by Cat Miller
“I need Kayden. Where is Kayden?” Lindsay had asked the nurse when she woke from that embarrassing episode.
“Mr. Paris had to go home to his own Enclave in New York. We won’t see him again,” the nurse had told Lindsay.
“That’s not true. Kayden said he would take care of me,” Lindsay insisted.
“Mr. Paris is the son of the chief of warriors. I know you don’t know what that means, so I’ll explain. The chief is like the General of the Armies in America. He’s the male who led the entire armed forces, all the warriors of the nation. One day Kayden Paris will take his father’s place and become the chief. He doesn’t have time to babysit a frightened changeling vampire. He has real work to do,” the nurse explained as if Lindsay were stupid.
Lindsay might be crazy, but she wasn’t stupid, and she didn’t like that bitch at all. The nurse made quite a racket when Lindsay literally tossed her ass out into the hall. The news that Kayden was gone forever had pushed her over the edge of reason. She lost all sense of self for a time. It was easier to sink into the rage and be an animal than to deal with a broken heart. Lindsay was angry with herself for believing Kayden would be there for her and she was furious with him for not having the same feelings she did. It was just like when she was in college. He’d walked away and left her hurting then, too.
Now, Kayden was there with her again? He was holding her and speaking quietly. Had they lied to her? She didn’t know. What she did know was the beast within her was raging for blood and violence. It was a terrible yearning that Lindsay couldn’t control. Tears slipped down her cheeks as embarrassment over her behavior sank in. Memories were creeping into her consciousness. Lindsay had attacked everyone who touched her, including Kayden. She wanted to be better than this creature she’d become. She had to find a way to control the beast. Dani and Brandi insisted there was no monster. If that was true, who was the voice in her head? It had to be the vampire. That was the only thing that made sense. They’d been born vampires, so maybe they were used to the voice.
“I don’t want to hurt you. I never want to hurt you.” Lindsay was clutching Kayden’s shoulders and shaking. “I hate this monster inside of me. I’m so sorry.”
“Talk to me, Hellion. Tell me what’s going on. Why are you so angry? How can I help you?” Kayden pressed himself into her body to support her weight so he could brush the tears from her face with one hand.
Lindsay hissed when his pelvis pressed into hers. The thick column of flesh hidden behind his zipper hit her in just the right spot. He was hard. Kayden’s face flushed with shame. It was so damn cute Lindsay felt like smiling. She wished she could smile, but she didn’t remember how. Instead, Lindsay was breathing hard and trying to control her rage. She was far from in control, but Kayden’s presence made her feel safe again.
“I’m sorry.” Kayden cleared his throat. “It’s the adrenaline. It happens to all males. Are you going to hit me if I release you?” Kayden attempted to back away without waiting for Lindsay’s answer. She wrapped a leg around his hip to keep him where he was because she was afraid if he released her she would lose it, forget where she was, and begin fighting again.
“Don’t. I can’t … I can’t stop,” she tried to explain. “I’m trying. You … you make me feel better. Safe.” She was still breathing hard, and every inhalation brought Kayden’s scent deeper into her lungs, deeper into her head. She was consumed by his presence. He was there with her. He was really there. They said he was gone. They lied.
“Well, at least you’re talking to me now, instead of screaming and fighting.” Smiling, he brought his hand back up to brush her hair out of her face. “What can I do to help you, Hellion?” Kayden brushed his warm lips across Lindsay’s forehead. She shivered. She hadn’t known the touch of someone who didn’t want to hurt her in so long. “This behavior, it isn’t you. We’ll get you through this together, though, I promise. Even if it means we have to fight every day.”
Lindsay’s mind was stuck on something Kayden said twice. “Hellion?”
“Yes, you’re a little hellion!” he chuckled. “You fight everyone like a hellcat.”
