Flutter

by Amanda Hocking

  I stood up and brushed myself off. Hiding on the ground behind Ezra just didn’t feel right.

  “She can’t fight them,” Peter said. When I came around Ezra, he avoided looking at me

  “We’re not here to fight,” Ezra said.

  “Did you come here to die then?” Peter looked pained and pale under the moonlight, and his words echoed off the trees around us. Somewhere, the owl hooted and took flight again, sending shivers down my spine.

  “Peter,” Ezra tried to reason with him, but Peter wanted nothing to do with it.

  “I can’t believe you did this. I’ve been staying here, going through all of this, so they would stay away from you. They’re going to kill you, Ezra! Do you understand that? They’re going to kill you and Alice and everyone!” Peter paced, and he’d started to unravel.

  “No one is going to kill anyone,” Ezra’s impassive baritone overrode everything else.

  “You don’t know what they’re like.” His pleas bordered on whining. “It’s been too long since you’ve seen them in action!”

  “We have been here for days, searching all over the lycan territory, getting our scent on everything. We’ve already ruined your attempts at self-sacrifice. Let’s go back to the hotel, get you cleaned up, and figure a way out of this mess,” Ezra said.

  Peter groaned, but more at Ezra’s stupidity than at the thought of going to the hotel with us. Running a hand through his dirty hair, he scanned the forest.

  “We probably won’t even make it back to the car,” Peter said at length.

  “The lycan are in Sweden. We have a few days to sort things out.” Ezra took a step back, gesturing to the way back.

  “Come on,” I said, speaking to Peter for the first time since we had kissed, since I had been mortal. “Come back with us.”

  Peter looked at me, eyeing me up the way that he had before. I wasn’t in love with him anymore, but something about it still made me blush, and I lowered my eyes.

  Finally, he nodded, and with Ezra leading the way, he followed us to the Range Rover. In the long, silent walk back, I often felt Peter’s eyes on me, but I tried to ignore it.

  - 8 –

  Peter had gone without eating for a long time, and he gulped down four canisters of blood when we reached the hotel. That was enough to make even the strongest vampire woozy, and he lie down on Ezra’s bed and instantly fell asleep.

  Ezra leaned on the dresser, watching Peter sleep, with a sublime look on his face, and I stood next to him.

  “So what’s the plan?” I whispered, looking up at Ezra.

  “There isn’t much of one at the moment.”

  In my hand, I had my phone, and I twirled it around. It contained fifteen text messages and two missed calls from Jack, along with seven messages from Milo. They wanted to know what was going on, but I had nothing to tell them.

  “So…” I shifted my weight. “Peter’s gonna sleep and rest up, and then what? We’re gonna hide here? We’re gonna go home? We’re gonna fight?”

  Ezra chewed the inside of his cheek and chose not to answer me. Peter stirred in the bed, moving his head against the pillow, and Ezra tensed up. He felt over protective, and I didn’t blame him. But his paranoia should’ve left him plotting escape plans instead of just gazing at Peter.

  “We should just get some rest. We’ll come up with a plan tomorrow,” Ezra said at length.

  “There’s no way I can sleep after this.”

  “Eat.” He nodded to the bathroom, where he stored the blood.

  I had a million questions I should be making him answer, but as soon as he mentioned eating, I could think of little else. I decided it’d be better to give in and get some sleep. It wouldn’t do me any good to stay up all day worrying.

  I ate quickly, and it hit me hard. I staggered like a drunk person, and I was thankful I’d already changed into my pajamas. Within seconds of hitting my bed, I fell asleep.

  When I woke up, Ezra slept on the bed next to me, pressed so close to the edge he nearly fell off. I sat up, careful not to wake him. I looked over his shoulder and saw Peter sitting on the other bed, staring over at us. I gasped, and even though I caught the surprised yelp before it escaped my lips, Ezra’s eyes shot open.

  “Sorry,” I smiled guiltily at Ezra.

  He waved me off as he sat up. His eyes searched the hotel room, appraising it to make sure that nothing was out of place. He had slept on the covers, fully clothed, and he was much more alert than me.

