Under My Skin

by Jaye Maiman

  But Carly didn’t know everything I did.

  And I didn’t know half of what I needed to.

  I dressed rapidly and asked K.T. to head up to Carly and Amy’s place without me. She resisted at first, but one good look at me convinced her this wasn’t an argument she could win. As soon as she left, I pounced on the telephone.

  From the background noise, I knew Ellen Addison was in the midst of a holiday dinner. Given the circumstances, the celebration seemed about as appropriate as a bikini in a blizzard. As soon as she heard my voice, she put me on hold. A full minute passed before she picked up in another room. I briefly wondered how she had explained my call to her guests, then I started shooting questions. She told me the most important news first. Maggie had not tried to contact her again. Then she castigated me for plunging her into the midst of scandal. I allowed her to proceed at full steam, patiently listening to the lies she had provided to the police. When she was done, I told her about my conversation with Eleanor Dunn. If I expected gratitude, I was dead wrong.

  “Don’t you get it by now? I don’t want to know. Period. Tyler and I have worked too hard to create the life we’re living. I wouldn’t let Noreen destroy our happiness while she was alive, and I sure as hell won’t have her destroying me now that she’s dead. I want no part of your investigation. Do you understand?”

  My teeth were jammed together so tight I’m sure I cracked enamel. Struggling to keep my temper in check I said, “I have an obligation —”

  “Let me tell you about obligation, missy.” Her voice was a hard whisper in my ear. “The way I see things, you’re responsible for what happened down here. If you keep hounding me, I swear I’ll tell the police how you lured me out my apartment just so your partner could rob me.”

  Surprised, I asked, “You were robbed?”

  “No. But the police think I lost nearly ten grand in jewelry. I considered that little white lie my protection. And payback for the grief Noreen has caused me.” Suddenly her voice was muffled. I had the sense someone else was in the room. When she started speaking again, she sounded even more agitated. “I’m serious. If I want to, I could make more trouble for you than you have ever seen. So don’t mess with me.”

  The bitch had me on the wires. “Don’t you even care —”

  Again, she cut me off. “What I care about is preserving my way of life. I am sorry about Noreen, but what’s done is done. As far as I am concerned, this whole thing is a bad dream. And honey, I just woke up.”

  The dial tone was a relief.

  I glanced at my watch. I was overdue for dinner at Carly and Amy’s place. And I hadn’t yet phoned Dinah and Beth, never mind my sister and brother. I made the obligatory calls, grateful for once that my mother and I — like Ellen, I realized with a start —had stopped pretending a long time ago that blood is anywhere near as thick as water.

  So much for Thanksgiving.

  Next year, I planned to be in Bermuda.

  Chapter Eleven

  I headed outside, clad in smothering plastic boots and a seven-ton parka. Just then, a car stopped at the head of the driveway, the door opened and Manny Diaz got out. Leaning back on the car door, she said, “Heard you had a pretty rough time yesterday.”

  I shrugged, as if to say, “All in a day’s work.” I wasn’t about to let Manny know how shitty I felt. “I’m on my way to Carly and Amy’s.”

  With a dazzling smile, she offered me a lift. I hopped in. Douglas Marks’s card was on her dashboard. I fingered it, then our eyes locked. My question was unspoken, but Manny heard it loud and clear. She left the car in park and shifted around in her seat to face me. “You heard about the cremation,” she said.

  “Who ordered it?”

  She narrowed her eyes. “I’ve been asking the same question. Douglas is keeping mum. He handed me some hogwash about client confidentiality, like some spic from Harlem wouldn’t know he was bullshitting. Since when do funeral directors have the right to invoke client privileges?”

  “He’s also the coroner.”

  “And I’m Noreen’s next of kin! It was my decision that counted. Noreen is...was...terrified of fire. She wouldn’t even let me use the fireplace in the house.” She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, her lips trembling. A single tear squeezed out from under one tightly pressed lid as she continued. “She was always putting on this macho crap, but when it came down to it Reenie was like an abused puppy. More than anything, she just wanted to be loved. She just didn’t know how to go about getting it. I tried, Robin, I tried, but she couldn’t let me in. And then, shit, Helen—”

  “Her eyes were wide open now. I took her hand. Even through my gloves, I could feel her chill. “Talk to me, Manny, please.”

