Unmerciful_Forbidden Bonds

by Cat Miller

  “This has nothing to do with Reilly. He doesn’t even know I left yet.”

  “That makes absolutely no sense. Tell me where you are, and I’ll come get you. Things aren’t as bad as they seem to you now. We can fix whatever is wrong, Mom.”

  “No, Dani, it’s too late to fix what’s wrong with me. I just need time to figure out who I am now. I’ve spent my life protecting you. Now, you don’t need my protection, and I … well, I have no idea who I am if I’m not your armor against the vampires. We are the vampires now. That sounds so messed up in my head. We are vampires.” Tessa chuckled but it wasn’t an amused sound. It sounded a little manic to her ears. None of this was funny. It was all terribly unfortunate, to be honest. Tessa’s life had been a disaster from a very young age. With Danielle, at least she’d had a purpose as a mother and protector. She’d had a reason to keep moving forward every day. Now she was just lost, and she needed to do something about it.

  “Did Doc hurt you? If he did … I’ll take care of it.” There was the promise of severe retribution in Danielle’s calmly spoken statement. Tessa knew Doc would never be the same if he survived whatever Dani planned to do to him if she believed this was somehow Reilly’s fault.

  “No, Danielle! Of course Reilly didn’t hurt me. He would never lay a finger on anyone in violence unless he was provoked. He’s a healer. I don’t know why you would even ask that question.”

  “I can’t imagine any other reason why you’d leave him. He’s been violent before. There was that one time with Dad …” Dani let that thought trail off.

  Tessa knew precisely what Dani meant. Griffin and Reilly had gotten into a knockdown, drag-out fistfight at Reilly’s house when Griffin basically broke into Reilly’s home to see Tessa. Only Tessa hadn’t known it was Griffin. She thought she was kissing Reilly in the pitch dark of her bedroom. She was still mortified by the whole thing, and Tessa was still trying to forget what it felt like to be in Griffin’s arms again. That was just one more reason to get as far from Griffin as was possible.

  “Like I said, he’d been provoked then.” Tessa’s cheeks burned. She never should have told her daughter about that night. “Reilly would never hurt me. This has more to do with me than him. I told you, he doesn’t even know I’m already gone. I left him a note. It’s easier this way.”

  “Then I don’t understand. If Doc doesn’t know you’re leaving and he isn’t going with you, then what happened? You don’t wake up one day and just decide to leave your mate. I would die without Chase. I can’t even imagine losing him. Just thinking about it is too painful.” Dani’s voice cracked. She and Chase had a real love match. Even without their bond, they were inseparable. Tessa had felt that way about Griffin, but she’d learned to live without him.

  “Listen to me, baby. I wanted to call and tell you I was leaving so you wouldn’t imagine something terrible had happened to me. Doc is going to be hurt, and the first thing he’s going to do when he finds my letter will be to call you. He’s going to assume I’ve gone to your house. Lord, he might even just show up there.”

  “Mom, I really think you just need to—” Dani began, but Tessa cut her off.

  “I’m not going to debate this with you. I’m a grown woman with no one depending on me for a damn thing. I don’t even have a job. I want to take some time for myself, and that’s precisely what I’m going to do. It has nothing to do with anything you or Reilly or anyone else has done.” That was mostly true. Griffin did figure into the equation, though. The way he looked at her, the things he said, the way he made her feel when he touched her, his vow to love only her forever and sincere expression of regret. Just seeing him made her hurt from the soles of her feet to the top of her head. He made her want things she would never have.

  “I love you, Danielle. I’m calling to tell you I’m leaving town and don’t know when I might be back. I will contact you when I get to where I’m going. You are not to hunt for me. I am completely safe. I’m just going to find something that might fill up this void in my life. It’s going to be a long life. I want to feel whole again. I need to find some purpose for myself. Do you understand?” Tessa was using her stern mom voice that had always let her daughter know that she meant business.

  “Yes, ma’am. Don’t expect me not to worry though. I’m sorry you’re so sad. I hadn’t realized. I should have spent more time with you.”

