Snow & Ash: Endless Winter

by Theresa Shaver

  A brief grin flickered across Dad’s face at the memory. “Right, um do you remember after the party Bill and I went for a drive? Well, he brought me here. I was blindsided! I couldn’t believe what he had created; I mean the scope of the project was just huge! Apparently he had started working on it right after that camping trip. No one official knew about it. It was totally off the books and he had used foreign contractors to get it all done. He told me about the twin shelter back east and how he had massaged the figures to fund building this one. I’ve been working on the finishing touches for the last four years. Uncle Bill still has a hand in some of it. Every now and then I would get a text from him that I should go enjoy the mountains and that’s when I knew a delivery was coming. All these shipping containers were his doing. So he’s the reason we’re here. He saved our lives.”

  Tears immediately flood my eyes as I think about Mom. She’s not here, she wasn’t saved. Dad’s face crumples for a split second before firming up again so I angrily swipe at my eyes and clear my throat. If I let the tears come I know I’ll be back in my room and this time I might not come out.

  “So, Uncle Bill made all this for just us?”

  Dad shakes his head, “No, it’s for a lot more than just us. We’re sort of caretakers for it. Bill knew that if something big happened that our country would need help afterwards to rebuild. The shelter in the east won’t be enough. Most of our population is in the east so it makes sense that they would start there but this is a huge country and there’s a lot resources that will be needed from the west. Unfortunately, our politicians seem to mainly focus on only two of the provinces. Bill wanted to…diversify.”

  I didn’t really understand everything Dad said but I got the jist of it. I looked around the cavern again before asking,

  “Seems a little small to be used to rebuild doesn’t it?”

  Dad snorted out a laugh. “Oh Sunshine, this is just the tip of it! There’s two more levels underneath us filled with materials and supplies as well as a hydroelectric plant even deeper to provide endless power. We would be able to clear the area outside and provide everything to start rebuilding when the time comes.”

  My mouth had dropped open and my eyes were huge as I listened to his explanation.

  “That’s amazing! When are we going to go get the people? Isn’t it dangerous for them to still be outside? What about kids? Will there be a school set up?”

  My excitement and enthusiasm dimmed as he was shaking his head and then disappeared and turned to shocked anger at his words.

  “No Sky, no one can know about this place! It would be over run in minutes! No, Bill has a plan in place, a timeline for how to rebuild and when and it won’t be for a long time. We just have to wait it out.”

  I swear I felt my heart harden as he spoke. Here it was again, my dad looking away instead of helping people. My tone was harsh and sarcastic for a ten year old but I didn’t feel like a kid anymore.

  “Kinda hard to rebuild if everyone is dead, Dad!”

  His face flushed and he snapped back, “You don’t understand, you’re too young to understand what would happen if we tried to help!”

  I glared at him and delivered the most painful, mean thing I could.

  “Oh, you mean like driving past those kids on the road? That was to save ourselves, right? Hey, that sure worked out didn’t? Oh wait, no it didn’t, cuz Mom DIED anyway!”

  My voice cracked on a sob on the last word so I just spun around and ran back to my room with the baby waling against my chest. Dad might have saved our lives but what kind of life would it be knowing that he let all those people die?

  Chapter Eight-Rex

  It felt like the screaming and yelling went on forever. There were even a few gun shots that scared the heck out of me. The only good thing was that they were far away and no sound was coming from the storeroom. My legs are numb and fill with pins and needles as I try to get to my feet without waking Matty up. As much as I want to stay hidden in this tiny bathroom, it’s kinda gross and I should be helping Belle and Sasha with the organizing.

  Matty’s good and out, a dead weight in my arms with a line of drool down his chin so I just hoist us up and open the door. Things seem to be settling down out in the store, at least I haven’t heard anything from out there for a while so maybe they’ve taken what they wanted and left. I’m scared just thinking about what that guy said about coming back for the stuff in the store room. I don’t know what he’d do to us if he found us. Nothing I can do about it right now so I look around for the girls but all I see are piles of stuff stacked everywhere. My belly clenches and my heart stutters for a second when I think that they left me and Matty here but then I see the top of Belle’s head against the back wall and the breath I didn’t know I was holding comes whooshing out.

