Whiskey Dick

by Ryan Ringbloom

  “We can’t drive in this rain on a donut,” he says, referring to the small replacement tire. “Do you want to get off at the next exit and see what’s there?”

  I know by “what’s there,” he means a hotel. It’s obvious we don’t have much of a choice but to give up on driving for the day. We’re wet, cold, and exhausted with way too many hours to go still in front of us. But are we ready for another night together? After that kiss, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out what’s going to happen once we stop. And God knows I want it to. My only hesitation is now that we’ve changed the dynamic of this relationship and are planning an actual date, will sex this quickly jeopardize things?

  “Yeah, let’s try and find a hotel for the night,” I say. Fuck it. The only way things could really go bad is if the sex is no good and there’s no chance of that happening a second time. Not after the thirteen-hour buildup we’ve had in the car all day. Just saying the word hotel has me halfway there already.

  “Is that a Walmart?” Jax nudges his head toward the bright sign informing us that it’s open twenty-four hours. “Do you care if we stop for like five minutes? I need something clean and dry to wear.”

  “Yes. Me too.” Everything right down to my undies is soaked. A quick run into Walmart is absolutely needed.

  Jax drives right up to the front doors and stops. “Go ahead, you get out here and I’ll go park. I don’t want you to get wet. Well, any more wet than you already are.”

  I’m way too soaked for it to matter but I appreciate it. Gestures like this speak volumes.

  “I’ll meet you in there.” I slam the door and run inside, cool air blasting me with a chill the second I walk through the automatic doors.

  The large store is practically empty this time of night, making Walmart actually seem exciting. I find myself giddy as I run over to the women’s department. I’m Julia Roberts, and the Bee Gees song playing in the background is part of my musical montage while I shop for new yoga pants.

  Do you work on commission? Big mistake. Huge.

  My arms are full by the time I make it up to the register, dropping my items onto the conveyor belt for the cashier to scan. Two fitted T-shirts, two pairs of yoga pants, a package of socks, a pink bra with white polka dots, two pairs of lacy panties, Venus razors, Diet Coke, and a bag of Swedish Fish.

  “Do you want the hangers for these?” The cashier holds up the sexy new undies just as Jax steps in line behind me.

  “I must have missed that section.” Jax’s grin makes me blush. For some reason it’s more embarrassing having him see them dangling from the plastic hangers than it would be if he saw them directly on me. He places his items down: running pants, a package of boxer briefs, two packages of socks, and three different T-shirts.

  “Three shirts?” I raise a brow.

  “I couldn’t decide. Look at this one.” He holds it up against himself the best he can without getting it wet. “It’s a bald eagle dabbing in front of the American Flag. How could I pass that up?”

  “You can’t.” I laugh. He’s covered in mud. It’s all over his arms, hands, face, there’s even dry clumps of it in his hair, and the ruggedness of it all makes me squirm.

  The cashier hands over my bags and begins with Jax’s purchases. I notice his eyes dart to the wall behind her and follow his gaze. A selection of condoms hangs on hooks.

  “Anything else?” the cashier asks.

  “Uh….” Jax scratches his head, reaching for his wallet. “Do I need anything else?” He repeats to her but I know he is actually asking me. I had a condom last night but that was my only one and I’m not sure what happened to it. I know we’re going to have sex. So, the answer is yes, but God this is awkward.

  “Oh, uh….” I cough. Why is it hard to say the word yes? I need to grow up and be an adult and say it. Say it! “Um….”

  “Is this a condom thing?” The cashier looks from me to Jax, back to me. “No need to be weird. It’s the middle of the night, half the people who come in here at this time are buying condoms. If you think you might need them, get them. Or else you’ll be like the other half who come in here in the middle of the night to buy diapers.”

  Jax and the cashier are both looking at me now, waiting on me to answer. My openmouthed silence is making it awkward.

