by Cat Miller
Lord, her head really was a fucking mess.
“What do you think you get, Lindsay? Because if you think any male worth knowing would take advantage of you after all you’ve been through, you’re wrong. I don’t care how beautiful you are or how tempted I am, you deserve better.”
“You didn’t want me then and still don’t. Get the fuck out of my room before I lose my shit again. I feel it building. I’ve been fighting to remain in control this entire time, and I’m too tired to do it anymore.” Lindsay was off of Kayden in a flash. She stood with her back to him, and her hands braced on the walls in the corner.
“What are you fighting?” Kayden asked from the bed.
“I need to burn this energy so I can focus. All this rage, it hurts, and it makes me forget who I am. That drug causes uncontrollable aggression and violence. I can’t keep fighting it. I’m cool though. There’s nothing in here I can hurt but me.”
“This is crazy,” Kayden murmured.
He had no idea how crazy she was.
“What do you want me to do?” he asked.
“I want you to leave, now!” Lindsay turned around and snapped at Kayden, pointing toward the closed door.
Kayden sat there staring at her. He wanted to chat, and she was just trying to stay calm enough not to hurt him. They were either going to fight, or they were going to have sex. She’d asked him to leave and he hadn’t. Turning, she charged toward him. Kayden’s eyes widened, but he didn’t attempt to stop her when she climbed over him this time. She dug her fingers into his hair and held on to a fistful. She was aggressive and demanding in the kiss she took from his still lips. Kayden groaned under her but didn’t kiss her back. Lindsay was shaking.
“Why?” he asked against her mouth.
“Because I need you. I want you.” She cupped his face and looked down into his eyes, heaving with the effort it took to stop herself from striking him. “I’ve thought about you every day since you walked away from me without another word. I want something other than this pain and these horrific memories to take with me if … if I die. You made me happy, Kayden, even if it was only for that one night. I need a little happy. I’m so sick of fear and misery.” Tears filled her eyes. She’d released his hair and was clutching the sides of the narrow mattress. He had no idea how hard it was for her to string those words together into sentences. Her guts were churning, and her brain felt like it was on fire. Lindsay believed his presence was the only reason she was able to hold herself together this long.
“Lindsay, baby, I don’t know what to do here?” Kayden seemed torn between his honor and her need. He was a good man, she just knew it. She was asking him to do something that was against his moral code.
Lindsay trembled as she leaned in to place a soft kiss on the corner of Kayden’s mouth. This wasn’t his fault and she knew she was wrong for putting him in such an uncomfortable position. He deserved better, but Lindsay would never get better. She only had today.
“How long do you think it will be before they decide I can’t be saved? How long before they either lock me up and throw away the key, like David and Sheena did, or they put me down because I’m an uncontrollable danger?”
“What? What are you talking about?” He was stunned by her question. “Who told you that?” Looking suddenly irate, Kayden cupped Lindsay’s face with both hands.
“The nurses talk about me all the time. I have very good hearing now. Most of them hate me. I don’t blame them, though. They say I’m either going to die because the doctors can’t fix me, or whoever ‘the council’ is, will have me euthanized. Euthanized like the animal I am.” Lindsay’s eyes burned with unshed tears. “I hate this place and these people. I hate what happened to me. I hate what I’ve become. I don’t hate you, though. All I wanted before I died was you, just one more time. That’s all. I-I shouldn’t have put you in this position,” Lindsay stuttered. “I’m sorry.” She used the last of her meager store of sane energy to try to climb down off of the hospital bed.
“Please, leave.” She was shaking with the effort it took to hold onto Lindsay the person and not dissolve into a mindless animal. She was ashamed of her behavior. Why had she thought a man like Kayden would want an insane woman, even if only for sex? There was a reason he’d never looked back after their night together so long ago. Lindsay didn’t know what that reason was. She felt hopeless and more alone than she’d ever been in her decidedly secluded life.
“Hold on now.” Grabbing Lindsay’s wrist, Kayden pulled her back into his arms. She stood between his legs, clutching his torn shirt. He tipped Lindsay’s face up, so she was looking him in the eyes.
