Forget Me Not, Stranger

by Novoneel Chakraborty

  Rivanah pushed her chair back and got up to leave.

  ‘Mini?’ Mr Bannerjee sounded worried.

  Rivanah went straight to her room and opened her wardrobe to look for the salwar suit she had worn to Mr Dutta’s place. She remembered it distinctly. It couldn’t possibly be a dream, she thought, furiously ruffling through her wardrobe but she didn’t find what she was looking for. Disappointed, she turned around to see her mother standing by the door.

  ‘Can you tell me what’s wrong with you?’ Mrs Bannerjee asked.

  ‘Mumma, where’s that salwar suit that we bought the last time I was here?’

  ‘Which one?’

  ‘The peacock-green one with the red border.’ Rivanah could have easily referred to it as the one she wore to Mr Dutta’s place but she didn’t.

  ‘Oh that! It’s in my wardrobe.’

  Rivanah glared at her mother. ‘What is my dress doing in your wardrobe, Mumma?’

  ‘I had given it to be washed and kept it all ironed after you left. Forgot to put it back.’

  Rivanah wasn’t convinced.

  ‘Show me,’ Rivanah said and walked out of her room. Her mother followed.

  Her mother opened the wardrobe in the master bedroom and there in one of the shelves lay her neatly ironed dress. ‘Now do you believe me?’ Mrs Bannerjee said, sounding hurt. Rivanah nodded and after thinking for a moment muttered under her breath, ‘I’m sorry, Mumma. Let’s have dinner. Baba is waiting.’ Maybe I am turning paranoid, Rivanah thought.

  All through dinner, her parents kept talking but Rivanah wasn’t listening. She tried Ishita’s number a couple of times but each time the automated voice told her the phone was not reachable. After dinner Rivanah checked her phone again. There were two missed calls from Danny and one message from Ekansh. Rivanah read the message first.

  Hi, what’s up?

  The time of the message was 4.46 p.m. She checked the time of Danny’s calls: 3.30 p.m. and 7.58 p.m. Rivanah immediately called Danny. He picked up on the fourth ring.

  ‘Hey baby, where are you?’

  ‘Hi! I’m sorry, Danny. I just dozed off in the afternoon.’ Rivanah decided against recounting to him the confusing events of the day.

  ‘You didn’t send me your convocation pictures. How was the event?’

  Images of her, along with Ishita, following her colleague Argho to her deceased college-mate Hiya’s house flashed before her eyes.

  ‘Hello?’ Danny was waiting for her response.

  ‘Oh, sorry. The event was great. I have few pictures on Ishita’s phone. I shall ask her to share them with me. I will WhatsApp you.’

  ‘Ishita?’ Danny sounded clueless.

  ‘The girl because of whom we met,’ Rivanah said and remembered how Ishita had told her about this hot guy who had swept her off her feet at first sight. How they had had a bet to woo this guy. And that hot guy was now her boyfriend. Certain memories take your soul out for a sunbath. Her meeting Danny for the first time wrapped in only a towel was one such memory.

  ‘Oh! Now I remember. Your old roomie?’

  ‘Right. She is working here in Kolkata now.’

  ‘That’s good. And when are you coming back? I miss you.’

  A smile featured on Rivanah’s face. Nothing can beat the feeling of being desired by someone. ‘I miss you too. Just a couple of days more and I’ll be there.’

  ‘Now that will give me a good night’s sleep.’ He kissed her over the phone. She kissed him back. After the Nitya incident, when Rivanah had wrongly doubted his loyalty, Danny had suddenly become this close-to-perfect boyfriend. Which girl would not desire someone who is hot, caring and gives ample space to you to the extent that even if he had an inkling that you were in touch with your ex, he still doesn’t ask you awkward questions. But the other important question was: was she a close-to-perfect girlfriend to him? Rivanah was yet to confess to Danny about what had happened in the flat between Ekansh and her—that they had made love as if nothing had ever gone wrong between them. And it was scary because this feeling was like a seed which could proliferate into a gigantic tree with innumerable forbidden branches sprouting fresh leaves of illicit desires.

  ‘Hello? You there?’

  ‘Yes, yes. I’m here.’ Rivanah came out of her momentary trance.

