by Zoey Gong
“What are you going to do?”
“I am going to order that the letters are only to be stored away for now,” I say. “After the conflict is over, I will make sure the letters are delivered. The scary information the letters might hold will be outdated at that point and should not cause any problems.”
“But…you are still going to order Fiyanggu to open the letters? To read them?” Wangli asks, concern etched on her brow.
“I don’t see how I have a choice,” I say with a shrug. “He will have to have some way to find out what the letters entail.
“Yes, of course.” She looks sad, afraid.
“I…I guess I could make an exception for you and Yanmei, as my ladies,” I say. She perks up at that.
“Really?”
“You must promise me that you will not tell anyone the content of the letters,” I say. “If Fenfeng were to find out, she will go over my head and see for herself that future letters are destroyed.”
“Thank you!” she says, hugging me.
I am still not happy about the situation. I hate the idea of violating the ladies’ privacy. Of keeping information about their families from them, but I don’t know what else to do right now. At least I am able to use my position to help my friends, even if it is just a little bit.
11
The weather is quite fine as spring turns to summer. The gardens of the inner court are blooming with flowers of every color. The grass is green and the trees are full. Many of the ladies have cats and small dogs as pets, and many of the animals have been giving birth to litters. The ladies all fawn over the cute little things, and everyone wants to keep them, but if that happens, we will soon be overrun with them.
“Most people just toss them in the river,” Jinhai offers quite unhelpfully.
“That’s disgusting,” I say, stopping my embroidery to glower at him. He shrugs.
“There’s no way to stop them from breeding. You can only get rid of the offspring.”
“I’ve warned the ladies to keep their females pets from the males,” I say.
“That clearly has not worked,” Yanmei says. “Some of them make the most obnoxious racket if they are not allowed to roam at night.”
“If they want pets, they need to be prepared for the consequences,” I say. “I don’t want to ban pets altogether. I know many of the ladies love their pets like…like children almost. I don’t want to take that from them.”
“Animals have minds of their own,” Jinhai goes on. “Even well-watched ones will manage to sneak away somehow.”
I sigh. “I hate the idea of killing them, though. It’s cruel. And it will upset the ladies greatly should they hear of it.”
“Then what else can we do with them?” I ask.
“You could give them away as gifts,” Huiyin says. Huiyin, one of the older concubines, has been coming to my palace regularly to visit and is becoming someone I would count as a friend.
“To whom?” I ask.
“To the wives and daughters of palace officials,” she says. “My mother received several animal gifts over the years from Empress Fenfeng even though I don’t think the two of them ever met. She received dogs, cats, birds, some of which she passed on to me and my sisters.”
“Sounds like a lot of pets,” I say. “Your home must have been overrun.”
“No,” she says. “It was never a problem.”
I’m quiet for a moment, pondering how this was possible. I then realize that her mother must have ordered the offspring to…uh…be disposed of, as Jinhai had suggested.
“That’s rather sad, isn’t it?” I say.
“Once the animals leave the palace, they are not your concern,” Huiyin says, patting my knee as if I am an upset child. “Besides, some find good homes. Mother still has several of her animals.”
“I suppose you are right,” I say. “I can’t worry about what happens to them once they are no longer within my walls. Jinhai, make a list of women to who I can send gifts and make the arrangements to send the kittens and puppies away as soon as they are old enough.”
“Yes, my lady,” he says. He steps across the courtyard and speaks to another eunuch, who then trots off to do whatever Jinhai told him. There is actually very little Jinhai himself does anymore. He is my chief eunuch, and he has more eunuchs under him than I can count. Jinhai mainly stands within earshot, taking my orders and seeing them done. I have to admit, it is rather nice to make a request and see it done with no fuss. I’ve become quite spoiled.
“I heard that the emperor summoned you to his room three times in the last month,” I say to Yanmei. She blushes as she concentrates on her embroidery. “I don’t suppose there is any sign that you could be carrying the next emperor?”
She stops her work and her smile falters. “No, your majesty. Not that I am aware of.”
“I am sure it is only a matter of time,” I say. Yanmei does not look reassured by my words. Huiyin is quiet, focusing on her embroidery.
“I have put your name forward several times,” I say to Huiyin. “I am sorry he has not summoned you.”
“Next to Yanmei, he has been calling Lady Euhmeh to his bed the most,” Wangli, who has been rather quiet all this time, says.
I don’t know why this worries me, but it does. Euhmeh has been very cold to me ever since I assigned Lady Qiao to assist her. Euhmeh only speaks to me when I ask her a question directly, and even then, her answers are curt. I think the emperor gave me bad advice on that account. After all, he has no idea how things really are in the Inner Court.
Quite often, I have seen Euhmeh in the company of Dowager Empress Fenfeng. She seems to have been made one of Fenfeng’s ladies and was promoted to rank four. I have a feeling that Euhmeh has replaced Lady An in Fenfeng’s affections, and I’m not sure how I feel about it. Despite Lady An’s close relationship with Fenfeng, she fell victim to a terrible plot and lost her life. I’m still certain that Lady An was innocent, and that the person truly behind the assassination attempt is still out there. I’m not sure who is in the greater danger, me or Euhmeh.
