Must Love Logs (Must Love Series Book 4)

by Xavier Neal

  Family.

  What should come first.

  What must come first.

  New determination floods through my veins causing me to quickly shower, change, and head to Yasmine’s Yummies.

  Upon my arrival, I’m immediately greeted by my boss, who is working at one of the corner tables behind her laptop. She greets me with a confused expression. “Aren’t you off today? Did I have to listen to Langston bitch about missing some movie for no reason?”

  I try to offer her a comforting smile at the same time I slide my hands into my back pockets. “Actually, I um…I might be here to quit.”

  Yasmine’s brown gaze widens.

  “Might.” My prompt reiteration doesn’t alter the expression. “Key word to remember is might.”

  She slowly shuts her laptop and motions to the empty seat across from her. “I’m all ears.”

  Once I settle myself in the chair, I begin, “I should start by saying I don’t wanna quit-”

  “Then don’t. Early stroke in life avoided.”

  Holding back my laughter is harder than expected. “But-”

  “The only butts I love are big and sang by Sir Mix A lot.”

  “Yasmine.”

  Her rapid attempts to lighten the mood finally cease. “Seriously, go on.”

  “I love my job. I love what I do. I love that I get to do it for you. You’re a great boss, and Langston is hilarious. All three of us mesh well in and outside the kitchen.”

  “Not hearing the cause for quitting…”

  “However, I can’t keep this shit up.”

  She lifts her eyebrows in question.

  “The long hours are fine occasionally, but over the course of my career here, I have spent more time with the two of you than my husband or my kids.” Hearing my confession out of my own lips, again, furthers my determination to change. “And that’s fucked up, Yasmine. I mean…that’s my family. No one should have to choose between what they love and who they love…So, I won’t anymore.” My body lifts a little higher. “We can make some real schedule changes here, or I can thank you for the chance I had to work for someone as wonderful as you and walk back out that door.”

  Yasmine folds her hands on top of her laptop and pins me in place with a smirk. “Tell me what I’ve gotta do to keep you, and we’ll go from there…”

  It takes more time than anticipated to hammer out a new, healthier routine. However, by the end of the conversation it’s safe to believe it’s one that we’ll all be able to work with. The flexibility to see my children in shit like their big games or plays was non-negotiable, yet hours and complete days off, I agreed to wiggle on. I refused to come in early and stay late while she insisted Langston shouldn’t have to just suffer doing whatever I couldn’t do. That there would need to be tradeoffs — where one of us opened and one of us closed. Catering events would have to be played by ear, but she undoubtedly agreed to my first demand. Family shit has to and will come first. We also discussed the idea of getting a little help around the shop and L, who eventually joined the tail end of the conversation, suggested culinary students, which would give them experience as well as us some much-needed breathing room.

  Apparently, his own relationship was beginning to feel the strain of the constantly crazy schedule.

  Relieved to have one aspect of my life secure makes it easier to prepare for the uphill battle to establish stasis in the other.

  Just as I’m walking through our front door my husband is grabbing his keys from the coffee table to walk out.

  He tries to offer me a grin, yet it falls undeniably flat. “Hey.”

  “Hey…”

  Eddie scoops up the object and adjusts the dress shirt draped over his arm. “Bud’s shirt wasn’t dry, so I had to swing back by the house before I went to grab the pizza.”

  Unsure of what he’s referencing, I cautiously ask, “Pizza for…?”

  “The kids tonight.”

  My head tilts in surprise.

  “Last night it was every man for himself, but tonight, we ordered them pizza and drinks. Like a ‘cast party’.”

  More shock crosses my complexion.

  “See, the understudies are in the chorus, but because Miss Eisenhower wanted to give them a chance to shine too, she had them star in the matinee while the main cast just joined the chorus.” He heads my direction. “So, there’s a pizza party between shows, especially since the kids aren’t really getting much time to leave and return.”

  “Makes sense.”

  “Was my idea.” His head tips a little towards the sky. “Smartest thing I did on the committee besides sell the best tickets to myself first.”

  I helplessly chuckle, and he almost instantly joins me.

  Fuck, I miss this.

  And him.

  “How about I ride with you?” I casually suggest.

  It’s his turn to look stunned.

  “Maybe we can…talk on the way?”

  Eddie starts to deny the idea but pauses as if involved in a mental skirmish.

  Instead of pushing, I simply hold my breath, hoping I haven’t completely fucked up my marriage…Praying that we haven’t been split so far apart that there’s no way to piece us back together.

