NAC & The Holly Group - Box set: Alpha Team

by Chelsea Handcock

  She felt her only option was to pull away, maybe then she could figure all this out on her own. She wanted to make the decisions she needed to make without anyone influencing her. So, she stopped talking to everyone. She went back and forth between hating everyone and everything about her situation, to feeling nuts because nothing seemed to make sense. She pulled away from all of them. They didn’t want her there, and she no longer wanted to be there. The Team would come and go, taking their turns taking care of her daughter, and Emma didn’t even lift a finger to help or even bother to respond when they talked to her. She was caught so deeply in her web of despair, she couldn’t find a way out.

  She felt it was for the best, needing to distance herself in case she needed to leave alone, without her child, without Dalton. She didn’t know how to deal with so many feelings about everything. She didn’t want to leave, but maybe it was for the best. She wanted to be with her daughter and Dalton, but maybe she wasn’t the best choice, and the self-doubt and loathing kept going.

  If any of the Team tried to have a conversation with her, she tuned them out. Her times with Dalton were the worst. Every time he tried to touch her or kiss her, she moved away, no longer able to stand the feel of his touch that had meant so much to her. She didn’t have the willpower to pretend anymore. He was persistent though, she had to give him that, he tried to engage her in conversation at every opportunity. She needed to stick to her guns because it hurt too much, staring at the wall, avoiding him was all her battered psyche would tolerate.

  She knew she was acting out, but she honestly didn’t give a crap. She also knew she needed help, but she didn’t know what to ask for or even who she could really trust. She’d believed she could trust them all, but now she wasn’t as sure. It was like a never-ending spiral.

  Postpartum and PTSD weren’t a joke. It was about a month and a half after she gave birth. About two weeks after she’d overheard Jacks and Cash in the hall. Dalton was his usual attentive self, feeding, diapering, and playing with her daughter. Her daughter who could now lift herself up on her hands and knees, rocking back and forth like she was getting ready to crawl, which should not be possible.

  The man was relentless always asking her questions, always trying to hide what was truly going to happen. How could he be so cruel? Why did he want her to form a bond with her baby only to have her ripped right out of her arms? No, it was better to pretend none of them were even there. But he wouldn’t stop trying to get her to be involved, asking her questions about the baby. When had she been fed last? Who was in the room last? Did the baby need her diaper changed? Emma wanted to be left alone, she didn’t want to talk to him.

  She didn’t want to be involved with anything. She was working herself up into a proper snit. She hated to admit the thing that had hurt the most deeply was that Dalton was only with her because of a work obligation. She had to think about her daughter. She was a horrible mother, couldn’t do anything right, wasn’t strong enough to get up and care for her, couldn’t feed her, couldn’t change her. She still hadn’t named her daughter. She was feeling like a failure on all fronts, and the roller coaster in her mind kept going and going.

  She’d been snapping at Dalton all morning and figured he finally had enough after he’d placed the baby back in her crib, and stormed out the of the door, saying he was going to get her lunch. Emma knew she acting crazy, she didn’t know how to stop it.

  Ryleigh stepped in a few minutes later, and Emma wanted to scream. Dang it, couldn’t she even have a second to breathe around these people? Hadn’t she proven she wasn’t going to cause anyone any harm. If Jacks and Cash thought she was so much of a threat why in the hell were they allowing Ryleigh to spend so much time with her?

  Ryleigh wanted to form some kind of sisterly bond, Emma didn’t even know what a sisterly bond was. Ryleigh came every day, prattling on and on about this and that. At first Emma cherished the time and felt herself growing closer to Ryleigh, but knowing what was to come, ruined that. Emma knew the truth. She was on borrowed time. Why form attachments when they weren’t going to last. She couldn’t even take care of her daughter.

  “What do you want?” Emma barked, feeling particularly nasty.

  “Ah, I see you’re in a pleasant mood again today. I was walking down the hall when Dalton stormed past me with a scowl on his face, and I figured I would find out for myself what was going on.”