“Well, I do hope someone falls pregnant soon,” I say, shaking myself from my thoughts. “It would lighten his majesty’s mood considerably.”
“It would be wonderful to have more children in the palace,” Yanmei says. “Especially a little prince.”
The ladies begin to talk and giggle about children and how to spoil them while I sit quietly, enjoying the peace my life has found. I’ve nearly forgotten about the troubles with the foreigners and the threat of war. The emperor has not spoken to me about it again, and I’m beginning to think we packed up all those trunks in foolish haste. But then a eunuch announces that his majesty has arrived at my palace. All of us drop what we are doing and move to the main courtyard, where we bow in greeting. It is not until I stand up that I see Guozhi is wearing leather armor.
“What’s happening?” I ask, my heart racing. I had gotten too comfortable. He is here to tell me I need to flee, I’m sure of it.
“I am riding out to meet with the foreigners,” he says. “Their treaty terms are— Well, I will not burden you with the affairs of men. I only wanted to tell you that I will be gone for a few days, but that you are not to worry. I will return soon.”
“Are you going…to…to fight?” I ask, my eyes roving over the leather that smells and looks like new. The carved, five-toed dragon on the chest, even with its snarling teeth, does not give me confidence.
“No,” he says. “I am riding out with a battalion as a show of force that I will not be intimidated into accepting unfair terms.”
I nod. “That is good,” I say, but I am lying. It is terrible. How could things have reached such a dangerous point? I have no idea, and I’m sure I never will. I am completely shut out of what is going on. I have no information and no way to help.
“I did not want you and the other ladies to worry about my absence,” he says. “I shall return soon, I promise.”
“I hope so,” I say, and t
hat, at least, is the truth. It is safer for the emperor, for all of us, if he stays within the great, red walls of the Forbidden City.
Guozhi takes my hand and kisses the back of it. I hold onto his hand tightly, willing him to stay. He looks down into my eyes and I am sure he sees fear there. I cannot read his expression. As the emperor, he has learned to mask his emotions, his feelings. He can never be too careful and let others discern his true feelings on matters. Most often, I have seen nothing more than a blank stare on his face than any look of love or affection. He reaches up and cups my cheek, giving me a reassuring smile. His mask cracks ever so slightly as he chuckles and then steps away from me.
“I will send word of my victory as soon as it is assured,” he says. We all crouch down before him, the servants performing full kowtows.
“May the emperor live ten thousand years!” we all say.
The emperor turns and leaves the courtyard. As soon as he is over the threshold, I stand and go to the doorway, watching his retreating back. I hope that this is not the last time I ever see him.
I hear anxious voices behind me. When I turn around, the ladies are huddling together, comforting those that are crying. I see the servants rush out of the courtyard and know that they are off to tell the others what has happened. In a matter of minutes, the knowledge that the emperor has ridden off to war will fill the Forbidden City. The panic that the emperor wanted to avoid is about to rush through the palace like a torrent.
“Call an audience,” I tell Jinhai. “Now. Every lady must attend.”
“Yes, your majesty,” he says. I have to try to get ahead of this, try to calm fears before they overrun the peaceful calm of my house. Why didn’t Guozhi tell me this in private? Why did he have to come here, make a show of leaving? I shake my head. I cannot begin to understand him. Perhaps he was trying to make a show of strength to us too. To show us that he is not afraid, so we shouldn’t be either. I don’t know.
I must waste time changing into a better gown and having my hair styled. I usually undress after morning audiences and wear items that are a bit less ostentatious, but I must return to my formal appearance when calling an audience. My appearance is one of the only things that set me apart—and above—the other ladies of the harem.
As I leave, I see one of the eunuchs from the department of household affairs deliver a letter to Wangli. I try to ignore it, but I know Huiyin saw it as well. Any letter that doesn’t mention the war is still delivered to the ladies, but those are few, a fraction of what usually arrives daily. Wangli is the only person still receiving all of her letters. I look the other way, but I am sure the other ladies will notice eventually, if they haven’t already.
As I step out of the palace, I cannot even reach my sedan chair before I am swarmed with ladies. They surround me, faces all streaked with tears, voices mingled so I cannot understand them.
“I have called an audience where I will explain everything,” I say, but I do not think they hear me. I try to speak louder. “Please, join the others in the audience hall—” One woman grabs my hand, nearly pulling me over while others fall at my feet. I look to Jinhai for help, and he tries to pull the ladies back, but he must be careful that he does not cause any of them offense. Most of them shrug him off and keep crying at me.
“Enough!”
The ladies instantly go quiet. I turn and see that Fenfeng has arrived. She had been in her sedan hair, being carried to the audience hall, but must have seen the commotion and stopped and climbed out to get the situation under control. I wish I could be more grateful, but I know she is going to use the incident to undermine me.
“Empress Lihua has called a formal audience,” Fenfeng says harshly. “Go, all of you. Now!”
“Yes, Mother.”
“Of course, Mother.”
“Right away, Mother.”
The ladies make their apologies and compose themselves as they back away from us and return to their own palaces to make themselves presentable.