  “Alright,” he eventually states. “Come on.”

  The two of us load into his truck, him not missing a beat to do the gentlemanly thing and open my door.

  I patiently wait until we’re out of the driveway before croaking, “I’ve been a really shitty wife.”

  He pulls up to the first stop sign and shoots me a small grin. “Swear jar.”

  His small reference to our boys twists itself around my heart. “And a shitty mom.”

  At that he turns on his blinker, “Sienna-”

  “Have I mentioned I hate hearing you say my name all the time?”

  Eddie’s brow furrows.

  “I’m Cherry Pie. I’ve been Cherry Pie ever since you sang it during Karaoke on our second date.”

  There’s a small chuckle out of him.

  “Just like you’ve been Superman ever since you lifted me up into the air the night we met.”

  The sight of his smirk sparks my own.

  “I know…these past few months have been rough.”

  “Understatement.”

  “And it’s been mostly my fault.”

  He shoots me a sarcastic glare.

  “Yeah, that’s right, I said mostly.” Adjusting myself so my back is leaned against the door, I continue, “You have been very supportive from day one, and I appreciate that.”

  “Thank you.”

  “But you’ve also been doin’ more criticizin’ and comparin’ than I know how to handle.”

  Eddie presses his lips closed.

  “I don’t know what the hell I’m doin’, Eddie,” I promptly blurt out. “I really don’t. I wanted more to life than dishes and diapers and detergents. I wanted the dream of decorating wedding cakes and designing treats that would have Hollywood stars fallin’ in love. So, when the opportunity came, I went for it. Face first. All in. I’ll learn to read the instructions along the way. Problem was…I couldn’t seem to grasp how to handle cooking this new recipe and remember how to whip up my favorites.”

  My analogy receives a slow nod of comprehension.

  “Instead of offering advice, you simply reminded me at how I was constantly failing. What I was constantly doin’ wrong. And the truth is, I knew what I was doing wrong but couldn’t seem to stop from doing it. Having two different parts of my life boiling over, making spills…I didn’t know how to clean them both up at the same time, so one mess just continuously got worse ‘til it could no longer be ignored.”

  “You shouldn’t have ignored us to begin with.”

  “I know that.” My voice attempts to maintain its composure. “I was tryin’ my best-”

  “The best for you or the best for us?”

  I don’t answer.

  “Cherry Pie, you are a part of us, and we are a part of
you. There doesn’t have to be a divide. All this shit can work together. You drew the line in the sand.”

  Oh look, the “It’s All Your Fault” speech.

  Deserved, but still…

  “But I kept it there.”

  His proclamation drops my jaw.

  “Part of me didn’t realize it was even there until I saw you spiraling further and further away.” He shrugs as he changes lanes. “And you’re right. I kept comparin’ your behavior to my own, which was wrong. We are two very different people, and what you need in your position isn’t what I needed, just like what I need in my position isn’t what you needed. For that shit, I’m sorry, Cherry Pie.”

  My inability to breathe remains.

  “We need to work on a new Blueprint for this marriage,” Eddie warmly declares, now only one light away from the local pizza place. “We need to work on it together, and we need to both do whatever it takes to really fix the shit when it starts to get broken rather than just some bullshit patchwork.” He reaches his hand across to hold. “You and the kids are the most important thing in the whole goddamn world to me. Havin’ a happy home inside is something that matters more to me than jus’ havin’ one that looks nice on the outside.”

  “Y’all are what matters most to me, too.”

  His grip tightens though his words soften, “I wanna believe that, Cherry Pie, but after what happened last night, I don’t think I do.”

  Swallowing my pain, I firmly state, “Then I’ll make sure to double my efforts to make sure you do.” It isn’t until he parks in front of the establishment that our eyes meet. “I already went to Yasmine and discussed schedule changes. Real schedule changes. If we can’t make ‘em work, then I’ll quit. I can always find another place to work. I can’t find another Superman…”

  Eddie leans towards me at the same time he whispers, “You’ll never have to.”

  Our lips lock, and I can’t deny the instant alleviation that overwhelms my system.

  I don’t give a shit what has to happen next for us to make our family work. Family is the most important thing to me. I meant what I said. There are tons of bakeries and grocery stores where I can find somewhere to be enveloped in my craft, but there is only one man and two kids I want to keep cooking up a life with. It’s time I figure out how to truly handle the heat in the kitchen or hang up the apron.

