by Zoey Gong
“How can you not know?” he yells down at her.
“Stop this!” I order. The eunuch immediately does as I command, and everyone in the courtyard kowtows to me. I turn to Jinhai. “Now, what is going on? Where is Wangli?”
“We do not know, your majesty,” Jinhai says.
I have to blink because I am not immediately sure I heard him right. “What? What do you mean?”
“According to her servants, when they woke up yesterday morning, she was gone.”
“Gone? Yesterday?” I gasp. “She’s been gone more than a day? Why was I not told? Where is her eunuch?”
A thin, young man with a shaved head crawls forward, his body trembling. “I am Lady Wangli’s chief eunuch.”
“Sit up so I can hear you,” I say. “Tell me everything you know.”
He sits back on his heels and keeps his face turned to the ground. Still, his voice is low and shaking so hard, I have to strain to hear him.
“Yesterday morning, when the maid who sleeps at the foot of her bed awoke, she saw that Lady Wangli was not in her bed.” He looks at the maid, who is now covered in red lashes. “Sometimes, the lady wakes up early and walks in the garden. But this time, we could not find her.
“We searched everywhere, the whole palace, and the grounds around her palace. Every pond, every well, every pavilion. We could find her nowhere.”
I nod and turn to Jinhai. “Organize a search. I want the entire inner court explored. Every single room in every single palace, understand?”
“Yes, my lady.”
I turn back to Wangli’s eunuch. “Then what? When you could not find your lady, why did you not tell me?” All of the servants start to cry again.
“We were afraid, your majesty,” the boy says.
I press my lips and turn away in frustration. They had to know that they could not keep her disappearance a secret for long. We may have lost precious time in finding Wangli.
“You are not responsible for the actions of your lady,” I say, looking over the cowering servants. “If any of you were involved in her disappearance, you will, of course, be punished. But right now, finding Wangli is of utmost importance.”
“Yes, your majesty,” they all say.
“Fiyanggu is leading the search, my lady,” Jinhai tells me. I nod, but I have a sinking feeling in my stomach.
Where could she be? If she were anywhere in the inner court, surely she would have been found by now. Of course, if she came to a bad end, her body might be hidden somewhere. I hate to think of it, but it will be better to know the truth than continue worrying. But if she is nowhere in the inner court, then she must have, somehow, left the Forbidden City.
I feel a bit dizzy remembering the one time I snuck out of the Forbidden City. I had not been a concubine long and desperately missed my family. I stole a maid’s clothes, climbed a tree, and fell to the ground outside the palace wall. It was stupid, dangerous, especially since I did not have a plan for getting back into the Forbidden City, fool that I was. If Honghui hadn’t found me, hadn’t let me back in, I shudder to think of what would have happened to me. Of what will happen to Wangli now.
“Send word to Wangli’s family,” I say. “Perhaps she is there.”
Jinhai seems confused for a moment. “You think she left the Forbidden City?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “But anything is possible right now. Maybe she missed them or was worried about them.”
Jinhai hesitates and then speaks to me in a low voice. “My lady, if Wangli left the Forbidden City…the punishment will be great.”
“I know,” I whisper back. “But what else can I do?”
He nods and then goes to one of his eunuchs to issue the order. I turn back to Wangli’s servants.
“So, when you found your mistress was missing, you stayed silent on the matter because you were afraid of being punished. Have you done anything to try and find out what happened to her? Where she might have gone?”
“Yes, your majesty,” her chief eunuch says. “We found that a large amount of cash and jewels are missing.”
I feel sick at his words and put my hand to my mouth. So, she most certainly left the Forbidden City, and she took her money and jewels with her.
“Where did she go?” I ask them. They are all silent, but a few exchange glances. I want to yell and scream at them, force them to tell me. But I see the red welts on the maid and know that yelling at people who are already afraid will not convince them to talk. I clear my throat and take a calming breath.
“As I said, I will not punish you for the actions of your lady. I only want to find her and make sure she is safe. I am certain that she did not tell you about her plan. But you must know something. Did she say something in the past that seemed innocent at the time but is now suspicious? Was she acting strangely?”
“One of my uniforms is missing,” the maid who was beaten says. I can see the eunuch who was whipping her grew angry. Apparently, I was able to get information out of the maid that he was not.
“Get out,” I tell the eunuch. His eyes go wide and he kowtows before crawling out of the courtyard. I turn to Jinhai. “I don’t want him anywhere near Wangli’s servants.”
“Yes, my lady.”
“So, she is dressed as a maid,” I say. “She undoubtedly did not want to look like a runaway from the imperial city. She wanted to blend in.” I know this because it is what I would do. What I did do when I ran away. I keep that to myself, of course.
“She has almost certainly left the Forbidden City,” I say out loud, though to no one in particular. “Then where did she go? To her parents? Why? If she is found there, they will certainly be held accountable.”
The servants are silent for a moment, and I think it is because they don’t have anything to add. But apparently, it is just her eunuch getting up his courage to speak.
“I do not think she is with her parents, your majesty.”
“Why do you think that?”
