“Who would the homes be for?”
“I’d get one, and the VP of the club would get another. The other two would be up here for members as their families grow, kinda just sitting around and they could buy them off us when the time comes. This way they’re close to the club, but not too close.”
“Yeah, it makes sense,” I agree with him, thinking it’s a good way to spend the money we’ll be getting in. “Plus, it’s better to get the ball rolling instead of sitting around. Everyone is going to be pretty cramped for a while. How’d Sydney do last night?”
“She was fine. I think she’s still processing all the changes, but she’ll be just fine.”
I ask the question that I’ve been thinking since Dad went down this dark path, and it’s been eating away at me. “Have you talked to him about the future of the club? I mean you becoming Prez. It’s always been his plan, but with him in the current state of mind that he’s in . . . everyone needs a leader and they’re looking to you.”
“I wasn’t prepared to take the gavel for a couple more years, but I’d be dumb to think that all this shit hasn’t sped up his timeline. You know about the deal that was struck when we were kids, how I’d have to marry one of the Raider’s MC daughters. To be honest, I’m not ready for that shit yet. A couple of years is more on the track that I’m lookin’ at before settling down and getting married if you ask me.”
“If anything in life is constant, it’s the fact that shit changes all the time. You’d best accept that your arranged marriage is probably going to be happening a lot sooner than you anticipated, brother,” I gently remind him.
When we were sixteen, Zane was told about the agreement that was made. How Dad made a deal with the old Raiders Prez in order to unify the clubs as family. It wasn’t Dad’s idea, but the Raiders. The Raiders are from Los Angeles and are the longest reigning club in California. We need them for many reasons in addition to being an ally and strengthening numbers.
“Yeah, well, I’ll face that bridge whenever I come to it. In the meantime, I’m going to take a couple of the guys upstairs and see whatever it is that Dad wants us to do. If we’re lucky, he’ll name an interim Prez until he’s got his shit together.”
“Shit, you’re trying to outsmart the old bastard. Aren’t you?” I ask, knowing exactly what my brother is doing. He doesn’t have to marry one of the Raiders girls until he has the gavel permanently.
“Yeah, but do me a favor and don’t let that slip. I’ll see you a bit later, maybe even before dinner.” Zane smacks me on the back and exits the sunroom. Meanwhile, I stare out the window and realize that the life I’ve lived here is about to change so much.
27
“There’s no need to be perfect to inspire others. Let people get inspired by how you deal with your imperfections.”
~Thisislovelifequotes.com
Ivy
When discovering what in my heart I already thought I knew, I didn’t go straight to Machk and speak to him like I thought I would. I’m not really sure why, but part of me feels weird for doing that. Kade and I still plan on leaving soon so what’s the point in trying to rush some sort of relationship with Machk, Austin, or his new wife and my other brother and sisters? I will get to know them but what I refuse to do is rush something that should be forged over time.
Today, we’re having Thanksgiving and I noticed Kade disappeared with Zane a bit ago in the sunroom. Machk is standing out on the front porch smoking whatever that is in his pipe. To me, it smells like a mixture of weed and some other stuff, but I’ve never asked him. I grab my coat off the rack and slide on my new pair of boots that Kade and I bought yesterday while we were in town, heading out the door to stand beside him.
“Congratulations,” he says, looking down at my engagement ring.
“Thank you,” I say, looking out across the snow-covered landscape, with soot-covered wood where the clubhouse used to be.
“You think too loud.”
I squint my eyes, not sure I heard him correctly. “Excuse me?”
Machk turns toward me and gives me a soft smile. “You think far too loud. You’re like your mother in that sense, thinking meticulously about something before you do it. So, just do it. Tell me what you’re thinking.”
Instead of saying anything right away, I pull the folded up test results from the back of my jeans and hand them over to him. He opens it and I see his eyes scanning over the material. “Fist had a DNA test done between the two of us. Kade gave me the results yesterday and I’ve already read over them.”
Machk hands the paper back to me and I sense a different feeling coming from him. It’s not shock, but more like guilt. “I didn’t want to admit it to myself but I think I’ve known this for years. Ever since I ran into your mother and saw she was pregnant. I had a gut feeling and knew something wasn’t as it should be. She didn’t tell me the baby was mine and I didn’t ask. Now, looking back on that day, I regret not asking her. If I would’ve things might have been different for you growing up. That is the shame I will have to live with for the rest of my days. I’m sorry that I didn’t ask questions when I should’ve.”
I grab his hand, trying to offer some semblance of comfort. “What I had to deal with isn’t your fault. You didn’t know about me and I’m sure Mom had her reasons for not telling you. Neither of us will know what those were, though.”
“She was probably afraid of my reaction. When I found out about Austin, I wasn’t exactly thrilled by the idea that we were bringing a child into the world, especially considering the two of us weren’t prepared for it.” I listen to the way his voice shifts when he talks about Austin and can feel the regret.
“You wish you didn’t adopt him out, don’t you?”