  She withdrew her hand, spun forward and shifted into drive. I had learned from the last time I questioned Manny that I had to back off. I leaned against the headrest and bit my tongue. Literally. We had skidded. Manny slammed the gear into park, half cursing, half sobbing.

  “I don’t know what the hell to do.”

  When I remained silent, she turned the motor off and slid the seatbelt over her head. Her right arm slipped behind my neck. The next thing I knew she was practically sitting in my lap. For a second I thought she was going to kiss me, then I realized she was reaching for the glove compartment with her left hand. She pulled out an empty liquor bottle and unceremoniously dropped it onto my lap. I picked it up and stared at it, puzzled.

  “I’ve been driving around with that thing in the car since Sunday, trying to figure out the right thing to do. Now you can worry about it.”

  As soon as I read the label, my head snapped toward her. “You found this near Noreen’s body?”

  “Better than that,” she said, in a tone that convinced me she was finally telling me the truth. “I saw Helen pouring the booze over her.”

  I wanted to shake Manny. Instead I waited for her to explain. The next ten seconds lasted an hour.

  Biting the tip of her thumb, she mumbled, “Hope this isn’t a mistake,” then said, “Helen and I left the party around the same time. Noreen had taken the car, so Helen had to walk. I picked her up.”

  I was glad the car was dark so she couldn’t read the cynicism on my face. Remembering the conversation I had overheard between them, I doubted that their departure was coincidental.

  “Helen was still pretty upset so I decided to go inside with her and stay a little while.”

  Uh-oh.

  I must have made an involuntary sound because she hesitated, bit the inside of her cheek, then smiled nervously. “Right. My first mistake. Helen’s a damn attractive woman. Not really my type, but still...” Her voice trailed off. Manny didn’t have to tell me how seductive Helen could be. The memory of Helen clad in a loosely tied robe would probably taunt me for the rest of my days.

  “There’s a vulnerability to her. All I wanted to do was comfort her. She started hitting the bottle right after we came inside. I’m not a drinker, but I thought a glass or two would take the edge off. Noreen and I had been fighting for the last few days about her decision to sell the house. She wouldn’t explain why, just kept saying she had her reasons. Then there were all these secret phone calls. I’d walk in a room and she’d clam up. I started thinking she was sleeping around behind my back, and I panicked.”

  Even in the dim light, I could see how hard Manny was clenching the steering wheel. “Reenie had her problems, but she was good to me.”

  I interrupted. “She never hit you?”

  Manny shook her head. “She came close once. I saw her raise her hand and I flinched. My stepfather used to beat me pretty badly. If she had hit me then, I don’t know what I would have done. But she didn’t. Instead, she called someone in the program and stayed on the phone for hours. I’m not saying she was perfect, but she was trying hard. To be honest, I think her struggle was part of what enticed me in the first place. It’s easy to grow up cool and controlled when you’ve been showered with good, clean, white middle-class privile
ge.”

  The words were clearly directed at me. I would have laughed if the words hadn’t stung so much. “What happened between you and Helen?”

  She cocked her head at me knowingly. “You gotta ask? The booze had me flying in minutes. And Helen, Helen was winging right next to me. One minute, she’s crying in my arms. Next minute, she’s ripping open my blouse and sucking at me so hard I almost exploded. I pushed her away — I don’t go in for that crap. You know the joke about U-Haul lesbians? That’s me, all the way. I sleep with a woman, the next morning I wake up in love, two days later I’m handing out the keys to my apartment. So, when Helen started touching me, I tried to stop her. She wouldn’t take no for an answer, but she didn’t force me either. Instead, she unzipped her jeans and started playing with herself, licking her lips, and moaning my name over and over. I was mesmerized. When she finally grabbed my hand and slipped it under her waistband, I was a goner.”