  “Yeah, then um, yeah. You should um, maybe, get a box.” I finally get the words out and swallow down a rising chuckle because I just basically agreed to sex at the register in a Walmart. I try not to laugh but I can’t help it and once one little giggle slips, the laughter that follows is uncontrollable. I cover my face, grab my bags, and walk away. By the time I get to the exit I can hardly breathe. Giant belly laughs are escaping me, my body shaking with each big guffaw. I can’t believe how immature I’m being. I continue walking right out the door back into the rain to wait for poor Jax, who I just left at the counter.

  “Thanks for that.” He joins me outside two minutes later. “There’s a woman I never hope to see again in my life.” He’s laughing too.

  “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what came over me.” I wipe actual tears away from my eyes from laughing so hard. “I work in a drugstore where people buy condoms all the time. People come to me with questions and I’m always professional. If I ever acted the way I just did I’d be fired.”

  “I think it was the situation.” He opens the car door for me and we shove our bags into the back seat. “Staying tonight wasn’t exactly part of our plan and we never discussed what’s gonna happen when we go to the hotel. And I don’t want you to feel pressure because of the cashier. We don’t even have to stay in the same room if you don’t want to. You let me know what you want and what you’re comfortable with.” He closes my door, giving me a few seconds to think before replying. I clear my throat, sobering up from my laughter. As soon as he gets back into the driver seat, I let him know.

  “One room, one bed, condoms.” I run my hand over his beard and lean in for a kiss. The situation is no longer funny. My teeth gently tug at his bottom lip before pulling away. “And this time it’s gonna be hot.”

  Something to Steady Those Nerves

  I’m ready. I’m almost too ready. I need to calm myself the fuck down or I’m liable to go off right now just thinking about it. After last night I cannot be a quick popper. Tonight’s performance needs to be just that—a performance. All the bells and whistles need to be present. I need to redeem myself and show Paisley what I am really capable of.

  We requested a king-size bed and we’re upgraded to a suite. The room is nice but the bathroom is what makes the room so special. Paisley grabbed her pink bag and her new girly razors and disappeared to take a warm shower almost immediately after checking in. Right now she’s in there all wet and soapy. I try to shake the image from my head and sit down on the edge of the bed. Laid out next to me is a pair of the new panties. Why the hell are they so sexy? I thought Walmart only sold granny panties. I toss the lacy pink thong back onto the bed and stand up to pace the length of the room.

  Everything feels so different from last night. It’s no longer got that one-night feel, but we’re not actually at the dating part yet either. Although, depending how you look at it, today was the equivalent of like four dates rolled into one. Four really good dates where all the feelings start creeping in. Confusing feelings that make you wonder where things are headed.

  The shower water turns off. I’m next to go in.

  Oh man, I need to calm down. My phone goes off but I ignore it. Another inquisitive text from Remi will not help matters. She never does anything to calm me when my nerves are shot like this.

  Or does she?

  I grab my bag from the floor and search for the little plastic bottle of pills she gave me. Bingo. They didn’t do much at the airport but I’m desperate to take the edge off and I’m not gonna risk what happened last night happening again by having a drink, no matter how tempting that bar downstairs is.

  I pop off the cap. One or two? The shower door slides o
pen and I toss two in my mouth and reach for Paisley’s bottle of Diet Coke to swallow them down. Okay pills, do your magic, calm my nerves. I return to pacing, stopping only to crack my neck from side to side. Jesus Christ, I’m just as nervous for this as I was to fly. Maybe even more.

  The bathroom door opens and Paisley peeks her head out. “I’m still going to be a few minutes but if you want to come in and start your shower, you can. I’m sure you’re freezing in those wet clothes.”

  Wet clothes. Right. I’d almost forgotten. I walk over to the bathroom, get one glimpse of Paisley in a little white towel, and turn back around.

  “I’m good. Take your time and I’ll go in when you’re done.” My dick is stiff. It’s ready, and I don’t know how I’m gonna contain myself much longer. I’m wondering if it’s a good idea to pre-bate, rub one out in the shower so I don’t lose it too soon with her. If I do it quick when I first jump in, by the time I finish up, brush my teeth, and get out there for some extended foreplay focusing on her pleasure, my turnaround timing should be just right.

  Paisley emerges from the bathroom still wrapped in the towel. Oh yeah, there’s my starting go-to image. She’s so fucking hot.