  It’s kinda crazy. I mean, I’ve only known the girls for a few hours but the thought of them leaving me terrifies me more than the gunshots out in the store had. I don’t think I can do this on my own. I don’t think Matty and I could survive without them. I push that thought down and away as I head over to them. Belle’s sitting on the couch with Sasha laying down on it with her head on Belle’s lap. Looks like Sasha’s sleeping just like Matty.

  Belle sees me over the stack of supplies and puts a finger to her lips then gently slides out from under her daughter and stands. I can’t help but be jealous for a second. I wouldn’t mind putting my head down on Mom’s lap and drifting away from all this madness. My face forms up into a scowl. No point thinking that way now. Mom’s gone and I have to suck it up and be a man for Matty’s sake.

  Belle shoots me a questioning look at my angry expression as she reaches for Matty but I just look away with a shake of my head, can’t talk about it right now. I see there’s a small area that’s been cleared and they’ve set up a playpen with soft baby blankets in it. I feel my shoulders slump in relief that Matty will have a safe place to sleep. I don’t know where the rest of us will be sleeping but at least the kid will be fine.

  Belle gets him settled in and covered up and then leads me by the elbow away from the sleeping kids. When were far enough away that we won’t wake them she turns me to her and tries to give me a hug but I can’t right now. I can’t be sad and I can’t be soft so I push her arms away gently and shake my head again. She’s got the softest blue eyes that are so filled with kindness that I have to look away from them too.

  She lets out this sad sigh before telling me, “It’s ok honey. I’m here when you’re ready. I promise I’m not going anywhere.”

  I press my lips together tightly so I won’t yell at her that she can’t promise that. I know she’s just trying to help. After a few seconds she just gives my head a quick rub and goes on.

  “So, I don’t think there’s anything we can do about those men that were outside talking. If they come back, we’ll just have to keep very quiet and hope they don’t find the door. So let’s just worry about that when or if it happens, ok? Now, I think we can get a lot of this stuff out of the way by filling up the lockers and some of it can go into the bathroom and the kitchen cupboard. After that we’ll just stack the rest along the walls. Once we’ve made some room we can blow up the air mattresses that Daniel brought back from the camping section.”

  I’m nodding along with her but then when she mentions Daniel I have to ask her.

  “Do you think that guy was telling the truth…about what happened out there? You know the bombs and stuff?”

  She looks at me thoughtfully for a second before she starts nodding her head.

  “Yes, I do now. At first I was just caught up in getting the supplies but then when nothing happened I started to doubt what he’d told us. After all those people came into the store and all the yelling and gunshots, well, if something hadn’t happened then where were the police? Stores getting looted and gunfire just doesn’t happen here without the police showing up. So, yes, I think somehow Daniel Ross knew what had happened and he tried to help us so I’m going to do exactl
y what he told us to do.”

  I tip my head in a sharp nod of agreement. There’s nothing else I can think of to do so we’ll follow his plan for now and see what happens.

  “Alright, let’s get this stuff sorted out then.”

  Belle and I move and organise as quietly as we can but eventually Matty wakes up with a squawk and that wakes Sasha up, so we put together a meal of soup and sandwiches, cooking them on the camping stove. Then back at it until there’s finally a decent amount of floor space to blow up the mattresses. I remember Dad doing this before and it was a quick flick of a switch and a small pump blew air in. It only took a few minutes to inflate them but now flicking a switch does nothing, so my leg’s ready to fall off after using a foot pump to get the first mattress inflated. I flop down on it in exhaustion while Belle pumps up the second one.

  The store’s quiet and I hope that means we’re alone in here. I’m bushed and I don’t want to have to deal with anything else tonight. Too bad that’s not going to happen. Matty crawls on top of me and starts slapping at my cheeks. The kid’s bored and I’m his favorite toy. I close my eyes for a second and just endure his patty cake on my face when the smell of a toxic Matty bomb hits my nose. Oh man, this kid is a master of gross! I do a quick peek at Belle to see if she’ll sweep in for the rescue again but she’s pumping away at her mattress and I can’t help but frown at how tired she looks. I’m on my own for this one.