  “No, stop that right now. This is not about you not being a good daughter. This is about me. I’m going to let you go. I need to focus on the road.” That was a little fib. In actuality, Tessa had just pulled into a parking space at the bank. She needed to get some cash, a lot of cash actually, and get back on the road. Having actual money on her would be strange. Nobody carried cash anymore. It was an electronic world. Tessa glanced at her watch. It would be a few hours before Reilly found her note and she wanted to be well away from town when that happened.

  “I promise to call you in a few days. If for any reason there is an actual emergency I will call you immediately. Okay?”

  “Okay. I love you, Mom.”

  “I love you more than you will be able to understand until you have your own babies. I’ll talk to you soon.” Tessa hung up before she started to cry. After grabbing her purse, she climbed down out of her SUV and entered the bank, trying to figure out exactly how much money she would need.

  Dani was upset, but Tessa couldn’t let that stop her from following through with her plan. Tessa promised to keep in touch. Dani could visit whenever she liked after Tessa had some time to sort out her own heart. It was time to start over without the complications vampire society brought with it. She’d even stopped feeding on bagged blood in preparation for this move. She had to learn to hunt and feed on her own without getting caught. She was ready. It was time. So she’d left when it felt right. Trusting her instincts had never led her wrong.

  Back on the highway, Tessa let the road fly by and every mile she put between herself and Griffin made it easier for her to breathe. She drove until she felt like stopping for some rest. Taking her time and frequently stopping to check towns along the way, Tessa wandered westward for three days until she rolled into a charming village in the shadow of Mount Elbert in Colorado. She saw a ‘For Rent’ sign just off of Main Street and stopped to check it out.

  While she waited for a return phone call from the number listed on the sign, Tessa strolled around the tidy streets. When her phone finally buzzed, Tessa was happy to learn that she could see the apartment right away. The place was a cute little, furnished studio apartment. Tessa loved it, and the landlord was pleased to be paid in cash for the next six months. When that time was up Tessa would decide if she was ready to move on.

  Once that was accomplished, and she’d carried in her overnight bag, Tessa checked in with Dani. Of course, her daughter tried to wheedle out any details she could about where Tessa was staying. Much to Dani’s frustration, Tessa wasn’t ready to share yet, but she promised to call again in a few days.

  It only took Tessa a few days of exploring the town, and its surroundings to get bored and start looking for a job to keep her busy. She missed the hustle and bustle of helping run Reilly’s practice. When she found a popular locally owned eatery in need of a waitress, Tessa had slipped back into the role with ease. She was staying busy working and enjoyed interacting with the patrons. On her days off, Tessa explored the area farther afield. She went hiking a few times and had even driven to Denver and stayed a weekend sightseeing. Now if Tessa could just stop her heart from breaking, her life would be fantastic. You’d think after twenty-five years the sting of losing Griffin would fade, but it never had, and she feared it never would.

  A month turned into two and then three months. Tessa called Dani every three days to reassure her daughter that everything was going well and Tessa was safe. As time passed, Dani began to accept her mother’s choice, and their conversations became more about everyday life and just catching up than Dani continually trying to figure out where Tessa was livin
g.

  Life in her new town was comfortable, but she was starting to get a little twitchy. Tessa wasn’t exactly bored, she just wasn’t feeling fulfilled. She’d need to find another job. Waiting tables was good work, and she enjoyed the people, but this wasn’t going to make her happy in the long run.

  Tessa filled water glasses and took orders from Rita and Charles, an elderly couple who were regulars at the restaurant. Rita smiled brightly and placed a hand on Tessa’s arm to stop her from walking away.

  “Sweetheart, I don’t mean to pry, but can I ask you a personal question?”

  Tessa wasn’t one to share anything too personal with anyone, and these people were near strangers, but she nodded her agreement. If the question were too personal, she would just lie. She didn’t like lying, but as a vampire, it was something she’d have to adjust to. It was necessary to protect herself and the rest of the vampire species. She would try to stay as close to the truth as she could to avoid having to remember too many stories. Tessa supposed she better come up with a story for people who were inquisitive about a stranger in town. Honestly, she was surprised she hadn’t gotten more questions by now.

  “What would you like to know?”

