the game. Give me a hand here, Danny. We’ve got to take this one alive. I’ll hold him prisoner until I’ve scooped that title.’

  ‘I think maybe you’re being a bit paranoid, Aloysius,’ Danny suggested, kneeling down and pretending to assist in the search. ‘I mean, it could be just any old mouse scuttling through the grass. And if you don’t stop digging around like that, you’ll make mincemeat of it if it really is there.’

  ‘Good thinking, Danny,’ Belinda’s Father replied, immediately taking the advice, though continuing to gently sift here and there for the eavesdropper he was convinced was lurking somewhere in the vicinity. ‘But you don’t understand. This isn’t the first time Taylor’s tried to discover what makes me such a threat to him. I’ve five of them under lock and key already, but he keeps sending more to spy on me.’


  ‘Er, under lock and key,’ Danny said incredulously. ‘Mice? How do you manage that?’

  ‘I got Ollie the otter to make me a special mouse jail,’ Aloysius explained. ‘Just as soon as he got over his malaria, that is. He told me that only for the remedy you gave him, he’d be in otter heaven by now. I asked him to help me out before he came down with something else. Sure enough, as soon as he had the jail completed, he contacted Backwater Fever, Bell’s Palsy, Boils and Botulism all at the same time.’

  ‘And how is he now?’

  ‘The same as ever. Convinced he’s going to die any second, but at the same time swimming up and down the river at a hundred miles an hour to take his mind off it. He won’t be happy until you’ve given him another cure for these new ailments he thinks he has. I’m afraid poor Ollie suffers from a lot of delusions.’

  He’s not the only one, Danny thought to himself, as Aloysius continued to seek out the interloper he was certain his famous rival had despatched to find the chink in his darts armour. ‘I hope you’re treating the mice you’ve already captured properly,’ Danny said, anxious for their welfare. ‘You’re not neglecting them in any way, are you?’

  Aloysius looked at him in astonishment. ‘How could you say such a thing? Why, Sylvia and Belinda would have my life if they weren’t being looked after under the terms of the Geneva Convention. They get three square meals a day, and as much exercise as they need to keep them fit and healthy, though I do have to keep them on the end of silk leashes as they whiz about the place during their exercise periods.’

  ‘I was just checking,’ Danny replied. ‘I presume you intend releasing them as soon as you’ve knocked Phil Taylor off his perch?’

  ‘Of course!’ Aloysius assured him. ‘You surely didn’t think I was going to hand them over to those milk-drinking ruffians who frequent The Tomcat’s Whiskers, now do you?’

  ‘They mightn’t be so rough as you imagine, Aloysius, if you got to know them better. I hear old Mr. Fantail is getting along famously with them now. If a pigeon of his age was willing to make the effort, I don’t know what all the rest of you are making such a fuss about them just because they like to socialise over a few glasses of milk. I suppose Madam Noseybeak still disapproves of him going there?’

  ‘I wouldn’t really know, Danny,’ Aloysius admitted, still delving for the elusive spy his overactive imagination had conjured up, ‘I keep out of her way as much as I can. Whenever I hear her flapping and chattering through the treetops, I make it my business to take myself off in the opposite direction. One day, I miscalculated her flight pattern, and she zoomed right down and perched on my antlers. Four hours later she was still there, nattering on about everybody’s business without once stopping to draw breath. Sylvia wasn’t at all pleased when I told her what had delayed me getting home. I think she thought I was making it up, that I’d been indulging in you know what again. I had to get her to smell my breath before she finally believed me.’ He lowered his majestic head and began raking the grass gingerly with his antlers, a look of dismay in his eyes. ‘I think this one’s escaped, Danny. This could spell disaster for me.’

  Danny got to his feet, brushing off stray blades of grass sticking to the knees of his jeans. ‘You might have just imagined you heard something, Aloysius,’ he said, though not choosing to admit that he himself had also heard Charlie squeak earlier. Danny was glad Charlie was still in the safety of his pocket, otherwise Belinda’s Father might insist he be locked up with the other prisoners of war. Which wouldn’t at all have been a good idea, considering Charlie’s powers of transformation.

  ‘Oh, I heard it all right, Danny. It sounded exactly like all the other secret agents I managed to capture who were sent to gather information about me.’ He raised his head and shook it in resignation. ‘I’m going to have to be extra vigilant from now on. When Taylor hears about the vital part my antlers play in keeping me balanced in competition, I wouldn’t put it past him to hire someone to shear either the left or right side off with a chainsaw when I’m asleep. I’m going to have to hire myself a night guard to counteract that piece of underhandedness. I bet Bartholomew the badger wouldn’t say no to a job like that. He sleeps all day, anyway.’

  ‘You’re sure you’re not overreacting, Aloysius?’ Danny asked cautiously, feeling a bit guilty that it was Charlie who had been responsible for this particular bout of neurosis.