  ‘I said I love you.’

  ‘I love you too, Danny,’ she said and cut the line. She sat on her bed lost in thoughts when her phone buzzed with a WhatsApp message.

  How are you? No response?

  It was Ekansh again. He was online. So was she now. Rivanah replied.

  I’m good. How are you? And Tista?

  She sent it and fixed her eyes below Ekansh’s name on WhatsApp where it was written: online. Then it changed to typing . . . and then online again. A response came:

  Can we please meet?

  Sure. Tomorrow around noon?

  Now?

  Now? It’s past 10! Mumma and Baba won’t allow it.

  Like old times?

  He shouldn’t have used those words: old times. Not now, not ever. She knew what he meant though. It wasn’t the first time Ekansh wanted to meet her at a time when moving out of her house was next to impossible. Back when they were in college and in a relationship, she would sneak out of the house after her parents had slept. Rivanah typed out a four-letter word and pressed Send. Her message read: Okay.

  3

  Rivanah waited until her parents were done watching their favourite Bengali soap and retired to bed. When her mother came to leave a bottle of water in the room, Rivanah feigned drowsiness and wished her goodnight. Once her mother left, switching the lights off, Rivanah waited for some more time before sneaking out. This was such a familiar routine. The fact that she was still good at it told her how invested she had been in what Ekansh and she had called a ‘relationship’. And love. Does love end when a relationship ends? Or does a relationship end because love has ended? And what were Ekansh and Rivanah into now? She didn’t dare name it. But was this too because of what they had been earlier? Isn’t the aftermath of love also . . . love?

  Her mind still full of such thoughts, Rivanah took the keys out from under the old shoe rack beside the terrace door, unlocked the door and closed it gently behind her. Theirs was a two-storeyed house, so the terrace wasn’t at a huge height. All she had to do was jump from the cemented parapet; Ekansh would catch her. She felt an awkwardness clinch her muscles. It is one thing to write ‘like old times’ in a message but it wasn’t old times. They weren’t a couple any more.

  ‘Jump,’ Ekansh said softly. Rivanah nodded and jumped as he caught her in his arms. He held her the way he used to and yet it felt different. She quickly severed herself from any kind of bodily touch from him. They quietly walked to Master da’s tea stall where boys from the locality were playing carom while gossiping and drinking lemon tea. As they neared the stall, Rivanah stopped. What if the boys told on her? She would become the talk of the town by the next morning. How had she dared to do such things before? And why was she fighting it now? Was it because she really felt Ekansh and she shouldn’t be seen together or because she didn’t want those ‘old times’ to replay?

  ‘Let’s not go there,’ she said. Ekansh gave her a look of understanding and took a lane leading to a small park. She followed. Sitting on a lonely bench in the park, the distance between them was palpable. Rivanah could almost see their past selves on a bench on the other part of the park. But unlike their present, their past selves’ hands were clasped together.

  ‘Why are we here, Ekansh?’ Rivanah asked abruptly.

  ‘Tista’s surgery is tomorrow.’ There was a forlorn look on Ekansh’s face. As if he already knew what was going to happen inside the operation theatre the next day.

  ‘But you told me earlier there’s a 30 per cent chance of survival. I’m sure she will make it,’ she said.

  ‘What if Tista dies, Rivanah? Will you marry me?’ Ekansh blurted. Rivanah couldn’t help but give him a shocked
look.

  ‘I’m sorry. I don’t mean it the way it sounds.’

  ‘Then what did you mean, Ekansh?’

  ‘I haven’t slept since we both came back to Kolkata.’

  Rivanah could tell he was telling the truth by the look in his eyes—tired, withdrawn and somewhat lifeless. She had noticed it when she met him that night in her flat in Mumbai but she didn’t say anything lest he interpreted as concern. Though Rivanah had deliberately chosen to meet Ekansh at this hour, she didn’t want him to read too much into it.

  ‘All I keep thinking about is what will happen if Tista doesn’t survive the surgery,’ Ekansh said.

  ‘Have you been really thinking that, Ekansh?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What do you mean no?’

  ‘You have been thinking of what will happen to you if Tista doesn’t survive the surgery. And hence your question to me. You are simply being selfish.’

  Ekansh sat back on the bench and looked at the night sky.