  “We noticed you aren’t wearing a wedding band, dear. Are you single?” the kind old lady asked with a hopeful expression.

  Tessa cringed. Oh goodness. Not a matchmaker.

  “I am single, but I’m not looking for a relationship.” Tessa was as polite as she was able to be under the circumstances. Lord, just the idea of a man touching her made Tessa feel a little queasy.

  “Oh, honey. Most of us aren’t looking for love when we find our soulmates.”

  “Why don’t you come to our house for dinner this Wednesday evening?” asked Charles.

  “That’s a wonderful idea!” Rita’s eyes lit with pleasure. “We’d love to introduce her to our grandson, Mark. He’s twenty-eight, and it’s high time he settles down. You would be a perfect pair.” Rita and Charles expounded upon Mark’s exemplary traits until Tessa told them she needed to put their order in and check on another table.

  Tessa nearly choked as she walked away. The guy was only a few years older than Dani. In the couple’s defense, Tessa had consumed so much of Griffin’s blood in her pregnancy that she looked to be twenty years younger than her actual age. Now that she was a vampire herself she would stay that way for a very long time. Hence the need to move around if you were alone in the world.

  Tessa was punching in another order and avoiding eye contact with Rita when the hair on the back of her neck stood on end. Someone was watching her, and it wasn’t Rita and Charles. She had to grip the edge of the counter to steady herself when the image of her and Griffin in a tangle of limbs and sheets in her bed flashed through her mind. It wasn’t a memory. No, it was a premonition. Griffin was close. He’d found her. It was definitely time for Tessa to leave. This was the reason she’d been feeling so anxious. He was getting closer, and her body knew it. She couldn’t handle seeing him now. Her heart wasn’t ready.

  Tessa walked as calmly as she was able into the kitchen and smiled at the bartender as she passed. Without saying a word to anyone she quickly jotted a note on the chalkboard by the schedule outside of the manager’s office that read, “I’m so sorry, but I must resign immediately. Please, forgive me. - Tessa.”

  She felt like the hounds of hell were on her heels. Griffin did have fangs, so it wasn’t that far from the truth. Tessa grabbed her jacket and purse and slipped out the back door without being seen. Guilt ate her for leaving her job at the restaurant so abruptly, but Tessa was not ready to see Griffin. She might not ever be prepared to see him again. She knew he was there, somewhere in town searching for her.

  Her temper flared, and she picked up her pace, using the supernatural speed she often forgot came with becoming a vampire, and wishing she’d taken her truck to work with her instead of walking the five blocks between her studio and the restaurant. That afternoon she’d grabbed her keys when it was time to leave, thinking it might be cold when she got off in the late evening hours, so she’d drive. Then she changed her mind and walked to work. It wouldn’t be that cold, and it wasn’t like it would kill her. Tessa snarled at her traitorous instincts. They were supposed to keep her from walking into trouble, not strand her with a disaster waiting to happen.

  It was dark outside, and as Tessa turned down the alley that led to her street the sense of déjà vu slammed into her, stealing her breath. There were no lights in the alley, and one of the streetlights at the mouth of the alley was out. A carelessly disregarded plastic bag floated by her on the wind. It was just like the night they met so many years ago. Tessa had dreamed of a vampire who would change her life. Foolishly, she’d waited for him in that alley. He was there to feed on her that night, not to find love, but she was so naïve and so sure that he would make her life a brighter place. She trusted her visions. She’d been so lonely in this big world with no family and no future. He was going to be her reason to get out of bed every day. She supposed that part had been right. Griffin had given her Danielle, who was the only reason Tessa had survived losing Griffin to another woman.

  The hair on the back of her neck stood on end, and Tessa knew that she was no longer alone. Stopping abruptly, she closed her eyes tightly. She wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. She wasn’t ready to face him, but Griffin was there with her. She couldn’t avoid the confrontation she knew was about to happen. Why had she believed she could run from him? There was no hiding from fate. So, Tessa just stood there feeling his eyes on her back. Why hadn’t she seen this coming? Why was her precognition failing her when she needed it the most? And why, for the love of God, was her heart soaring? Other than their perfect child, Griffin had never brought Tessa anything but pain. Love hadn’t been enough to save them then, and no matter how much she still loved him, Griffin couldn’t be the man she needed now.

