Magical Redemption

by Jaliza A. Burwell

  She did as I said and stood there, arms fisted at her sides, head bowed, black hair falling over her face. I stalked toward her, grabbed her arm, and yanked her to a bench, forcing her onto her ass. Seeing an unopened water bottle, I twisted off the top and shoved it into her hands. She held onto it for a few long seconds before finally taking a drink.

  I sighed and ran my hand through my hair before plopping down next to her, not saying anything. She needed to open up, and all I could do was give her the opportunity to do it. That was all I had to offer.

  Not having to wait long, she finally spoke. “I never realized it,” she mumbled. I barely heard her. “I didn’t even know until he was dead.” She clenched and unclenched her hands. I grabbed the water bottle from her before she destroyed it in her grip. She went quiet again, and I reached over, resting my hand on her knee. Her hand went to mine and gripped it hard. I didn’t look at her, instead glaring at anyone who dared to glance our way. After a while, the room cleared out, leaving the two of us alone.

  At least they were nice enough to give us the privacy Ami needed.

  “Why are you pushing yourself so hard?” I asked, noting dark spots of blood still wet on the mats and the bruising on her knuckles. I had a feeling that man wasn’t the first one she had brutalized.

  “He shouldn’t have died. I should have been the one to protect him, not the other way around,” she admitted.

  My throat closed as I remembered the scene. The way my magic hit the shadowsmith’s energy, how the two colliding was too volatile and it had exploded. How Elliot covered me. And Henzie covered Ami. While Elliot was able to move and get back up, Henzie wasn’t.

  “It’s my fucking job to protect people!” Ami yelled, and I jumped. “I should have been the one to protect him. But I’m so fucking weak. I couldn’t do anything.” She let out a heart-wrenching scream before curling into herself.

  “You’re right,” I said. “You are weak.”

  Her head snapped up, and the fury aimed at me should have had me shriveling away. Her gray eyes were a winter storm as she planned my death.

  “You were too weak to go against that shadowsmith. He knew exactly what he was doing, and his gifts.” I shook my head. “He wasn’t normal. I’ve never seen energy used the way he used it. So yes, you were too weak. And frankly, I’m pissed that you’re dismissing Henzie. Think about it. He shielded you.”

  “I should have—”

  “No. See. Right there. You’re dismissing him. What did he do?” I asked.

  She didn’t answer, looking away.

  “Ami.” I leaned forward, trying to see her face. “What did he do?”

  “He covered me,” she finally answered, a muscle flexing in her jaw. “Protected me.”

  I nodded. “He did that. Him. He wanted to. Please don’t forget that. He wanted you to live.”

  “Why?” she begged, trying to understand. I just stared at her with a raised eyebrow, letting her figure it out for herself. I couldn’t be the one to tell her. Her eyes weren’t focusing on anything, moving around constantly as she tried to process the facts to get the answer. Her mouth popped open and she gaped at me, as if to ask if it were really true.

  I nodded. It was.

  He loved her.

  She broke down then, and I grabbed her, pulling her into my chest so her body was half on mine. We rocked, and she bawled, gripping my shirt, nearly choking me. I didn’t care. She needed this. She wasn’t going to heal without it. I checked. I’d looked up what grief was, reading through the stages.

  Denial. Anger. Depression. Bargaining. Acceptance.

  With two down, she had three more to go. Depression was next. That scared me the most. Some people didn’t survive depression. About fifteen percent of people got stuck on depression and didn’t make it out of it. Five percent out of that fifteen killed themselves.

  I didn’t want Ami to be a statistic. So I held her, and let her take out her anger as she cried. The door on the other end of the gym opened, and I met Dwight’s eyes. He took in the scene, nodded, and quietly closed the door. Someone must have reported Ami, and he came down to check on her.

  Ami had people. I was here. Dwight was. All the people who skipped their workout so she could have privacy. Biomystic Security was here for her.

  “I was too weak,” she said into my chest.

  “Yes.”

  “But you weren’t.”

  I stiffened and tightened my hold on her. She sniffled.