He nods once, taking a draw from his pipe. “Yes, very much. I can’t change the past. Back then, I wasn’t so in tune with the great spirit or what path he was leading me on. Now, I understand my past mistakes and see the world for what it is. I think I was supposed to make the choice I did, as was your mother. I believe you and Austin will have a different type of bond than your other siblings. You both grew up in different households, by different people and because of this, I think you two will understand one another in an entirely different light.”
I haven’t met Austin yet but I don’t think he’s wrong. I see everything about what Machk is saying and understand how our distance over the years could actually cause us to have a closer bond as siblings. “Yeah, you’re right. I don’t know how difficult it will be to have a bond with him when Kade and I are still planning on moving to Las Vegas.”
“You’re moving to Vegas?” Machk asks, seeming caught off guard by it.
“Yeah, we had talked about it before. Kade doesn’t want to be VP and he thinks that by us moving to Vegas, it’ll be a great opportunity for both of us to start over. I can’t really disagree with him either. I think it’s what we both need, a new place with some new faces.”
“Ah, well, when do you leave?”
“We had a discussion this morning about leaving next week,” I say, giving him a half smile. I’m trying to make light of the situation but I don’t think that I can. We just found out about one another and we have so much time to make up for. I doubt I’ll be calling him Daddy but I want to have a good relationship with him.
“Oh. I didn’t realize it was so soon.”
I nod my head, confirming. “Yeah, it’s going to take us a few days to even get down to Vegas, and now we have to go buy things and set up the trailer.”
“Before you go, I’d love the opportunity to introduce you to my wife and the children we’ve adopted together. Maybe it can be like your last trip before you leave for Vegas.”
“I would really like that,” I say, not able to hold back my smile.
“Really like what?” Kade asks just as a gust of wind blows strongly. I didn’t even hear the door to the house open or close, but I was really focused on the conversation I’ve been having with my biological father.
I turn to face him. “Machk just offered for us to come over and have dinner with him before we leave for Vegas, so I can meet my other siblings.”
Kade isn’t a very smiley type of man, but he smiles right now. I think he’s just so happy that even through all of this shit, we’re finding the light at the end of this tunnel. I don’t know why I feel like this but I have a gut feeling telling me that things are going up from here. “Awesome. It’ll be out of the way, but we’ll definitely make the trip.”
“What kinda trip are you going on?” Raven asks and I jump about a foot into the air and almost piss myself. Turning around, I see this professional eavesdropper has the window open behind us.
“I’m going to meet my brothers and sisters before we go to Vegas next week,” I state firmly. “And we need to talk about whether or not you’re coming since you haven’t made up your damn mind. Frank too. He said he wanted to drive down with Kade and I next week and start this new life.” I think this is the perfect opportunity for Frank to be the man he is. Las Vegas is very accepting of the LGBTQ community and he won’t have to hide in the closet any longer. As his friend, I want him to be open and see how others show their support. A small town in Montana isn’t going to show this man the love and support that he deserves.
“I’m still thinking about it,” Raven groans, avoiding eye contact with me.
“What is there to think about? You have the hots for Hawk and he’s in Vegas. I highly doubt you’re gonna see anything with him unless he decides to move back up here.”
“Things aren’t as simple for me as they are for you, Ivy. You can leave. I have family here and even though they’re fucked up, they still need me to be here for them. I can’t just abandon them, especially not now.”
Raven’s family are even more fucked up than mine. They string her along for money all the time because they’re addicts and on top of it, CJ is still here and he’s her crazy ex. “You are going to suffocate if you keep staying here, Rav’, and I don’t want to see that happen. You deserve to be happy, and like Frank, you need new scenery for that to happen.”
“I know, but just give me a few weeks. I’ll be down by Christmas. You’ll see.” Raven smirks at the end and shuts the window.
She’s telling me one thing, but I’m seeing something totally different happening. She’ll make a commitment and then bail on it last minute. I want to hope that she’ll keep her word, but I know her, and I know how much her family means to her— even if they might be the death of her.
28
“Go where you are celebrated — not tolerated. If they can’t see the real value of you, it’s time for a new start.”
~Unknown
Ivy
It’s been almost a week since Thanksgiving and I can say that I’ve never had any type of holiday like that. Everyone in the house was feeling quite a bit of agony. Kade tried to hide it the best that he could but even I could see he was hurting too.
He’s in pain because his father is and he can’t do a thing about it. Kade wants to make it all go away for Fist but he won’t be able to. He’s experienced an astronomical loss and the only person who can pull him through it is himself. I don’t mean to sound cold but I know from my own personal experiences. Once you’re in that dark pit, it doesn’t matter who tries to pull you out. You can have ten people offering you their hands, but only if you take one are you going to get out of the darkness. It’s up to Fist, and he’s not ready to see the light again. Not yet at least.
I told Kade that he can’t do anything right now except support his brother in his new position. Fist named Zane interim Prez and gave Blackjack an interim position as the club’s VP as well. I think everyone was really happy with the VP choice. From what I understand, Zane was always going to get the gavel when he was old and mature enough, but Blackjack was a welcome surprise. The first thing Zane did with his newfound power was initiated Hammer in as an official prospect for the club. It was well deserved after everything he did in helping nab down Connor.
