His Unplanned Lesson

by Nickie Nalley Seidler

  “Hello?” She answered, wide awake.

  “Savannah, its Sadie.” I was barely audible. My voice was crackled and I was still shaken and upset about the whole thing.

  “What’s up?”

  “I’m going to need to take a few days off.”

  “Ok, what happened?”

  “I don’t really want to discuss it right now. I’ll be visiting my aunt and uncle three hours north in Pennyham. I should be back by Monday. I just need a mental health weekend.”

  “No problem, girl. Hope you’re alright. I’ll take you off for the weekend.”

  “Thanks, I appreciate it.”

  “Anytime, talk to you later.”

  “Bye.” I hung up the phone and placed it on my nightstand. I still had no intention of getting out of bed at the moment. I needed to pack a small bag and get myself ready to go. I didn’t want to stay here long enough for Jake to appear on my doorstep yet. I wasn’t ready to deal with that. I didn’t know if I’d ever be, at this point.

  After pondering many attempts of escaping without packing, I forced myself out of bed. I grabbed a bag out of my closet and started tossing what I could into it. I didn’t care what clothes I packed, sweats and tank tops would suffice the trip. Who did I need to impress? After getting packed, I made another phone call to my aunt to let her know I was coming up for the weekend to visit. They’re retired, and home bodies so I figured it would be okay, since they’re always offering. They were elated, and so was I. To get the hell out of this town, away from Jake.

  I took my bag, made sure the house was okay to be left and locked it all up. I threw my bag in the truck, and got in, starting it up as the engine roared to life. I slid my hand over the steering wheel and I closed my eyes. It was like I could feel Bobby here with me. After all, it was his truck. I smiled at the thought of him and was on my way. The wind blew through the truck with both windows down, and the trees swayed as I passed each one by. It was a beautiful late summer day and I was ready to take this head on. My first time back and my first time to visit their gravesites since they’ve passed. I was pretty sure I could handle it.

  My phone started ringing and I looked at the display. Luke.

  “Hey.” I answered, trying to sound better than I did when he last saw me a few hours ago.

  “Your truck is gone, are you okay?” he sounded worried.

  “Off to my aunt’s for the weekend. I needed this.”

  “Please be careful, Sadie.”

  I kept my eye on the road ahead while I entered the highway. “Oh, Luke, it’s just three hours and the Burke family has been dying for me to come visit. It’s just perfect timing. I need to get my mind off Jake.”

  I really did. Most people would take it as running from their problems, but I really needed to just ease my mind. Things like this happened to other people besides me and I have to figure out what I’d really do to fix this situation.

  “Alright, just keep me posted, please. I worry about you.”

  “Yes, sir. Aye aye Captain.” I saluted the road ahead. I knew Luke was just being nice.

  “I’m serious, just text me and let me know you made it, okay?” His tone was serious; I didn’t know why he was so worried about me. I was fine. My body was still hung over, but I was fine.

  “I promise.” I rolled my eyes with a smile. It felt nice to hear someone care.

  I hung up the phone and got back to driving full focus.

  I cranked up the music, drifted off in my mind and just enjoyed the songs that I loved so much.

  Chapter 12

  The driveway leading up to my aunt’s was long. The gravel rocks kicked up under my tires and oak trees lined the driveway guiding my path to the front door. Their Australian shepherd ran with my truck barking .It was like their own security system found in a dog. I missed having pets. My mind drifted for a second to a childhood dog that I grew up with. It made me want to go buy one; they’re good for protection.

  Finally, I made it to the front door and my beautiful aunt was standing on the huge wrap-around porch. Their white farmhouse was immaculate. I threw the truck in park and got out, giving the dog plenty of attention while it followed me to the porch steps.

  “Hi, Aunt Jamie.” I smiled while I walked up to her welcoming arms.

  “I’m so glad you’re here, Sadie, it’s been too long.” Her long, salt and pepper hair graced its way down her back. I’ve never known her to have any other haircut.