  “Sometimes, I think you can raze down this entire city if you wanted. That you hold back for us. You’re overpowered. You can do everything.”

  My eyes burned as I refused to think about what that meant. Apparently, I was in the denial phase.

  “You could have saved him. If you really wanted, you could have saved him.”

  “I tried.”

  “Not hard enough!” She pulled away from me, and I let her. I took in her furious expression. Her anger was now on me. I took it. I deserved it. After all, I was part of the reason for the explosion that killed him. I just hoped it didn’t get physical. I’d lose in a heartbeat if she decided to physically hurt me. I’d take it all, but I’d lose, and she’d make sure it hurt. “Y-You have all this magic! All this talent! And it’s wasted. You could have saved him.” She leaned forward, curling into herself and away from me as she cried.

  I looked away, nose burning. I wanted to cry too. I blinked back the tears, swallowing my emotions.

  Anger.

  She was working through the angry phase. We weren’t out of the woods yet with it, but soon. Maybe after this, once she calmed down.

  “I keep seeing it,” I said in a low voice as the scene played over in my head again, in excruciatingly slow motion. “Over and over. Every time I close my eyes, I see it. I panicked. I freaked out. I saw what he was doing, and I wanted to stop it, so I threw magic at him to counteract the energy. But I know better. Magic and energy together is volatile in situations like that. I knew better. But I panicked.”

  She cried harder.

  “And it did exactly what I know, what I should have known in that situation when it happened. It exploded, and Henzie took too much damage. You guys were too close. And all the debris.” I shook my head. “I wasn’t strong enough either,” I whispered. “I panicked.”

  Ami let out a loud keening noise, her body shaking. I went to reach out to touch her and stopped myself. Instead, I shoved my hands between my legs and sat there.

  Time passed as she cried, and I contemplated giving her something to take away the pain. I had some potions that would work. But I knew better. She needed to feel this pain so she could get past it. When she finally stopped making sounds, I asked, “Do you hate me? For not doing enough? For panicking.”

  She didn’t answer me right away. I didn’t think she would.

  “No,” she finally said in a hoarse voice. “No. I don’t hate you. If I hate you, I have to hate myself. I have to hate Elliot and Alijah too because they couldn’t stop him. I can’t hate you.” She slowly uncurled herself and looked at me, her face blotchy and swollen, eyes dazed. The tip of her nose was red and tears streaked her cheeks. She used her arm to wipe at her face and nose. “We were all too weak.”

  I nodded.

  “We all failed him.”

  I sniffed, nodding again.

  “You’re not a fighter, Laila. That isn’t your job, and I know it isn’t one you ever want. You aren’t weak, because the things you do, no one else does. It was up to Alijah, Elliot, and I to fight that shadowsmith. I know that. I do. It just hurts. I didn’t even know I…” She shook her head. “I can’t even say it. I can’t. But I didn’t even know until he wasn’t there anymore. And I don’t know what to do with that. To do with these feelings. And to think he…” Her mouth snapped shut, and she closed her eyes, taking in deep breaths.

  “I know,” I said.

  She wiped at her face again and stood up, stretching her body. “I need to go for a walk,” she said and g
athered her things, not looking at me. She looked exhausted, emotionally and physically drained.

  “Tomorrow,” I said and she paused, “is a training day. Rhett is teaching me self-defense. Will you join me?” I asked. “Maybe we can grow stronger together? I can learn to better control my magic in a fight, learn to not panic, and you’ll have Rhett there to help you.”

  “I’ll think about it,” she mumbled.

  “We meet at the park.”

  She didn’t say anything as she left, and I stayed behind, staring after her, wondering what more I could do. There had to be something. She was hurting so much.

  Grief was a bitch.

  Chapter Six

  Our feet steadily pounded against the pavement. The only thing out of sync between Alijah and me was the sound of a dying walrus, and that came from me.

  “Distract me,” I moaned, my chest burning. “Talk.”

  “About what?” he asked.