  The thud of confident footsteps approached Tessa from the end of the alley. She’d almost made it home, so he must know where she lived. He was waiting for her to return. Heart still pounding a giddy beat, lungs burning because she’d forgotten to breathe, Tessa waited for Griffin.

  Griffin stepped up behind Tessa, pressing himself against her back. Her entire body shivered, just as it had the first time he’d touched her. She stood still, unable to move and afraid to turn around and look into his beautiful denim blue eyes. Griffin leaned down and pressed a kiss to the back of her neck, which was bare thanks to her workday bun. Her body came to life with the contact. Tessa wanted to turn around and throw herself into his arms. Griffin nuzzled her hair, but he kept his hands to himself.

  “What do you want, Griffin?”

  “You lied to me, little one. You’re going to have to answer for that, aren’t you?”

  “Do not call me that!” Tessa spun around and glared at Griffin. That was the nickname he’d called her when they met, and it stuck until the day they parted. She hated the old term of endearment because it reminded her of broken promises. “I’m not your little one anymore.”

  “Aren’t you, though? I think maybe you are.” Griffin slowly raised his hand and brushed his knuckles softly against her cheek. He smiled in that wicked way that once upon a time made her drop her panties and immediately bend over. They’d been so hot for each other and Tessa had believed it would last forever. At least the attraction had, if not the relationship. She backed up a few steps out of Griffin’s reach. It was too hard to think when he was so close.

  “How did you find me? What do you want, Griffin? I’m busy. You have until I reach my door to spit it out.” Tessa turned on her heel and marched away. She was only two blocks from home. She could handle Griffin walking with her for two blocks. She just had to try to not look directly at him and avoid letting him touch her. She walked at a ground eating pace, but Griffin was so much taller than her that he didn’t seem to notice. Griffin kept up easily with his long strides.

  “I found you when you got a speeding
ticket in Denver. I’ve been monitoring your bank account, which hasn’t been used, your cell phone, which has been turned off, and your credit. Mason suggested that I contact a friend in the police force to see if I got any hits on your license or registration,” Griffin informed her with a small smile.

  Tessa’s left eye twitched. She was going to call Mason and give him a piece of her mind. No, she wouldn’t call Mason. Tessa would call Debbie, Mason’s mate, and Tessa’s friend. Debbie would make him pay for ratting Tessa out. She had the right to privacy.

  “I see you don’t have a problem with misusing your position of authority to illegally obtain information,” she snarled because it was better than crying in front of him.

  “No misuse of government power was needed. I have plenty of my own money to buy any information I might need.”

  “Funny, you had money back in the day, but you never even bothered to look for me, did you?” Dammit! She had not meant to bring that up! Tessa had spent the last four years ruthlessly tamping down her need to know why Griffin had never tried to find her. Why had he believed the false documents Mason had planted to protect her from Griffin’s parents? Why couldn’t he feel her? She was alive, and she was trying to reach him through their bond every day and all night for months. Why hadn’t he gone to Mason for comfort, as Mason assumed Griffin would when he got the news that Tessa and the baby had died? There were so many whys, and it was too damn late for answers now, about twenty-five years too late.

  Griffin grabbed Tessa’s hand pulled her to a stop in the middle of the sidewalk. Another couple walking by was forced to go around them. Griffin’s sad eyes searched Tessa’s. She wanted to keep shaking him off, but after so many years of longing for the sight of those eyes, Tessa couldn’t look away. The touch of his skin against hers burned. It made her want more.

  “Look, Tessa, there’s nothing I can do about the past. Saying I’m sorry is a useless and inadequate sentiment, but I’ll repeat it anyway. I’m sorry. I apologize for fucking up our lives so royally. I’m sorry I didn’t dig deeper. I’m sorry I didn’t talk to Mason before I made decisions I couldn’t take back. I’m sorry I failed you and Danielle. Most of all I’m sorry I hurt you. I would sooner take my own life than cause you another moment’s pain. I would move Heaven and Earth to make things right, to have you back in my arms if you’d just give me half a chance.”