  I roll the kid off me onto the other side of the mattress and he giggles when he bounces. I stagger to my feet and grab the diaper bag. There’s a folded up plastic changing matt that Mom always uses when we’re out somewhere so I get that laid out and snag the wiggle monster onto it. Even with kicking legs and arched back I manage to get his pants off letting out even more stink. I take a quick look around hoping Daniel had somehow managed to get us a hazmat suit but no luck. I do spot a package of painter’s dust masks. I have no idea why they are here but I grab it and tear one out and get it on my face and nothing, still reeks, but the kid has frozen in place as he stares at me. I’m about to pull it off, afraid he’s going to start wailing but the biggest grin splits his face and he starts to belly laugh the way only Matty can. Good enough for me. If it keeps him happy I might be able to get him clean without poop flying everywhere.

  Not only do I get him decontaminated, but I also give his small body a wipe down with the baby wipes and into some pajamas that are in the diaper bag. I know Mom always gives him a bath before bed but water’s too important now to do that so hopefully the wipes will be good enough. I lean back, happy to have got the job done only Matty lets out a screech and reaches for me. I pull off the painter’s mask and hand it to him. That’s all it takes to make the kid happy again. He spends the next ten minutes putting it on his face and pulling it off while yelling BOO before belly laughing again. I leave him on the mattress playing while I go into the bathroom and do my own clean up with the wipes. I use a tiny bit of water from a bottle to brush my teeth while trying not to yawn. I’m so tired, I just want to crash. A quick thought passes through my head that this must have been how Mom felt at the end of a busy day dealing with me and Matty. I shake it away, still not ready to deal.

  By the time I come out of the bathroom, Belle’s done with her mattress and has blankets on both. Sasha has Matty on the couch with a bottle and his eyes are starting to droop closed. I go over and gently pry his little fingers from the painters mask. I shoot a quick look at Sasha’s face but she seems almost as zoned out as the kid so I start humming the song Mom always sings to him at bedtime. His lips curve up around the bottle but his eyes stay closed so I keep humming even though the tears I said I couldn’t deal with are pouring down my face. I keep humming as pictures flash through my mind of Mom and all the cool things she used to do with me, from beating me constantly at Halo to tackling me during laser tag. The hateful words I said to her over the last month to the way she looked after the van crashed, they all keep circling around in my head until my humming turns to sobs and then Belle’s pulling me away. She’s holding me in her arms and rocking me and I finally just let it all go.

  Chapter Nine-Skylar

  Here’s the thing about living in a cave, there’s nowhere to go. I’m mad, I’m mad at my Dad, I’m mad at Mom that she’s gone and I’m even a little mad at the baby because he needs me so much. I just want to run away and be alone and mad but I’m stuck here and the stupid computer say’s it’ll be years before it’ll be safe to live outside. I heard Dad talking to it about forecasts and it says something called nuclear winter is coming. It’s August so I don’t get how any kind of winter will be here for months but who cares, it just means I’m stuck in here.

  The days just seem to blend into each other with nothing changing. I feel like I’m in a fog and I keep waiting for something, anything to happen that will change our situation. I can’t get out of the shelter so instead I explore it. With baby Benny strapped into his sling I roam through the different levels and areas. I go through every door that I can open and kick the ones I can’t in frustration. I’m beginning to hate the sound of AIRIA’s voice when she says,

  “Skylar Ross, unauthorised entry.”

  I’ve made so many laps through this place I’m beginning to see as a prison that by the end of the day my feet and legs ache.

  I’m bored and I just can’t imagine being stuck in here for the rest of my life. There has to be more. As my frustration and anger grow day by day there’s only one outlet and that’s taking it out on Dad. He always seems to be busy with building something, taking care of the animals or planting seeds in the grow area. My attitude and sarcastic tone seem to bounce right off of him which makes me even madder. I’ll admit it, I was a huge brat! So it almost comes as a relief when he finally loses his patience with me.