  It was foolish of me to ask him to speak. I knew better. But still, I needed a distraction. Normally, I wanted silence when I ran, and Alijah was perfect for that job. He was my silent protector. Where Venni liked to express his thoughts sometimes, Alijah rarely did. Did it frustrate me? Yes. I wanted to learn more about him.

  But right now, I needed to not be lost in my thoughts. I kept going around in circles, thinking about Ami and Henzie, about what Padraig wanted, and wondering if he got it. Did he get enough of my memories before I fried them? I didn’t know. I hoped not.

  I sent a glare Alijah’s way since he was the only person around who I could take my frustrations out on right now. I hadn’t seen him in a solid week. He came back for a brief time, took me out to dinner, and then he was back out the door to go hunt for the bastards who had managed to tear my world apart.

  He had to have sensed my ire, because a frown slipped into his expression. “I didn’t find them.” Fury tinged the edges of his words as he spoke. “I tracked them, went further west, but they know the area far better than I do. I think there’s a network out there. I’ll get a lock on that shadowsmith, and then when I think I’m getting closer, he’s gone and so is Padraig.”

  Not able to say anything right away, I focused on my breathing enough to calm it down. Once I thought I had a handle on it, I responded, though my words came out as a wheeze. “Do you think that’s where their base is?”

  “Has to be.” Alijah shook his head, the sun reflecting off his auburn hair. “Come on, one more mile and then we’re done.”

  “We already did five.”

  “You got this.”

  “And then I have to get my ass beaten by Rhett after this,” I grumbled.

  “He said you’re getting better after every session.” Laughter slipped into his tone, and I sent him my best glare, the kind I reserved for when I was planning to turn them into toads. He chuckled and picked up speed, forcing me to match him or be left behind.

  No way in hell was I going to lose. I pumped my arms and my legs, my muscles screaming in misery as we followed the running path. We passed people, and others passed us, the cheaters, using their abilities.

  One particular kid, probably around ten years old, teased us as he came up next to me and pretended to run in slow motion with a huge grin on his adorable freckled face. He sped past us after I sent a little bolt to his ass to get him away from me.

  “We’re almost there.” Alijah pointed ahead of us, and I could see Rhett’s familiar figure standing there with another smaller one next to him.

  “Go hard or go home,” Alijah said and then really put on the speed.

  “Asshole!” I called after him and forced my legs and arms to pump harder. By the time I made it to the end, my muscles were pulsing from overuse. The grass looked dangerously enticing.

  “Stay on your feet,” Rhett warned and I groaned, listening to him.

  Ami stood next to him with a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes. “Arms on your head. It’ll open up your lungs so you can breathe better,” she said.

  “I hate all three of you. I hate everyone in the park. I hate everyone in the world.”

  Alijah chuckled. “No you don’t.”

  “Don’t talk to me. You’re number one, buddy.” My threat would have been more effective if I weren’t wheezing.

  Ami snickered as she went over to her bag and pulled out a huge water bottle. When she reached me, she took off the cap and passed it to me.

  “Okay, you’re no longer on my hate list,” I mumbled before chugging the cool water.

  “Slow down,” Ami tried to warn, but it was too late. I nearly coughed up one of my lungs as the water went down the wrong tube.

  She rubbed my back as I embarrassed myself. Alijah covered his smile by taking a drink of his water. The darn tiger shifter wasn’t even breathing heavily.

  “Thanks for coming,” I said to Ami, meeting her eyes so she knew I really did appreciate it.

  “We’ll get strong together, right?” she asked in a soft voice, her expression showing her vulnerability.

  I nodded. “Definitely. We’ll help each other.”

  Once I knew I was going to survive after the run, Alijah gave me a hug and quick kiss goodbye, promised to see me later, and then left.

  “So?” I drew out the word as I glanced between Ami and Rhett. “What do you have for me?”

  Ami smirked. “I’m going to teach you how to effectively fight while utilizing magic.”

  I eyed her warily. “How is this going to work exactly?”

  Ami’s smile was predatory as she circled me. “By my kicking your ass of course. It’s the only way you’re going to learn.”