  “Leave it alone, Ryleigh. What happens between Dalton and me is none of your business, he’s just doing his job after all. What does it matter and why do you care? If your husband had his way, I would’ve been out of here a long time ago! Can’t you people leave me the hell alone!

  “What do you mean he’s just doing his job and what does my husband have to do with any of this?”

  “You can stop your little act now!” Emma was pissed how dare she play dumb! “I know what’s going on here. I heard Jacks and Cash talking. Dalton has to watch me 24/7, he has his orders. Your husband doesn’t want me endangering you, so why are you always here? I don’t know what else I can do to prove to you people that I don’t mean you any harm. I have been stuck in this room for weeks, I haven’t complained, I’ve done everything you’ve asked. I know that you are only keeping me around because of the baby. Shit! You guys won’t even let me feed my own child. You're always here taking her. In the last three days, I’ve only been allowed to hold my daughter for 30 minutes. As soon as I get her, someone else walks into the room and takes her from me. She’s my daughter. I don’t know what more you people want from me! Why don’t you ship me off somewhere, so I can get some freaking peace!” Emma yelled from the bed.

  “You’re not a prisoner here, Emma, you can get yourself out of that bed anytime you want. Actually, we’ve been waiting for you to do just that, but you seem perfectly content sitting right there, ignoring everyone. Why don’t you ask me for what you really need Emma? Why don’t you ask for help? I’m not the only one who’s noticed how depressed you are. We have talked about this, don’t you remember? Ava even brought it up. Your hormones are all out of whack. We have medications on hand that can help, but you won’t listen to anyone. You’re jumping to conclusions.

  “You overheard part of a conversation, you have no idea what’s actually going on. Did Jacks want to move you out of here to keep us all safe? Yes. Was there talk in the beginning about separating you from your baby? Sure. Does that sound callous? You bet your ass! But we had no idea what was going on in the beginning. You overheard two men talking. Two Alpha Shifters who aren’t known for their sensitivity. They’re men of action, Emma, consequences be damned. I don’t know what all was said, but come on, Emma, have any of us actually followed through on anything that was said?

  “Jacks was freaked at first, but you have to understand, he has an entire race to protect and you brought so many questions to the table. Bad people are after Shifters. What you went through was horrible, but damn, Emma, others have been through far worse. None of us are in a position to accept anything at face value, we’ve been fooled before, you have to understand that. I told you about Eli, the man betrayed his entire team. They knew each other since they were children.

  “Do you even realize Mia, myself, and Dalton fought for you? Cash even stepped in. Jacks was only being cautious, you have to have seen the changes in him. He comes in here and takes care of your daughter. I’ve seen him trying to get to know you, but you’re too caught up in what’s going on in your mind that you can’t see it. Emma, you need help.”

  Emma was livid she’d been doing what they all wanted, and Ryleigh was making her sound like a selfish brat. Sitting up in the bed, Emma threw the blankets back and swung her legs to the side. If she could get up, she was probably going to smack Ryleigh. Lucky for Ryleigh, the move caused Emma to become dizzy, so she had to remain sitting. That didn’t stop Ryleigh from continuing her little tirade.

  “All you had to do is say no, Emma. No one would’ve kept you from your daughter, but instead of saying a simpl
e word, you sat there checking out on everything and everyone, including your daughter. Have you even put in any thought about naming your daughter? It’s been weeks. Have you thought of anyone other than yourself? Where’s the woman who walked into this place? You had a backbone then. You stood up to Cash, you gave birth under excruciating terms, and now you lay there, withdrawn, in your own little shell. You went through some major crap, no one can deny that. But you stopped even trying because of part of a conversation you overheard, but weren’t a part of? Ask, please, if not for yourself, then for your baby. We’ll all help. Ava has been waiting to talk to you about her treatment plan. Please, ask. I promise, we’ll do everything we can to help you through this. It’s only one moment in time, Emma, but you need to be the one to choose it.”