  Suddenly the car seemed unbearably hot. I cracked the window and breathed deep. Feeling like a peeper, I asked, “What happened next?” I’m embarrassed to say that I half-hoped she would tell me more about the sex.

  “We went at each other like bitches in heat. That’s the first time I did it with a lover’s ex. It added to the excitement, like there were three of us rolling around on that floor. When it was over, I felt like hell. The booze had burned off, my mouth tasted like ashes. When I saw what time it was, I really freaked. I knew Noreen would be furious. I dressed and tried to run out, but Helen came after me for more. I told her it was a huge mistake, and crazy as it seemed to her I still loved Noreen and wanted to make it work. She opened the Dewar’s,” she said, nodding at the bottle in my lap, “before the door closed behind me.”

  I looked down at the bottle as if it had acquired a life of its own.

  “When I got home, Noreen was pacing on the outside deck. As soon as I pulled into the driveway, she came storming at me. I spun out of her way and she fell on her back. I ran upstairs and locked myself in the bedroom. I was too guilty to face her just then, so instead I just curled up on the bed and listened while she rampaged through the house. Around two o’clock, the phone rang. I finally fell asleep. Then, about two hours later, I heard Noreen screaming again. I thought, not again. Usually, her rages lasted for an hour, tops. First she’s calling my name, then it sounds like she’s slammed open the kitchen window. I mean, the walls were shaking. So was I. I never heard her like that. Then she shouts Helen’s name and something about being poisoned. That’s when I got really scared ’cause I thought somehow she’d found out about what happened. But all of a sudden, there’s this horrible thud and a real eerie silence. I open the door and hear this squeaking sound.”

  I reached over and held her hand, though I knew she probably wouldn’t feel my touch. Her eyes were wide open and fixed on memory.

  “Helen is barely standing straight. She has the bottle in her hand and she’s pouring it over Noreen, laughing. ‘Have another one on me, Noreen, honey.’ That’s what she says. I must have made some sound ’cause she stumbles around to face me. ‘Cozy picture, isn’t it?’ she says, tossing the bottle at me. I catch it before it hits me. Then she says, ‘And Manny makes three,’ giggling like just another ugly drunk. ‘Nothing like a little incest to get the juices flowing, right, Manny?’”

  She crashed down to the present, squeezing my hand so hard I was afraid my fingers would crack off. I was too numb to react. The word incest was rocking in my head.

  Tears streaming down her face, Manny continued. “All I could think about was I slept with this bitch. I was so ashamed, I just stood there. She just laughed at me and shuffled out the back door. By the time I knelt down by Noreen, it was too late. Her eyes were glazed. There was no pulse.”

  With my free hand I stroked the side of her head, wondering how she had kept all of this to herself for so long.

  She turned to me, as if she suddenly realized where she was. “Robin, I’m a Latina lesbian in a white, redneck town where the word colored still means something you do with crayons. My fingerprints were all over that bottle, I’d just cheated on Noreen, and from what I knew, the woman I’d had sex with was probably the one who had killed my lover. Add to that the fact that Noreen had altered her will to make me sole benefactor. Christ. You don’t have to be a rocket scientist to know whose ass was going to be dragged off to jail.”

  With a tremor, I realized she was right. If she had told Sheriff Crowell the story I just heard, he would have locked her up and prided himself on having earned his wages with such brilliant investigative skills.

  “I couldn’t let that happen to me. Or my family. You may not know this, but I’ve been managing an antique store in Cresco. The money’s pretty good. For the first time in my life, I have a chance to take care of my mother and brother the way I want to.” If I get tangled up in this murder investigation, everything I’ve worked for is blown. So I decided to save my own ass. I took the bottle with me and hightailed it to my mother’s place. Got to tell you, it was scary to find myself seeking haven in the same rat-infested dump I’ve spent my life running from.”

  Now that the whole story was out, Manny’s face had lost some of its tightness. I rubbed the back of her neck and grudgingly asked, “What do you want me to do with the information you just gave me?”

  She emitted a caustic laugh. “Damned if I know, Robin.” She started the car. “But if there’s any way you can keep me out of this, I would really appreciate it.”