“It’s so nice to meet you,” Emily, Machk’s wife says. She’s dressed in a long green blouse with dark jeans and has long black hair. I have a hard time telling if she’s also Native American, but Machk answers my question.
“Emily is half Native American, half black. I’m sure you could tell her differences. You should know that being a mixed race doesn’t make you any less than here. The great spirit will always be with you.”
Emily smiles brightly at the man standing next to her and plants a kiss on his cheek. “This is exactly why I married you, because of your kind nature. Now, Ivy, let’s go in and meet the rest of your family.” Emily takes me by the hand and leads me into the living room. I see two girls who must be teenagers and a boy who might be a little older. Behind him, though, is an even older man, and that must be Austin.
“The girl on the left with the curly hair is Lola and she’s fifteen. The brunette standing next to her is McKayla and she’s thirteen. Now, we move onto our son Caleb who just turned eighteen and will be graduating this year, and I’m sure you can put the pieces together that Austin is over there,” Emily gestures with her hand and makes me feel like I’m a prize on a game show. “Everyone this is Ivy. She’s your sister.”
“The one Dad had with Austin’s Mom, right?” McKayla asks and Emily nods once.
“Yep, that would be correct. Austin, you both haven’t met yet, right?”
Austin crosses his arms. “No, this would be the first time.”
“Does this mean we can do fun stuff like go to the mall together? Lola can’t drive yet,” McKayla interrupts looking so frustrated that Lola isn’t any older. I’m guessing no one told them that I’m moving tomorrow which only puts the pressure on me to do it now.
“Sure we can, whenever I’m around. I’m moving to Las Vegas tomorrow but I’ll be back in a few months to visit everyone.” Kade and I never discussed coming back for visits, but I think it’s something we need to make time for. Not only for my new found family but for his own sanity as well. Until Fist is back and on the right track, Kade is going to do nothing but worry. At least if we come back up every now and then, he can feel a little better about us being so far away.
“Yay! See, we figured out a loophole!” McKayla sticks her tongue out at Lola who only rolls her eyes at her younger, obviously more annoying sister. To be honest, I’ve never really given much thought about having sisters because I had Connor, but in a weird way, I think that losing my old family was a blessing. I think I needed to go through everything in my life to shape me into the person that I am today, however, I need the family that I’m in front of right now to keep me happy. I giggle at the two girls who are a breath of fresh air.
“’ Sup,” Caleb says to me, walking off into another room. The two girls chase after him and for a minute, I think it’s going to be Emily, myself, Machk, and Kade, but Emily runs after her other kids and Kade disappears with Machk, leaving me alone with Austin.
“How are you doing?” I ask, not really sure where to start. Austin’s entire world has blown up in smoke too.
“I’m alright, I guess. Having a hard time processing that I have a sister.” He’s blunt and I appreciate it. I’d rather him be blunt than hide anything from me, but I can sense he’s not speaking as much as he wants to. Call it a gut feeling, woman’s intuition or whatever you think is fitting, but I just know.
I cross my arms over my chest in a way to comfort myself before I speak, “If something’s bothering you, you can tell me,” I say, waiting for an answer.
“I hold a bit of resentment toward you, Ivy, and it’s not something I should have. Mom and Dad had me when they were very young, but she was only a few years older when you were born and she kept you. Not only that, but she kept you away from Dad and it pisses me off. So, I apologize for being angry because it shouldn’t be directed towards you. You just look so much like her. The only difference is that you have Dad’s features.”
I expected that Austin might fe
el a certain way toward me and I knew that this was something we’d both have to work on. I believe our relationship can be great, but it will take a lot of work to get it to that point. “Don’t worry about it. I’m not angry. Your feelings are valid and I expected as much from you.”
He looks over on the wall and stares for a few moments longer than any one person should, so I turn and see that he’s looking at a picture of our mother, who is on a wall filled with family photographs. “I’m shocked to see a photo of her here.”
“You won’t be once you get to know Emily. She insisted on a photo of my birth mother and adoptive parents be in this home. They’re the couple next to Mom’s photo.”
I think hard for a moment and wonder if Austin knows that our mother is dead. “Did Machk tell you that Connor . . .” I can’t find the courage to continue speaking, but Austin nods, giving me the answer I seek.
“Our brother killed our mother. It’s ten levels of screwed up, but what the hell. We don’t exactly have a picture perfect family or any sense of normalcy but it is what it is.”
“I knew something had happened and she’d never leave us,” I mutter lowly, staring at the photo of her in her mid-twenties. She had long blonde hair, and her blue eyes shine in the sunlight of the photograph.
“She’d already left me. I saw Dad way more than her growing up. I don’t know why she stayed away so much, but later I found out how much of a secret I was for her. It all made sense and it screwed with my head. At least Dad kept coming around. Otherwise, I don’t know what I would’ve done.” Austin’s words hurt my heart, especially knowing that she distanced herself from him.
Kade Page 16