  “How long have you been awake?” Ezra asked Peter, studying at him.

  “Not long.” Peter tried to tuck his hair behind his ears, but it was filthy, almost to the point of being matted.

  “So what’s going on?” I asked.

  They sat across from each other. Peter lowered his eyes, but Ezra kept staring at him. I wrapped the comforter around my shoulders and scooted across the bed, so I was sitting next to Ezra. He glanced over at me and sighed.

  “So… what?” I asked when neither of them said anything. “The plan is a staring contest of some kind? Cause that’s not a very good plan.”

  “I have an idea,” Ezra said finally, and Peter gave him a hard look. “I can make an exchange.”

  “What kind of an exchange?” Peter narrowed his eyes. “There’s nothing that you have that they want.”

  “That’s not true,” Ezra shook his head. “They don’t enjoy money, but they require it. They have to travel to the larger cities to eat, and they can’t walk around in the rags they live in.”

  “They won’t take money. You’ve been gone for too long. You don’t remember what they’re like,” Peter said.

  “There’s got be something that they want,” Ezra said. “These aren’t self-sufficient creatures. Gunnar is power hungry, and there is always something he can use to make himself more powerful.”

  “Yeah, because we really wanna make him more powerful,” Peter scoffed and stood up. “No. I appreciate the rest and food, but I have to face them myself.”

  “It’s too late!” Ezra got up and blocked Peter’s path. “They’ve already seen us. They know we’re after you. Just taking you won’t be enough anymore.”

  Peter looked at the floor and tightened his lips into a thin line. His jaw clenched tightly, and his mind worked furiously to find fault with Ezra’s logic. The lycans had to put the pieces together soon, if they hadn’t already.

  “Let me go talk to them,” Ezra said. “I’m certain that if I talk to them, we can arrange something.”

  “There’s nothing they want. Except to hurt me.”

  “Well, then I’ll convince them that whatever I’m giving them is hurting you,” Ezra said.

  “You can’t talk to them. They’ll just kill you!” Peter was almost pleading with him.

  “They won’t hurt me,” Ezra assured him. “Gunnar won’t kill me. Not now, not like this.”

  Peter shook his head again, growing irritated with Ezra’s certainty. They stood next to each other, trying to change the other’s mind and unwilling to back down themselves.

  “Maybe we should just come up with something better,” I said when they had been standing for an uncomfortable length of time.

  “She has a point,” Ezra softened.

  Peter crossed his arms over his chest and shifted his eyes between the two of us. He was skeptical about Ezra’s conceding so easily, even momentarily, and so was I. Ezra had seemed absolutely certain about his intentions, until I chimed in.

  “Why don’t you take a shower and clear your head? We’ll talk after,” Ezra said.

  Despite being suspicious, Peter was in dire need of a shower. He was a rather particular person to begin with, so his current level of hygiene had to be driving him insane.

  “Alright.” Peter looked at Ezra severely. “I’ll get cleaned up. But we’ll talk after.”

  “Of course,” Ezra agreed.

  Peter gathered clothes Ezra brought for him and went into the bathroom. As soon as we heard the water running, Ezr
a rushed about the room. He grabbed the keys to the Range Rover and his cell phone, and I jumped off the bed as he slipped on his shoes.

  “What are you doing?” I asked.

  “I have to talk to them.” Ezra glanced at the bathroom, making sure that Peter couldn’t hear us. “Stay here and don’t let him leave.”

  “But Peter doesn’t think you should go,” I said, and I kept my voice low.

  “He’s just paranoid.” Ezra brushed it off. “But he needs to stay here. They will kill him. Our best chance of getting out of here alive is bartering with them. And they won’t hurt me.”

  “How can you be so sure?” I asked.

  “I just am,” he said simply. “You’re just gonna have to trust me.”

  I bit my lip and looked over at the bathroom door. If I yelled for him, Peter would rush out and stop Ezra. But Ezra had never given me any reason to doubt him. And I had to think about more than just Ezra, Peter, and myself. We had a family back at home that could be hurt if we didn’t put a stop to this.