  Once again, I felt boxed into a corner. “Have you talked to Helen since —”

  “Once. Late on Sunday. I wanted to give her a chance to explain. She said she couldn’t remember anything about Saturday night. And she meant anything. As far as she could recall, I had stopped in for a quick drink and left. So if you want to confirm my story, you’re going to be pretty dissatisfied.”

  Manny was even sharper than I had realized.

  She pulled into Carly and Amy’s driveway. “Guess this is where you get out. I was invited too, but I had plans with my family this afternoon. Anyway, I would have declined as soon as I heard the full guest list.”

  My hand froze on the door handle. “Helen was invited?”

  She smiled at me with a shrewdness I had learned to respect. “Happy Thanksgiving, detective.”

  I pledged to kick the next person who said those words to me.

  As it turned out, I couldn’t keep my pledge. Carly opened the door with such exaggerated good will that my anger dissipated instantly. The youngest child in a family of eight, Carly was a fanatic about keeping holidays. She wanted them noisy, crowded, and overfed. The combination had worked for me in the past. Tonight, I felt sick at the prospect.

  Amy’s kiss on my cheek was constrained, her lips as dry and stiff as commercial carpet. Our eyes never met. Carly shot me a glance that said, “Get over it.” I smiled as if I couldn’t read the implicit warning.

  K.T. was in the kitchen, basting the turkey with something that smelled like buttered wine. I bent over to kiss her and wasn’t sure if the blast of heat emanated from the oven or from our lips. In a sly whisper, she said, “Later.”

  I straightened up and felt a hand firmly grasp me by the waist.

  “Hi, sweetheart.” It was Helen.

  She pulled my head down toward her and kissed me full on the mouth, without the slightest hesitation. My face flushed. The kiss was voluptuous, a sliver of tongue darting into my mouth, the pressure of her palm increasing ever so slightly. Aroused and embarrassed, I backed into the stove.

  “Whoa, Robin,” K.T. said, laughing goodnaturedly. “You’re dangerous in the kitchen. Get out of here this minute.” She ripped off some paper towels and sopped up the sauce my jolt had spilled onto the stovetop. With a playful slap on my rear, she pointed me into the living room.

  Helen was on my heels. I wondered if anyone would notice if I bolted out of the house.

  “You seem a little edgy,” she said with a meaningful curl of her lower lip. “
Maybe you haven’t been getting enough lately.” She had lowered her voice. Why was she suddenly so hot for me?

  I leaned forward and said, “Maybe you’ve been getting too much. And from too many people.”

  Her left eye twitched. I was about to probe another nerve when the phone rang and Carly called my name. “It’s Dean,” she said, with eyebrows that angled up like a puppy dog’s. We had been friends so long our best communication was nonverbal. Right then she was asking me not to make trouble. I nodded and took the phone.

  “I’ve been sitting here on my hands, waiting for you to call me,” Dean blurted. “I wasn’t even sure you were back yet. It’s Thanksgiving, for chrissakes. Didn’t you even think I might want to hear an update?”

  I told him to hold on, then changed to the phone in the guest bedroom. He wasn’t happy to hear my news.

  “So you know absolutely nothing new. How the hell am I supposed to accept that?” he shouted. “I paid good dollars to send you traipsing down to Atlanta and you didn’t learn anything?”

  I didn’t think he’d be pleased to know that all his dollars had accomplished was to bring me one step closer to finding Noreen’s siblings, so I kept mum while he shot questions I had no way of answering. When he quieted down I said, “First thing tomorrow, I’ll start making calls. We’ll find her, Dean, I promise.”

  I heard him exhale. “Caroline’s just a day or two away from going into labor. She won’t make a commitment until she meets my wife. And if it’s not us, that baby’s just going to end up tangled in the system.”

  For a second I was completely baffled. Then I remembered. Maggie and Dean wanted to adopt. And Dean had a fourteen-year-old patient who planned to give up her child. “I’m sorry, Dean. There’s nothing I can do.”

  “Well...” There was an uncomfortable hesitation and I cringed. I silently begged him to not ask me for the favor. Given the circumstances, I could hardly refuse.