Lindsay wanted to smile. She wanted to laugh with Kayden, but she couldn’t. The inferno was building again. She was going to strike out again, she knew, but she was fighting against the need to listen to that instinct telling her that she had to fight to survive. It whispered over and over that she would die if she didn’t fight to the death. She gazed into Kayden’s eyes and knew he would never hurt her intentionally. He was one of the good guys. Could vampires be good guys? Lindsay wanted to believe what Kayden had told her. She’d been with the enemy of the Vampire Nation, the rogues, the rebels, and not the good sort of rebel that fights for change that will help the people. Sheena’s rebels wanted to destroy everything. Lindsay could believe that for sure. Sheena had been doing an admirable job of destroying Lindsay, and she suspected a few other vampires. She’d been using them as murder weapons and test subjects.
“It’s the drugs. Sheena was testing them on us.” Lindsay swallowed hard. She didn’t want to give in to the urge to battle, but it was overwhelming her best intentions. “We were Guinea pigs and lab rats.” Tears filled her eyes. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. We talked about this before, remember?”
Lindsay wanted to, but every time she woke from the madness it was a struggle to recall where she was and what was happening. Kayden was talking, but Lindsay’s mind was steadily drifting into fight mode.
“You haven’t had any of those drugs in a while, but your organs are still working to push the poison out. Sheena did this to you. This isn’t your fa—” Kayden was cut off when Lindsay head-butted him.
Momentarily surprised by the sudden change in her, Kayden took a step back. She’d knocked him off balance and took advantage. She swung with all of her newfound strength and made solid contact with Kayden’s chin. Then Lindsay launched herself at him. They hit the white hospital room floor with a thud and the air swooshed out of Kayden’s lungs.
Unlike before when Lindsay had attacked, she was aware of what was going on. She was present but unable to pull herself back. That voice was chanting in her head to kill. “Kill him! It’s a trick! He will kill you! Destroy all vampires!”
The door flew open, and a giant man filled the doorway. She sniffed the air. Was he a vampire? She sniffed again. He was a vampire and a human. Maybe he was like Lindsay and had been changed. It didn’t much matter when he stood in the doorway holding a long gun that was sighted on her and Kayden. His long, dark hair was pulled back at his nape and his even longer, dark, leather duster hung below his knees.
“I’ve got a clear shot,” the man said calmly.
Lindsay saw red. She would not allow this man, this vampire or whatever he was, to shoot Kayden. She would never let anyone harm her Kayden. Never mind that she’d just attacked him herself, nobody else was going to touch him. Lindsay snarled at the gun-toting dead man and lunged for him. She’d rip off the huge man’s giant head and roll it down the hallway. Let him shoot her if she wasn’t fast enough, but never Kayden.
“Kayden?” the man shouted. Lindsay had almost reached him. The barrel of the rifle was aimed at her. The gunman took one step back out of the room.
“No,” Kayden replied as he tackled Lindsay. Her knees hit the hard floor and pain exploded up her legs. Lindsay roared, actually roared at the intruder. She and Kayden grappled on the floor. She was trying to cover Kayden, to protect him from the gunman. Kayden was trying to subdue Lindsay. He flipped her over and pinned her on her back. The gunman watched on in stunned fascination.
“Hawk, do not fire. She’s confused. Shut the door and don’t let anyone else in. I’ve got this under control,” Kayden told the gunman.
Lindsay twisted her neck to glare up at Hawk. “I will shove the gun up your ass and fire if you point it at Kayden again.”
Hawk’s eyebrow rose into his hairline. His mouth opened and closed before he grin
ned at Kayden. The gun was lowered, and Hawk leaned against the doorframe as if he were bored. He didn’t seem threatened by her, considering the man she was trying to protect had Lindsay pinned to the floor. The ridiculousness of Lindsay’s threat didn’t escape her, but again, she wasn’t exactly balanced.
“You sure?” Hawk asked Kayden.
“Yeah, man, we’re working on her attitude. Just guard the door,” Kayden answered Hawk, but his eyes were trained on Lindsay. Hawk nodded his agreement and let the heavy door drift shut on its hydraulic hinge.
