Sunshine and Sweet Peas in Nightingale Square

by Heidi Swain

  ‘He’s no Prince Charming,’ I said, trying to shake her off. ‘Well, not mine anyway.’

  ‘Of course he is,’ she persisted. ‘And I’m your personal Fairy Godmother.’

  The idea was laughable. For a start she wouldn’t suit pink tulle and she didn’t look to have a star-tipped wand secreted anywhere about her person.

  ‘And given that, according to Mark, this is the same guy you met in the grocers. The very one who fancied the pants off you,’ she went doggedly on, ‘and that you know your onions when it comes to antiques and stuff, we’re rather hoping you’ll be able to steer him in the right direction when he and the other developers start work on Prosperous Place.’

  Now it was my turn to roll my eyes. What she was suggesting was absurd and I wondered if there was anyone in the Square she hadn’t talked to about the situation. Heather, sensing that I wasn’t happy, pulled her back and tried to shut her up.

  ‘I really don’t think Kate’s on the lookout for a new Prince Charming,’ she said sagely to our over-exuberant friend. ‘And I don’t think she’s looking for a wild fling that may or may not help save Prosperous Place either,’ she quickly added before Lisa had a chance. ‘Are you, Kate?’

  ‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘Of course I’m not. No torrid romance required here, thank you very much.’ I was trying my best to sound less nettled than I felt, but I wasn’t sure I was succeeding. ‘I certainly don’t need a Prince Charming. Besides, I’ve already had mine and he’s long gone.’

  I swallowed and dropped my eyes to the path and Lisa took the opportunity to start up again.

  ‘You do know there’s more than one Prince for each of us, don’t you?’ she nudged. ‘You do realise that you get to have another crack at the relationship game. One failed marriage doesn’t condemn you to a life sentence of spinsterhood.’

  ‘I don’t think you can be a spinster if you’ve been married,’ said Heather thoughtfully.

  ‘Well, whatever. A sentence to singledom then,’ Lisa impatiently added. ‘You know what I mean. You need to get back on the horse, Kate before you completely forget how to ride.’

  Heather looked as though she wanted to laugh, but I didn’t find our friend funny at all.

  ‘Says the woman who’s happily married to the man of her dreams,’ I bitterly cut in. ‘A man who is so loving and loyal, he’s no doubt looking after your three beautiful children on his day off, so you can have a break.’

  Lisa shook her head, but I didn’t give her a chance to interrupt.

  ‘Believe me Lisa,’ I told her, ‘you’d soon feel the same way if you found yourself in my position. If John broke your heart, you’d soon understand that when it comes to true love, there are no second chances.’

  Heather gave Lisa a look which both suggested that she needed to stop pushing and that she deserved the telling off I had just given her, but it still didn’t stop her.

  ‘Are you actually telling me that you really believe there’s only one person in the world for everyone?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And that if the relationship with that person, that once in a lifetime so-called soulmate ends, then that’s it? Bye bye romance and love and sex and everything else?’

  ‘Yes.’ I shrugged. ‘The chance to have a truly meaningful relationship has gone.’

  There, I’d admitted it. I’d finally said that if the fairytale idyll turned out to be anything but, then that was it, game over. The flame was extinguished, never to be as brightly relit.

  ‘But what if the person you were madly in love with broke your heart,’ asked Heather quietly, ‘just like David did, and then, somewhere down the line, you fall for someone else.’

  ‘You couldn’t possibly fall for someone else in the same way or love that deeply again,’ I told her. ‘If you had already given your whole heart to someone there wouldn’t be any of it left for anyone else. You might think you were having a second time around romance, but it wouldn’t really be a patch on what had gone before.’

  ‘So, what you’re saying,’ said Lisa, stopping in the middle of the path, ‘is that it’s the happy ever after for you or nothing?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  ‘Even if the first fairy tale ended through no fault of your own and there was an opportunity to write another, you wouldn’t?’

  ‘No,’ I said firmly. ‘I wouldn’t. If you’d already had the best, then why would you bother with the rest?’

  I was rather pleased with my ‘I’m a poet’ moment, but Lisa just scowled.

