by Zoey Gong
“I must stay, must evacuate the others. I will come as soon as I can.”
Dongmei and Jinagfei begin to cry. “I’m scared!” Jiangfei says.
“Don’t leave us!” Dongmei says. I kneel down in front of them.
“Listen, my darlings, I need you to be brave. You must be strong. Auntie Yanmei will take care of you. Obey her every word, understand?” The girls nod as they use their long, silk sleeves to wipe their faces. “I will be right behind you. I promise.”
I stand back up and help Yanmei and the girls onto the donkey cart. These are not the typical donkey carts ladies use for traveling with silk pillows and canopies to block the sun. These carts are practical and open to the elements. Carts used for transporting goods, not people. I hope there is no bad weather on the journey.
“Don’t stop for anyone or anything,” I tell Yanmei as I hold her hand tight. “Go straight to Jehol.”
“Yes, majesty,” she cries. I don’t want to let her hand go, but eventually I do. I turn to Jinhai and Suyin.
“You must go with them.”
“No!” they both say, stepping close around me.
“We cannot leave you,” Jinhai says.
“You will need our help,” Suyin says. I shake my head and nudge them away from me.
“You are the only people who prepared for this. The children need you more than I do. And if you stay, that will be two more people for me to worry about. Please, I beg you, go!”
They hesitate, looking at each other, unsure of what to do.
“I am ordering you,” I tell them, “as your empress.”
Suyin bursts into tears and Jinhai bows.
“Yes, your majesty,” he says.
The next explosion is so loud, I can hear it echo in my ears. Everyone ducks down, covering their ears as the ground shakes. The children scream.
“Go! Now!” I tell everyone when the sound clears. Jinhai grasps the donkey’s bridle and urges the beast forward. Suyin runs along beside it. The girls turn around in their seat and watch me until the cart turns a corner, heading toward the east gate and out of the Forbidden City.
I am alone.
I take a deep breath to calm my racing heart and decide what to do first.
“Your majesty?” Fiyanggu says.
“Order the rest of the donkey carts to come here,” I say. “They should line up in front of my palace.”
“Yes, your majesty.”
“Then send word to every palace lady. They are to pack a single bag with only the smallest and most necessary items. They are to wear flat shoes and come here as quickly as possible. We will put as many ladies as possible on each cart and send them on their way.”
“Yes, your majesty,” he says. He turns to his assistants and starts issuing orders, but not quickly enough for me. I will have to begin issuing the orders myself—starting with the empress dowager.
14
I don’t get far before I am stopped by two ladies. They fall at my feet, their faces streaked with tears. Their maids are right behind them, trying to pull them away, but they wrench their arms from the girls’ grasps.
“Majesty, what are we to do?” one asks.
“Help us! Please don’t leave me!” the other says.
I bend down and take one of each of their arms and tug them to standing. “You do not need to be afraid. We are leaving—all of us, together.”
“Where are we going?” one asks.
“It doesn’t matter. Go back to your palaces and pack a bag, only one! Pack only necessities and then go to my palace. There will be carts waiting for you.” I nod to the maids, and they once again work on pulling the ladies away from me.
“Wait! Your majesty—”
I ignore their calls and continue on my way to the empress dowager’s palace. I cannot waste time on people who will not listen. The foreign armies are coming. I do not know how much time I have left.
I step through the gate into the courtyard of Fenfeng’s palace. I am surprised to find nearly all of her household standing around idle! They look afraid, worried, huddled together in small groups, talking animatedly or crying. But that is all they are doing. None of them seem to understand the urgency of the situation. When they see me, they all drop to their knees.
“Get up,” I tell them. “Pack a single bag each and prepare to leave.” They all remain on their knees, looking dumbly from me to each other. “Have you no ears? Do as I say!”
“But…the dowager—” one of the maids starts to say.
“You dare question me?” I nearly scream.
The maid cowers to the ground. “No, your majesty! Never!”
“Then do as I say!”
The girl scrambles to her feet and out of the courtyard.
“All of you!” I yell. Everyone bows to me one more time, begging my forgiveness before disappearing.
“How dare you issue commands to my household!” Fenfeng says, coming out of her private chambers and into the courtyard. “You are not in charge here.”
I don’t waste time explaining to her that, as the empress and head of the harem, it is within my right to order her servants about.
“We must go, now,” I tell her.
“What? I told you I will not leave.”
“The emperor has ordered all of us to leave. To take the northern road to Jehol and the Winter Palace. The foreigners are advancing through the city and will be at the palace soon.”
The empress’s jaw drops and she stammers for words. I can tell that she is at once torn between defying me and obeying her son. Suddenly, there is a blast so close and so strong, that as the ground shakes, some loose roof tiles crash to the floor of the courtyard. One eunuch barely misses being smashed on the head. That seems to help Fenfeng make her decision.
“If my son commands it, then we will go,” she says.
“Good,” I say. “Have your servants each pack a single bag and then gather at my palace. A donkey cart will be waiting for you.”