  My mind quickly drifted to a memory of my mm sitting on that very same porch behind Jamie. Rocking in those white wicker rocking chairs, singing in her beautiful voice. She loved my aunt’s house. We spent the holidays here every year and many memories were cherished here. I snapped back out of it while I released my hug.

  “I’m glad I am here, too.” I grabbed her hand tightly, squeezing it.

  “Let’s get you something to eat, I’ve had my okra soup on the stove all morning, since I heard you were coming.”

  My stomach bubbled hungrily with a hefty appetite after not eating breakfast and being hung over. Okra soup was my absolutely favorite around the holidays. It was my mom’s too. It’s funny how being in a place for less than ten minutes could flood so many memories into my brain about my parents. It felt good, but it was starting to make me so sad. It’s been awhile since their death now and I haven’t even fully grieved over it yet. I was so shaken up over the overall death by them all that it didn’t hit me like it should have. It was like I was floating in a dream. It wasn’t real and I didn’t want to believe it. Being in denial made everything worse. I knew they were gone, but I didn’t want to face the fact I’d never see them again. I’m pretty sure that’s why part of me was here. I needed to visit their grave. That was tomorrow’s plan. Today, I just planned on spending with Aunt Jamie and Uncle John.

  As soon as I walked through the old barn-style door into their farm feel home, I was greeted by Uncle John hovering over the stove across the room in the kitchen.

  “Well, it if it isn’t my favorite niece.” He dropped the wooden spoon from stirring in the pot. His age caught up to him a bit while he shuffled across the floor to me. I wrapped my arms around him and he kissed my head. “Glad you could come, kiddo.”

  I smiled and let him go while we headed towards the living area. The wood floor creaked as I walked around the house. It was an old house, but it was perfect for them. They enjoyed their farm-style living. He smacked the boob tube and it came to life before he plopped in his recliner.

  “Your Momma would be so proud that you’re living up there these days. How’s the good ole’ cottage doing?” He smirked, raising his coffee cup to his mouth. Aunt Jamie sat next to me on the couch and wrapped her arm in mine. You could tell they were so excited that I was there.

  “The cottage is great. We had a storm come through not long ago. I had to redo the floors and paint the place. The shutters are re-done and it looks good. I love living there. Being on the beach is something I’ve always dreamed of.”

  After making small talk and getting cozied in, my eyes drifted around the room. It was just how I remembered it. The fireplace stood tall with a dark wooden mantle that held the family’s pictures. I went from left to right as I saw the cousins and my parents, then me. I mentally reminded myself to make sure I got a copy of those pictures before we left, as I didn’t have those.

  “Soup is done, want some, honey?” Jamie yelled from the kitchen.

  “Yes, please.”

  She brought out a steaming bowl of soup and placed a TV tray before me. I scooted up and let it cool off before I dug in.

  “So, tell us what you’re doing these days.”

  “I got a job in town at the clothing boutique. It’s fun, nice girls that work there. Joined the local gym to keep in shape. I’m still a home body though. I’m home all the time, reading books on my Kindle and just hanging out. I have a nice neighbor.” I blew on the soup some.

  “Well that’s good you were able to find a job. You’ll have
to tell me the books your reading. I could always use a few new titles to add to my list.”

  I smiled. As much as I wanted to sit there and socialize, my mind just kept drifting back to memories in this very house. I was high up in a cloud reliving my memories. I just wished I could touch them again. Give them a hug and hold them. Made sure they knew I loved them.

  After I finished up the soup, I realized I hadn’t texted Luke to let him know I got here okay. I quickly found my phone and sent a brief text letting him know I was okay. Aunt Jamie showed me up to my room and Uncle John helped me with my bag. I tried to tell him I had it, but he refused to let me carry it, so he won that battle. As soon as the brown wooden door was open and I saw the small twin bed that had a beautiful flower quilt laid across it, I plopped on it. My aunt kissed me on the forehead goodnight and I lay back on the bed to relax. I was purely exhausted from the night before, and clearly from the drive up here.