He reaches into his sleeve and pulls out a charred piece of paper. “We discovered that she burned most of her letters in a brazier. But part of this one survived.”
He hands it to me. I can’t read it, of course, so I don’t know if there is anything useful on the paper. I give it to Jinhai.
“What does it say?”
Jinhai examines the paper, squinting to read the characters. “It is not much, my lady. But it seems to be a signature. It says something to the effect of, ‘your dearest love, Jun.’”
All the air rushes out of my lungs and I fear I will faint. Suyin rushes up to me, taking one of my hands. She leads me to a stone bench where I can sit down. I rub my forehead.
She has a lover.
Suddenly, everything makes sense. Why she was crying the night we met. Why she didn’t want to be called to the emperor’s bed. Why she was afraid of her letters being opened. I then feel sick.
This is partly my fault.
She was still receiving letters. I thought they were from her family. She told me they were from her family. But that was a lie. They were from her lover, but I couldn’t know that because I can’t read. I shake my head, trying to order my thoughts.
Was her lover recruited for the military? She had told me that her brother had been. Was that a complete lie? Or was she really talking about her lover? Is that why she ran away? Did they both run away together? They must be together. They clearly love each other. Why they decided to run away now, though, I cannot truly know.
What I do know is that I hope Wangli and her lover are never found. If they are, they will both be put to death. Even though she has broken the law and her marriage to the emperor, I sympathize with her. Have I not been in her shoes? Have I not done the same, and worse? The Forbidden City is a cold and lonely place. For some women, to be forced to give your body to a man you did not choose, it is torture. For me, it is merely a duty. But I did not know love before I came here. If I’d had a lover on the outside, there was a time when I’m sure I would have risk
ed all to be with him. I have risked everything, once upon a time.
I hope Wangli escapes, and that she and her lover are happy together. But I cannot say such words out loud. I can never appear to be approving of such behavior.
“Jinhai,” I finally say. “Alert the palace guards and the city watch. Send men to her family’s home. Do whatever you can to find her.”
“Yes, your majesty,” he says.
I stand and return to Wangli’s servants. “You are all dismissed. You may either report for reassignment or you may return to your families.”
There is a great sigh of relief all around, and then tears of joy. They all crawl to me, kissing the hem of my robe and uttering their thanks. I turn to leave and see Yanmei, her own face red and swollen. I had forgotten she was here. She and Wangli had grown quite close over the last few months. I go to her and take her in my arms.
“It will be all right,” I say. And this time, I believe it is true. If Wangli is smart—and I know she is—she is already far away from the Forbidden City and will never be found.
“We will never see her again, will we?” Yanmei says. I shake my head. “No. She is either lost to us forever, or…” I don’t want to speak the alternative if she is found.
Yanmei nods. There is more she wants to say, I can feel it. I believe she is secretly hoping that Wangli has gotten away safely, but she would never say it out loud either. I look into her eyes and nod, hoping that she can see in my expression that I feel the same way. She hugs me again, but it feels a little less sad this time.
“Come,” I say. “We must tell the others.”
“Must we?” Yanmei asks, her face alarmed. “Everyone will gossip about it endlessly.”
“That is what I am hoping,” I say. “Let them talk about something other than a possible war with the foreigners for at least one day.”
Maybe at least a small amount of good will come from Wangli’s escape if I can get a moment’s peace.
13
The ground beneath our feet shakes so violently, items fall from shelves and one of my ladies is knocked off balance from her pot-bottom shoes. Then, all is silent, save the pounding in my ears from my racing heart. Even the birds, which had been singing just a moment ago, are quiet.
“What was that, Lihua?” Dongmei asks me, her eyes wide as she pulls her little sister closer to her.
“I don’t know,” I say. I look up at the sky, which is such a perfectly clear blue, there is not a single cloud in the sky. Then, the ground shakes again, and this time I hear a rumble in the distance. From beyond the golden tops of the building in the Forbidden City, a column of black smoke rises.
The worst has happened. War has come, and it is time to flee.
“Everyone,” I say, “back to your palaces. Close the doors and await further instruction.”
Some of the women run from my courtyard, others are paralyzed by fear and must be escorted out by maids and eunuchs. Yanmei looks at me with large, pleading eyes.
“Not you,” I say. “You are to stay with me and the girls.”
“What is happening?” she asks. “I thought… You said everything was fine.”
There is no need to keep Yanmei in the dark any longer. “It was my responsibility to keep the women calm.”
Her hand flies to her mouth. “What is happening? What are we to do?”
I look to Jinhai. “Ready the carts.” He gives a quick bow and then runs off. I then turn to Suyin. “Bring the trunks to the gate.”
“The trunks?” Yanmei asks.
“We might still be safe here in the Forbidden City,” I tell her. “But if the fighting is that close, I believe we may have to flee.”
“Flee? Flee where? What fighting?”
I shake my head. I don’t have time to explain everything right now. “Do not worry. I have taken care of everything. Sit here with the girls for now. Send your servants to your palace to retrieve your cash and jewels. You need nothing else. I have packed enough supplies for you and—”
I was about to say “you and Wangli,” but then I remember that Wangli is gone. In the days since her disappearance was discovered, she still has not been found. Wherever she is, I hope she is safe.