“You’re such a Hellion.” He was smiling. He dipped his head to brush his lips over Lindsay’s mouth. “I come in here to check on you like a good friend, and you attempt to be naughty. There are a few things we need to talk about here. I don’t think you’re ready for what you’re asking for, Hellion.”
“I don’t want to talk. And I don’t want to be your fucking friend.” Lindsay kissed Kayden hard.
She claimed his mouth and dug her fists into his hair. She was angry. Pissed at the world. Kayden was the only person who reminded Lindsay that she was still a person. He was a harbor in the storm of insanity that was her life. Maybe it was because she’d known him before she knew about vampires. Lindsay couldn’t say for sure, but she knew that when he was with her, she felt more like her old self. It was easier to remember that she was still a person and not a lab rat when Kayden touched her. She desperately needed him to touch her, to remind her that she still mattered to someone.
Lindsay held Kayden’s hair in one hand and used the other to score the bare skin of his chest. He wasn’t kissing her back, but he wasn’t pushing her away either. Kayden moaned when she bit his lower lip. His hands were huge and hot on her skin, the palms rough on her sensitive nipples when he cupped her breasts and finally kissed her back. They fought for control of the kiss. His tongue plunged deep, demanded her submission, but Lindsay wasn’t able to obey. Her heart had one goal, and that was to experience Kayden one more time before the end. Lindsay’s mind fought her heart at every turn, sure that she needed to defend herself from the imminent threat of the alpha predator, and her body was torn between the two. She was kissing Kayden, loving him with her mouth. Her hands, however, were rough, pulling hair and digging into his skin. She was hurting him, and she knew it, but she couldn’t make herself stop.
Kayden growled into her mouth, determined to be the aggressor. Grabbing a fistful of Lindsay’s hair, he jerked her mouth away from his. His eyes were black with lust or rage … or maybe both.
“You want it rough, Hellion? Is that how it’s going to be?” Kayden stood, forcing Lindsay to back up.
“Yes. Can’t help it.” Lindsay didn’t know how to tell him what she needed. She just needed, and Kayden was the only person who could reach her now.
Kayden backed Lindsay into the wall and pressed himself into her body, pinning her. The stiff ridge of his cock pressed into her and Lindsay couldn’t stop herself from rubbing against it. Kayden grinned, liking that she wasn’t afraid. Lindsay knew firsthand how intimidating his erection could be. He released her hair but trapped her wrists in one of his big hands above her head.
“Here’s the thing, Hellion. If you want it rough, I’ll be the one doing the roughing? Can you take it?” Kayden was breathing hard, his neck corded with restraint.
“I need to feel you. Please,” Lindsay begged. Some men were worthy of a little pleading. Lindsay didn’t feel weak for admitting what she wanted.
Kayden inserted a thigh between Lindsay’s legs to force them apart. His other hand slid down her belly, making her muscles twitch before it dove into the scrubs she wore. Kayden’s long, thick fingers parted Lindsay’s folds and explored her sensitive sex. He hissed when he found Lindsay wet for him. Lindsay’s hips bucked.
“This is wrong. I shouldn’t want you this way. You aren’t well.” Kayden’s face was tormented. “This is n
ot noble at all, but you’re so hot for me. So ready. And I want you, too … but it’s wrong.”
They stared at each other while Kayden played Lindsay’s body with his hand. The air between her mouth and Kayden’s seemed to shimmer with the heat they generated. With Lindsay’s arms held above her head her bare breasts were jutting out, nipples stiff and aching for Kayden’s attention. He swooped down to torment one nipple with his teeth, giving her the sharp edge of pain she wanted before moving on to the other breast.
“This isn’t wrong. I need you. Please,” Lindsay said again, hoping Kayden wouldn’t deny her last request because she’d heard the nurses talking and she knew the end of her life, pitiful as it was, was near. “Do you feel the pull between us, Kayden? Or is it just me? Was it always just me?”
“No, baby, it isn’t just you. I felt it the first time our eyes met in the club. I feel it still,” Kayden admitted and Lindsay’s heart skipped. He kissed her then. He increased the pressure and speed of his questing fingers. The man was a master manipulator. He anchored his thumb over her throbbing clit and drove into her core with those long fingers.