“I would kill him if he hurt you. I would,” Lindsay admitted with shame. “I never killed anyone on purpose before, but I would for you.” Her face flamed. Why did her thoughts have to roll off of her tongue like that? She sounded so fucking pathetic.
“Nobody here is going to hurt me, remember? These are my people. We’re the good guys. We’re safe here.” Kayden was holding both of her hands in one of his massive fists. He supported his weight off of her with his other arm. It was a very intimate position. She liked it, so she tried to contain her need to fight.
“I hate this feeling. I don’t want to be an animal, but it’s difficult to control her,” Lindsay tried to explain.
“Her?” Kayden asked. “You mentioned that before. What do you mean?”
Didn’t he understand what it was like to have a vampire lurking inside of you? He had one, too. Dani and Brandi hadn’t believed her either. Lindsay didn’t want to explain the voice in her head. Maybe it was just the drugs. Maybe she was insane. It didn’t matter much anymore. She would always be this unfortunate creature, whatever the reason. Lindsay was what Sheena had made her—an addict.
“Hey, look at me,” Kayden said. He released her hands and cupped her face. “It’s okay if you aren’t ready to talk about it. The important thing is that we find a way to control your outbursts. How can we do that?”
“According to the last nurse I tossed out of here, I’m a hopeless case. I’m still alive for now. My organs are no longer failing, but there are still traces of the drug in my body. She said my brain has been permanently damaged by drug use.”
She looked away from his perfect hazel eyes, feeling shame and hopelessness. Lindsay had had such a bright future ahead of her after law school. Now she was a brain-damaged addict. “It’s not like I enjoyed it. That nurse acted like I’m just paying for being a party girl. I might have done some occasional drinking, I was a college student for fuck’s sake, but I never did drugs. Never.”
“I know that, Hellion. You were top of your class, too, weren’t you? None of this is about anything you’ve done wrong. We’ll find a way to combat this disease. That’s how you need to think of it, as a disease we’re still trying to cure.” Kayden’s expression darkened. “And I’ll have a talk with the staff about their treatment of you. I’ll not have anyone making you feel guilty.”
Kayden blinked a few times and cleared his throat before asking, “Lindsay, babe, what are you doing?”
“I need to do something. I don’t want to fight, but I have to do something with all of this …” she didn’t know how to explain how she was feeling, “aggression.”
Against her will, Lindsay’s hips were moving against Kayden seductively. He was still hard, and it felt so good to have him pressed tightly against her core. She needed a release for all of the tension and rage bottled up inside of her. With Kayden, maybe there was an alternative to violence. Just like when Kayden had held Lindsay in her cell, the need for violence was still there, but in Kayden’s arms that ferocity morphed into something more than just sexual. It was spiritual.
Lindsay needed to know that this was all real, and she was free from her cage and no longer a lab rat. She wanted to be sure this wasn’t just a figment of her drug-addled imagination, and Kayden’s touch felt so real. He was solid, strong, and beautiful, just like she remembered him. Lindsay needed some beautiful after all that ugliness. The earthy scent of Kayden, the strength of him, and the sound of his voice were like an antidote to the poison in her brain. Lindsay needed Kayden. Her body craved his touch. Her soul was begging for some tender if not meaningful contact. Why he had this effect on her, she didn’t know, but at the moment she didn’t care. She had the feeling she would always be a fool for him. He’d always own a piece of her, so why couldn’t she take a little piece of him?
“I wish I could see the pretty whiskey color of your eyes, Lindsay. We have to find a way to get you well so I know when you’re upset and when you’re doing fine.” He swooped in for a quick kiss then was gone before Lindsay had a chance to enjoy it. He scooped her up off the floor and sat her on her feet. “Let’s talk for a while now that you’re aware. Tell me about your parents. Where can I find them? I’m embarrassed to say that I don’t know your last name. I don’t think anyone has tried to find them yet since we had to wait for you to decide how you want to handle them.”
“I don’t imagine you’d know any of the names of any of your one-night stands. What do you mean about my eyes?” Lindsay asked.