  “But if I can use magic, you’re fucked. You know I’m stronger than you.”

  The challenge in her expression almost had me stepping back, but I’d never backed away. If she wanted a fight, I’d give her one. I’d worked hard to get where I was and while I still couldn’t get the guys on their asses, I wasn’t far from it. I was getting stronger, I could feel it.

  “But this isn’t about you being a Level A1. This is about learning how to utilize it.” Her expression darkened. “If you can’t learn how to use your magic effectively in a fight without hurting others, you might as well stay back and out of the way. You’re useless.”

  Her words stabbed deep as I thought of Henzie. He was dead because while I had all this magic, I’d messed up, used it when I knew better, and it got him killed.

  “Shit.” Ami sighed and ran a hand through her hair, her expression softening. “I’m not talking about you, Laila. I’m talking in general. Magic, energy, powers, it’s all useless if you can’t use it in a fight in a way that works. Otherwise, you’ll put your allies at risk. I’m going to teach you how to make it work.”

  I glared down at the ground. Black shoes came into view and a hand touched my face, forcing me to look up into golden eyes as energy skimmed along my face.

  “No one blames you for what happened to Henzie,” Rhett said in a soft voice. “So you need to forgive yourself. The situation was hard, and you faced an enemy who could do more than anyone expected. Use this chance to become stronger so when you face someone like that again, you’ll know exactly what to do.”

  I nodded slowly, his words a balm to the pain. I got what they said, it just hurt so much to think about how badly I messed up and what those repercussions were.

  “Okay.” I nodded again, gathering my thoughts and pulling my head out of my ass. Turning to Ami, I smirked. “Bring your worst.”

  “First, control.”

  I snorted. “I’m the queen of control.”

  “Not when you’re scared and panicking,” Ami said. “Not when people are coming at you with the intent to kill or hurt you. That is what you need to learn; to calm your heart, slow your thoughts, and take it one snapshot at a time. You need to think bigger picture, but also see the smaller details too. You need to see your battlefield, but also be aware of everything outside of that field.”

  “You got poetic.�
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  Ami’s eyes flickered to Rhett. “I know you’re still on probation from using your magic. Your men are silly.”

  Rhett stilled next to me.

  “Small amounts of magic won’t do anything to you and you’re a magic-user.” She eyed me up and down. “Mostly. At least until you learn to unlock your energy. But that isn’t the point. My point is that you need to use magic. None of the guys use magic so they don’t understand that abstinence isn’t an option.”

  “Thank Goddess, someone gets it.” I shot Rhett a glare. “I’m about to explode because even if I so much as blink magic, they’re jumping down my throat.”

  “Well, they can shove their ignorance up their asses instead of yours. You’re allowed to use small amounts of magic. Your head will be fine.”

  “You don’t know that,” Rhett said and Ami cut him a scathing glare.

  “I do. You’re torturing my best friend with what you’re doing. Let her use her magic in small amounts. It will not affect her. It’s a release for her. Magic has a way of building up over time if it isn’t used. Go too long and she’ll have what I can only describe as magic poisoning. It’ll turn on her, eat her, if she doesn’t use it. You’re harming her.”

  “The doctor said—”

  “Dr. Porter, you did a very dangerous thing. After having a good look, I think it’s best to keep the magic to a minimum. No trying to blow up your lab for now or pushing yourself too hard.” Ami did a verbatim rendition of Dr. Ferald’s response, and by the end I was laughing.

  “Oh, can you do that again?” I asked.

  “Maybe later,” Ami answered. Her eyes went glacial as they snapped back to Rhett. “Dr. Ferald never said she couldn’t use any magic. You guys made that assumption. What I’m going to do with her are baby things. I’m not asking her to blow up a building. She’s going to use her magic as back-up, not as her main offense. Her brain will be fine.”

  Rhett backed off with a blank expression. As I moved away from him to where Ami wanted me, he kept glancing my way, and every time, I saw concern. He was going to watch every one of my movements, and the moment I showed any signs of discomfort or pain, he’d step in. His expression said as much.