  “Hurry. And be careful.”

  “I will.” Ezra smiled wanly at me. “I’ll be back as soon as I can. But you both need to stay here until I get back. Understood?”

  I nodded, and he disappeared out the door. I stood in the middle of the hotel room with the comforter wrapped around me, wondering if I did the right thing letting him go.

  When I heard the water shut off in the bathroom, I winced. Peter came out of the bathroom, shirtless, and I tried not to be wowed by the perfection of it. He wore drawstring sweats that were a little too big and ran a towel through his long tangles of dark hair. As soon as he looked over at me, still standing in the middle of the room, he knew.

  “He left?” Peter growled.

  “He said everything’s going to be fine.”

  “Bullshit.” He tossed the towel aside and searched for a shirt.

  “Okay, Peter, you can’t go!”

  “Watch me,” he said as he tore through one of Ezra’s dresser drawers.

  I put my hand on his arm, attempting to physically stop him. Some part of me still expected that electrical jolt I always got from touching him, and when there wasn’t one, I felt oddly lacking. His skin still felt warm and soft under my hand, but it was nothing spectacular.

  “Alice.” Peter rolled his shoulder and pushed my hand off.

  “You can’t go,” I repeated and let my hand fall to my side.

  “You keep saying that but you’re not telling me why.”

  “Because of me!” I shouted randomly.

  It got his attention, which is all I really wanted. He held a shirt in his hands, but instead of putting it on, he turned back to me. The shower, along with eating and sleeping, had done wonders for him. He hadn’t shaved yet, but he actually looked really good.

  “What do you have to do with anything?” Peter eyed me dubiously.

  “If you go, they will kill him to spite you,” I said as calmly as I could. “But by himself, he has a shot at reasoning with them. This is the only chance we have of all three of us getting home alive. But if you go after him, we’re all dead, and you know it.”

  “But if they kill him, and I do nothing-”

  “If that happens, we’ll do something,” I cut him off, ending that train of thought. “Okay? But we have to believe he can do this.”

  Peter scoffed and sat back on the bed, tucking his hair behind his ear. Unsure of what else to do, I leaned back against the dresser and watched him. I was afraid that if I did or said the wrong thing, I would accidentally change his mind, and he’d rush out the door after Ezra.

  “It’s ridiculous how much influence you still have over me,” Peter muttered.

  “What are you talking about?”“I shouldn’t even be listening to you!” He said it like it should be incredibly obvious, and he wouldn’t look at me.

  “Yeah, you should. Cause I’m right.”

  I wasn’t sure what he was insinuating, but it made me feel strange inside. Like somehow after all of this, broken blood and all, he managed to have feelings for me. And somehow, that seemed to matter to me, when it most definitely should not.

  “Maybe.” Abruptly he pulled on the tee shirt and stood up. “I should go after him.”

  “What? Why?” I asked. “

  “I don’t know!” He sounded exasperated and rubbed his temples. “It just doesn’t feel right! Sitting here, with you, while he’s out there.”

  “I agree with your sentiments, except for that random dig at me,” I said.

  “Oh, come on, I didn’t mean it like that. I meant that I should be out there, with Ezra!”

  “And not sitting around acting like me,” I finished for him.

  “Being impossible doesn’t make me want to be around you more,” he said, casting me a look.

  “Who says I want you to be around me?”

  “Why are you here?” Peter asked honestly, looking at me.

  “Um, well…” I stammered. “Ezra told us that you were in trouble, and um… I offered to go with.”

  “But that doesn’t explain why you’re here,” he said, sitting back on the bed.

  “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “You can’t still care about me.”

  “Of course I do. Not like before, but I still care,” I said. Then I floundered, feeling embarrassed. “I mean, don’t you? Like… a little bit?”

  “I don’t know that we were ever truly bonded anyway,” Peter answered brusquely, ignoring my question entirely.