She looks at me as if she is about to argue, I assume about how much baggage she is allowed to take, but I do not stay to listen. I leave the palace and run to the next one, and then the next, issuing the same orders as I did to Fenfeng. I care not about rank or status in this moment, only about getting the women out and heading north as quickly as possible. If any ladies or maids or eunuchs get in my way, asking questions, I do not stop to answer them, but order them back to their homes.
I am near the west wall when I hear screams and gunshots coming from the other side. My heart sinks. The foreigners have already arrived and are outside our very gates! I feel sick as I think about the ladies exiting through the east wall. Are they getting away safely? Or am I sending them right into the arms of the enemy?
I run to the other side of the Forbidden City, which takes far too long, as large as the palace is. I am winded when I reach the other side and put my hands on my knees as I try to catch my breath. I see a cart carrying two ladies and two trunks ambling through the gate. The poor donkey pulling them seems to already be straining, but I can do nothing about that now. If we get far enough away from the city and it is safe to stop, I can perhaps order the women to unpack anything they don’t need to lighten the load.
I go through the gate behind them, to the road that rings the Forbidden City. Down the road, toward the front of the palace, I see the backs of dozens of palace guards, though they are obscured by thick dust and smoke in the air. The guards are shouting and grunting, swinging swords above them. I cannot see the enemy through the crush of our soldiers, but I can hear words being shouted that I cannot understand. The sharp smell of blood is in the air, and I can hear gunshots and hear the screams of the dying.
Our soldiers appear to be holding back the foreigners, giving the women time to escape. But I do not know how long our men will last. I’m about to return through the wall when Honghui appears from the skirmish. I had seen him behind the guards, yelling orders, but I didn’t realize it was him until he turned around. He run
s to me and we clasp arms.
Honghui’s face is covered with dust, streaked by sweat. There is a spray of blood on his right shoulder, with a few droplets on his neck. His queue has become untied and his plait is falling loose.
“Why are you still here?” he yells at me over the tumult around us.
“I have to get all the women out.”
“You must get yourself out! Get out of here!”
“Guozhi ordered me to make sure all the women escape. I cannot leave them.”
There is an explosion and Honghui pulls me to him protectively as the ground shakes under our feet.
“Where is the emperor?” I ask.
He hesitates for a moment. “He is already on the road to Jehol.”
My stomach sinks. He left us. He left me! How could he?
I shake my head, trying to be rational. He is the emperor. He must live. If he were to be captured or killed, the war would be ended and then all of us would be at the mercy of the foreign devils.
I know that seeing to the emperor’s safety first is most important. But still, the knowledge that the emperor—my supposed husband—has left us behind fills me with hurt and rage. I am ashamed of myself for preparing to leave the women behind. I never should have kept the need for preparations from them. I had assumed that the emperor would have a plan in place to evacuate the other women, but I had been wrong. I’d been foolish. I should have known that if the worst happened, the emperor would be the first to leave and the rest of us would be on our own.
“Take the next donkey cart available and get out of here!” Honghui yells. He starts to turn away, as if his word is the final say on the matter. But I hold fast to his arms.
“No,” I say. “I will be on the last one, only after all the other women are safe.”
“Dammit, Lihua!” Honghui says. “Do you not understand what is happening?”
“I’ll not leave the wives of the emperor behind to be raped and slaughtered by foreign pigs.”
His eyes go wide and his mouth gapes. That seems to finally have gotten through to him.
“Fine. But hurry. I do not know how long I can hold them back.”
I nod and turn away, my hands slipping from his. As I reach the gate, I look back toward the fighting and can no longer see him.
I run back to my palace and pass several more donkey carts carrying ladies and goods. I stop when I meet a cart that has no ladies, but only several trunks. I stop the eunuch that is leading the donkey.
“What is this? Why are there no ladies with you?”
“They would have made the cart too heavy for the donkey to pull,” he says.
I cannot believe that some of the ladies are putting their things ahead of their own lives. I grab the donkey’s reins from him and lead it from the line. “Empty this cart right now and return for the women. The women are the priority.”
The eunuch looks at me with wide eyes, his face going pale. “But…but, majesty, these are the empress dowager’s things. She will beat me…”
I look past him to the line of carts and see three more carrying only trunks. I nearly scream in frustration.
“Empty this cart and return for the women now or I’ll kill you myself!” I hate to say such a thing, but it is within my right to punish or even put to death any servant in the Forbidden City who has committed a serious enough offense against me.
The eunuch bows and starts to unload the cart. I give the same orders to the eunuchs pulling the other carts. When I reach the gate of my palace, there are still dozens of women waiting for a cart, and all of them are crying. At the head of the line is Fenfeng, countless trunks and bags piled up beside her, and more are being brought by the minute.
“What are you doing?” I scream at her. “These carts are for the women.”
“I need the carts for my things. I cannot travel without my clothes, my headdresses—”
“Yes, you can,” I tell her. “All of this is to be left behind.” I turn to the eunuchs loading the trunks onto the cart. “Unload it, now!” I step in front of a eunuch who was in the middle of loading another trunk onto the cart.
“How dare you!” Fenfeng says. “I am the empress dowager! I am the mother of the emperor. I am your mother. My word is law, and I say that none of my things can be left behind. Now, get out of my way.”