  Epilogue

  About two years later…

  “You’re sure you don’t mind watchin’ them over night?” I cautiously question a pregnant Tri who seems over the top excited. “As in through the night. Like you have to feed ‘em breakfast and shit in the morning.”

  “Swear jar!” The boys yell from the couch where they’re stretched out watching Avengers Assemble beside Hollis.

  “Be warned they have the hearing of bats.”

  “As in Batman or actual bats?”

  “Fuck me, I don’t know. Both?”

  “Swear jar!”

  With the amount of money that’s collected in that damn thing, pretty sure our trip to Disney at the end of the Summer is already paid for.

  Our family vacation, which we decided to start doing the first summer I went back to work, has become a huge deal in our household. We use it as the focal point of conversations whenever we feel as though we may be drifting or need a reminder that there is a time on the horizon where we will be strengthening that connection. While everything hasn’t been smooth baking, it’s definitely been better than imagined. Eddie has remained a stay-at-home dad, content doing everything from coaching and committees to re-staining our kitchen cabinets. His schedule completely revolves around the boys; however, he signed up with an online service that allows him to pick up random handyman jobs when he feels antsy. Despite the fact George died while Eddie was still in the process of remodeling, he completed the renovations per Hollis’ request. He wanted to raise his family in the same home he was raised in, an idea that wasn’t hard for my husband to support. Between our kids’ busy lives and mine, it took almost an entire year to get everything wrapped up, but Tri nor Hollis ever complained. They relished in the process. Compared their work in progress home to their work in progress wedding. Their big day was what caused Eddie to give the final push forward to get everything done. I took off for an entire week so that he could. So that he could have that moment to be engrossed in what he loves. It was wonderful to spend the week toting the boys around again, tidying up the house, and making meals, but I was undeniably ecstatic to return to work.

  Working for Yasmine has changed drastically since I first started. My new schedule going into effect was the cause of some growing pains for us all. Langston’s idea to hire culinary students was brilliant and the initial saving grace. They took over some of the grunt work. Covered shifts when I needed to see Kyle score the winning soccer goal and Kenny’s solo in his choir performance. They also stepped in majorly when Langston ran off unexpectedly one weekend to Vegas to get married without telling us. The three students who last year became full-time employees thanks to the business booming, weren’t the only positive change. Yasmine stumbled into love. Sutton, her now husband, somehow got her to understand what it is that took me a minute to see when I was so wrapped up in work…that there’s more to life than just booking the next wedding or experimenting with the perfect combination of flavors. Her discovery of the outside world echoed the one I had almost completely lost. And now that she’s a new mom, she gets it more than ever.

  Suddenly, Eddie comes down the stairs, overnight bag slung over his shoulder. Seeing him dressed up in his old blue jeans, black t-shirt, and cowboy hat causes me to sink my teeth into my bottom lip.

  We have definitely been making more of an effort to not only spend time together as a family but just the two of us. Sometimes we just sit on the back porch, share a couple of beers and get a little frisky. Others, we let Mama and Pop have the boys for a night and go out. Whether it’s with our friends or alone, we make the most of the moments together now knowing not to take them for granted like we once did.

  Superman shoots me a sexy smirk. “Ready?”

  “Waitin’ on you,” I playfully tease.

  My husband chuckles and stops to kiss the boys on their heads, something I did right before this conversation with Tri began.

  “You two be good,” Eddie advises. “Hollis, don’t let them give you hell.”

  He brushes off the idea with a smile. “They’ll be great.”

  “They’ll be somethin’,” Eddie jovially states heading my direction. “Jus’ like their Mom.” Before I have the chance to retort, he swoops an arm around my waist to steer me out the door. “Come on, Cherry Pie. Let’s not let these Cooper Copeland tickets go to waste.”

  “Have a great time!” Tri insists on a warm wave.

  His arm drapes around my shoulder as he tucks me closer to him.

  If there’s anything I’ve come to love a little more over the past couple of years, it’s that. There’s nothing better than enjoying all aspects of your life, not just parts. It’s just like baking. In order to truly execute a recipe, you have to not only know all the ingredients but respect them too. Understand how they’re going to blend together and make sure you don’t add too much or not enough. Make sure you have the right tools and dishes. The correct temperatures. Balancing work, love, and kids is proving to be the most difficult treat I’ll ever create. While it may never be one I perfect, it’ll always be one I never stop pouring my soul into.

  Meet the other Shaws!

  Must Love Hogs (Must Love Series #1)

  Thirty.