  I was starting to think about Jake, then Bobby would pop into mind calling me a fool for being with Jake. Then my parents made their appearance. I swear it was like multiple personalities the way they were all talking to me. Being in their house really made my brain work, when all I wanted to do was relax and not think. I put some pajamas on and tucked myself into the covers. It was the end of summer and still hotter than hell but I felt comfort in knowing that something was wrapped around me. Like a baby being swaddled. Tonight their memories burned like a fire. I just couldn’t get over it. I found my phone sitting on top of my purse. I noticed I had no messages. I decided to be brave. I couldn’t fight the tears about to explode. I texted Jake.

  Sadie: Why, just WHY?

  I waited impatiently for a response. After a few minutes passed, I figured I had lost him. Maybe he never wanted me in the first place. A long time ago, he told me I made him feel dark. I made him feel like he just wanted sex, till he figured out that’s not what I wanted. Maybe that was only what he wanted. No fucking strings attached, sex. What else could he want? He was married and expecting a kid. Tears trickled out of my eye while I tried to be quiet in the room. I knew these walls were thin, and the last thing I wanted was my aunt to come in here wondering why I was crying. My phone pinged and I cringed at the sound. I wasn’t sure I was mentally prepared for what the response would be.

  Jake: I can’t explain this to you in a text, Sadie. I’ve been sitting here trying and everything I type doesn’t come out right. I want to see you.

  Tough, I didn’t want to see him. I didn’t want to rehash the reality of the situation I already knew.

  Sadie: Just answer the question. I’m in no mood to fuck around with excuses. I want answers.

  The answers I needed to mend my heart. To shape it to whatever it needed to be to get me back to feeling normal again. My heart was broken from him. Absolutely torn and shattered into a mess of pieces. I didn’t know how to feel but upset.

  Jake: I refuse to do this through text message. Please, Sadie, meet me and I’ll explain it all. I promise you I have a good explanation. I promise you. I love you, Sadie.

  Loved me? My brain smashed the image of love. If that was what love was, I didn’t want it. I didn’t want to be torn apart over lies and deceit. I wanted someone who was truthful and honest.

  Sadie: Please don’t even say those three cursed words. If I decide to give you that opportunity to tear me to shreds in person, you’ll hear from me. I’m not home and won’t be for the weekend.

  Jake: I’m not going there with you in a text, I’ll see you when you get home.

  Sadie: How do you know I’m not home?

  Jake: Luke informed me.

  I turned my phone off and tossed it back in my purse. Why did Luke have to open his damn mouth? I didn’t want anyone to know where I was. Jake was so damn cocky now, I didn’t know what was up his sleeve and what he thought he could tell me to make me feel any better about this. My mind wasn’t made up, but it’d be like pulling teeth to get me back into his life. I refused to be the mistress.

  Chapter 13

  I heard the dreadful knock at my door, waking me up. My aunt let me know breakfast was ready, at freaking six am. I was so ever loving thankful for food, but not at no freaking six am. I admitted, that was the one thing I forgot about my aunt, and the one thing I didn’t miss about spending the nights there. I lay in bed awhile longer not wanting to get out of it. I checked my phone, checking Facebook and my social media. I rarely went on it, but I needed something to distract me from getting out of bed so early. I did a double take on my screen when I noticed I had a friend request waiting for me to accept. The name I didn’t catch right away till I read it again. Tracy Dunn flashed several times over in my brain before it hit me. That bitch must be crazy. I wasn’t going to even bother getting myself set up in this disaster, which was exactly what it was. A tornado, ready to take out my entire heart and mind and even my damn soul.

  I put my sweats on, propped my hair on top of my head, ignoring the way I looked. Shoving my phone in my waistband, I made my way downstairs. Every creaky step down I was reminded that there would be no easy escape in a horror movie. This whole house creaked. That wouldn’t work well with me.

  “French toast, eggs and bacon.” Aunt Jamie piled the food on the kitchen table before I sat.

  “Smells amazing,” I said, inhaling the wonderful home cooked meal. I swung back the chair, sat and scooted myself in.

  “Coffee, honey?” She asked, placing a plate in front of me.

  “Oh yes, coffee.” I laughed, stretching my legs under the table. “Where’s Uncle John?”

  “Oh, he’s out at the barn feeding the horses this morn’.”