  ‘That’s ridiculous,’ she snapped, her chin thrust stubbornly in my direction.

  ‘Let’s just agree to disagree on this, shall we?’

  ‘Well, perhaps we should, because if you’re thinking that this soon to be ex-husband of yours was the best,’ she said, her hands firmly planted on her hips, ‘then I feel pretty damn sorry for you, Kate.’

  ‘Lisa!’ gasped Heather.

  ‘What?’ She frowned. ‘It’s true. He treated her like shit and now she thinks she’s doomed to spend the rest of her days on her own. Well, I’ll tell you lady,’ she said in a voice she usually reserved for when her kids had been up to no good. ‘Some day some lovely bloke will fight his way through to your heart and he’ll want to whisk you away and I really hope you will have seen sense by then.’

  ‘I wouldn’t bank on it,’ I said, walking away. ‘And if you’re really thinking that I would be interested then you don’t know me very well at all and besides, I’m actually the reason my marriage failed, not David so I’m entitled to think I’m getting my just deserts, thank you very much.’

  ‘I can’t believe you’re still blaming yourself for what happened,’ she began to mutter, but Heather stopped her.

  We continued to walk in silence around the lake and back to the car park. Heather had made a few vague attempts to point out the wildfowl and the change in the weather which was looming on the horizon, but she soon gave up when neither Lisa nor I responded.

  ‘Shall we just go home, then?’ she asked wearily when we were halfway between her car and the café in the car park.

  ‘I don’t bloody think so,’ said Lisa, linking arms with me as if our argument had never happened. ‘I only came for the cake.’

  ‘Not the scintillating conversation?’ I asked, shoving my hat back on.

  It felt cold now we weren’t striding along.

  ‘No,’ she said, pulling me in the direction of the café. ‘Not really. I have this infuriating mate who has some very weird ideas you see, and she insisted on coming along this morning.’

  I couldn’t believe she thought I was the infuriating one.

  ‘You mean a mate who won’t agree with your way of thinking?’

  ‘Exactly,’ she said.

  ‘Shocking,’ I gasped.

  ‘It is,’ she said, ‘she’s a total nut job, but I’ll grind her down in the end.’

  She wouldn’t, but I had no intention of telling her that and starting the whole argument up again.

  ‘And before you start cross-examining me about last night,’ I said, eyeing the pair of them as Evie began to fidget, ‘I have absolutely no idea what this guy Luke has to do with Prosperous Place, or what he and his developer pals have lined up for it.’

  Lisa tutted.

  ‘In that case you definitely should have snogged the face off him,’ she said.

  I opened my mouth to protest.

  ‘Not for any romantic reasons,’ she quickly cut in, ‘just so you could pump him for information.’

  ‘That’s a terrible thing to suggest,’ Heather said disapprovingly as she pushed Evie’s buggy through the café door. ‘I’m sure Kate would never use her feminine wiles in that way.’

  ‘Given what she told us on our walk around the lake, I’m a little concerned that she’ll never use them for anything ever again.’

  I ignored the remark.

  ‘I did, however,’ I said instead, ‘tell him about our desire to turn the green into an allotment, s
o if he or any of his cronies have the power to make a decision about that, then I’m sure we’ll hear about it soon enough.’

  I pushed away the thought that if we did get the go-ahead we would be changing one of the last remaining pieces of the Wentworth legacy, as Luke had been quick to point out, to suit our own ends.

  ‘Well, that’s something I suppose,’ Lisa said graciously. ‘The evening wasn’t a total waste, then?’

  I didn’t tell her that the evening hadn’t been wasted at all. Rather it had actually turned out to be one of the nicest I’d had since arriving in Nightingale Square, but I knew that if I admitted that, then there’d be no stopping her.

  ‘Can you hold Evie while I nip to the loo?’ Heather asked, while Lisa was queuing up to pay for our snacks and drinks. ‘I’m absolutely bursting.’

  ‘Can’t you just hang on until Lisa comes back?’

  I had no desire to be left, literally, holding the baby. In fact, given the tumultuous thoughts our walk around the lake had stirred up, that was the very last thing I wanted.