  “Bathroom’s all yours, don’t take too long.” She opens her towel, letting it drop to the floor.

  And there’s my ending image.

  Shower. Now.

  I’ve never done the multiple orgasm thing. But tonight I bet that all changes because I don’t think I’ve ever been so turned on or more drawn to a guy than Jax.

  As long as the water is running, I know have time. I put the new bra and panties on and admire my reflection. I look cute. I don’t want cute. I lose the bra, muss up my hair, and use my hands to cover up my boobs. Better.

  Ring. Ring.

  I run over to my phone on the dresser and disconnect it from the charger. It’s Karie. She’s probably just leaving now from her shift at the hospital. The water is still running so I figure I have time to answer.

  “Hello,” I whisper.

  “I’m walking out of the longest day ever at work and I just saw your last text. Really, you’re spending another night with Whiskey Dick?”

  “Yes, he’s in the shower so talk fast because I may hang up at any minute if he gets out,” I warn her, keeping one eye on the door. If the water stops, I need to hang up and go back into my vixen stance before he comes out.

  “Hmm, that’s risky.”

  “I know, but this time there’s no whiskey, so there should be no problem with the dick.”

  “Yeah, but if you have another bad night of sex isn’t that kinda gonna be a deal breaker for the date you have planned?”

  “Trust me, it’s not going to be bad. First of all I’m so horned up that him just looking at me will probably set me off.” I step in closer to the bathroom door and listen. The water’s still running. “And second, I can tell he’s horned up too. Last night was just a fluke. Nerves, alcohol, and bad luck. That’s all.”

  “I hope so. It’s just all day you’ve been texting me about how great this guy is, looks, personality, and you even used the word charming like three times. So what’s his deal? Why is he single?”

  “Um, why am I single? Why are you single?” I whisper-shout, snapping my head around to check the bathroom door.

  “Because all we do is work and watch TV. We have no fucking lives.” She laughs. “God, don’t get so defensive. I’m just wondering if it’s possible this guy is still single because of boudoir issues. Lord knows we both see plenty of men dealing with those kind of issues on a daily basis.”

  It’s true, we do. Karie is way more privy to the details of those stories working in geriatric and internal medicine, but I am still very aware of how rampant an issue it is. However, Jax is young and healthy.

  Another sound goes off and Jax’s phone lights up on the night table where he left it. It’s late to get a text. I’m curious.

  Tonya: You up?

  “Oh my God!” I’m back to whisper-shouting. “Jax just got a ‘You Up’ text from some skank named Tonya.”

  “What? He has a fuck buddy?”

  “I don’t know any other kind of buddy who would text ‘you up’ at 1:00 a.m.” I press my ear to the bathroom door and hear the water still going. Wow, that is a really long shower.

  “Yeah, I guess you’re right,” Karie agrees. “But hey, that’s good news in the working ding-a-ling department. You don’t have a fuck buddy if your dick doesn’t work.”

  I stare at Jax’s phone, waiting to see if a second text comes in. It doesn’t, but what’s protocol on how long to wait in between booty call messages? Five minutes? Ten? Every hour on the hour? Will he text her back when he gets out? The glass shower doors rattle. No more water.

  “Kar, I gotta go. Talk tomorrow.”

  “Good luck, babe. I got my fingers crossed for you.”

  “Thanks.” I disconnect and run my phone back over to the charger. A quick listen at the bathroom door and it sounds like Jax is brushing his teeth.

  I pull the thong from my butt crack. This is why I bought two pairs of panties. One uncomfortable sexy pair for tonight and one comfortable yet still reasonably sexy pair for the ride home tomorrow. I fluff my hair with a flip and return my hands to their faux-bra place.

  Jax opens the door, taking an earlier cue from me wearing nothing but a towel. He’s got chiseled pecs and tight abs. His tanned skin is still dewy from the shower and as he walks toward me the towel slips lower on his hips, exposing a trail that I will be more than happy to follow. Oh yeah, it’s a safe bet that tonight I’ll be having more than one orgasm. My thighs squeeze together; I think I’m already at the start of one right now.