  The coffee was steaming hot being placed in front of me at the table. She would never realize how much coffee I’d actually ask for, being up this early in the morning.

  “What’s on your agenda today, sweetie?” She sat next to me at the table with her cup of coffee and plate of French toast.

  I layered on the jelly over my French toast, then the syrup. My mouth was practically watering I was so hungry for such a great breakfast. “I’m not sure, I think I might head to the cemetery later today.”

  Her lips pursed together and I could see the sadness hovering in her beautiful blue eyes. I knew how badly she missed her sister. “If you need anyone to come with you, I’d be happy to go with,” she offered politely.

  I looked down at my food, afraid to answer her, but knew I needed to do this alone. “I’m okay going alone,” I added, before shoving a piece of bacon in my mouth.

  She pressed her hand to my arm and rubbed it back and forth. “Sadie, sweetie, you’re just like your momma, and I knew your momma real well. She only came around home when she was hiding from something she didn’t want to face. Now, I know you love us, but let’s face it, honey, you’re not here because you just thought to stop on by.” I looked at her hand on top of my arm and watched as she squeezed it again. Damn, these women and their intuitions.

  I let out a big sigh and a deep breath while I tried so hard not to let out my emotional state. I was on the brink of crying over a pin drop because I knew I had come out here to hide. Even though I came to clear my mind, it was the last thing that was going on. Aunt Jamie was a fixer upper. She always wanted to fix what wasn’t hers. She had minimal problems, she had the life most people wanted. A great husband, great marriage, great house, no financial trouble, and always happy. Always the cheerful person I remembered. I always had to remind myself that those that had the picture perfect life, suffered from something they didn’t want to share themselves. Somebody always had a struggle. There wasn’t one person in the world that didn’t struggle from something. But Aunt Jamie, never showed her struggle, ever.

  “It’s a man I fell in love with who broke my damn heart and I’m not sure it’s forgivable.”

  She sipped her coffee, wanting me to explain more. But someone would have to pry this story out of me in order for me to have kept talking.

  “Well, I won’t beg you
to talk about it. But I’m here for you.” She smiled sweetly.

  The awkward silence overtook the table. I knew she wanted to hear my troubles to wipe them all away like she was good at. Part of me had come here knowing she could heal me. She always made me feel better as a child whenever I had situations. But part of me believed she looked down upon me too, because I chose not to live with them after my parents passed.

  “I’m just not in the mood to talk about it.” I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t lying, I just really wanted to avoid the topic all along.

  After breakfast, I hurried back upstairs and found myself passing out on the bed again. I woke up an hour later and headed to the shower.

  My phone pinged and I took a quick look at it.

  Jake: Just thinking of you, hoping you’re thinking of me.

  Well, Jake, who the fuck else would I be thinking of? It sure as hell wouldn’t be your mother. Then something hit me, his mother. That cheap perfume smell, was that really his mother? Another message to get me thinking. All I wanted was to not think, that’s all I wanted. This was a nice trip visiting, but it wasn’t helping me at all get through this.

  I got dressed and headed back downstairs. I was ready to take on the cemetery and channel my feelings. Feelings I’ve held back for so long.

  “Aunt Jamie, I’m going to head to the cemetery if you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all, sweetie. Say hi to your Momma for me.” She winked.

  As much humor as she may have found in that, it was an awkward statement. I smiled politely and walked out the door to my truck. I gave the dog some attention, got in and started off down the long driveway, to the road that led to the cemetery.

  ~*~

  My truck pointed down the dusty, dirt road of the old cemetery. I was super fortunate that my parents and Bobby were buried in the same cemetery. I had made the request of my Aunt and Uncle after Mom and Dad passed to be buried where Bobby was, which they had no problem with because it, coincidently, was where my mother’s parents were buried too. I watched the wind blowing through the trees as I passed several graves on the way to the end of the road where they were buried. My nerves started to kick in. My stomach tightened with knots, my hands gripped the steering wheel so tight it would probably give me a blister. Sweat beads started on my forehead and I had to seriously relax or else I would end up having an anxiety attack.