  It was such a ridiculous statement, like saying that the sky was purple, I didn’t even know how to argue with it. There was no other way to describe what we had gone through together, and he knew it.

  “Why did you come out here then?” I asked.

  “I like Finland.”

  “Yeah, right.” The blanket slipped off my shoulder, and I readjusted it. “You came out here to join a crazed pack of vampires cause you like Finland? That sounds a lot more like you were trying to get yourself killed.”

  “Why would I wanna do that? Over you?” He stood up quickly, smirking down at me. “That’s what you think, right? That I couldn’t possibly live without you? That’s a little bit of an ego trip you’re on, isn’t it?”

  “Well… no… that’s not what…” I stammered out some kind of response, then I straightened my shoulders. “After you lost Elise you almost-”

  “Don’t talk to me about Elise!”

  “Peter, I am just trying to help you! I don’t know why you’re so angry with me for that,” I said.

  “This is you helping?” Peter laughed darkly.

  “How do you want me to help? What do you want me to do?” I shouted at him, frustrated.

  “I want you to-” He looked pained and surprisingly vulnerable, but he stopped and shook his head. His face fell, and he sat heavily back on the bed. “I don’t want anything from you. Not anymore.”

  - 9 –

  On the night stand, my phone started ringing. The tone was familiar to both of us, and Peter eyed up my phone with disgust. It was Jack calling, and since I didn’t really have anything helpful to tell him, I didn’t want to answer.

  “Aren’t you going to answer that?” Peter asked.

  “Not right now. I’m busy.”

  “Doesn’t he have you on some kind of string?” he asked pointedly after the ringing stopped.

  “You mean like you did?” I gave him a harsh look, but he stared back at me, unaffected.

  “Yeah, I do,” he nodded. “If I had called you before, you would’ve answered no matter what you were doing. It just seems odd to me that if you’re bonded-”

  “That I’m capable of still thinking for myself?” I raised an eyebrow. “Yeah, I still can. And I did with you too, otherwise I never would’ve been able to be with Jack.” His eyes flashed hard again. “But I thought you said we weren’t really bonded anyway.”

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  “Why did you come here?” I asked
gently, attempting to really talk to him. “If it wasn’t because of what happened-”

  “Of course it was because of what happened,” he sighed. “Of course it was because of you.” He looked back up at me, his eyes uncertain and exposed. “Is that what you want to hear?”

  “I don’t want anything from you except the truth.”

  “Everything with you has always been so complicated.” Peter ran a hand through his dark hair, which looked amazingly silky after the shower.

  He chewed his lip and stared off at my empty bed. He would’ve said more if my phone hadn’t started ringing again, and I had to do something about it. If Jack called repeatedly in a short time, that meant that he wants something. Or that something was wrong. Either way, I didn’t feel right about just letting it ring.

  “I should get that.”

  “Don’t let me stop you,” Peter said, but his expression had gone stony.

  I had barely even hit the answer button when I heard Jack yelling anxiously, “What the hell have you been doing, Alice? Are you okay? What’s going on? I’ve been trying to reach you for days!”

  “I’ve been busy, Jack.” I tried to sound irritated. My heart ached for him, but with Peter sitting on the bed behind me, I didn’t want to show it. “We’ve been looking for Peter. Remember?”

  “Why can’t you call? Or answer a text message? Or let me know that you’re still alive?” Jack demanded.

  “I’m sorry.” I swallowed back tears, and Peter got up off the bed. “Where are you going?”

  “What? I’m not going anywhere?” Jack was bewildered on the phone.

  “No, not you,” I told him and nodded at Peter. “What are you doing?”

  “Going to the bathroom. Is that okay with you?” Peter tried to make a joke, but I could tell that he was distressed.

  “Yeah. Just don’t leave the room, okay?” I didn’t really trust him not to sneak away.

  “Whatever you say.” Peter saluted me, then went into the bathroom. A few seconds later, I heard the water running, drowning out the sound of me talking to Jack.

  “Who is that?” Jack’s voice had gotten icy, so he knew exactly who it was.