Lindsay wanted to ask Kayden why he avoided her if he felt the connection between them too, but an orgasm was building. She chased the climax, needing to expel the tension in her body. Kayden adjusted his hand to curl his fingers inside of Lindsay’s wet heat in a come here motion. He massaged that magic spot that made Lindsay scream his name. Her hips undulated helplessly as waves of climax crashed over her body.
“That’s right, Hellion, ride my hand.” Kayden released Lindsay’s arms and she wound them around his neck. He held her tight while she soared high and drifted back down.
It struck Lindsay that she’d been completely lucid and in control while Kayden owned her body. She felt nearly clear headed for the first time in longer than she could recall. The alternate release of energy with Kayden had been effective once again. Passion was a much more satisfying way to burn off the need for action. Kayden had a centering effect on Lindsay. It was too bad he couldn’t be with her all the time.
Lindsay didn’t remember being lifted into Kayden’s arms. She couldn’t recall being bent over the hospital bed, but her body was so weak from her orgasm that she didn’t attempt to move. Pleasure was a sensation that had become foreign to Lindsay. She only knew pain and fear. Experiencing ecstasy and trust was overwhelming now. That voice in her head was still telling Lindsay to fight, though she was able to ignore it for the time being. She felt in control and completely out of control at the same time, but only in the best way. The sound of her pants being shredded brought Lindsay back to herself. Her core still quivered, and her legs were weak, but she needed more. She would never get enough of Kayden. Maybe it was a good thing the mysterious ‘council’ was going to put her out of her misery, because having Kayden was a need she’d never get over.
A zipper and rustling of material let Lindsay know that Kayden wasn’t done with her. Kayden kicked her legs farther apart. One of his big hands cracked against her ass, sending a shot of pleasure/pain over her nerves that nearly made Lindsay climax again. Kayden leaned over Lindsay, pressing himself against her from thighs to shoulders. His cock was wedged in the cleft of her ass. Kayden was so broad in the shoulders that he dwarfed Lindsay and made her feel controlled, owned, and she liked it. He could handle her even at her worst. Kayden tugged on her hair just hard enough to turn her head and give a little sting to her scalp. He spoke as his mouth nipped and kissed her throat, nuzzled her neck, and nibbled at her earlobe.
“Last chance, Lindsay. Tell me to stop. Tell me you don’t want this. Tell me I’m a son of a bitch for allowing it to get this far. Now, Hellion. Tell me now.” He pressed his cock against her ass more snuggly.
“Please, don’t stop. I want this. You’re a son of a bitch for making me wait more than five years to be touched by you again,” she said with conviction.
“I won’t be gentle.” It was a weak threat. Kayden thought he could scare her now that she was calmer and in control. It was laughable. Lindsay knew what real fear was. Kayden had nothing on the boogiemen Lindsay wrestled.
“Do your worst,” she dared him.
Kayden hauled her back and anchored an arm around her waist. He pulled his hips back; guided his cock to her entrance. Lindsay’s eyes crossed, and the world tilted when Kayden thrust forward, parting her slick sheath. He buried himself deep in one thrust and pulled back to slam home again. Kayden adjusted his stance, lifting Lindsay’s feet right off the ground. She was tall for a woman, but it didn’t matter next to Kayden’s towering height. Her chest was pressed against the bed. Kayden held her hips suspended were he wanted them. His strength was a turn on. He did what he wanted with her body, just like she knew he could and would.
Kayden gave Lindsay exactly what she needed—no mercy. She wanted to feel something, and Kayden was giving her more than she could have wished for. The sounds of their joining filled the room. His muscular groans blended with Lindsay’s more feminine cries of pleasure. Kayden moved within her, faster and harder, taking and giving pleasure crudely. He worked in and out, hitting different spots and angles that stole her breath and blew her mind. It was dirty and beautiful. Kayden smacked her ass hard, and the stinging heat spread across her skin. The hot sensation combined with the dragging of his cock across her sensitive inner tissue to send her flying. Lindsay came hard. The world crashed around Lindsay. Her heart stopped beating for a brief moment then slammed back into motion again.