  Ten days, it’s been ten days since my life ended. I lie in bed staring up at the ceiling and wonder if I should even bother getting up. I mean, what’s the point? Another day of just wandering around my prison seems so pointless so I roll over and close my eyes.

  “Skylar, get your butt out here!”

  My eyes pop back open. This is new. Dad hasn’t really talked to me in days. I sort of want to ignore him and just stay in bed but I worry it’s something to do with the baby so I roll out and stuff my feet in slippers before shuffling out into the living room. I head straight over to the cradle Dad made to check on the baby but Benny’s sleeping soundly so it’s not him. Then I see something different, piled on the dining room table we haven’t even used yet is books, papers, pens, pencils and DVD’s. I wander over and see that there’s a plate with an omelette and toast waiting for me as well as a folded sheet of paper leaning up against a glass of orange juice with my name on it.

  I glance over at Dad but he’s got his back to me working at the stove so I snatch the paper up and unfold it. It’s titled Skylar’s Schedule and I frown as I read. Eight to twelve, schoolwork with each hour broken down by subject then lunch. One to three is marked Agricultural Studies then three to four special interests. I have no idea what that means so moving on is dinner, family time and hobbies from five to nine and then bed. I scowl over my shoulder at his back, nice of him to give me one free hour a day to do what I want. I think about tearing the schedule to pieces before going and slamming my door but at the same time I think it might be good to start doing more. I can’t just wander aimlessly and I had just been thinking that there needed to be more to life so maybe I could try this plan out for a while and see how it goes. BUT, but no cow poop shoveling!

  The truth is it felt good to stretch my brain with school work. It was a bit of an escape to not have to think of our situation and just concentrate on equations and literature. Agricultural Studies turned out to be learning about the cow and chickens and how to care for them and keep them healthy. It also meant learning about growing things. There was definitely some EWWWW moments but it was kind of fun. Dad didn’t know a whole lot about farm animals and crops so together we learned what we needed
to know. And our teacher, the annoying AIRIA! We watched videos and tutorials on everything from how to make baby chickens to crop rotation. We learned how to can the things we were growing and how to make butter and cheese. It was interesting and different and we did it together with Benny strapped to one of us the whole time. Slowly we learned how to be a family without Mom.

  Special Interests, AKA how to be crafty. He tried to teach me wood working but the glazed look in my eyes must have discouraged him so he moved us on to learning how to make clothes which was way more fun for me than him I’m sure. After I had mastered the sewing machine I tried my hand at knitting. I loved knitting, but having so much time on my hands can mess with a person’s head and I got a little carried away. Benny now had enough knitted baby clothes to wear a different outfit twice a day for a month. Dad finally called a halt on my obsession when I presented him with a full man sized body suit that included booties and a hood all made from bright red yarn.

  Six months passed faster than I thought it could and Benny was getting bigger by the minute. Dad had made him a wooden walker with wheels and it was a relief to be able to ditch the sling. He seemed to be happy to push himself along in it while we went about our chores. I missed Mom and ached for our old life everyday but it was working. There were still times when it all got to me and one of those times was when I had a major meltdown on my eleventh birthday.

  The day started out great with a candle stuck in a breakfast cinnamon bun. Dad sang Happy Birthday to me with Benny clapping his hands and screeching along with him. I loved the leather journal and other treats they gave me but the main present Dad had for me sent me into a tail spin of anger and sadness. He had been working on finishing some of the rooms in the back cavern for quite a while but I hadn’t really been paying attention to what he had been doing so it was a total surprise when he led me to a door that I knew was a room filled with work out equipment. The floor was no longer natural rock but a highly shined and polished wood floor. The walls had been transformed from unfinished drywall to mirrors and running along to sides of the room was a dancer’s bar. The weights, treadmill and bike had all been set up properly in one corner with a punching bag hanging to the side.