  ‘Nope,’ she said, dumping the snuggly wrapped-up bundle into my arms. ‘Sorry. I’ll be quick.’

  I took a deep breath and carefully readjusted my position at the table so I could get a more comfortable hold on her.

  ‘So,’ I sighed, looking at Evie’s pretty, plump face. ‘What are we supposed to talk about then, Miss Evie?’

  She rewarded me with one of her beautiful smiles and then reached out a pudgy hand and started pulling at my scarf. Her little softly padded body felt heavy in my arms and I realised she was feeling far more relaxed than I was. I fathomed, as I began to gently jiggle her up and down and watched her giggle in response, that I’d been a constant in her life for as long as she could remember. She beamed up at me and stretched her arms out to reach my face and I kissed her fingers, making her properly squeal.

  ‘Now look at you,’ said Lisa, resting the packed tray on the table. ‘Are you seriously telling me that you’d take a pass on a second time around romance and miss out on making one of these for yourself?’

  Tears had sprung to my eyes even before I’d had time to think up either a witty or scathing retort and as I bent my head, trying to blink them away, one escaped and rolled down my cheek. It was quickly accompanied by another.

  ‘Now, do you want chocolate or strawberry?’ Lisa asked, holding aloft two cupcakes, completely unaware of the growing torrent her timely comment had unleashed. ‘I got Heather the nuts and seeds tray-bake thing she asked for, but I bet she’ll be begging for a bite of these when she sees them.’

  ‘Kate?’

  Heather was back from the loo.

  ‘Can you take her?’ I sniffed, standing awkwardly and passing Evie back to her before she’d even had time to unzip her jacket.

  ‘What have you said now?’ she asked Lisa accusingly.

  ‘What?’ Lisa responded. ‘I only asked her which cake she wanted.’

  ‘I’m just going to the loo,’ I said, keeping my head bent as I made my escape.

  When I came back to the table the tea had been poured, the cakes distributed and Heather was discreetly feeding Evie under a muslin square.

  ‘Are you all right?’ Lisa asked. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I was just trying to make you see sense.’

  Heather tutted loudly.

  ‘Sorry,’ Lisa corrected. ‘I was only trying to make you see what I think is common sense.’

  ‘It’s all right,’ I told her, pulling off my jacket. ‘It’s not your fault. You weren’t to know.’

  ‘Know what?’

  ‘It doesn’t matter,’ I shrugged. ‘Can we talk about something else?’

  Heather deftly burped her baby and swapped her to the other side.

  ‘She’s still as voracious as ever then?’ Lisa said with a nod to the bump under Heather’s muslin.

  ‘Oh God, yes,’ she smiled, ‘I can’t keep up with her. I’m going to have to start weaning her soon. I know it’s a little early but—’

  ‘Mother knows best,’ Lisa interjected. ‘Better than those bloody books weighing down your coffee table, anyway.’

  ‘Oh, they’ve gone,’ said Heather.

  ‘Charity shop?’ I asked, taking a first delicious bite of the strawberry cupcake and forcing myself to join in with the conversation.

  ‘Box in the garage,’ she replied. ‘Glen and I didn’t think it was fair to pass on all that paranoia about how things should be done to someone else.’

  Lisa laughed.

  ‘It’ll be November the fifth again before we know it and we can have a sacrificial burning.’

  ‘It’s only January,’ Lisa tutted. ‘I’m still not over last Christmas yet, I don’t need to be thinking about the next one. How are plans coming along for the christening?’

  ‘Slowly,’ Heather groaned. ‘But there’s one thing Glen and I have decided on.’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘We’d love it if you and Kate would agree to be Evie’s godmothers.’

  The second bout of tears her kind words set flowing ensured that I really did have no option other than to explain what could have been construed as an aversion to babies and everything that came with them.

  ‘You can’t blame me this time,’ Lisa was quick to protest. ‘I hadn’t even opened my mouth. You were definitely the one who set her off,’ she said, taking hold of Evie while Heather rearranged her clothes.

  ‘It’s no one’s fault,’ I sniffed, blowing my nose on a paper napkin and screwing it into a tight ball. ‘It’s just baby talk in general.’