“I guess you’re right. I never asked for first names half the time. What a great guy I am, huh?” Kayden asked the rhetorical question with a self-deprecating shake of his head.
She didn’t have a response to that. Lindsay had seen him wander off with lots of girls at the club. Now she wondered if they were bed buddies or was he just feeding? Not that it mattered. It wasn’t any of her business, even if she did want to scratch the eyes out of every girl he’d ever touched.
“What’s wrong with my eyes?” Lindsay looked around the room for a reflective surface, but they’d had to strip her room when she kept hurting herself and others with anything she could get her hands on.
“There’s nothing wrong with them, it’s just they’re black all the time. Have you seen a vampire like that yet?” he asked cautiously.
“Yeah, David’s would turn black. Mine stay that way?” How attractive she must be. For the first time in recent memory, Lindsay became aware of herself. She looked down to find herself dressed in scrubs. She touched her hair. It felt clean, and it was hanging in a thick braid down her back, longer than she remembered it being. It was a good sign that she had finally thought of something so superficial as her appearance. She was feeling more and more aware, but the anger refused to dissipate. She began to pace the room, trying to burn energy.
“Who was taking care of me?” she wondered.
“The nurses, with the doctor’s help, get you cleaned up when you’re down.”
“Down?”
“Yeah, they’ve had to drug you a few times when you got out of control. We’d hoped when you woke from your drug-induced coma that you’d be more stable, but …”
“But I was insane, and they didn’t know why?” she finished for him.
“No, that’s not true. They do know why you keep having spells. There’s still Hypervamp saturating some of your organs. Your body seems to be feeding on it. This isn’t a bad thing. You’re slowly metabolizing that junk out of your system. It has to be almost gone by now.”
The anger was back when she asked the next question because she’d lost time again. She was still a danger to other people. Lindsay wondered why they didn’t just put her down like a rabid dog, like the nurses she’d heard talking in the hall suggested. Was it any wonder she kept freaking out?
“How long has it been since they woke me from the coma? That was why you drugged me, right? How long as it been?”
“You were asleep for two weeks. It’s been at least that long since they let you wake.”
She’d been either unconscious or out of her mind for the most part on and off for more than a month then. Her life was flying by while she was locked behind one set of doors or another. Lindsay was recalled to her earlier thoughts. Was she really even alive anymore? How would she know if she died? She wouldn’t if most of her time was spent crazed.
Kayden pulled Lindsay into his chest, giving her what comfort he could. Holding her gently, he ran his hands up
and down Lindsay’s arms, trying to comfort her and calm her down. They were both disheveled from their fight. Kayden’s heart was pounding in spite of his outward calm. He also had a massive erection. He had his hips held away from her, but it was still nudging her belly. Saying nothing now that she was in control, Kayden kissed her forehead, and his breath ruffled her hair. It was so tender, so gentle that it frustrated her. Lindsay needed rough, hard, life-affirming contact. He was doing his best to be a gentleman, and she adored him for it, but if she didn’t burn off some of this anger, she would end up mindlessly harming people who were only trying to help her again. Damn the poison in her body that just wouldn’t dissipate.
Lindsay pressed her hands against his chest and gave him a little push. Kayden fell back on the hospital bed. Before he could jump up, she climbed over him, straddling his lap.
He sucked in a shocked breath when she ripped the top she wore over her head to expose her bare breasts. “What are you doing?”
“I’m seducing you. Just like I did before,” Lindsay replied, and she tore his shirt in half right down the front.
“Lindsay, stop, you can’t do this.” Kayden was lifting her off of him, but Lindsay held on. “You’re not in your right mind. And I’m pretty sure it was I who seduced you back then.”
“Who cares if I’m in my right mind? I might never be sane again. I might die here in this room without ever seeing the sun again. I deserve a little bit of good after all of the bad.” Lindsay released him. If he didn’t want her, she wouldn’t beg. “I get it. Once was enough when I was a normal girl. Why would you want more now?”