  “We know about your past, how you grew up. That person was strong. Right now, you’re not yourself. You let everyone take care of your daughter, and you’ve been treating Dalton like crap for days. It’s time you got you head out of your ass and acted like the person I met all those weeks ago.”

  Emma could see the truth in Ryleigh’s words, but she wasn’t ready to listen to reason yet, her anger causing her to lash out once again.

  “Oh, you’re one to talk sister dear. So willing to point out my shortcomings. Look at yourself, you're supposed to be so smart, yet when was the last time you took a shower or sat down for a good meal? The circles under your eyes are so dark, I was starting to wonder if it was a new makeup trend. You're pregnant and you look like death warmed over! Where’s this genius everyone talks about? You come in here every day, hold my daughter, and talk about stuff that doesn’t mean anything. Hiding the fact that you all know she’s a true Shifter. You’re constantly talking about people I don’t know and will never know in an attempt to distract me, in an attempt to keep the truth about my daughter from me. Telling me things that don’t mean anything, always prattling on and on about nonsense. Why don’t you tell me what’s truly going on, Ryleigh?”

  Emma knew she was being mean, but she couldn’t help it anymore. She couldn’t contain the anger, hurt, and the feelings of betrayal any longer. Ryleigh was the perfect scapegoat. She had as many demons as Emma did. It wasn’t fair, and it sure as hell wasn’t rational.

  “We might be related by blood, but right now I don’t like you, Emma. Grow the fuck up. All you had to do was ask and we would’ve told you. No damn it! I would’ve told you, but you haven’t asked, have you? Considering your mental decline, we didn’t want to put any more on you. Mia and I gave you the initial test results for you and your daughter, and you haven’t brought it up again. You aren’t blind. We’ve all seen the baby’s eyes brighten and glow. You have to have noticed how strong she is, and please, no human newborn is that observant. I know you’ve seen these things, how could you not. Did you ignore the signs or didn’t you want to believe them? I’ve been waiting for you to ask, but you haven’t. I didn’t want to cause you anymore harm.”

  “So, here, I’ll give it to you straight. Yes, your daughter is a true shifter. She’s displaying signs well before anyone could’ve predicted. We thought you were hiding from the truth, Emma, that you wanted to ignore all the facts and this information is too sensitive. We honestly didn’t think you were ready to accept all that it implies. You made assumptions from a two-minute conversation and ignored what was going on right in front of you. You have to live with that, Emma, not me!” Ryleigh yelled before she stormed out, slamming the door.

  Chapter 33

  The sound of the slamming door woke her baby. Emma decided Ryleigh was right, she needed to grow the hell up. Because of what she’d overheard, she’d become something she never wanted to be. It was now time for all that to change. Starting with her daughter. Gingerly walking over the crib, Emma looked down at her little girl, the love she felt for her was overwhelming. She looked so peaceful and perfect. Bright blue eyes, and pink chubby cheeks, waiting for someone to come and hold her. Never demanding, not her girl.

  The guilt she felt for how she’d been neglecting her child was overwhelming. This baby was her responsibility and no one was going to take that away. Picking up the baby, Emma walked to the rocking chair in the corner of the room. For the first-time, Emma took stock of everything that had happened. Putting her emotions and feelings aside was difficult. She realized how drastically overhearing that conversation had affected her, adding to her depression and making everything worse. Her daughter, the most important thing in her life, should’ve been her only focus, instead she’d allowed disjointed feelings to consume her.

  These people didn’t know her and she didn’t know them. Was it wrong that Jacks wanted to keep his wife and child safe? No, it wasn’t, any good partner or parent would want the same thing. The Team had tried to make everything comfortable for her, feeding and caring for both her and her daughter. Shoot the room she was sitting had been completely transformed. It had been a bit utilitarian with a bed dresser and whitewashed walls, very sparse and lacking in warmth. Now the room was covered in baby stuff and personal touches, it was homey and welcoming. It had become her and her daughters home.