  He hooks an arm around my waist, pulling me in. I release my bare breasts, throwing my arms over his shoulder, clasping my hands behind his neck. His blue eyes are glazed with lust, really glazed. The rough touch of his beard brushes against my shoulder. He kisses my skin in a pattern almost as if following a map of my freckles. His fingers run up and down my sides, caressing the soft curve of my body but only skimming the parts of me desperate with need for his touch. It’s torture. Delicious torture. If vaginas had knees mine would be down on the floor begging.

  We back our way over to the bed. His towel stays on and my panties come off, getting flung across the room like a slingshot. My upper half gets teased with his tongue and my lower half by his fingers. I don’t even fight the orgasm already building. I clear my mind and allow the euphoric pleasure to take control.

  “I’m coming,” I say with two strained breaths. “I’m. Coming.” Two sentences. “Com-ing” Two syllables. “Cuh. Ggh.” Two sounds.

  “Did you just come?” he asks, two wet fingers trailing over my stomach.

  Really? Was that not clear?

  “I did, but don’t worry, I’m nowhere near done.” My hands tug at his towel. “We still have a box of condoms, and I feel like we owe it to the cashier at Walmart to use as many as possible.” I giggle, nuzzling into his neck walking us backwards to the bed.

  “Paisley, I…,” he says in throaty voice. “I like you.”

  “And I like you.” I glide my fingertips over his chest, down his stomach, but stop from going any further. I can tease too.

  “I don’t understand,” he mumbles, and we lie back on the bed, his large frame hovering over me. “You’re so hot.”

  “You’re so hot.” I circle around, dragging my hands up and down his back. His body relaxes on top of mine. It’s good that he’s relaxing, but his weight pressing into me like this is a bit much. “Can you roll over?” I grunt under the pressure.

  “Mmmm.” He lifts his body and flips onto his back next to me. His chest rises. His blue eyes close. The towel is off. His dick is flaccid.

  His.

  Dick.

  Is.

  FLACCID.

  Limp. Soft. Sans boner.

  No fucking way. Just—no fucking way.

  “Jax?” I call his name, leaning over him. No
thing. “Jax?” I raise my voice.

  “Please don’t hate me.” He yawns. “You’re so pretty. I like you. I swear. But I just... can’t.”

  “You can’t?” We are naked in bed and he can’t? All day long I felt this connection building, this attraction, and he can’t? His fingers are still wet with my pleasure, my tits are inches from his face and he can’t!

  “I want….” His eyes blink open momentarily. “Hot… you… whiskey… can’t.” Deep breaths followed by a slight snore end his string of disconnected words.

  “You rotten motherfucker!” I jump up from the bed and immediately search for the more sensible undies. Is he seriously trying to blame this on whiskey again? Does he think I’m stupid? There was no whiskey. I scan the room just to make sure, searching for a used glass, and even take off the lid and sniff my Diet Coke for any hints of a spiked drink. I throw on my bra, tee, and yoga pants, leaving him sprawled out and exposed on the bed. I glare down at the one-eyed monster who doesn’t want to play. On second thought, I can’t even look at it. I grab a hand towel from the bathroom.

  “Why don’t you like me?” I shout at the deflated penis before covering it with the towel.

  Jax doesn’t move. He is out for the count. My loud complaints, my marching angrily across the room, my slamming things around, nothing wakes him. Not even the ping from his phone on the night table that of course I look at.

  Tonya: Guess not. Too bad. I miss that hard cock. Talk soon?

  We Should Have Flown

  “There’s a Dunkin up ahead, want to stop for some coffee?” I ask the angry woman behind the wheel.

  “No.” Another one-word answer. That’s all I’ve gotten since waking up. I don’t blame her. But she won’t let me explain, which is probably a good thing because I have no fucking explanation for what happened.

  In the shower last night, once again, my dick was hard for her. I had figured rubbing the first one out would help, but unfortunately it seemed to have had the opposite effect. By the time I got out, a sleepiness had begun to take hold that I couldn’t explain. Every part of me was overtaken by exhaustion. Every part.