“I’ve packed enough supplies for you,” I say. “When the time comes, I will tell you what to do.”
She nods and then drops down onto a stone stool, pulling the girls into her arms.
“I’m scared, Lihua,” Dongmei says. I try to give her a reassuring smile.
“Don’t be,” I say. “All will be well. I promise.”
I go to my dressing room and remove the tall headdress from my head. I leave my hair tied up, though, so it stays out of the way. I exchange my pot-bottom shoes for flat slippers and change into a plainer robe. I hide a small bag of coins and jewels in one of my sleeve pockets. By the time Suyin returns from moving the trunks, I am ready to leave.
Back in the courtyard, I see that Jinhai has returned with three donkey carts and parked them just outside the gate. He orders the other eunuchs to load the trunks onto two of the carts. The other one will be for me, the girls, and Yanmei. The servants will all have to walk alongside the carts. We don’t climb into the carts immediately, though. It may be that we are still perfectly safe within the Forbidden City. The foreigners might attack the city, but leave the palace intact. All we can do is wait.
The ground shakes with more frequency, the roaring growing ever closer. I see a sedan chair being carried toward us. It is the dowager empress. Unlike the other ladies, I cannot order her to stay in her palace. She is helped from the chair and then stalks toward me, her face furious. She looks at the laden carts.
“So, you are prepared to leave,” she says. “When my servants told me you were loading donkey carts with your necessary items, I hardly believed it.”
“I was told that I should prepare myself and my household should we need to leave. Discretion was required to avoid a panic. I had assumed that you were told the same thing.” A lie, of course. In truth, I had not given a single thought to what would happen to Fenfeng should I need to flee. And it seems that Honghui didn’t either.
“I was sworn to secrecy,” I say, “in order to keep the harem calm.”
“This is ridiculous,” she says. “You are doing the exact opposite. The walls of the Forbidden City will not be breached.”
There is the sound of a loud explosion and the ground shakes again. Fenfeng’s face blanches as she holds tightly to her eunuch’s hand to keep from falling.
“I pray that you are right, Mother,” I say when the rumbling stops. “But I cannot take any chances, and neither should you. You should prepare yourself should the worst happen.”
“I will do no such thing!” she says as if I greatly insulted her. “I have lived in this palace for over forty years and will not be chased from my home by a bunch of foreign animals.”
She stares at me, waiting for some sort of reply. What does she want me to say? Does she want me to beg her to come with us? I say nothing. I care not whether she tries to flee with us or stays here.
After a moment, she turns and climbs back into her sedan chair. I do wonder what will happen when the emperor finds out I made no preparations for his mother to leave. People are supposed to always put their parents first. But since the emperor himself did not tell me to prepare to flee, I will have to plead ignorance on the matter.
I do not know how long we wait, lined up against the wall of my palace in the sun, listening to explosions, rumblings, and eventually gunshots. The fighting is getting closer by the minute. How long are we to wait for instructions?
“Jinhai,” I say. “If we were to leave, do you know the way to Jehol? To the Winter Palace?”
“I have not been there, majesty,” he says. “But the road north out of Peking is well-traveled. It should not be difficult to find our way to the fort.”
I nod but do not give the order to leave. I am torn. If we are safe here, of course I would prefer to stay. But if we must fl
ee, I do not want to wait until it is too late. Until our enemies block our way.
Suddenly, dozens of eunuchs run into the inner court, Fiyanggu at the head of them. He runs to me and kneels.
“Get up! There is no time for that!” I tell him.
“Majesty,” he says, out of breath, “the foreigners are coming. They are marching through Peking right now.”
“I’ve been listening to their approach all morning,” I growl at him. “What are we to do.”
“Flee, your majesty.”
For a moment, my vision goes black. I thought I had prepared for this, expected it. But actually hearing the words stabs my heart with ice and terror runs through my veins. I shake the sensation off quickly. There is no time to be afraid.
“Everyone,” Fiyanggu says.
“Everyone?” I ask.
“Everyone. His majesty sent orders that everyone in the Forbidden City, especially all the ladies, are to go to Jehol.”
My mouth goes dry. “Were the orders for you?” I ask, my voice cracking. “Or for me?”
“For you, your majesty.”
The ground beneath me seems to open up and I can feel myself falling, falling. My mind spins and I feel sick.
“My lady!” Yanmei says, grasping my arm. “What does this mean? What are we to do?”
I’m suddenly so angry. How dare Guozhi task me with such an order with no warning? I am now to gather over a hundred palace ladies together and usher them to safety myself? Not to mention the countless servants.
And the empress dowager.
But I must do so. It is an order from the emperor. If he were to find out I fled, alone, with only those closest to me, and left everyone else behind after I learned of his orders, he would be furious. He would hold me responsible for their fates.
“Majesty,” Jinhai says. “What are we to do?”
His voice reminds me that I have no time to dally. I must get as many people out of the Forbidden City as soon as possible. I turn to Yanmei.
“Yanmei, take the girls, take my carts, take my servants and yours, and go, now.”
“Without you?” she asks.