  ‘I have to protect one of my most precious possessions, Danny. Surely you can see that. It’s my destiny to become world champion. I’ve got to do whatever it takes to achieve that goal. It will all be worth it in the end.’

  Dusk was beginning to descend. Danny decided he could be here till Kingdom Come, and he still wouldn’t have been able to change Aloysius’s mind without telling him where the squeak had really come from. And when all was said and done, he’d far more important things to be worrying about right now than whether or not a neurotic stag ever realised his ambition.

  If determination was anything to go by, he wouldn’t be surprised to some day read about a new world darts champion in the sports pages as Aloysius maintained he was going to be. Before he said goodbye, though, he got down to the real purpose he’d decided to stay behind in the woods for. He wasn’t long getting Aloysius’s full attention when he told him about the case he was now working on. The stag was horrified after Danny outlined the full details.

  ‘Oh, Danny, that’s terrible!’ he exclaimed. ‘The very thought of my Belinda ever being spirited away like that makes my blood run cold. How could they do it?’

  ‘I want you to spread the word, Aloysius. We’ve absolutely no leads to go on at the moment, though we’re pretty certain from their demands that they haven’t left the country. Find out if any of the animals have seen or heard anything out of the ordinary in the last week or so. We’re becoming desperate. I was going to contact Madam Noseybeak, but she’d only look down her beak at me if I told her we’d nothing whatsoever to go on. And I haven’t time to listen to her chattering about human incompetence and all the rest of it at the moment.’

  ‘I know how you feel, Danny. It’s a pity she doesn’t show a little humility now and then to balance all that wonderful efficiency she shows when the occasion calls for it.’

  Danny kept his face serious despite the temptation to smile. Aloysius hadn’t exactly been hiding his own light under an elderberry bush regarding his expertise at dart blowing. In fact, he’d been downright boastful about it, and it sounded a bit like the pot calling the kettle black when he mentioned the word humility. But Danny knew the stag’s heart was in the right place, as indeed was Madam Noseybeak’s, despite their inability to see themselves in the light that others might possibly notice straight away. But then again, Danny knew, they were no different to every other living creature on the planet. We all had our own self-deceptive ways we weren’t even aware we carried around with us in invisible containers.

  ‘If you hear anything that you think might help, Aloysius, I’d appreciate it if you’d let me know immediately. If I’m not at home, get Herbert the hare to drop a note in my letterbox.’

  ‘I’ll get working on it straight away, Danny. You just leave it to me. I’ll call a mass meeting first thing tomorrow morning.’

  Before they parted, Danny gave Belinda’s Father a slip of paper to pass on to Ollie the otter. It contained a remedy for his multiple ailments. All four could be cured by simply juggling eight acorns, two for each malady, beneath the overhanging boughs of a willow tree at exactly the same time as a cloud shaped like a humming bird was passing over the luminosity of a full moon.

  Danny stayed where he was until it was pitch dark before he removed Charlie from his pocket. He brought Charlie’s tiny ear close to his mouth and whispered something into it. In an instant came the sound of powerfully beating wings, creating a wind which shook the branches of the nearby trees, causing flurries of leaves to fly in all directions. A great black shape materialised close to Danny, and the beating wings were immediately sti
lled.

  The night creatures had all disappeared into their dens and burrows on hearing what they took to be the onset of a storm. They were puzzled when it seemed to have so suddenly abated. They’d no sooner popped their heads out once more, when it surged up again, beating at the bushes and making the grass dance madly, resulting in the animals diving back into the safety of their various dens.

  None of them saw Danny mounted on the back of a prehistoric pterodactyl as it ascended effortlessly into the night sky, his arms clinging tightly to its scaly neck, its huge batlike wings bearing both of them towards home.

  He hoped the Super would approve of his mode of transport, plus his promise that he’d make sure nobody saw him on his homeward journey. The height they were flying at, plus the black cloak of night, ensured their invisibility from any earthbound eyes. Danny also hoped that Mrs. Pearson was safely tucked up in bed when the time came for them to swoop down over her house to make their landing in his compound. Otherwise, Sergeant Neville might receive a visit from her tomorrow and have to listen to another of her nonsensical stories.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  Matthew Dawson had lost count the days since his captivity. He supposed about a week had passed by now. On the day of his arrival, he’d been brought inside the house and seated in an armchair before the blindfold had been removed. The thug who persisted in addressing him as Pops folded it up neatly and placed it in his pocket, then left him alone in the room, locking the door after him. When Matthew became less disorientated, he stood up to inspect his surroundings.

  He found that he was in a large, luxurious bedroom which was furnished in keeping with its splendour. It reminded him of a bedroom like those in the most expensive hotels in the country, except that neither a television set nor a radio were anywhere to be seen. The room contained a double bed, an en suite bathroom, a well stocked drinks cabinet, and every conceivable comfort associated with wealth.