  The guys were constantly bringing her daughter stuffed animals or other things. Emma thought of Cash, one night he was helping with the baby and noticed that her eye was drawn to a beam of light which had reflected off something in the window. The next day he’d brought her a mobile made out of prisms. It was amazingly beautiful. It looked as if it had been handmade by a master craftsman, she had never seen anything like it. She also had to admit Jacks attitude towards her had changed dramatically as well, she’d been to pig headed to acknowledge it. He would come in and ask if he could hold the baby or take her into his office with him.

  The others had done special things too and not only for her daughter. Cash noticed she liked grilled cheese sandwiches and would make them for her several times a week. Sebastian, or Bas as the called him, would sneak her peanut butter cups, never saying anything, placing them on her bedside table. Ethan would read out loud at night, supposedly for her daughter, but he always read mystery and suspense books, which were Emma’s favorite.

  Dalton was the most persistent, bringing her clothes, encouraging her to get up, offering to take her for walks. He brought every meal to her, always talked to and touched her. Even when she was being a world class bitch, he continued, like her attitude didn’t matter. He talked about his life with Alpha Team. He talked about the future, always including her and her daughter in it. Emma had been too stubborn to accept it. She loved his touch and his stories. She loved everything about the man! She no longer wanted to question his reasons for being with her. If Ryleigh was right, she had some serious thinking to do and some major apologizing to do as well and the first one to the little baby in her arms.

  Looking down into her daughter’s little face, tears started to well in her eyes. What kind of mother was she when she hadn’t even given her baby a name? She needed to move forward, not stay frozen in time, and the first thing she needed to do was name her precious girl. Looking at the sweet baby, Emma realized she’d known her daughter’s name for quite a while. Like Dalton had said, it came to her, and it was perfect. She’d let her fears for her daughter’s future shade her feelings and that was unacceptable. So, what if she turned into a bear? She had people around who would help her with that. The same people who promised to keep both of them safe, and Emma had to believe they meant it. No more letting words affect her outlook; didn’t actions speak louder? The Alpha Team had proven themselves to her in so many ways.

  Now that she was facing and coming to terms with her shortcomings of the last few weeks, Emma had to admit she also sucked at being a sister. She’d noticed Ryleigh’s frail appearance, but not once had she thought to ask her how she was doing, never mentioning it until their fight, and then she used it to lash out. She was gaunt and sickly looking for a woman who was already half way through her pregnancy; she didn’t even look to be pregnant at all. She had dark circles under her eyes, and
Emma thought she’d seen her in the same outfit for days. She’d been so self-absorbed in her own pity party, she ignored everything and everyone else. Ryleigh needed help too. Emma wasn’t even mad at her for acting like she had. She knew Ryleigh was a professional, had help hundreds of people, but Emma was family. Family didn’t get the calm professional side. Family was messy.

  Damn, she had a lot of making up to do, and it all started today. She would ask for the help she so desperately needed. Then she would take this journey one day at a time, and hopefully, at the end, she would come out better and stronger. Most of all she would be the person she realized she’d always been, a strong woman.

  Ryleigh stood out in the hall, so angry she wanted to spit nails. She didn’t like hearing what Emma had to say, but she was right, Ryleigh wasn’t taking care of herself or her baby. She’d acted like a foolish bitch. Everyone knew Emma was hurting and needed help, but when she started spouting off, Ryleigh couldn’t hold her temper. That had been happening more and more lately. She didn’t know if it was because of the pregnancy or the stress and lack of sleep. She needed to get a grip on her own life before she started pushing her way into someone else. She felt like such a hypocrite.

  Damn it! She knew better than to address a patient with PTSD and postpartum with insults and attitude. She was taught better than that, her Dad would’ve been ashamed. She was ashamed of herself. Emma was her sister and needed help. Ryleigh had vowed to provide that help and she’d messed everything up. She felt like she couldn’t do anything right, lately.