  ‘This was always my problem, wasn’t it? I was always selfish in love. When I was in love with you, and now when I’m in love with Tista.’

  In the silence, Rivanah could hear a frog croaking somewhere close by, and at a distance she could again see their old selves laughing, her head on his shoulder. He used to love it when her hair fell on his face. Then Rivanah saw their old selves turn quiet suddenly. She remembered that, back then, every time they became quiet, they would end up speaking at the same time. ‘Ekansh.’ This time, it was only she who spoke. He didn’t look at her.

  ‘Tista will be all right. And then we will stop meeting like this,’ she said.

  Ekansh turned his head towards her quizzically.

  ‘What?’ she shrugged.

  ‘Can’t we . . . ?’

  ‘No, we can’t be friends any more,’ Rivanah responded to his incomplete question.

  ‘Tell me honestly, Rivanah—don’t you want to be my friend?’ By now Ekansh had turned around and was facing her.

  She took her time to answer. ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘Then what are you doing here?’ He didn’t know why he held her hand while saying it. She didn’t know why she didn’t push it away. She slowly looked down and then drew her hand out of his grasp.

  ‘I’m guilty of the same thing I’m accusing you of. I too am selfish,’ she said, choking up.

  ‘Aren’t we all, in one way or the other?’

  Maybe he is right, Rivanah wondered, but kept mum. She stood up and asked, ‘What time is the surgery tomorrow?’

  ‘They will take her in the OT around ten in the morning.’

  ‘I’ll try to see her before that,’ Rivanah said, and walked away. She saw Ekansh’s shadow stand up and follow her but she didn’t turn back. While moving out of the park she noticed the old Rivanah and Ekansh breaking from a tight embrace and kissing passionately. She could feel a lump in her throat.

  Ekansh helped Rivanah climb on to the cemented parapet and then left. Rivanah locked the terrace door, kept the keys under the shoe rack and went downstairs to her room. She opened the door noiselessly. Once inside her bedroom, she let out a long sigh. Ekansh’s query echoed in her mind: What if Tista doesn’t survive the surgery tomorrow? Her relationship with Danny won’t be accepted by her parents anyway. Rivanah shook her head vigorously. What the hell am I thinking? She was about to lie down on her bed when the lights in her room came on. Before she could speak, she heard a man say, ‘Where were you, Mini?’

  Rivanah looked up and got the shock of her life.

  4

  ‘You scared me!’ Rivanah exclaimed. For a moment, she had thought it was the stranger in her room. Her heart was still racing with fear. Her parents were standing by her wardrobe staring at her.

  ‘Where did you go, Mini?’ Mr Bannerjee repeated.

  ‘I went outside.’

  ‘How did you go? We checked the main door. It was locked from the inside.’ Mrs Bannerjee sounded exasperated.

  ‘Oh, Mumma, I meant I was in the terrace. Why would I go outside at this hour?’

  ‘I checked the terrace,’ Mr Bannerjee said. ‘You were not there.’

  ‘Of course I was there. Did you check the portion behind the water tank?’ Rivanah was trying her best to sound confident. Mr and Mrs Bannerjee exchanged a thoughtful glance. ‘The network wasn’t holding up here, so I went there to talk to Ishita,’ Rivanah lied. ‘But why are you two so worked up about it?’

  Mrs Bannerjee came to Rivanah, caressed her head and said, ‘Nothing. We just panicked not seeing you in your room. That’s all. Now sleep, Mini. You anyway keep working all the time in Mumbai.’

  Rivanah, to make things look normal, kissed her mother and climbed back into bed.

  ‘Goodnight, Baba. Goodnight, Mumma.’

  ‘Goodnight.’ Her father left the room. Her mother pulled a thin blanket over her, and, switching off the lights, followed her husband out. Rivanah finally relaxed. She had forgotten her phone in the room itself. When she checked it, she found there was only one new message. It was from Ekansh.

  Thank you for being there.

  The message had come a few minutes after she had come back into her house. Had she met him for his sake? Or was it because her own damaged self was seeking a repair through proximity to Ekansh? Would Ekansh really want to get back with her if Tista didn’t survive the surgery? She immediately hated herself for having such a filthy thought. And then a filthier question occurred in her mind: Whom would she ultimately choose if given the option—Ekansh or Danny? On an impulse, Rivanah typed a response to Ekansh:

  See you at the hospital tomorrow.