“I am the empress!” I yell, stomping my foot. For the first time, I will use the full power and authority of my rank to do what needs to be done. “You will do as I say.”
Fenfeng glares at me. “Never.” She turns back to her servants. “Keep loading the carts or you will feel the board to your back until you are dead!”
“I’m warning you,” I tell her, gritting my teeth. “Stop this or face the consequences.”
At this, Fenfeng laughs. “You can’t hurt me, stupid girl.”
“I wasn’t planning to,” I say. I push past her into my palace and look around for anything useful. I go to the koi pond and pull up several cattails. I then go to the kitchen and the cooking fire that is always burning. I set the ends of the cattails alight, then I run back out of the palace.
The ladies who see me carrying the makeshift torch cry out. Fenfeng turns to me, her eyes wide with terror.
“Don’t—!” she tries to yell, but I don’t give her a chance to argue. I toss the cattails onto the stack of trunks and bags. Quickly, some of the bags catch fire.
The empress dowager lets out a scream as if she herself is in pain. “No! Stop it!”
I step between her and the growing bonfire. “Get on that donkey cart and get out of here or I will burn your whole palace down!” It is no idle threat, and I breathe hard as I stare her down.
The empress dowager bursts into tears and her ladies go to her side. Her tears have no effect on me.
“You are going to regret this, Lihua,” she says as she turns toward the donkey cart. Her servants help her climb up and then lead the cart away. I breathe a small sigh of relief. The evacuation has been much delayed, but at least it can continue.
The carts, including those I had ordered emptied earlier, continue moving down the line, picking up the ladies and their modest goods. Finally, the last cart arrives, but there are still three ladies left, and myself.
“This is the last cart, majesty,” Fiyanggu says. “You must get on it.”
The three remaining ladies burst into tears. “Please don’t leave us!” they beg.
“You are certain that there are no more left?” I ask Fiyanggu.
“I’m certain,” he says. “We gathered every one we could find. Please, majesty, get on the cart.”
My heart is racing. I told Honghui that I would be on the last cart. But I didn’t account for the possibility that there wouldn’t be enough for all of us. I remember what Honghui said, that my life was the most important in all the harem. That if I were captured, we could lose the war.
But then I remember Empress Caihong. I held her hand as she laid dying. I have done my duty, she told me as the baby was cut from her womb and the life drained out of her. She died doing what was expected of her. I can expect no less from myself.
“No,” I say. “The emperor commanded me to save the ladies, and I will do my duty.” The women stop crying and look at one another.
“No, majesty,” one of them says. “Take my place.”
“No, take mine,” another says.
“We will not leave you,” the other one says.
I feel guilty that I do not know the girls’ names, though I have seen them plenty of times, yet they are willing to give up their places for me.
“No,” I tell them. “I will be fine. I will walk along behind you if I must.” They offer pitiful objections as I push them toward the cart, but I insist. Once they are all situated, I turn to Fiyanggu.
“Go with them, lead their cart.”
“Majesty?”
“I will need you in Jehol,” I say. “They will need you. The emperor will need you.” In truth, I’ve never given Fiyanggu and h
is position much thought. But it was he who rounded up the carts, had the ladies brought together. I realize that much of the inner court runs smoothly thanks to him. I do not know how the harem would be able to function without him.
Fiyanggu hesitates, but then he bows. “Your Majesty.” He takes off at a jog, leading the donkey and its cart out of the Forbidden City as quickly as possible.
When they exit the gate, I take one final look around to make sure we are leaving no one behind. That no one is arriving at the last minute. The inner court, once a place of beauty and wonder, is now full of smoke and dust. It is just as colorless as I remember the rest of Peking being when I lived beyond the red walls.
When I am satisfied that everyone has escaped, I turn to follow the last cart out of the Forbidden City. But, there is a loud crash behind me, followed by the yell of countless voices.
From the gate leading to the outer court, a dozen men in blue and red uniforms spill out. Their skin is pale white, but their lower faces are covered with hair. They are waving swords and guns as they spread out and run down the various pathways. I turn to run toward the east gate, but I don’t get far.
Someone grabs me from behind and I stumble forward. I don’t fall because he has a rough grip on my hair. I twist around and see the wild face of one of the pale foreigners. He grips both of my arms so I can’t get away. He laughs and sticks out his tongue at me, his breath reeking and his teeth yellow. He says something in his strange, barking language. I twist my arms, trying to get away, but he’s too strong for me. He tries to drag me along, but I dig my heels into the ground.
I hear the whinny of a horse and see the foreigner look up at something behind me. He releases my arms and I whirl around to see Honghui on the back of a large, brown horse. Honghui points a gun at the man and shoots him in the chest without a moment’s hesitation. He then shoves the gun into his waistband and offers his hand to me. I take it and scramble up the side of the horse as he pulls me. I squeeze into the saddle behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist. I see more foreigners running toward us, waving their swords and pointing guns. Honghui turns the horse around and we ride to the gate. We both wince and duck as we hear the gunshots behind us, but neither we nor the horse are injured.