“Thank you, Mother,” I say. “The ladies must be forgiven for being afraid.”
“They must not!” she says. “Dignity, Lihua. In all matters, we must retain our dignity.”
I flash back to a time when Mingxia said the same thing to me during my training, when I was living in her home. Your dignity is the most important aspect of your character and bearing, she told me. Maintain your dignity above all things.
“During trying times,” Fenfeng goes on, “if we cannot maintain our dignity, then we have nothing.”
“Yes, Mother,” I say, giving a bow. “I am sure the ladies were just in shock. They will surely collect themselves now.”
Fenfeng takes a step closer to me, looking down her nose. “The emperor, my son, is no longer here to help you. If you cannot manage the harem on your own in his absence, someone will have to step in.”
I do my best not to snort a laugh. The emperor has been gone less than an hour, and already she is trying to usurp my place as empress. I look up at her and give my sweetest smile.
“If I need help, the emperor has many wives I can call upon for assistance.”
Fenfeng scoffs. “The harem is already in chaos. When the emperor returns, he will learn just how unsuited to your position you are.”
“I will always rejoice in the emperor’s return,” I say, “no matter what his opinion of me may be.”
She presses her lips into a thin line, clearly angry that the barbs she throws at me have no effect. If I were demoted from empress—if such a thing were possible—I would be glad of it. I will not fail in my duties intentionally. I would not want to cause the emperor such distress. But should I do my best and he still find me wanting, I will accept my fate with as much dignity as I can muster. But I would not mourn losing my position if such a thing should happen.
Fenfeng turns away from me and climbs back into her sedan chair with the help of a eunuch.
I breathe a sigh of relief, but I know the relief will be short-lived. I now must face over a hundred frightened ladies and somehow lead them through this crisis.
12
Allaying the women’s fears seems to become my only job over the following days. They come to my palace at all hours, even during the night. I try to tell them that everything will be all right, but they know something is terribly wrong.
The longer the emperor is away from the Forbidden City, the more afraid the women grow. Rumors that the emperor has been taken captive, or even killed, are rife. They also notice when they stop receiving letters from home, which only makes them more afraid. They fear the worst for their families, that they have been killed in the fighting somewhere, and that is the reason why they have stopped writing. All I can do is pat their hands, hug them, and repeat the same words over and over again: everything is fine.
It’s a lie I repeat so often throughout the day, it has lost all meaning. I wish I could say the words enough to convince myself they are true, but that is impossible. The emperor has been gone for days and I have received no updates. I do not believe he is dead. If he were, we certainly would be told that there was a new emperor. That Prince Honghui is now emperor. But has the emperor been captured? Have the negotiations gone sour? Is there increased fighting and casualties? Or have things calmed and settled and the emperor and foreigners are celebrating together? I don’t know.
As much as possible, I offer distractions for the inner court. I have an opera troupe put on performances from morning until late at night. I invite large groups of ladies to dine with me or take tea. I send them all bolts of silk and bobbins of thread so they can make new clothes. I send art supplies to the women who enjoy painting and new instruments to those with musical talents. It helps, but only a little.
I keep the children in a smaller courtyard in the back of my palace so they will not be disturbed by the women visiting me in the front courtyard. Jiangfei seems to take no notice of the tension around her, innocent thing she is. But Dongmei seems to sense every change in the air. She is always tense,
never smiles, and hardly plays with her sister. She mostly sits by the pond, watching the fish and petting the dogs or cats that sit by her side. I try to reassure her as I do the others, but Dongmei will not be consoled. Of all the girls in the palace, I think she may be the most clever, which is usually a good thing. But now, it causes her no small amount of anxiety, and I feel powerless to relieve it.
I am in the courtyard, speaking to a few women who have come to me for comfort, when I realize that I have not seen Wangli all day. And I’m not sure I saw her the day before either. I ask Jinhai to find out if she is ill and think little else of it. I’m sure she only has a stomachache and wishes to stay in bed. If it is more serious than that, I will send for the doctor.
Sometime later, Jinhai returns, his face grave.
“What is it?” I ask.
He takes my elbow and turns me aside so he can whisper in my ear without the other ladies hearing. “I think you need to come with me,” he says.
“Why?” I ask, suddenly worried for my friend’s health. “Is Wangli terribly ill?”
“No,” he says.
“Then what is the matter?”
He hesitates, looking around at the courtyard full of women. “You need to come with me, my lady,” he whispers again.
My mind is racing, jumping to the worst possible conclusions. Is she dead? Has she…perhaps died by her own hand? Was she injured, or even killed, by someone else?
I order the visitors out of my palace, and Jinhai, Yanmei, and Suyin escort me to my sedan chair. I am nearly sick with worry by the time we arrive at Wangli’s palace, which is not far away.
As soon as I step out, I hear a commotion. Yelling and crying. When I step through the gate into the courtyard, I am horrified to see a senior eunuch from the ministry of household affairs whipping one of Wangli’s maids. The rest of Wangli’s staff is lined up, forced to watch the terrible torture.
“I don’t know!” she is crying as he whips her again and again.