  To Danny, she messaged: I love you. Goodnight.

  After sending both messages, she switched off her phone to avoid any further communication with the world and shut her eyes tight. She dozed off after murmuring a short prayer for Tista’s well-being.

  Next morning, Rivanah reached the hospital around ten. Tista’s entire family was there. So was Ekansh. He came towards Rivanah the moment he saw her.

  ‘What happened?’ she said, seeing everyone crowding outside the room.

  ‘The nurse is dressing her up for the OT,’ Ekansh said.

  ‘Dressing?’

  ‘They need to wear a different uniform for the OT.’

  ‘Oh, okay,’ Rivanah said, and went ahead to greet Tista’s parents and a few relatives who had seen her the other time she had come to the hospital.

  ‘Any idea how long the surgery will take?’ she asked Ekansh.

  ‘Two hours minimum—if there are no complications,’ he said and brushed his hand against her. Was it an accident? Rivanah didn’t know. She felt as if Ekansh wanted her to hold him. They exchanged a furtive glance and her presumptions were confirmed. Rivanah intentionally stood slightly away from him. The fact that he too took couple of steps back told her his guard was up as well. Rivanah saw two people walking towards them. They were Ekansh’s parents and she knew them well. Especially his father who used to joke that Rivanah spared them the pain of finding a daughter-in-law for their good-for-nothing son. Rivanah touched their feet. They blessed her like old times, but it was very awkward. Before his parents could speak, Ekansh came forward and told them that Tista was Rivanah’s friend as well. They gave them an unsure smile and went ahead to greet Tista’s parents. Rivanah was itching to ask Ekansh what reason he had given his parents for their break-up. Had he told them the truth? Or had he fabricated a web of lies to keep his image intact?

  A nurse emerged from Tista’s room and asked, ‘Who is Rivanah here?’

  Everyone turned to look at Rivanah as if a judge had pronounced an unexpected death sentence.

  ‘Tista wants to have a word with you before the operation,’ the nurse said. Rivanah glanced at Ekansh who gestured her to go ahead. As she took a couple of steps towards the room, the nurse spoke up, ‘Make it short. I have to take her into the OT in a minute.’ The nurse waited outside while Rivanah, all eye
s still on her, went inside Tista’s room.

  Once inside, Rivanah shut the door behind her. She saw Tista lying on the bed in a green hospital dress. The way she looked at Rivanah scared her. She looked like a doppelganger of the Tista she had met for the first time in her Mumbai flat.

  ‘Hi, Tista,’ Rivanah said with a forced smile and went to stand by the bed.

  The response came after few seconds. ‘Hi, Rivanah di.’

  ‘All will be good. Don’t worry.’

  ‘Rivanah di, do you still love Ekansh?’

  There was a momentary shock in Rivanah’s eyes but she couldn’t tell if she hid it well.

  ‘Who told you . . . ?’ Rivanah immediately realized her response shouldn’t have started with those words.

  ‘For how long?’ Tista asked, looking blankly at Rivanah.

  ‘We were together for four or five years before we broke up.’

  ‘Did you guys break up because of me?’

  ‘No! No, Tista. You came into the picture much later.’

  For a few seconds, neither spoke, neither moved. Then Rivanah noticed a teardrop roll down Tista’s cheek.

  ‘When Ekansh came to our flat for the first time, did you guys . . . ?’ Tista’s voice trailed off. And the trailing voice brought back the memory of the evening Rivanah had locked deep in her conscious, labelling it as ‘so what?’ But now with Tista inquiring about it the label had changed into ‘why’. Did Tista know what happened between her and Ekansh that evening? How could she unless Ekansh had told her about it? Or the . . . ?

  ‘I will have to take her to the OT now,’ the nurse interrupted. She was followed by two ward boys who entered the room with a stretcher. They picked Tista up and lay her on the stretcher. All the while, Tista’s eyes were fixed on Rivanah. Even though Rivanah was seeking an accusation in Tista’s eyes, she couldn’t find any. And it made the guilt inside her churn her guts. She felt like throwing up.