  ‘Go on,’ said Heather, passing me another napkin.

  ‘It was my incessant baby talk that broke up my marriage,’ I said, the words leaving my mouth for the first time ever.

  ‘I thought you said David had been unfaithful.’

  ‘He was,’ I said, still sniffing, ‘he was, but only because I drove him to it.’

  Heather reached out and put a hand over Lisa’s before she launched off on her ‘you can’t blame yourself’ speech again.

  ‘When David asked me to marry him, before then even,’ I began in a rush, ‘he had always been adamant that he didn’t want children. He said he was too old to start a family. He was always very up-front about his feelings and I, being so in love with him, was happy to sacrifice becoming a mother if it meant I could keep him.’

  ‘So what changed?’

  ‘It wasn’t even something I thought about until a couple we knew, who were only a little bit younger than David, had their first baby. It was a boy and David seemed besotted by him. He coddled him and cooed over him and even became his godfather and I, seeing the change in him, began to think that perhaps he would consider us having a baby of our own.’

  ‘But he wouldn’t?’

  ‘No,’ I said, shaking my head. ‘He was adamant that he wouldn’t be up to the job full-time, that he didn’t want to be. He said he enjoyed the freedom associated with the life and business we had created too much, and that a baby was all well and good providing it went home at the end of the day.’

  ‘How did that make you feel?’

  ‘Wretched. Once the idea had begun to grow in my head I couldn’t stop it. I did try but before I knew it, it was cropping up in practically every conversation we had. In the end David’s patience with me wore out and he decided that he was going to go to an auction in France, which we always attended together, on his own. He said he needed a break.’

  ‘And that was where . . .?’ Lisa asked, her eyebrows raised.

  ‘Yes,’ I nodded, ‘that was where it happened, and so you see, it was all my fault.’

  Lisa shook her head.

  ‘It certainly was not,’ Heather jumped in, taking up the tone she was always berating Lisa for using. ‘He should have been more understanding. It was cruel to act like that around someone else’s child and then punish you for the feelings the sight aroused.’

  ‘Did he tell you he’d been unfaithful?’ Lisa asked. ‘When he came
back, did he tell you?’

  ‘No,’ I said, knowing I needed to get off the subject. ‘He carried on as if nothing was amiss. He was attentive and apologetic and I just put his change in attitude down to the fact that he’d had time to think things through and was trying to see the situation from my point of view.’

  ‘What a bastard,’ said Lisa, handing a very drowsy Evie back to Heather.

  I shook my head. I was about to shoulder the blame once again, but the look on both their faces made the words die in my throat. ‘Shall we have another pot of tea?’ I said instead. ‘My treat.’

  Neither of my friends really seemed to have grasped the gravity of my guilt. Had I not got it into my head to try and change David’s mind about having a baby, then I’d still be happily married, contentedly living in London and working alongside the man I loved, and who had been my one chance at a happy ever after.

  Or would I?

  The fact that David had chosen not to mention his ‘foolish indiscretion’ (his words, not mine) until circumstances forced his hand, had set my thoughts off and running to every unsavoury and distasteful place imaginable. Had he succumbed to temptation before? Had the night he eventually described to me in mortifying detail actually been a one-off or more like one of many?

  ‘It’s not too late, you know,’ said Lisa, twisting between the front seats while Heather strapped Evie back into her little seat next to me.

  ‘It’s not too late for what?’ I asked.

  I hadn’t really been tuned in to what she had been saying as we left the cosy warmth of the café and walked back over to the car.

  ‘For you, you numpty,’ she laughed. ‘I know what you said earlier, but there’s still time for another shot at love and romance and even a baby of your own.’

  I shook my head, but she didn’t give me a chance to voice my objection again. Heather looked at me and smiled sympathetically. She and I both knew it was pointless trying to stop Lisa when she was in her stride. I would just have to wait it out until she’d said her bit and nod along when necessary. It was easier that way.

  ‘I know you’ve got this squiffy take on love and that it’s a once in a lifetime thing, but I’m telling you right now, you’re wrong, completely off your rocker.’