“Lindsay!” Kayden roared.
It was the most beautiful sound she’d ever heard. His shaft pulsed within her depths and his fingers dug into her hips. He didn’t stop pumping his hips, though. No, not Kayden. As he rode his own climax, Kayden slid one hand lower to work her clit furiously, causing Lindsay’s body to quake and her lungs to seize. She came again on a soundless scream. Kayden panted over her shoulder, kissing her neck and caressing her body. This was how she wanted to die, in Kayden’s arms with her name on his lips. So Lindsay closed her eyes and hoped that if her body were going to give up the ghost, it would do it now, before Kayden had the chance to regret what they’d just done.
Nine
Kayden received an urgent call from Chase that pulled him away from Lindsay’s side before he was ready to leave. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be ready to leave her. He shook his head at the thought. How had he become this guy? He’d had sex with Lindsay again and it was so fucked up of him. He’d sworn to himself it wouldn’t happen again, but just like he’d been too entranced by her years ago when he broke all of his rules to have her, Kayden couldn’t fight his need for her. Lindsay hadn’t had any outbursts in the week since they’d fought in her room and ended up in bed together. She was finally healing and it was a huge relief.
Kayden tried to resist Lindsay, but when she once again pleaded with him for rough, life-affirming affection, he’d given it to her. Kayden was reprimanding himself for his weakness and apologizing to Lindsay for the hundredth time when his phone buzzed.
“Will you come back?” Lindsay asked uncertainly when Kayden told her he had to go. She asked him every time he had to leave her.
“I’ll be back, I promise. This is important. Chase wouldn’t want to meet with me if it wasn’t. I’m not sure how long I’ll be gone. If this leads to a mission that takes me away from the Enclave, I’ll get you a message,” Kayden promised.
It was then that he noticed her eyes were the color of deep amber liquor. He took it as a sign that Lindsay was truly on the mend. His guilty conscience was only slightly soothed.
Kayden was thinking about Lindsay’s beautiful smile and the relief they both felt when he told her that her eyes were finally back to normal when Chase began to talk. They’d been standing there silently for several minutes and Kayden was starting to worry about what had Chase so spooked.
“I’m taking Lovely home today. We had a close call last night. At least I believe it was a close call. Danielle says I’m overreacting. I do
n’t give a damn what she thinks. We’re going home where there are several layers of vampire supervised security between the front door of the building and our penthouse suite,” Chase spoke to Kayden but his eyes were glued on Dani.
Dani and Brandi were browsing through T-shirts and other souvenirs in a gift shop near pier fourteen on the oceanfront at Myrtle Beach. It was nearly autumn. Most of the stores were closing up for the season. Judging by the small mountain of merchandise on the counter, Dani had decided to buy every bikini in her size while they were on sale. Grinning, Kayden waited for Chase to focus on their conversation. Chase continued to stare at his mate as if she might disappear.
“Abel is in the store with the girls, and we’re close by. They’re safe, Chase. Tell me what happened that has you so freaked out.” Kayden patted his best friend on the shoulder.
Chase was uncharacteristically anxious. As usual, he was impeccably dressed. His style had changed in the last couple of years. Chase was all about a nice suit these days, though he didn’t always wear a jacket. He looked like the future councilman he was. The older Chase got, the more he reminded Kayden of Mason, Chase’s father. Tonight, though, the man’s usually perfectly styled hair was in disarray as if he’d been running his hands through it repeatedly.
“We went out to dinner last night. The weather was nice, and Danielle wanted to walk. It was only a few blocks to the restaurant, and she’s not having any issues right now, so I agreed,” Chase said.
Since Danielle had been forcibly changed to a full vampire from the demi-vamp she’d been born, Danielle suffered from unpredictable bouts of psychic weakness. She was physically stronger than she had been before, but her telepathic gifts could be unstable in a way they hadn’t been. They didn’t know anything about demi-vamp physiology. The mix of human and vampires genes in Danielle were again altered by the change in ways they didn’t yet understand. When this happened, Danielle was vulnerable to psychic attacks. Thankfully, only a handful of her most trusted friends and family knew about Danielle’s problem. They were trying to keep it that way.
